Chapter 634 - Puppe
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Ever since she attempted to hang herself, Jing Xuan was like a different person. She didn’t make any fuss or get angry. When the palace maids told her to eat, she ate, and when she was told to sleep, she slept. She seemed to be a different person from the previous Jing Xuan who only smashed things all day long.
She sat in front of the mirror, her eyes wide open as she stared at the bronze mirror in front of her. It reflected a person that resembled a puppet at the mercy of others, more than a live human.
A maid, Duan’er, was helping her put on her clothes and accessories. "Princess, do you want this maid to ask the kitchen to prepare some snacks for you?"
There was no response.
"Princess?"
There was still no response.
Duan’er looked at her with distress and continued to help her dress.
After a long time, Jing Xuan asked slowly, "Is the wedding dress ready?"
"Huh?" The palace maid was surprised that she finally started to speak. She said quickly, "Her Ladyship put in a lot of effort for your wedding dress. She has already told the Ministry of Rites that they must make the best wedding dress for the princess."
"What about the wedding gifts?"
"They are also being prepared. The gift list should have arrived."
"What else?"
"What else?" Duan’er thought about it, and her eyes brightened. "Yes, Her Ladyship also said that the day before the princess departs for her marriage, she would take you to Lishan Temple to pray so that after you go to Huyi, you would be safe and prosperous."
Safe and prosperous? Jing Xuan smiled at herself in the mirror. "Duan'er." She said softly.
"This maid is here." Duan'er stopped helping her with her hair, put down the comb and bowed, "What is the princess's command?"
"I'd like to have some porridge. Go ahead and let the kitchen prepare it."
"Yes, this maid will go now." Duan'er was delighted by the request.
Duan'er had just left the princess’s quarters when she bumped into Concubine Xiao. "Greetings to Your Ladyship."
"Where are you rushing off to?"
"The princess said she wanted to have porridge, so this maid was going to the kitchen."
Concubine Xiao waved her hand, "go quickly."
"Yes." Duan'er left.
Sang Lan helped Concubine Xiao into Jing Xuan's personal quarters.
The girl sat motionless in front of the mirror, as if she had lost her soul.
"Xuan'er." Concubine Xiao went up to her and looked at the person in the mirror with a smile, "Your complexion looks a lot better today. The weather has been changing recently. You should pay more attention to your health."
Jing Xuan glanced at her with no expression on her face. She said indifferently, "Imperial Mother, thank you for your concern."
"It's natural for a mother to care about her daughter. There is no need to say thank you."
Haha. Jing Xuan remained silent.
Since her suicide attempt, she had really changed. She was well behaved and very quiet.
She didn't make a scene about wanting to die anymore. Although Concubine Xiao was relieved, she felt that she was getting increasingly distant from her daughter and no longer as close as before.
She held her daughter's hand and affectionately patted the back of her hand, "Xuan'er, the day of your marriage is approaching. Imperial Mother really can't bear to let you go, but for your own good, Imperial Mother could only send you to Huyi. After you go there, you must take good care of yourself, and you must also remember that you are the princess of Great Lin and they are subordinate to you.The Huyi must bow down to us of Great Lin and there is no one who can bully you. You must not trust anyone easily; the only person you can trust is yourself. Understood?"
She has not yet gone, and she's already getting a lesson on how to scheme! Where would you find an Imperial Mother like that?! Jing Xuan said, "Is it the same for Imperial Mother? Do you also trust only yourself?"
Ah! Concubine Xiao paused abruptly. "Xuan'er, Imperial Mother is willing to go through anything for you and your brother. You are the closest people to me."
"So I can’t trust even my closest people, can I?" She asked again.
This time, Concubine Xiao finally frowned.
Seeing this, Jing Xuan sneered and did not speak a word.
Concubine Xiao knew that she was hiding daggers behind her words. She could only say, "Xuan'er, Imperial Mother doesn't want you to hate me. Sooner or later, you will understand Imperial Mother's good intentions."
"Yes, I know that the Third Prince of Huyi is the only person who could become the King of Huyi, and I will be the Queen in the future if I marry him. How could Xuan'er not know Imperial Mother’s good intentions? After going to Huyi, I will definitely live the rest of my life in peace and not disgrace the Great Lin imperial family."
"Isn’t this all in the past? Why are you still stubbornly holding onto this matter?"
"Stubborn?" That's a new word. She laughed bitterly, "How is your daughter stubbornly holding on when she has already accepted her fate? If you forbid me to do anything foolish, I'll stop. If you tell me to stay in my bedroom, I'll stay there. If you want me to marry someone, then I'll marry that person. And if you don't want me to tell Imperial Father what you and my Imperial Brother have done, I won't say anything. Now, I'll do whatever you want because what is there for me to resist? This body of mine is at your disposal. I'll go anywhere if you let me, I'll do anything if you let me. I won't struggle even if you tell me to die."
Her heart had been dead for a long time, and she had finally accepted the reality of everything. She knew that from the day she was born, her sole purpose was to be her mother’s chess piece. She could be thrown away, tossed about at her mother’s whims, or be destroyed.
Concubine Xiao could only sigh, holding back tears, "Don't blame Imperial Mother."
"This daughter is tired and wants to rest."
Concubine Xiao stopped talking. She seemed like she had something to say, but in the end, she didn't say anything else.
Just as she was about to leave, Jing Xuan suddenly said, "Please convey my congratulations to Imperial Brother. I won't be attending his wedding ceremony, so I will have Duan'er to prepare a gift."
"Sure, have a good rest. Inform me if you need anything."
Concubine Xiao left.
After she left, Jing Xuan's eyes deepened, but she still sat there unmoving, looking at her own pale face in the bronze mirror. How ridiculous! Those were the two words that came to her mind at the moment.
Soon after, Duan'er brought the porridge. "Princess, this is your favorite soybean curd porridge." [1]
She took a look at it and nodded her head, "Put it here. You may leave now."
"Yes, this maid would be waiting outside. If the princess needs anything, call me." Duan'er then went out.
But just after she went out, there was a sound of porcelain smashing on the floor from the room. She quickly went in and saw Jing Xuan standing in the middle of the room, with the bowl of hot porridge just delivered from the kitchen at her feet. It smashed on the floor and shattered into many pieces.
"Princess, what happened?” Duan'er ran over and asked with great concern.
Jing Xuan stood there with tears on her face, and she struggled to walk towards the window. She muttered, "Imperial family? Family affection? " She let out another laugh, "from the start till the end, it has always been about power and authority." Her laughter sounded mournful and heart-wrenching.
Duan'er couldn't help but cry as she watched her swaying body standing in front of the window. "Princess, don't be like this."
"Even though I’m alive, how am I any different from a dead person?"
"Princess, don't talk nonsense."
"Duan'er, on the day of my wedding, you don't need to follow me to Huyi anymore. I'll send you out of the palace. Remember my words. If you can, do not ever set foot into the palace for the rest of your life."
The palace was ultimately a miserable place that didn’t let people keep their humanity.
[1] See here for pics. It doesn't seem to exist in english or has another name: https://jingyan.baidu.com/article/00a07f38845e77c3d028dc82.html (Also I kinda find savory beancurd really hard to stomach so this just made me go ew.)