Life.4 The Oppai of Tennis
Hello everyone. It sure is a hot summer.
Right now I am staring at a dictionary. Hmmm…… It’s deep. The thing that I was searching for sure has a deep meaning to it.
“Ise-san, what were you searching for?”
Asia comes next to me and stares at the dictionary.
“Yeah, I was looking for the origin of the word [Oppai].”
“……O-Oppai…….”
Asia seems troubled with how to respond, but I’m serious. It has always bugged me.
-Oppai.
It has a wonderful ring to it. I think the Japanese person who said this word first should be left in history. There aren’t many words that actually grasp hold of men’s hearts. The only beautiful words I know that can stimulate my heart are ‘Oppai’ and ‘Raw tits’.
I wanted to know why Japanese people began to call woman’s breasts ‘Oppai’ so I searched for the reason.
“…..There are many theories. The theory where “Oh yummy” turned into oppai. The theory where ancient Koreans used to call things you suck ‘ppai’. So people started to think “maybe that was the root of it?”. The one which has the highest possibility is the first one. What do you think, Asia?”
“E-Even if you say that….. I think oppai is something which are delicious for babies. That’s why the “Oh yummy” theory perhaps?”
Huh? Would this be counted as sexual harassment? W-Well, lets let it slide then.
-But I do think that oppai are something delicious for any guy of all ages!
I was about to say that, but stopped myself. This is bad. I shouldn’t teach weird things to Asia who trusts me a lot. I have to change the topic!
“Buchou who went to the student council room sure is late!”
I changed the subject. And then…..
“Buchou and Kaichou might be discussing something very serious. By the way Ise-kun and Asia-chan would both of you like green tea?”
Akeno-san poured green tea for me and Asia.
All of the members in the Occult Research Club are waiting for Buchou’s return since she went to the student council room.
“Oute[1]. It’s my win.”
“Muu, I have no more options. Looks like it is my loss.”
Kiba and Xenovia are playing shougi on the table nearby.
“……With this, it’s Xenovia’s five losing streak.”
The one who is watching their game is Koneko-chan.
“Do you also want green tea Gasper-kun?”
Akeno-san talked to the box in the corner of the room.
“T-Thank you very muccccch!”
A voice came from the box. Yes, Gasper is inside that box.
“Gasper, get out of the box and drink the green tea.”
I said that while making a sigh, but this guy just cries about it.
“I’m s-sorrrrrrry!! No! Not outside!”
Like this, he is afraid of other people so he’s always inside the box. He’s a troublesome junior indeed.
“I’m back. I just returned now.”
The one who entered the room is Buchou.
With Buchou here, that makes everyone present now. Part 2
During the Occult Research Club conference, Buchou began a discussion while putting on a troubled face.
“I have to hand in the club activity report.”
“Eh? Didn’t you just hand that in before?”
I said that. The reason why Buchou was away is because she went to hand in the club activity report to Sona-kaichou. Buchou says it while making a sigh.
“What I submitted just now is the report for the actual club activity based on ‘The relation between UFO and devils’. The problem is the report based on our activity as devils. So many things happened lately that I forgot all about it. Unlike last year, the due date for it is earlier this year.”
“The devil club activity report…..you say.”
I tilted my head at words I heard for the first time. Kiba then explains it to me.
“Buchou who is a pure-devil is actually required to attend the school in the Underworld for High-class devils. She’s studying in Japan as a special privilege student. If she doesn’t attain the units for the devil school at Kuou Academy, then she will be forced to return to the Underworld.”
For the current devils who have the responsibility to maintain their kind, it is because of that that they welcome those who were reincarnated from a human as devils. Hmm, Buchou who was born between pure-devils seems to be in a difficult position. Akeno-san then gives additional explanation.
“Attaining credits. In Buchou’s case, other than making a pact with humans she can also attained them in other means such as researching about types of monsters and youkai in Japan. The truth is we, her servants, were also allowed a bit of freedom by helping her with the research.”
Ah, I see. That’s why Buchou built the Occult Research Club.
So the reason why we, her servants, can live in the human world is because we are working in the Occult Research Club as her servants. It means we need a job and a role to live in the human world.
Buchou then says it while looking at everyone around the table.
“That’s why I will create the report which needs to be submitted to the Underworld now. That’s why I want to know the present state of the monsters and youkai living in this town. As usual, let’s go and ask the knowledgeable Kappa[2] who lives in the swamp located on the outskirts of town.”
