Chapter 135: Hope (5)
Xie Xuanchen did not expect that she would naturally reply to his words, he was so surprised that he didn’t even reply to her. Xie Xuanchen was in a daze and said: “After all, he has been in the Imperial Bureau for all his life. Even if his conscience was still intact, it’ll be hard for him to change his indirect way of speaking. No matter what illness, they would all just say that you can recover if you rest well. He was just trying to make you feel better.”
“So what.” Mu Mingtang said, “As long as his diagnosis was correct. He said that you didn’t need to take any medicine anymore, and it would be good if you could gain weight naturally. You probably should eat more, you are even skinnier than me.”
They were almost at the exit of the bamboo forest, as they could see the lights from afar. There was no need for directions, Mu Mingtang could recognize that it was Yu Lin Hall with just one glance.
Everyday, she would personally light up all the lights in the Yu Lin Hall. No one was more familiar with these lights than her. Mu Mingtang smiled, and shook Xie Xuanchen's arm. She pointed at the direction in front: “Look, we’re home.”
Xie Xuanchen stopped and looked forward. All the maids were already resting, only a few lights were left to dimly light the place. The light was like a guide under the dark and blurry night.
Xie Xuanchen suddenly asked: “What if I turn manic again?”
This hidden illness was one of Xie Xuanchen’s sore spots. During the first half of his life, he was an arrogant man, he would never bow down to anyone or anything, not even the Jin Luan Temple. Yet, reality had chosen to shatter his arrogance, making him to slaughter his friends and family, ruined his reputation and for now, he couldn’t even control his own actions.
Out of all the diagnosis from the imperial physician, the one most important thing is to control his mania. If he was able to control it, there was still a chance. However, if he got out of control again, nothing could be done.
This was one of Xie Xuanchen’s deepest pains. He had promised Mu Mingtang that he would survive and he even tried to picture their future together. He could try with everything else, but this was the only thing that he didn’t dare to guarantee.
He didn’t know when he would go manic, he didn’t know when he would go out of control. Most importantly, he didn’t know whether he would accidentally hurt Mu Mingtang if he lost control.
With his strength, if he slightly lost control, he would become a killing machine.
Xie Xuanchen even doubted that maybe he was born with this crazy disease? Similar to the fact that he was born with massive strength, maybe he carried a psychopath’s or a murderer’s gene.
“If there’s a will, there’s a way.” Mu Mingtang still sounded confident and optimistic, and said:
“You weren’t born like this. It came out of a sudden, which means there is still a chance. Even if you were born with it, this doesn’t change anything. The difference between a human and an animal, is that humans can control themselves. I believe that we’ll figure it out sooner or later.”
“Are you that confident?”
“It’s not that I’m confident.” Mu Mingtang looked at him with her bright eyes, “ It’s just that I believe in you.”
Her eyes were so bright that Xie Xuanchen’s gaze staggered, he didn’t dare to look at her. Mu Mingtang followed him and looked upwards, she then suddenly pointed to the sky: “ Look, stars.”
The moon was nowhere to be seen tonight, but the sky was filled with stars.
Xie Xuanchen looked up at the night sky. The sky was dark and mysterious, and the stars were like crystals in the sky. Mu Mingtang's voice sounded: “The sky was black and the earth was yellow, the universe was vast and a dark whole. The sun rises and sets and the moon is round, stars spread high above without a toll. Turns out, I’ve known you ever since I was four to five years old.”
This is the first sentence of the Thousand Character Classic, and where Xie Xuanchen's name originated from. When Mu Mingtang was five years old, her parents forced her to study this. She didn’t expect that the classic that she had memorised when she was just a kid, would become her future husband's name.
Xie Xuanchen thought it was rather funny, what would a young kid like her possibly know? In the end, Xie Xuanchen said nothing, he stood beside Mu Mingtang and they looked at the stars together.
After a while, Mu Mingtang tugged on his sleeves and said: “It’s getting breezy, let’s go home.”
“Sure.”