Chapter 598: No Regrets
"I feel a strange sense of tranquility, but a longing for something unknown is also growing inside my heart. It is as if there is something important that I have forgotten, but every attempt at grasping it just pushes it further away."
Hei Gou had sensed the worry within Xue Wei's gaze, but even though he knew that this young man was very important to him, he was simply incapable of finding out why, and how deep these feelings ran.
Xue Wei went to Hei Gou's side and sat next to him. He did not look at the other, but instead gazed into the dark sky above and sighed gently.
"Life is unpredictable. Although neither of us are old, we have already experienced many things. I grew up thinking that I was a human, and my entire childhood focused on the enmity with the fierce and primordial beasts.
"I thought that I could become a hero and save humanity. I believed that only if I could carve my name into the history books as a savior of humanity would I have lived a worthy life.
"Later, I realized that I was not purely human, and due to the unbalanced Sovereign Beast Blood in my body, many thoughts were chaotic and contradicting. The constant worry and fear about who I was and what I was almost swallowed my reason, but I managed to keep sane and stay alive due to you and the rest of our friends.
"Although we are not old, I have already realized that my childhood dreams were useless. I do not live for anyone else, nor do I need the world to recognize me as a hero or to have expectations from me.
"The current situation in this world is not my problem. Lan is the one in control of this world, and his responsibility is that the world itself will not suffer.
"At the same time, it is the residents themselves that have to ensure that their lives are worth living. We face danger again and again. Every time we enter a battle, it is uncertain if we will die or live, but if we want to live, someone else will have to die, and one day, our luck and abilities will no longer be enough.
"After considering my current life and all these hidden secrets I have reached a new clarity in life. I am not in control of when I will die, nor do I know what the world will think of me, but these things are not actually important.
"When the day of my death arrives, I wish to be able to look back at my life and think that it was not such a bad life. I wish to die with no regrets while working towards my own dreams. I do not need others to approve of me or my actions, all that matters is that I live with no regrets."
Xue Wei had been thinking about many things after his bloodline had become stable. He had understood many things, and knew that the danger he faced was much more severe than he had been able to guess previously.
Although he wished to overcome these dangers, there was a chance that he might not. Even so, he refused to cowardly hide and give up his dreams. He would rather shine brightly but die young than hide in darkness and regret for eternity.
Xue Wei did not speak about their past but their future, and his words made Hei Gou feel better. The emptiness within his heart slowly began to fill, and he no longer felt a strange sense of loss and depression.
Although their past was still not mentioned in the details of their conversation, Hei Gou found that this pleasant conversation was enough to calm his frazzled nerves, and he slowly felt at ease. Even Xue Wei could feel how he slowly began to accept the feelings that occupied his mind.
Although it was not mentioned with words, Xue Wei knew that Hei Gou was uncomfortable with the feelings of attachment he felt towards Xue Wei and the others.
All his memories were gone, and his mind was very vigilant. He was unaware of many things, but he knew that he had to be careful, so this almost controlling need to stay by this group's side was enough to make him unhappy and worried.
However, as the hours went by and he slowly began to speak with Xue Wei, his suspended heart slowly settled and he began to feel as if he could integrate in the group without suffering.
Not once did Xue Wei ask if he had remembered anything, and he truly managed to make him feel at ease and accepted for who he was now. Such a feeling made the sense of resistance his logical mind had raised slow down again.
"This No Man's Land is going to be a challenge for us. Not only will it test our ability to fight and react in dangerous situations, it will also test our group's cooperation. I am aware that I am currently a weak link, but I will try my best to become a part of the group once more."
As the sun's first rays of light broke over the horizon, Hei Gou seemed to have finally found his inner peace once more. He was no longer feeling worried or uncomfortable, but began to willingly accept Xue Wei and the others.
While he could no longer trust them as before, he was willing to open his heart, which was a great start, and his words caused Xeu Wei's cold face to soften as a smile adorned his lips.
Although Hei Gou's personality had changed after forgetting his memories, Xue Wei still felt that deep within, the core of the two versions of the black dog were the same. As long as he was willing to openly give their group a try, then Xue Wei had no doubt that they would soon return to being a very steady group that could depend on one another.