Kappa? You mean the Kappa which has a ‘plate’ on its head which loves cucumber and lives around the water?
Kiba then puts his hand up and informs Buchou.
“Buchou that Kappa returned to his homeland. He said that he will inherit the family business to cultivate cucumbers.”
“……So he returned to his homeland. That would be a more stable future, rather than aiming to become a rapper.”
It seems like something happened and Buchou nods her head seeming to acknowledge the situation.
“W-What is this about the rapping Kappa?”
I ask Kiba.
“The Kappa left its home because it didn’t want to inherit the family cucumber business and started living in this town. It was fond of rapping. I often listened to his song, ‘Shirikodama Rhapsody’.”
What a bizarre name…… What kind of rhapsody is it.
“…….The light of the town which dries my plate, my anger which cannot be conveyed, I will just take your shirikodama.”
O-OH! Koneko-chan suddenly started to rap!?
“Koneko-chan was his fan.”
Kiba says that. Are you serious? So Koneko-chan likes rap? But it sure has unique lyrics…. Is it because it is a Kappa?
“But it seems like he went to his homeland because his father got a ‘plate shortening disease’. His family has a rare and old youkai way of cultivating cucumber, so with this they would be able to pass on the traditions.”
“Then it looks like we have to ask the gossip loving Dullahan that lives in the old mansion located in the fourth district.”
“Dullahan?”
Buchou said something I didn’t know, so I ask. Xenovia answers instead.
“She’s referring to the headless armoured Knight. It rides on a huge horse while carrying its head with its arm. It’s a monster which declares peoples death and it mainly lives in Europe. I have defeated them a couple of times as well.”
To be expected from the former exorcist who came from the Vatican! Looks like monster hunting is her specialty!
Kiba then puts a thick book in front of me.
“Monster encyclopedia. When you say the name of the monster you want to look up, it will automatically open the page for you. For example, Dullahan.”
Then the book opened by itself, and the pages began changing automatically. Oh, a magical phenomenon! Then it stopped. When I looked, there is a illustration of a headless Knight along with symbols I can’t read. These symbols must be devil-letters. I still can’t read all of them yet. I can’t read the descriptions, but I understood the characteristics of Dullahan from the illustration.
“That Dullahan had a serious hernia a few days ago and is hospitalised now.”
Akeno-san tells Buchou, while reading the documents in her hands.
He’s headless and has a hernia!? I don’t understand! So you are telling me that the head it is carrying can also receive a hernia!?
Buchou sighed after hearing Akeno-san’s report.
“I see, looks like Dullahan is also having difficulties.”
Judging from their conversations, it seems like they can’t get in contact with the informant. I then pointed to the box which the half-vampire Gasper is in.
“Then Buchou, how about we submit a report about a rare ‘Vampire in a box’? I don’t think there are any vampires who go inside a box rather than a coffin.”
“S-S-Senpaiiiiiiiiiiiiiii! W-What are you sayinnnnng!”
The box screamed. I approached the box and tapped on it.
“You are Buchou’s servant, so you will have to cooperate. What kind of box do you prefer? How does it feel inside? Are there differences between boxes made from different makers? Wait, don’t you think it would be faster just to teleport this box along with you to the Underworld?”
“Uwaaaaaaaan!! I….I will be shipped away by Ise-senpaaaaai!”
“Vampire in a box. And that will be sent from the country which produced it!”
While Gasper and I were having a conversation like that, Buchou says it while sighing.
“Geez, I understand. Let’s find another way.”
“Another way? Do you have something in mind?”
Buchou nods at my question.
“There is a human who is very knowledgeable about monsters in this academy.”
That’s something I heard for the first time. Part 3
HIT HIT
The sound of a racquet hitting a ball was coming from the tennis court.
I followed Buchou and set foot in the tennis courts. Apparently the person Buchou is looking for is here.
More than that! Like I thought, girls tennis wear is wonderful! And those bloomers worn under the skirt that I can even see from over the fence! Even if they aren’t pants, they are stimulating in their own way! More than that, those legs! Their thighs are the best! Tennis during summer is the best after all!
“It’s the Wild Beast Hyoudou!”
Uooooo! I was caught peeking from behind the fence, and I received a booing from the girls! Maybe it’s because I’m a perv, so the girls hate me very much. Hmph! It doesn’t matter, since I get along with Buchou and Asia! But just looking at them should be something that is allowed!
“Shut up! It’s not like you will lose something, so it should be alright!”
