Chapter 434 He Really Wanted To Ask Her How She Sees Him Now, But He Couldn’t Bring Himself To.
Ruan Yang faced the window and continued: “I came across a story of a lame person. He was using a walking stick and no matter where he went, he would use the stick. The doctor told him he had recovered but he didn’t believe it. It wasn’t until one day when he lost his walking stick that he tried to take a few steps and at first, it hurt a little bit, but after a few more steps, it didn’t hurt anymore. After that, he found his walking stick again but the lame person didn’t need it anymore. To me, you are just like that walking stick.”
Xin Ziao was in a lot of pain as though there was a fire burning in his chest. He scoffed. “What you mean is that I’m the reason why you’ve been in so much pain all these years? Ruan Yang, don’t you think you’re too much? You dismissed our relationship and everything I’ve done for you with one word.”
“Yeah. I’m selfish but so are you.” Ruan Yang smiled bitterly. “Ziao, you knew this place was the place that brought me the most pain and embarrassment, but in order to make me regain my memory and to stop me from being with Li Shaobin, you still made me come. You only thought about yourself. The relationship between us has long become ugly and twisted. From the moment you didn’t stand up for me when Zhao Zhu accused me of being a third party, my heart was already dead. I’ve given up so much for you and made myself end up in such a sorry state. Everywhere I go, people point fingers at me and scold me. My parents refuse to forgive me. I left the entertainment industry and could only hide, afraid to go out in the day, but what about you? You’re still standing high up in the clouds. You’re still the CEO Xin and Young Master Xin that everyone fears and respects. The sacrifices made in a relationship should be mutual. The most important thing to me is my ego and I cast my ego aside for you, but what have you cast aside for me? Nothing.”
Xin Ziao’s Adam’s apple moved up and down vigorously. He wanted to say something but he seemed to be unable to make out a single word. “For you, I’ve also… been under immense pressure.”
Ruan Yang laughed with her chin slightly high. She exuded an inexplicable sense of loneliness and arrogance. “You won’t feel pressured in the future anymore. Let’s break up peacefully. From today onwards, Ruan Yang no longer needs you, Xin Ziao.”
After saying that, she walked downstairs. Xin Ziao grabbed her arm. His eyes were filled with deep pain. “Ruan Yang, just this last time, we’ll leave this place. I’ll treat you well. You and only you.”
“I don’t need you to treat me well. Every single person who is still by my side treats me better than you did.” Ruan Yang scoffed as the corners of her pale lips rose. “Every single person who stayed by my side when I lost my memory after the car accident deserves to be cherished.”
She pulled her arm back and left without turning her head back.
Xin Ziao stood by the window stiffly as he watched her leave. He watched her white overcoat and hair dancing in the winter wind with her hands in her pockets as she left without turning back. Not even once.
His eyes moistened. Everything that happened here felt as though it was happening before his eyes.
Back then, he was standing at the back and saw her curling up into a ball, wanting to cry, but trying her best to hold her tears back. She was afraid, but she put on a brave front. She was helpless, but she pretended to be strong and that made his icy heart surge with a hint of sympathy for the first time.
He liked her feebleness. He liked her emotional strength. He liked how she swallowed her tears, how she would always be smiling brightly in front of others.
For so many years, he had never met another woman like her.
Ruan Yang was irreplaceable.
…
Ruan Yang walked for a very long time. The piercing cold wind felt as though it was cutting her skin and when her salty tears rolled down, it was a sharp pain.
That relationship which had lasted for so many ears had finally ended. Amidst the grief, there was also some sort of relief.
A cab suddenly braked by the side of the road. Li Shaobin quickly paid and jumped out of the car. “Ruan Yang…”
She turned back and Li Shaobin walked up to her with large strides. When he got closer and saw the tears on her face, his long legs froze uncontrollably.
He watched the woman standing a few meters away from him. She was wearing a large pair of sunglasses so he couldn’t see her eyes clearly, but somehow, he felt that something was amiss. At the same time, just looking at her like that, he felt an increasing sense of uneasiness. “You… you’ve regained your memory?”
Ruan Yang replied with a soft “mm” and turned her face away to wipe her tears. Her face was clear as though nothing had happened.
