I’m sorry 1 day later release,. I had severe headaches yesterday from all school, editing, anime, and listening to my siblings complaints about each other. I even had to stay at home today, just so I can relax and kill the fatigue. Sorry for late release. But as you know I’m a sadist who loves giving Reader’s cliffhangers.
When Will I remember I need excerpts
Chapter 20 Part 2
However some minutes later,
I confronted another problem.
I can’t sleep.
There ain’t even a speck of sleep inside my head. I can’t possibly sleep.
On the contrary, it feels like the the sleep is running away because of that from before.
When I close my eyes, gradually this scene flashbacks behind my eyelids『D-Don’t misunderstand』, and is disturbing my sleep. Fucking hell.
And, I suddenly recall that I was about to go Red-Light District for healing my unsleepable mental state.
Hell with healing, it has gotten even worse. I can’t possibly sleep like this.
But, I can’t possibly do that too because of the reason before. Unless I find clothes other than this, I can’t go there.
It won’t help lying down here, so I go out in veranda for feeling night wind for a change of mood.
In this inn, the『middle-sized rooms』or above, haved veranda and terrace attached.
Then, I take out the chair too and sit on it while feeling the night wind.
「……Looks like you can’t sleep?」
From above me, that voice descended.
Upon looking, from the window above—It’s not veranda, the『Window』means it’s a room of size of a business hotel room—, Elk had her face out and was looking down at me.
Huh, her room was above mine? I never knew it.
That Elk looks at me with disgusted eyes, maybe because my face is still somewhat red.
「Isn’t this happening because you’re trying hard to resist?」
「You still saying that」
「Even I am not convinced, you know. You too haven’t felt, like that was enough for repaying the debt, right? ……And I don’t know why, you even collapsed」
「No, I’m fine with that only」
Rather, I want to pay back the change for that.
「I see」
「And, Elk too doesn’t want to do it because you want to, right?」
Even if she is an adventurer, she still is a girl. She won’t think of giving her body voluntarily.
For her, within the things she could do, that might be the best way to repay the debt. Because I’m a male.
Then she,
「……It’s not like that」
「Eh?」
What does that mean, huh?
I look up at those words, in Elk’s eyes, along with disgusted glare, a clear and distinct consciousness was lingering.
To the extent that it seems like, she had no intention to sleep.
「……I can’t explain it clearly, though」
It was 2 years ago, that Elk became an adventurer.
The trigger for it was, the loss of her mother who raised her through female labour.
For some reason, Elk who lived with only her mother, was raised without knowing her father.
Because Elk has never met the relatives of mother’s side of family too, so she became an adventurer to be self-independent, and has lived alone till now.
Elk’s mom was an adventurer in her younger days, she grained the ABC’s required by adventurers, thinking if such a day would come, she told her the required techniques, and many more things,and she also gave the equipments for it, though they are second-hand.
It was also one of the reason, why she chose the route of adventurers.
However as if natural, she had to suffer lot of troubles.
She lived a daily life including beating the asses of demons. It had been a thorny path, not much hard to guess it.
Still, Elk without forgetting her daily efforts, had reached till here.
However, during the training and whatnot, it was she and her mom, after becoming independent became a solo-person, she didn’t had any existence of a person she can call as『Friend』
It’s not like she was completely alone, she was able to meet new adventurers of same age while doing quests and all. Investigating together, taking up the quests, both parties mutually increased their skills while doing them.
However, for a person she could trust completely in that, she wouldn’t shake her head vertically.
Just like I said before, the work of adventurers, is to not only fight demons, but also humans.
Going out in society one needs to depend on other people for living, there are also those with bad thinkings. Just like those bastards from before.
A friend you can trust in both public and private matters, is not easily found.
However, to an『Adventurer』who works along danger always, this thing is like fate. It’s not like they can easily give their lives in hands of others without any trust.
It becomes even more difficult for a beginner. Thinking about that in itself is absurd.