“Being watched by you feels like we are losing something important! If you want to watch, then bring Kiba-kun!”
“Iyaa! Don’t have me within your sights! Help me Kiba-kun!”
Shit! They are treating me like dirt! Do you prefer good-looking guys that much!? Damn you, Kiba! Please come with me next time! If you are with me then I can watch them as much as I want!
“Hurry, Ise. We are going.”
Buchou was troubled by this situation and she has her hand on her forehead. I’m sorry Buchou. It seems like my thoughts go elsewhere when my ero-sensor starts to respond…..
“So Buchou. Does this person know that you are a devil?”
“Tentatively. This campus also takes in humans that are from special backgrounds and that have good relations with devils. So they should be told about the devils who have this school as their base.”
Buchou and I were talking while sitting on one of the benches.
Hmm, so this school still has many secrets that I am unaware of.
We are waiting at the place where we're supposed to meet, but no one has come yet, probably because we came too early.
I couldn’t take my attention away from the girls so I was looking towards the court. Then I heard the footsteps of a horse.
“Ohohohoho! How are you doing, Rias-san! It’s very rare for you to come here! So I welcome you!”
A woman appeared while making a big laugh on top of a big horse! She has her brown hair twirled in a roll elegantly. Wait, she’s riding a horse in this school!?
I know this person. She is the captain of the tennis club, Abe Kiyome-senpai. Leave the check on beautiful girls to me!
But what surprised me even more is the one behind her! A headless armoured Knight was riding behind her! Uwaaaaah, he really doesn’t have a head!
Hiheeeeeeeeeeeeeeen!
The horse’s cry! A black-fur horse! It’s eyes are glittering and are giving a suspicious glow! It’s breathing hard from its nose! What is this horse which seems like it belongs to the conqueror of the end of century[3] !
Abe-senpai gets off the horse and calms it down. At the same time, the headless knight also gets off his horse.
“Ufufu, it’s a good horse don’t you think? A few days ago, the head of Dullahan, Mr Smith, was hospitalised. So I was asked to look after it in the mean time.”
Senpai says it pridefully. This is the horse of a monster!? No wonder it had weird vibes coming from its body! But it isn’t something a mere high school girl can handle!
“And this here is Mr Smith’s body.”
It doesn’t even have a head, but it still tried to bow his head. He must be greeting us. So this is a Dullahan. Isn’t it bad if a monster is walking around the school!? I think its head was hospitalised because of having a hernia…… Though it seems like its body is fine. Just looking at someone wearing armour during summer makes me feel hot. And it’s carrying a watermelon in its arm…….
“Ara, bringing a monster within the campus is against school rules.”
Buchou says that to Abe-senpai. I think it’s more than just against the school rules, Buchou!
“During the time that its head is hospitalised, the body-kun can act by himself correct? That’s why I’m taking care of it along with the horse. But I thought giving them free food won’t be good, so I gave them jobs to do. As the tennis club’s mascot character! Dullahan, the “Headless Honda-kun”! The watermelon is a replacement for his head! Don’t you think it fits with the season for summer?”
“Mascot!? No no no, it can’t be!? No matter how you look at it, this is a monster! It doesn’t have a head! It’s scary! It’s moving around without a head! I don’t even understand having a watermelon as a replacement for its head! Wait, Honda!? What do you mean by Honda!?”
I said that, but…. Buchou nods her head as if she was convinced.
“We can’t help it if it is a mascot.”
“Buchou!? Eeh!? You are alright with it!? It doesn’t have a head you know!?”
“The head isn’t a problem.”
It is a problem, Buchou! It doesn’t have a head! We can’t allow it to move without a head! No matter how you look at it, it’s a supernatural being!
“Kaichou said the same thing and agreed with it.”
Senpai also said that. That’s impossible! Even Kaichou allowed it!? It doesn’t have a head!
“Kyaa! Honda-kun! Your western armour is also shinning today!”
“A headless mascot is a new type of vibe indeed! So cute!”
He started receiving cheers from the girls over the fences! Dullahan responds back by wavering his hands.
Uooooooo! What popularity! I do think it is the wrong type of popularity boom, but is a headless knight popular amongst current high school girls!?
“Hyoudou on the other hand should die!”
“Get away from Rias-senpai! Beast! You pest!”
“Honda-kun! Take Hyoudou’s head!”
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh!?
So a headless knight is more popular than me!? Impossible!? No matter how you look at us, I’m more human looking!? Even if I’m a devil, I’m sure I am ‘prettier’ than a headless knight! I also have a head!
