ZhouXiang asked unsurely, “Downstairs?”
"Yeah."
“He can come out?” ZhouXiang suddenly felt nervous. When he thought of YanMingXiu waiting downstairs, he felt that even going downstairs is a difficult problem.
How should he face him?
“My grandfather let him out. He said that two children loving and bickering, sooner or later, they'll awaken from their senses. From the start, he doesn't believe that you guys will last. After all, MingXiu is only 24 years old. The people around his age had already changed (partners) a dozen times." YanMingSu smiled faintly, "My grandfather is very busy. He really doesn't have the time to be caring about these grandchildren affairs. He merely stepped in this time because he felt that MingXiu had gone too far. I also urged my dad. MingXiu is free for a while. However, I'm afraid that there are still many challenges in the future. The two of you must be mentally prepared. Hopefully at the time, you two don't come and bother me is good enough."
ZhouXiang smiled bitterly, not knowing what else to say.
YanMingSu said these words blatantly, not leaving out anything. ZhouXiang was swept into it. The important thing is that YanMingXiu is downstairs. He had rejected YanMingXiu many times but YanMingXiu never gave up. And he, himself have also reached his limit. He has been struggling for too long in the predicament of whether to advance or retreat. If he still don't make a decision, the first one to collapse would be him.
And right now, he decided to go downstairs.
Having been torturing each other for too long, ZhouXiang felt extremely exhausted. This relationship has almost changed him completely, not just on the outside but even with his state of mind. He has become vastly different from the person he was before. But he still wants to be himself. If he has to go back and follow his old path to become his true self again, he is willing to make this gamble. After all, for him to give up YanMingXiu at this time, he really is……
ZhouXiang stood up and looked at himself through the glass of the bookcase. Reflected back at him is a pale, pitiful looking face. He wiped his face with a tissue, wanting to make himself look a bit normal. He didn’t want to frighten ChenYing.
"I… I'm going down."
"Wait, I still have something to say."
"What is it?"
“In case you become a part of my Yan family, don’t put my mom's action to heart. It's WangYuDong fanning the fire beside her, making things sound very severe so she sent my dad’s lackey to see your mom.”
ZhouXiang clenched his fist, “Not unusual, this surname Wang is my nemesis.”
“This fellow had not been too honest recently but my sister is pregnant, I can't touch him…” YanMingSu smiled, “But I still have to give him some lesson to let him know that he is not qualified to take charge of our Yan's family matters."
At this time, ZhouXiang could care less about WangYuDong. Whether or not WangYuDong is dead or alive has nothing to do with him. Although WangYuDong has played an important role in both of his lives, he is definitely a role that God sent to try him. Just thinking more of this, his head would hurt. He might as well not even think about it.
When he opened the door to go out, ChenYing was standing in the living room, seeming to be hesitating to knock on his door. She is shocked upon seeing him come out.
ZhouXiang looked at her, “Mom, YanMingXiu is just downstairs.”
ChenYing opened her mouth, unconsciously laying her hand on her chest. She sighed, "Then go on down. The weather is so cold, keep warm.”
ZhouXiang paused a little and then quickly opened the door and rushed downstairs.
ChenYing heaved a long sigh, deepening her brows; the worries in her eyes can't be concealed.
It is snowing outside.
ZhouXiang wore only a thin sweater but he didn’t feel cold. When he saw YanMingXiu, leaning against the car with a thin layer of frosted snow on his body, his mind became blank.
YanMingXiu looked up and obviously looked a bit startled in seeing him, “Xiang … Xiang Ge.”
“Why aren't you inside the car?” ZhouXiang asked softly.
“I want to be closer to you,” YanMingXiu is very genuine, as if doing this is a normal thing.
ZhouXiang sniffed his nose, his eyes feeling pained.
“How could you wear so little?” YanMingXiu asked as he started to unbutton his coat, wanting to take it off.
“Don't have to…” ZhouXiang reached out to stop him. His head unconsciously lowered, as if it couldn’t bear any weight, with his voice trembling, “YanMingXiu, you say… are you smart or stupid? You say that you love me, why didn't you realize it earlier?”
YanMingXiu sniffed his nose, “Very stupid.”
“Exactly. If you had realized earlier, we wouldn't have suffered so much.” ZhouXiang covered his eyes, “You're really a bastard… YanMingXiu… It's already like this. You didn’t even let me have some peace. Did you know how I've been everyd…….”
A gust of cold wind blew and ZhouXiang felt the freezing chills immediately. The snow on the ground made crunching sounds. Very soon after, he is tightly hugged in a warm embrace. YanMingXiu wrapped his coat around him, his sobbing voice ringing next to his ear, “Xiang Ge… Xiang Ge, let's start over… forget everything from the past… let's start over."
ZhouXiang also hoped that they could start over. Their encounter was not considered good but it was enough for him to remember his entire life. Now thinking of that scene, his heart beat even faster.
ZhouXiang's voice sounded hoarsely, “MingXiu…would we be able to last?”
“We would, Xiang Ge, you've essentially lived two lifetimes and still came back to me. This is your fate and also my fate. We would certainly be able to last.”
ZhouXiang whimpered, “That makes sense. Otherwise, the world so vast, why would I run into CaiWei the moment I woke up and bump into you the first day on my job? You say… this thing call fate … is it good or bad?" Toward the end, his voice is no longer in tune.
Having died once, he has become even more cautious than ever before doing anything. His first thought is always on ensuring his own safety and how he could peacefully manage his current lifestyle to not fall into the predicament of repeating the same mistakes from his previous life. But he had forgotten to ask himself, what it is that his heart desired. If he was to cast aside all his apprehensions, he really can't lie to himself. He had always … always wanted to have an ending with YanMingXiu. This was what he most intensely wished for before. Until now, it hasn't changed because this wish had never been realized. It was the greatest regret in his past life.
YanMingXiu hugged him tightly. ZhouXiang could feel the hot tears soaking his clothes and burning his shoulders. He could no longer suppress himself and reached his arms out to hug YanMingXiu. He still remembered how it felt to embrace YanMingXiu. Just like how it had always been… this made his heart beat erratically, made him nervous, made him hug tighter, not wanting to let go.
“YanMingXiu. LaoZi will make a gamble with you this time. If I lose again, then… that is just my life, I'll fucking admit it.”
YanMingXiu’s heart is filled with many emotions … joy, sadness, helplessness, resentment, happiness, sorrow, and panic. All these emotions collided… constantly expanding and deforming, as if in the next second it will burst. He felt himself stepping on soft clouds; perhaps taking a step forward might still be heaven or maybe he'll fall into an endless hell. He held tightly, very tightly onto ZhouXiang. Afraid that if he was to let go, everything in front of him is just a dream.
He had waited for this day for more than three years. He once thought that it would never come true. He had floated in despair, holding on to this bit of obsessive persistence to this day. No one could understand the immense pain of frantically longing for someone but not knowing where he's at, or whether he is dead or alive. If ZhouXiang didn't come back alive, he couldn't imagine how he could have lived on.
Fortunately, fortunately he could once again embrace this person. They are still young. He has a long time to heal ZhouXiang’s wounds, to re-establish their trust and feelings.. to return back to their past.
He will never let go.
End of the Chapter