Thinking that, Elk seemed to have persuaded herself. It would be good luck, if she were to find a person she can call friend within the next 10 or 20 years.
At that time, she met me.
「To be honest, I thought you were a person without having any way of thinking normally, when I first met you. You clothes too are eccentric, and your insides are even more inunderstandable.」
Sorry for looking evil, completely black from top to bottom.
「Of course, soon after, I learned about your caliber, and power. Let it be demons, or thieves you easily kicked their asses, you kept on being kind to me, an ungrateful person……you created chaos in my mind.」
I sense, somewhat tiredness and astonishment in her tone. Sigh is also included.
「You showed me and made me understand it completely. That this guy is even above extraordinary. It’s even useless to compare you.」
「You don’t have to speak about me as if I’m some sort of monster.」
「You are doing all the work, that one can’t help but say it. Just where would be, a person who can be alive and pimping after confronting that big-serpent and fire magic?」
Ah, She has hit the right point. I can’t refute.
「Just like that, even though you are completely different, even knowing that I’m a criminal, you still talked to me with friendly attitude……」
「Hmm~, Well, it wasn’t a thing that I would worry about」
The moment I replied unintentionally,
I saw a somewhat sad expression on Elk’s face. What happened?
「……Let’s change the talk. Do I look sleepy?」
「Nope not at all. Why you ask?」
「I had been thinking from before. There is something in your that attitude」
My attitude? What the hell does that mean?
「You use words like『Just on whim』or『I just did because I wanted to』, right? Even at the time you saved me, I think you used it」
「? Was it like that?」
I don’t remember it that much.
「At first I thought it comes from because of your strength that you are able to be calm and composed, but while the time I talked with you, it felt like it’s something different」
「What」
「I couldn’t understand it. You seem like you don’t think at all, but easily see through the strangest points. You’re absurdly strong, but you never show it with your words or actions. And more than anything……even with that attitude of interacting with others without creating a wall, it feels like somewhere on the essential part you are too much far」
「…………? 」
Distance, huh……? I never thought about it like that.
「But, even with those factors, To me, you were the first adventurer I could easily talk to, easily befriend with, your strength and broad-mindess, was charming for me. Though it might be imprudent, but if possible I thought to become Minato’s that kind『Partner』,the moment I thought it……I realized it.」
「Realized?」
「Yeah, I understood what caught me in your attitude」
Then, Elk changed her expression to a serious one, and looking in my eyes from above, she said.
「Minato, what if……you are seeing friends, enemies, each and everything with some sort of rose-colored glasses. As if……you’re looking at some fantasy inside a picture book」
「…………!!」
「…………!!」
The moment I heard it,
The scene I saw in my dream just before,
I recalled the fact that mom also told me the same before.
☆☆☆
「If feels like sometimes, that you see the research of magic, or demons, nope, this whole world as some sort of fantasy inside a picture book」
「Haaa?」
「I can feel it like you’re looking at some story written inside some book and you’re only the reader of it. And that to this world you are living in. It might be somewhat difficult question, but……haven’t you ever realized it?」
「E-Even if you say it……err……」
It’s only natural that I unintentionally replied.
because, it was the best to say it like that.
「Ah, that in itself is not much of a strange thing. It’s something everyone thinks once in their life. I remember me thinking like that during my younger days. It will heal with time, don’t worry about it.」
Hearing those words of mom, the word of『Reality Dissociation Syndrome』rose up from the vocabulary from my previous life.
Thinking the world one is living in as some fictitious story, and other than him/her all others are characters of story, in a sense that mistaking is a disease.
But, this isn’t something like peculiar disease, just like mom said, every human once or twice suffers from it. Most suffer from it, during their childhood times without being able to distinct the reality from fictional world.
Naturally something virtual can never become real. Just like mom said, after living many years, the common sense will drill itself in their brains and it would heal by itself.
I don’t think there would a middle-school student, whose future dream is to become shapeshifting Hero.
But for the current me, something like『Common Sense』doesn’t work.