A headless knight who rests his hand on my shoulder. No, its Honda!
“Hondaaaaaaaaaaaa! Why are you more popular than me when you don’t have a head!? So not having a head would make you more popular with the tennis club huh!? That is it huh! That must be it huh! Buchou, please cut my head off! It would be a cheap price if that is what it would take for me to become popular! Cut off my head please!”
“Calm down Ise. You will die if I do that.”
Sob, I know that. I know that, but….. I felt down, and Senpai asks Buchou.
“So then, Rias-san. What business do you have with me?”
“The captain of the tennis club, Abe Kiyome-san. I’m sorry to bother you, but may I interview you who is a beast tamer? I would also be happy if you would tell me a few things about the monsters and youkai that you have under your control.”
Buchou asks her, but…..
“No, I don’t want to.”
Abe-senpai refuses immediately.
“Why do I have to explain myself to you who is a devil? I’m grateful for having been accepted on this campus when I am from a special background, but this and that would be two different things correct? It also seems like Rias-san has connections with many people from different industries, so there won’t be any reason for you to interview me specifically correct?”
Mggggh, somehow her attitude towards Buchou pisses me off! But Buchou continues calmly.
“So won’t having a connection with me be beneficial then?”
Abe-senpai laughs loudly, while putting her hand on her mouth.
“Ohohohohohohohoho! You have quite the confidence in yourself! But having a connection with you feels like it will become scary afterwards! So at the same time I would also like to have a relationship with Kaichou while distancing ourselves. A trade with a devil needs to be done carefully or else I might have my soul taken away correct?”
“…………..”
Buchou put on an astonished face at Abe-senpai’s words.
I see. So this is how non-devil people think of us.
I was working hard in the world of devils when I became one and before realising it, I have blended in with the way devils do things.
But for non-devils, devils are symbols of evil. A contract would mean paying the price of something equivalent. So contracts with devils might be thought of as something scary.
I would also be scared if a devil asks for a pact if I was still a human. Even Buchou was making a bitter smile.
“Nowadays, we don’t do such serious things you know? I will just invite you for tea or dinner normally. Will you still not accept it?”
“The tea made by Akeno-san is the best!”
I also support Buchou’s invitation to her. Then Abe-senpai seemed like she thought of something and put on a lecherous smile.
“Ufufufu, I just thought of something interesting. It won’t be fun if we do this for free. So how about this? Let’s have a tennis match between me and the monsters under my control against Rias-san and the Occult Research Club? How about if the loser has to obey whatever the winner says for free?”
Hey, hey! We suddenly have a tennis match now!? And also that winning condition!?
“Ara, that seems interesting. I also know how to play tennis. So if we win, how about you cooperate with the interview for our report then? So what would you desire if you win, Kiyome-san?”
Oooo!? Buchou agreed with it immediately!? You sure like having matches Onee-sama! Kiyome-senpai then looks at me and takes a good look at me.
“……By the way, are you the famous [Welsh Dragon] rumoured in the business world who is also known as Sekiryuutei?”
“Eh….. Yes, I am indeed.”
Usually I won’t feel bad to be looked at by a pretty senior…… But somehow her eyes are scary….. How should I put it. Eyes of a dangerous collector……? I never had someone look at me like that so I’m really scared.
“I have decided. If I win, then can I borrow him? A rare dragon would be the best indeed! He is a servant of a devil, so having him would be impossible. But how about borrowing him for a while---“
“No.”
Buchou rejects it immediately with a smile. Her smile was giving out a scary atmosphere. You are s-scaring me Buchou!
Buchou is someone who takes care of her servants. Buchou especially adores me, and she is very strict about discussions like this. Buchou pulls me to her, so I won’t be taken away.
“This is my important servant. If it’s a wish like that, then I won’t let you touch him.”
Seeing Buchou’s reaction, Abe-senpai makes a sigh.
“Then, lets make it that we never had this discussion—“
“We agree with your condition.”
Then someone agrees to Abe-senpai’s condition.
When I turned around, it was Akeno-senpai.
“If we win, we will have Kiyome-san help us with our report. If Kiyome-san wins, then you will borrow Ise-kun temporarily. You are okay with those conditions, correct?”
Eh? You don’t need to ask me about it!? Honda patted my shoulder and felt sympathy for me. Ah, maybe Honda is a good guy….
“Hold on Akeno!”