Li Shaobin’s mind buzzed. Although he knew that she would recover her memory, he didn’t expect it to be so soon. He wasn’t prepared at all.
He scratched the back of his head and was actually at a loss for words.
To him, the Ruan Yang of the past was unfamiliar and the Ruan Yang with amnesia was the one he was familiar with.
“Weren’t you in Guangzhou?” Ruan Yang broke the silence with her hoarse voice.
“You went to Hangzhou and I didn’t know why, so I left my work there in a rush to come over,” Li Shaobin said uncomfortably. “And I heard that Xin Ziao also went to Hangzhou…”
“You were afraid we came here to date?” Ruan Yang asked.
“No.” Li Shaobin shook his head. “I was afraid he would pester you again. You and him… going on like this wouldn’t lead to anything good. I just don’t understand… why did you want to come here?”
“This is where I used to film… The General.” Ruan Yang sighed softly. “It was also the place that made me stuck in the shadows. I came over here to take a look. I remembered everything here.”
Li Shaobin was dumbfounded. He knew The General, of course. To her, it must’ve been an unhappy place. “Ruan Yang, if you wanted to recover your memories, there are many different ways. Why must you use one that would cause you the most pain and suffering?”
It was the middle of winter but his casual words felt just like a warm spring flowing into her heart.
Xin Ziao would rather use a way that would tear her wounds apart to make her recover her memory.
But Li Shaobin thought she should use a gentler way.
This must be the difference between men.
Ruan Yang watched him. Ever since the two of them started going out, she had always been the one helping him with his outfits. He had also changed a lot and was just like the morning sun rising at dawn, grand and warm.
She would’ve never expected herself to go out with him. Before she lost her memory, even if the two of them were the only people left in the world, they probably wouldn’t have gotten together.
But right now, he was her boyfriend.
How hilarious.
She laughed. “Isn’t there a saying that goes ‘put someone in a field of death and they will fight to live’?”
Li Shaobin frowned. His lips trembled slightly. “What about now? Aren’t you in a lot of pain? Did you see how ugly you look after crying?”
“I’m in a lot of pain, but I’m not feeling as terrible now because I’ve also recovered a lot of happy moments from the past,” Ruan Yang said with a smile. “I kept thinking about the unhappy things in the past and forgot that there were still happy moments.”
“It’s great that you can think that way.” Li Shaobin couldn’t put the frustration he felt into words. He really wanted to ask her how she saw him now, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it so he didn’t. “Then let’s go back. This place is too damn cold.”
“… Mm.” Ruan Yang nodded listlessly. “Aren’t you going back to Guangzhou? Are you done with your work there?”
Li Shaobin thought: Who would be in the mood to think about their work in Guangzhou? However, his phone in his pocket kept vibrating.
Ruan Yang heard it too. She glanced at him. “Why aren’t you picking it up?”
Li Shaobin turned away, put one hand into his pocket, and set his phone on silent mode before hailing a cab by the side of the road.
Ruan Yang stood quietly at the side. After around five to six minutes, he managed to hail a cab. When they got in, Li Shaobin told the driver to go to the airport before he used his phone to book a plane ticket.
“Book a ticket to Guangdong,” Ruan Yang said suddenly.
Li Shaobin looked at her in shock.
She looked out of the window and said, “Don’t you have work there?”
“Then… don’t regret it,” Li Shaobin said softly.
“What’s there to regret? It’s not going to hell.” Ruan Yang smiled. “I have a cousin working in Hong Kong. We haven’t met up in years. I can go over to visit him.”
“Oh, then I’ll go with you after I’m done with my work,” Li Shaobin said quickly.
Ruan Yang pondered for a while before shaking her head. “It’s okay. I want to be alone for a while.”
Li Shaobin glanced at her with a hidden bitterness and moved his lips, but the presence of the driver in front made him hold his peace.
…
It was past 7 pm when the two of them arrived at the hotel was Li Shaobin staying in. He wanted to have dinner with her initially, but his business partner in Guangzhou kept rushing him.
“I’ll be back late tonight. Don’t go running all over the place,” Li Shaobin instructed her before leaving the hotel.
