Chapter 720: Untitled
It had been over twenty years…
Back then, she only told the old butler that the children belonged to Ruyu. This was the first time she completely said what had happened. She felt relieved, but her heart felt heavier.
Su Ruhua looked at Su Ruyu, who was covering her eyes, and felt her heart wrench. She could not help but hug Ruyu and said, “Xiaoyu, I’m sorry. I am really sorry…”
Ruyu never cried.
Even though Ruyu thought that her children had died back then and how Mo Shitian and she betrayed her, she never cried. She had never seen Su Ruyu cry since young.
Su Ruyu felt her body stiffen, and her mind seemed to be in a daze. She was knocked out cold and seemed to be floating on the water without any direction. Tears flowed…
Back then, she deeply loved Mo Shitian, her family, and her elder sister, but they delivered a fatal blow to her. When she was lost, helpless, and filled with hatred, nobody helped her but instead pushed her further way…
With the truth now in the open, why was she crying?
Was it because of their sisterhood across all these years, the elation that Mo Shitian did not betray her, or the indignation from never being called ‘mother’ by her children? Su Ruyu was no longer certain.
Even more tears fell down Su Ruhua’s face because she was ashamed to face up to them.
“Xiaoyu, do whatever you want. Your elder sister has nothing more to say. I just hope that you will feel better.” Su Ruhua’s purple eyes were in tears. All these years, she would only shed tears of regret when she was alone.
One wrong thought and a series of mistakes led to the irrecoverable situation that she did not know how to redeem. Ruyu did not die, was unwilling to forgive her, and she even had no face to visit her parents.
That was why she was adrift for so many years and never wanted to return home.
Who else could understand the bitterness and pain in her heart? But Su Ruhua knew that this was her own undoing that she had to bear responsibility for. As for Ruyu…
Su Ruyu wiped her tears and pushed Su Ruhua away. “Don’t you touch me.”
“Ruyu…”
“Why didn’t you tell me all these back then? Why? Why didn’t you?!” The tears on Su Ruyu’s face had yet to dry, and she roared uncontrollably. “If you had told us all these back then, would all these have happened? Why didn’t you dare to face me? Since you left, why didn’t you get as far as you can and simply disappear from me for good?! Why must I find you? If you wanted to hide all these from me, why didn’t you run far…”
In her emotional fluctuations, Su Ruyu felt her nose well up and she did not know what she wanted to say. All her frustrations were lodged at her throat.
When she looked at Su Ruhua who was as sad, she was even angrier, but she also had a tad of pity and… bitterness.
Back then, she pushed Ruhua…
If she had not pushed her, perhaps she would have delivered prematurely and the child would not have died.
When Su Ruyu turned around, even more tears fell. Her heart was colder than anybody else. When she was angry, she would disavow all kinships and be even more vicious to the point she really wanted to perish with Mo Shitian. Su Ruyu, however, would never forget the unintentional mistakes she made.
…
“Xiaoyu, blame your elder sister if you wish. Mo Shitian was in the dark and couldn’t remember a single thing. Your elder sister’s greed led to all these mistakes,” Su Ruhua said, almost kneeling before Su Ruyu and begging for her forgiveness.
Su Ruyu suddenly stood up and wiped away the tears from her eyes. “I will not forgive you. I will not… Su Ruhua, thanks to you, my family of four was separated for over twenty years. Thanks to you, I had so many misunderstandings with Shitian, and he hated me immensely. Thanks to you, Daddy and Mommy died, and the children… Didn’t you see how they saw me? They saw me with hatred, with enmity…”
“No, it isn’t…”
“How could it not be? Am I a fool who can’t see this clearly?” Su Ruyu retorted angrily. “It’s all because of you! I was separated from my husband and children for almost twenty-seven years, and I never had the chance to be a mother for a day, nor saw how my children live. I can, without thinking, imagine the kind of hell they had when they lived with Mom. Mo Jue’s eyes are the reason why he can never treat those children well. Su Ruhua, who is ultimately responsible for the pain the four of us experienced? You want me to forgive you, but how could I, my dear elder sister?”
Su Ruhua looked up with tears still falling down her cheeks.
Apologies were meaningless. She knew that Ruyu was telling the truth. She was the cause of their pain.
Su Ruyu pulled Su Ruhua’s hand that was holding onto her wrist finger by finger.
“Xiaoyu…”
Su Ruyu did not hear anything and turned to walk away. In the garden outside, everybody waited and could not hear what the sisters were saying. They could only hear Su Ruyu’s recent roars and Su Ruhua’s weeping.
Mo Shitian saw the tears on Su Ruyu’s face and winced. “Ruyu…”
She coldly laughed. ‘F*** you, Mo Shitian! That damned inherited disease of yours!’ Should she get angry? He could no longer remember anything and should not be blamed. She asked him, but he said he knew nothing.
No, him being in the dark did not add up. While he did not know what he did with Su Ruhua that day, he should know that he would fall ill when he drank. However, he did not honestly tell her that back then.
“Master, are you okay?” Eleven, Ye Wei, and the others looked at her worryingly. They had never seen her like this.
The Mo brothers rushed into the back garden. When Su Ruyu saw their backs, the tears she held back almost fell… Her children…
They were her children! She should be happy that they were alive. She really should be! But why did it hurt so much?
Although they were her children, they recognized Su Ruhua as their mother. The person whom they respected was Su Ruhua. It was only by gritting her teeth that she kept her tears from falling.
As their mother, she had never spent time with them, and she had also forgotten what had happened back then. To her, the past twenty-over years were hollow. In her memories, it was as though she gave birth to them and they grew up in a flash. Her love for her children never disappeared. When she thought she had lost her children, she was aggrieved.
The children, however, did not love her.