Buchou tries to argue with Akeno-san, but Akeno-san then says it.
“Buchou, we just have to win. If we win, then everything will be solved.”
Buchou tries to say something to Akeno-san, but…… She made a sigh and nods. Like I thought, they don’t care about my opinion after all!
“Yes, I understand.”
Getting Buchou’s approval, Abe-senpai laughs loudly.
“Ohohohohohoho! Then it is settled! The truth is, it would be foolish for you to challenge me who is the captain of the tennis club! So train as much as you can! My adorable monsters that I am in control of can play tennis perfectly as well!”
“I will show you how high-class devils play tennis. I won’t hand over my adorable Ise to you!”
“I’m looking forward to it! Ufufu. Oh yes, if I get Hyoudou-kun, then I will adore him in a different way.”
Both of them put their faces closer and laugh. Scary! Their faces are smiling but I can sense murderous intent from them! Both of them are serious! I-I….became the object of the bet! What will happen to me!?
“I’m sorry, Ise-kun.”
Akeno-san apologises to me while hugging me. The sensation of o-oppai!
“If I didn’t say that, then Buchou’s objective wouldn’t progress at all. I will also do my best for the tennis match.”
“Y-Yes! I’m okay with it!”
I couldn’t argue if Akeno-san is hugging me!
Everything will also be alright if Buchou wins, but I’m also curious of what will happen to me when I am temporarily under Abe-senpai. Her gaze of a collector is scary, but she is a beauty. She even said she will adore me. M-Maybe I would be able to have an awesome experience such as bathing with her! I just can’t stop imagining about it. I’m a servant who is unfaithful to its master and is very lecherous!
But I haven’t played tennis that much……. Part 4
The day of the match.
“Ufufu. I will applaud you for not running away.”
Abe-senpai who was waiting for us at the tennis court welcomes us with a suspicious smile. On the other side of the fence, different types of monsters are glaring at us. So those are monsters and youkai that are under Abe-senpai’s control. There are quite a number of them. All of them are giving weird vibes and they are scaring me!
The mascot character, the Dullahan’s body Honda, waves his hand at me. Honda! You are a good guy after all!
“We will have ourselves win today.”
Buchou declared it confidently! Buchou really is eager to do this!
“There would be two single matches and one double match. The team who gets two victories wins. Rias-san and I will have to participate. The remaining players will be determined by drawing lots.”
The drawing lot was prepared by Abe-senpai. She sure has good preparations. But please don’t pull out my name! I’m not confident in it! It also feels like I would pull Buchou behind, so I hope any of Akeno-san, Kiba or Xenovia’s name is drawn out! Please! If the tip of the lottery is blue, then it would be a single match. If red, it would be doubles.
“Singles.”
“Singles.”
Oh! They pulled it out! The singles would be Akeno-san and Xenovia! My wish came true!
“Doubles.”
Buchou will be one of the players for the doubles!
Then please let either Kiba or Koneko-chan be her partner! Asia who is no good at sports and me who is crap at tennis won’t be useful!
I pulled the ticket while closing my eyes. When I looked……the tip of the lottery is red!
“Looks like my partner is Ise. Let’s do our best!”
“Uwaaaaaaah! Seriously!?”
Buchou has a smile, but I have a pale-blue face instead. I felt chills on my back! This puts a lot of pressure on me! I will definitely pull Buchou’s leg!
So like that, it’s Akeno-san’s match. Her opponent is…..
“Let’s do our best.”
It was a girl monster who has both arms as wings! Uwaaaaaah! Cute! So there are monsters like these as well!
“So it’s a harpy. It’s a winged monster. Majority of them are females.”
Buchou explains it to me! For real!? The world of monsters is full of mysteries since there are even cute girls like her! More than that her oppai are huge! There are bird-like claws growing from her legs, but 70% of her body is that of a human! I can’t resist it!
Harpy-chan holds the tennis racket with its wings, and confronts Akeno-san on the court.
“Akeno-san, do your best!”
I send her a cheer as loudly as I can. And inside my heart I was also shouting out “Do your best as well Harpy-chan!”. I’m such a lecher! But, knowing that there are cute monsters like her makes me feel happy! Ah, I started to think that maybe a harem of monsters might be good too.
“Ara ara. You are full of openings, Harpy-chan!”
“Iyaaan! This devil onee-san is so strong!”
The match ended with Akeno-san dominating the match, and we received one victory! Yes! If Xenovia wins the next match, then our team automatically wins the game! So there will be no need for me to play in the doubles!