Ruan Yang returned to the room to take a shower first. The hotel staff brought the food she ordered. She ordered only Guangdong Cantonese food so it suited her tastes very well. The dim sum was also exceptionally exquisite and delicious.
After she had her fill, she watched some television programs for a while when Changqing called. “Ruan Yang, I heard that you’ve regained your memory.”
“Li Shaobin told you so quickly?” Ruan Yang said with a slight smile.
“You still have the cheek to say that? You should’ve told us something so important right away.” Changqing sighed and said, “I wonder if I should feel happier or sadder for you.”
“I’m not as weak as you think I am.” Ruan Yang looked up at the ceiling. “I’ve already recalled how we got to know each other. That way, you guys don’t have to feel so awkward around me.”
“That’s true, but… do you still believe in love?” Changqing tried to sound her out. “Don’t forget, you’re dating Brother Shaobin right now.”
“I didn’t forget. Life is really full of shocks.” Ruan Yang let out a long sigh.
Changqing pouted. “It was a little shocking. We were all shocked. Now it’s your turn. But you’re the one who was willing to go out with him. You can’t suddenly break up with him right now. Brother Shaobin isn’t like Xin Ziao. Besides, his family members have also accepted you. Look, haven’t you two been getting along pretty well?”
“Did he tell you to say all this to me?” Ruan Yang asked.
“No, he just sounded weird when he called me. It didn’t sound like the Li Shaobin I knew. I think he must be very worried,” Changqing said. “Aye, enough said. I have to rush to record a program now. Chat again later.”
———————————-
Ruan Yang went to bed very early but she was unable to fall asleep.
When it was around 12 am, she heard some noise at the door. She put on her coat, walked out, and saw a young lad in his early twenties holding a drunk Li Shaobin as they entered. When the young lad saw her face, he blushed a little. “Miss Ruan, hello. Young Master Li had a drop too much when he was socializing with the CEOs tonight at the clubhouse.”
“It’s okay.” Ruan Yang had seen this young lad before. He came over to fetch them when they were discharged last time. He was probably another one of Li Shaobin’s subordinates.
The young lad helped Li Shaobin to bed and Ruan Yang said, “You must be tired too. Go back and rest early.”
“Okay, then I’ll have to trouble you to wake Young Master Li up tomorrow at nine. He has a golf appointment with a few CEOs tomorrow morning.”
“Mm.” Ruan Yang nodded. When the young lad left, she locked the door and returned to the room. Li Shaobin slid under the covers like an eel.
She walked over and tried to take off his overcoat but he waved his hands around, mumbling, “All you women… quit trying to seduce me. I… have a girlfriend. I don’t… fool around outside.”
She was stunned and when she saw his flushed cheeks, she found him funny. “You must be really drunk. Don’t you even recognize me?”
“I’m not letting you take it off. Not letting you take it off.” Li Shaobin covered his body up tightly, looking just like a chaste woman.
She felt a surge of warmth and felt touched. She bent down, wanting to help him take off his shoes, but he sent her a strong kick which almost made her hands swell.
After being taught this lesson, Ruan Yang didn’t dare to touch him anymore so she only covered him up with the blanket.
The man beside her reeked too strongly of alcohol and cigarettes so she couldn’t fall asleep for a long time. In the end, she got the service staff to bring her another blanket and she went to the couch to sleep.
…
The next morning, at around 7 am, Li Shaobin roused from the urge to take a leak. He climbed out of bed and went to the toilet with his eyes half-opened. When he returned to the bed, he reached his arm out but suddenly felt something was amiss. It was empty.
He was suddenly alert. He got up and walked one circle around the bedroom. Then he went out and when he suddenly saw Ruan Yang curled up on the couch, asleep, he felt his heart ache.
She’d rather sleep on the couch than sleep with him after regaining her memory?
She already despised him after just one day?
Was he really that bad?
Li Shaobin squatted beside her and watched her face. To describe his current feelings in a more literary way, he was overflowing with sorrow.
Ruan Yang, who was sound asleep, seemed to sense a strange gaze on her. She opened her eyes and when she saw his face which was so close to her, she got such a fright that she almost rolled off the couch.