After all, after dying in accident, I am able to be『Reincarnated in another world』. And that to, in the world with magic and swords, just like fantasy novel world setting. It would be impossible to not be curious about it.
Particularly to me, who always read Web Novels with stories like this. [ET: Readers, it’s for you . Be aware of the truck driver (maye promoted to something else).]
Due to that, maybe I unconsciously, saw this world with magic and swords as some game or novel from my previous life.
I didn’t realize it myself……but if asked, that if didn’t at all, it’s difficult to actually nod at that time.
「Mom, your’s was healed with time?」
「That’s right. But in my case, it took a really long time to heal, only after I grew many years old……thanks to that, my friends attached that strange nickname to me」
「Is it by chance?」
「Yeah. It’s『Daydreamer』. Including the fact, that I used to dream a lot.」
I see, certainly it’s like『Daydreaming』.
So she is a daydreamer including many things like thinking the world as story. It worries me that they used this word for things not related to it’s meaning, but yeah, they sure are great people!
「……If I’m that, will it heal?」
「It’s fine, it will heal without fail! When time passes, it would have been healed before you know it. You’ll find some trigger for that while living」
「Trigger? For example?」
「For example, the moment……you start seeing the true feelings of some other person with your eyes. The true and serious feelings or words of others towards a person, come without restraint and reason. It will come with an impact, that can easily break the shitty thin filter made from visionary delusions. There will be a day, you would meet a person like that」
「Why can’t it be mom? You are seriously facing me……aren’t you?」
「You’re harsh. No, well, I’m always serious you know, but because you were with me since birth that our distance has closed too much. The chances of it healing are more with someone who is nearly like a stranger to you.」
☆☆☆
I see.
Recalling that, I now realize, what the fuck, I too am an exclusive limited versioned『Daydreamer』.
From yesterday till today.
At times Elk said『You’re too kind!』, I replied with『It’s just on whim』.
At the time she pointed out my attitude against demons, my answer『I can win after all』.
At that time, I didn’t had any genuine intention behind it, but thinking upon it once again, I can understand it from a different perspective. How scary is that.
In a game, it’s all up to the player’s whim, to save whom, to move like what, to abandon whom, how to use the reward and all that crap.
And this world, has the environment clearly too much near to it. It’s already apparent.
I do know how precious a person’s life is, how valuable money, and how to reply to something with equal position.
But, because all that was completed with 1 punch or 1 kick, and this『Another World』is different from my previous world, that I forgot about it. Maybe from somewhere in my heart, I was still looking at this world through the filter.
That’s why maybe, I had been looking at the dealing of money, heaps of raw materials of demons and the debt of life as『Just that much』.
To Elk it might have been the debt she couldn’t possibly repay easily.
Hearing just one word, I got in thinking, maybe Elk is watching me, and is keeping quiet.
The moment my mind has been enlightened, she stares in my eyes and,
「Hey, Minato, I maybe don’t have the right to ask this, even if I had it might be impudent to ask it, but……tell me now」
Elk said that, with the same serious eyes as before.
「Do you have a clue to what I just said? Wasn’t it like, you looked at everything including me as just something.」
I do have a clue.
I was looking at them just something found anywhere.
Magic too, Demons too, City too, Dungeon too, Thieves too……probably Elk, too.
……There should be limits to being rude.
They are not the characters from some game or novel after all.
「Well, it might be because of your strength that you can see it with that POV, and so I don’t have any reason to say anything on that matter.」
Stop speaking like that.
I didn’t knew it just before, but I surely looked at all people with a rude attitude that knew no control.
「……That you, showed desire like a human, just before」
Suddenly Elk starts blushing, seems like she recalled the talk from before-Red-Light District and so on-. Eh, What does that mean?
「Ah, don’t say it anymore……」
「At that time, I found a place that I can be in inside of you.」
Oi, Don’t ignore the cute me.