“Now, it’s my turn.”
Xenovia headed to the court while spinning her racket. Xenovia said she doesn’t have much experience in sports involving balls, but she has amazing athletic talent so she would definitely pull it off!
“Pleased to have you challenging me.”
Xenovia’s opponent is a woman who’s lower half body is that of a snake. Uooooooo! Even though her lower-half is that of a snake, she’s still quite……! Even this monster-chan is quite a beauty! It’s a bit unfortunate that she has no thighs, but she has boobs! That alone is enough for me!
“Lamia tribe, I see. Like I thought, majority of her kind must be females.”
What! So there are still monster tribes where majority of them are girls!? Amazing! The World is so big indeed! Maybe I should go and catch a monster one day. I want to go to a village filled with girl monsters!
My dream was expanding and I was fantasising about it. Then Honda the Dullahan came and served the watermelon. I’m grateful but what point is there to change the watermelon which was a replacement of your head into a desert, Honda…..
But if that girl is a snake, then won’t it be harder to move? Maybe this will be Xenovia’s win since she can move her body freely. –That’s what I thought.
“Mggh! You are pretty good!”
Xenovia was having a hard time!
“Over there!”
The snake girl was stronger than I thought! Possibly because her lower body is a snake, it allows her to be in control of her court without moving but just stretching her body! And just like a snake, she is persistent and she can endure normal attacks! She’s one of those types who wait for the overturn victories!
“I’m sorry; it was due to me being weak.”
Xenovia apologises to Buchou. At the end of a long match, Xenovia lost!
Uwaaaaaah!
Then this makes me have a serious responsibility since I would have to participate in the last match!
“It won’t be a problem since Ise and I will settle this! So all of you don’t to have to worry about anything!”
Buchou is filled with spirit! Do I also have to be resolved then!?
“I ended up coming out for the doubles match as well. My partner is……Yuki-onna. Come here, my adorable Yuki-onna-chan!”
Abe-senpai says it towards the crowd of monsters.
Are you for real!? Y….Yuki-onna! I then imagined a beautiful youkai wearing a thin kimono!
You are talking about the Yuki-onna which you meet when you get lost in the mountain, then have a fateful meeting with it, then it comes down to your village by turning into a human right!? That Yuki-onna which eventually becomes your wife in the end right!?
First Harpy, then Lamia, and now Yuki-onna! Please freeze me to death, Yuki-onna-samaaaaaaaa!
“Hokyooooooooooooooooooooooou!”
Then a white gorilla makes a howl in front of me.
BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG!
It started banging on its chest with its thick arms like a drum. Abe-senpai then introduces the gorilla.
“I will introduce you to her. She is Christie a Yuki-onna and also known as a yeti(Female).”
“Christieeeeeeeeeee!?”
I became so shocked that my eyes would pop up out from the violent truth and it’s casual name!
Eeeeeeeeeh!? Yuki-onna!? Don’t lie! It’s just a big white gorilla! Ah, but it has a pretty ribbon on its head! But this is something which cannot be forgiven!
“Fuck off! Yuki-onna-sama isn’t some hairy thing like this which starts drumming on its head! Does it even know what drumming is!? It's the behaviour of a gorilla that it does towards its enemies! And its drumming like it! It’s just a gorilla! THIS, is a gorilla!”
I argued while shedding tears of blood. Abe-senpai then gets mad.
“Don’t be foolish! Christie is a splendid Yuki-onna! This girl's mother was a very fine Yuki-onna that drove away groups of mountain climbers to protect the mountain!”
“Of course they would run away! Anyone would run away if something like this shows up! Imagine encountering a big white gorilla! Do you think there is any other option besides running away!? Even a banana which seems like it will work, won’t be useful in a snowy mountain and will be stiff like a rock! You can only use it to hammer down nails with!”
Look, look, look! It's using its fist against the ground to knuckle walk right in front of us! A gorilla!? It’s a gorilla with the scientific name of “Gorilla gorilla”! A snow gorilla has come down to people's town! Rather than freezing me to death, it feels like it would punch me to death with its gifted body!
“Uho-uho.”
It even said uho-uho! Its completely a gorilla!
“Ise! Yuki-onna’s freezing breath is powerful! If you get hit by it, you will turn into a statue of ice!”
“Buchou!? Eh!? This seriously is a Yuki-onna!? The Yuki-onna that appears in books and television are beautiful! The ribbon on its head is so pretty that it makes me want to kill it! Wait, what is a freezing breath!? I never heard of such terminology for tennis!”
“Reality is more strange than what is said in books. Ise, keep that in mind.”
“Noooooooo! I don’t want that reality! I don’t care if it is just a dream! I love those erotic Yuki-onnaaaaaaa! A freezing breath gorilla is just a monster! It should be named as “Freezing Gorilla Go-ristie” instead! Go home! Go back to the mountaaaaaaaains!”
“Christie. It seems like he is very interested in Yuki-onna you know? Beauty sure is a crime.”
Abe-senpai just said something dangerous! Please don’t! I have no interest in gorilla! Don’t say such things to make the gorilla be aware of me!
But after the gorilla took a good look at me…..
“Uhoho(LOL)”
It laughed and put on a smile as if it looked down on me!
SNAP!
Something snapped inside me!
Shit! I started to have enthusiasm in this match after being pissed! Christie! No! Go-ristie!
“Ise-san, I will be cheering for you! Please don’t lose against Christie-chan!”
“Do your best, Ise-kun. I’m waiting to see your amazing side.”
Asia and Akeno-san are cheering for me! Uoooooo! If they are saying that, then I can’t let them down! I felt something hot flowing within me because of my rage against the gorilla and the cheering from the girls!
“Shit! If it comes to this, then I have to do it! Buchou, I can do this!”
“Well said, Ise! To be expected from my servant-devil!”
I’m not confident in tennis, but I have to do it! I can’t turn back now! I can’t show my uncool side to the girls! My lecherous gut somehow pushed me forward.
But something appears within my sight.
BOOOOON!
A sound of the air vibrating! Goristie was swinging something unimaginable!
“What the heck is that big-ass racket!?”
The enormous racket within Goristie’s hand! It can only be seen as a weapon!
I was so shocked that my eyes were about to pop out again but Abe-senpai answers normally.
“It’s a specially made racket.”
“It’s a blunt weapon! That is a weapon! It’s so huge that it seems like it can even beat down enormous monsters! That isn’t a racket! Eh!? Am I going to be slamed down with that thing!?”
If that thing comes down at me, then I will have myself cut down to my guts!
And now the match……no, the death match was about to start.
Buchou won the coin toss and chose the serve order, and Abe-senpai got the right to choose which side of the court to use.
BOUNCE BOUNCE
Buchou bounces the ball on the ground a few times, and then throws it up high. She then smashes it!
The ball which is hit by Buchou bounces once on the opponent's court and Abe-senpai hits it back! Then their rally started.
“Uo! Uwaah!”
I tried to react to the ball, but I can’t follow the movements of the two veterans! Both Buchou and Senpai can continue their match even though their partners aren’t doing anything!
……H-Hmm. Even though I started the match with high spirits, am I even needed? When I looked at Goristie she isn’t moving and seems bored. But she still has the scary pressure coming from her body.
It couldn’t be helped, so I decided to look at Buchou’s legs and bloomers. Aaaah,those white thighs of Buchou’s! The size of her thighs are the best!
“Christie! The ball went your way!”
Abe-senpai shouts. It seems like the ball went towards Goristie while I had my eyes taken away by Buchou’s legs. The Snow-Gorilla then made sharp eyes! She doesn’t look like a Yuki-onna after all!
“Uho!”
BANG!
The explosive sound echoes throughout the court and it doesn’t even sound like its coming from a racket!
Then something goes past me very quickly…
BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANG!
I heard the sound of something breaking behind me!
…….When I turned around timidly…..a huge crater was formed over there….!
Oooooooooooooooi!
The court is destroyed!
I know that it happened with Goristie’s hit! But the ball? Where is the ball?
“Ise-kun! Watch out! The ball blew up with that hit!”
Kiba says that. To be expected from the [Knight] Kiba! Both his physical ability and eyesight are good!
……..No, no. The ball blew up you say? Are you serious!? So Goristie’s hit not only destroyed the court but also the ball!? I will be killed! I will die if I get hit by that thing!
“Go back to the jungle! Damn Gorilla!”
The rally continues. I also went in and somehow hit the ball back.
“That’s wrong! Christie’s home land is Japan-Alps!”
“Christie is Japan made!? Are you saying that Japan-Alps is a foreign country!?”
I said that to Abe-senpai while continuing the rally. I have some confidence now! When I was feeling like that, Goristie opened her mouth wide….
BUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!