「I’m repeating it, but……I seriously have no problem in becoming like that with you?」
「……For repaying the debt?」
「Maybe not only for that. If it was just for that, I would feel the conflict inside me, but I don’t have anything like that」
She is now sending me her gaze, with more serious glint in her eyes.
Though her face is still red. But, for what reason. That blushing……it feels like it has some other meaning behind it.
「That’s why Minato, if you have any clue to what I said right now……clear it away, and look at me one more time. No matter……what impression of me is reflected in your eyes at that time.」
「…………」
In the words of Elk, I can feel resolution filled in them.
They are leaving the sound inside my head as if being engraved on them.
「If I looked like a hateful criminal in your eyes, at that time I will surrender myself and repent for my sins. At that time, with your testimony, I can be easily arrested. It’s alright if I still look like an existence you don’t care about. Rather, it is most befitting of me……but……if at that time……」
「A-At that time?」
「If you see me even a little more charming than before, then……」
Elk, as though she is embarrassed turn her gaze aside,
However, after re-thinking, once again looks back at me.
「At that time I don’t want you to keep restraint. It might be good to become like that with you, no, I want to become an existence like that for you, it’s not related to debt or adventurer or anything like that……」
One beat later,
「……I have fallen for your charm and ability……as a woman」
If someone said this to me in Japan, it would seem like a confession for love. I am strange to even think something absurd like that.
I don’t know if Elk has any intention like that while saying me to look in her eyes.
But,
I can understand that they are her true feelings, her true intentions- And she can’t bear the embarrassment, that her face is as read as apple-. Aside for the observing eye of an adventurer, even I can understand something like that……I think.
And,
There is no man whose heart would skip a beat having a girl say that in front of their face, probably.
Not good. My face is too hot. Probably really red too.
I fill my hand with『Ice』magic to cool my face……Hell, it doesn’t work.
The outer surface is getting cooled, but inside my head, is still really hot.
Fuck that, every time I’m thinking about it, I can feel my heart putting it’s legs on the gas pedal and is accelerating.
I can understand with intuition. I’m a goner now.
It’s not something like lust, but something more fundamental is getting aroused.
From Elk’s confession right now. (temporary name)
And that girl. After saying her words, is now looking at the night sky ignoring me.
That girl in Pajamas, is bathing in the moonlight falling on her from the window, with her face a little red……and I am looking at her from below. HueHue, She’s so sexy.
Well then,
The words Elk just said are all her true feelings. Though I don’t know it completely, but it had her goodwill included.
And right now,
The feelings to reply to her feelings inside my heart are making a whirlpool……it feels like that.
Of course, I can’t deny the possibility of it being simple lust.
I can’t, but……
……This too is, my『True Feelings』
「……Err, Elk」
「……What?」
「……Will you……stay for tonight?」
On my words with a face even probably more redder than her’s, She stood there as if she froze.
But, as if she understood the reason the second later, her expression changed to somewhat bewildered and amazed.
However, retracting all those, after taking a deep breath,
「!? Wha……!?」
Know what? She ……in sleepwear jumped from the window above me.
I stand up from the chair in a hurry, and catch her falling body.
「Hey!? What are you trying to do, huh!? If you got injured……」
「It’s fine. I knew you would save me」
Elk says as such carelessly, while being in my arms-just like a princess carrying form-, but her face is even more redder than before.
I think about that things I am about to do from now on. Hey, I don’t have time to do that.
「Aside from that……weren’t you bad with things like this?」
「Well, that’s right. but if you say like that, I can’t help but back down, something like that……」
「Hmm~……Well, from your face color it doesn’t look like you can wait till tomorrow.」
「……Just whose fault is it for making my face like this」
「Yes Yes. You don’t have to worry, I will take the responsibility」
「AH, Yeah. Take care of……not that, Err, umm, D-Don’t be rough……」
「……That’s a girl’s line, you idiot」
Her face is still blushing, but the smile on her face, was saying as though she would finally be able to do what she wanted.
Next Morning,
We in the same bed, overslept.