A blizzard is coming from Goristie’s mouth! Wow, its freezing! So cold! So this is the freezing breath! She really is a monster!
FREEZE
Ah, my hand which is holding on the racket froze!
My movement has become bad. The opponent starts to gain points.
“Ohohohoho! Looks like it is our victory!”
Abe-senpai laughs loudly while putting her hand on her mouth.
Ku…… I have no way to beat that ice gorilla monster. So I will turn into the tennis captain’s toy at this rate huh….. T-That might be good, but it feels like Buchou will hold a grudge against me after that….. Lately, Buchou became strict about those sorts of things….
I was having a hard time in the match, and the headless knight approaches me.
“Honda, what are you doing?”
Honda separated his armour up in the air, and points at them with his thumb.
“Are you telling me to wear the armour?”
Honda puts his thumb up and gives me a sign language where he is saying “That is correct”.
“Why? We are enemies you know?”
Honda took out a panel like thing, and writes something with a marker pen.
[I’m also mad that the Yuki-onna is a female yeti. Wear it! We will get rid of her!]
---!
I couldn’t stop the things coming out from my eyes! Hondaaaaaaaaaa! That’s right! When we were introduced to a harpy and lamia, we will also think that a Yuki-onna would be a beauty as well right!? Yeah, I know how you feel Honda! A monster like that shouldn’t be allowed to exist!
“Honda! You and I are just a novice tennis devil and a headless mascot knight! But!”
[Yes, if we combine our powers then we will have the chance to attain victory!]
Honda writes down what I’m feeling onto the panel!
“Yeah! If it’s us, then we can do it!”
I wore Honda, and stood up on the battlefield again! Shit, it’s hot in here! Maybe because it’s summer, so it is like a super hot hell! But I can get over this with my spirit!
“Buchou, I still have my head! There’s nothing to fear when ‘we’ have a head!”
“Y-Yes, you are right…..”
Buchou is pushed back at the pressure I am giving out.
“A dragon-knight with a head! It’s burning with something passionate!”
“To be expected from Ise-senpai! He sure does unexpected things, like wearing the armour of Dullahan!”
“…….It looks cool but also uncool.”
Xenovia and Gapser were getting heated up with my appearance, and Koneko-chan is tilting her head.
“Let’s teach the ice gorilla how powerful the power of Dullahan with a head growing out from it really is!”
That day, we became ‘one’ and ran through the battlefield together….. Part 5
“It is our loss. It can’t be helped, I will participate in your interview.”
Abe-senpai says that while finding it dull.
We won! My power while wearing Dullahan was more than we imagined, along with how much anger we had towards the gorilla.
“……Honda, it’s not coming off.”
I couldn’t take the armour off. My hand moved by itself and wrote something on a panel.
[Sorry. Because of the curse of wearing me, it won’t come off for a while.]
“That’s insane! You must be joking! Are you a cursed armour or what!? Tell me about that first!”
I was screaming and Abe-senpai says it to me.
“That would be a problem. Because of the agreement for being a mascot, we need to have Honda-kun remain in the tennis-club until Dullahan’s head is cured.”
“So what are you telling me to do about it!”
“Then, how about we have Hyoudou-kun work in that state. Will that be okay, Rias-san?”
“Yes, I don’t mind if it is to help the tennis club. In that state, Kiyome-san won’t be able to do anything with Ise so I can feel safe about it.”
Buchou nods at Abe-senpai’s suggestion. Buchou! You are too cruel!
“Uho…..”
I had teary eyes and the ice gorilla was gazing at me with burning eyes. Eh…… What is that reaction…..?
“It seems like Christie got her heart taken away by Hyoudou-kun in armour during the match just now.”
Abe-senpai says something impossible! Uooooooo! That’s absurd! So you are telling me that our strong will brought victory to us along with a tragedy!?
“Uhoho!”
Goristie approaches me while having her eyes in the shape of a heart! I felt danger so I ran! Honda seemed like he felt the same way as me, so we ran very fast!
But Goristie followed us with threatening speed by knuckle-walking! Fuck off! Why are you also that fast, damn ice gorillaaaaa!
“Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!! I don’t want a gorilla to fall for meeeeeeeeeeee!”
Like this, I became a mascot of the tennis club for a while, and worked along with Goristie. It was a living hell because Goristie’s gaze was hot and the inside of Honda was also hot! During that time, Buchou completed her report safely. That is good.
Though for me, it was a summer in which I had the worst experience of my life………….
Translator's Notes and References