Chapter 983 Fear
That night Shiro had a familiar dream. She was laying on her bed and everyone was around her. Nan Tian and Edvimar were in the room next to them as a figure appeared.
She couldn't do anything as she watched the two of them get smashed around like sand bags. The strangeness of his technique and the absolute dominance he showed was engraved into Shiro's mind.
Watching her come towards the room, Shiro would fight back but after having the same dream over and over again, she didn't do anything anymore. She just wanted the dream to be over.
She didn't know how many times it's been now. How many times she watched Isilia get captured and taken away from her.
'Are you giving up?' A faint voice echoed as Shiro hesitated but just blocked out all the sound and closed her eyes.
Hugging her knees, she just wanted to forget about everything but every time she closed her eyes, she would be brought back to this moment. It haunted her in her dreams as well as in real life.
There would be moments where a simple flicker of a shadow would send a wave of panic through her heart as it would almost resemble the figure of the watchman.
She knew that she was in a slump. She found it laughable but there was a barrier that she couldn't cross. Even if she wanted to get past it, the smallest reminder would cause her to hyperventilate and go into a panic attack.
Everything she found to be harmless seemed so scary now. She found it scary to leave the med bay, she found it scary to watch people leave. She found it scary to be alone without anyone. There was no reaction from Nimue, Iziuel and Attie and she was afraid to find out what had happened to them.
There were so many things she was afraid of now. She just wanted time to stop so that she didn't need to keep thinking about these things. There have been times where she's looked down at her hands and felt depressed.
She had so much power but when it mattered the most she couldn't do anything.
Forcing herself to wake up again, Shiro kept her eyes closed as she braced her heart. Even the simple task of waking up was scary for her. She didn't want to see herself alone in the med bay when she woke up so she often waited for even the smallest hint that a person was near her before opening her eyes.
A simple tap of a screen, the sound of breathing, a faint mutter or even just the rustle of clothing. She desperately hoped for even a small hint when she woke up so that she could open her eyes with a peace of mind.
Each time she woke up, she would see Nan Tian by her side greeting her with a soft smile. He would occasionally talk to her but most of the time would let her relax at her own pace.
Shiro knew that he was probably helping out with Asharia but there wasn't anything she could do right now.
Even if she recovered physically, she didn't know if she'd be able to leave this room.
She knew that everyone was trying hard while she was injured but she simply couldn't control herself. There was always this crushing fear that gripped her mind whenever she was reminded of that day. It would cause her to be paralysed from head to toe, sometimes even hindering her breathing.
Yin visits as often as possible. She tried to bring Lisandra but Shiro shook seeing the black wings on her back.
Remembering that she had almost lost everything and not just Isilia because she had almost become a fallen, Shiro felt afraid to fight. She was afraid that she might lose control and her name tag would turn completely black and remove all hope of ever keeping her treasured people safe.
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Shiro knew that she hurt Lisandra deeply but her body didn't seem to listen to her.
She reprimanded herself time and time again but she couldn't remove her fear of becoming fallen which resulted in Lisandra not even being able to come into contact with her.
Silvia also visited often, most times she would be right after Yin to do a regular check up. She had been using healing spells everyday with some proving to be more helpful than others in terms of healing her physical body.
Today's check up was no different as Shiro laid on the bed almost expressionless. She's mentally fatigued. She was tormented regardless of what she did. When she slept, she'll have nightmares. When she was awake, she might have a panic attack.
Even with them forcing her to sleep, she didn't look any better. There were bags under her eyes and her gaze was lacking the fighting spirit she had previously. She looked awful.
Thankfully, Yin helped clean her with a towel since having Nan Tian do it would be a little inappropriate. However, he wouldn't be far since Shiro had to keep him within her sights or else she'll start panicking.
Keeping her eyes on Nan Tian, Shiro wondered how long it's been now. The days just seemed to blend together since her sleeping pattern has completely broken apart.
But no matter what day it was, the setting seemed the same. She was on the bed, Nan Tian was next to her doing work on the tablet. It was the only thing that didn't change and it calmed her. Lyrica had left after receiving the news of her parents death.
Shiro didn't blame her. She failed at keeping Lyrica's parents safe so it was natural for her to want to obtain power so that she could protect them herself. Shiro wanted to do the same but just the mere thoughts of fighting the watchman again caused her hands to shake.
If she provoked him would he take someone else from her?
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Looking down at Shiro, Nan Tian was concerned about her complexion. Despite forcing her to sleep she was looking more haggard with each passing day and it seems like she wasn't getting the rest needed in her sleep either. The time she slept was being reduced with each day and sometimes it was even as short as 30 minutes.
They would now consider it lucky if she could sleep for more than 2 hours.
It has already been three weeks since Lyrica had left.
Things have been progressing at a smooth pace and thankfully, there doesn't seem to be any signs of a new event soon. Madison had been keeping an eye out and while all the Queens are improving their military, none of them have a secure target for now so they could assume that there aren't any events happening soon which caused him to sigh in relief.
The cure to Shiro's condition was almost done too. Thanks to her initial backlash stopping, progress had increased quickly but there were some lasting effects that obstructed the healing process.
Silvia reassured Nan Tian that it would disappear soon but it still didn't lessen his worry.
However, they were able to heal Shiro's throat for now since it wasn't damaged too harshly. But even with her throat healed, Shiro was quiet. She didn't speak often and when asked a question, would normally nod or shake her head.
Keomi had also found out what happened to Shiro and felt devastated. She was already frustrated at not being able to help during the first event so kept herself in seclusion with outside contact being cut off. She had the thought that if it was Shiro, nothing would go wrong since it was her amazing big sis after all.
She was able to create miracles and complete tasks that others can't even dream of completing so she trained without worry. She had to admit that there were moments where she would laze around but the result was quite good. When she came out of seclusion, she was excited to see what kind of relic that Shiro had recovered so she asked them about it immediately.
Naturally, she broke down into tears when she heard that Shiro couldn't even leave her room due to the trauma that she had developed. While her sister was suffering she was actually lazing around in seclusion without giving a crap about what was happening. She understood that she had treated Shiro as this undefeatable figure that not even the gods could put down but the truth was that behind all of that was still just a single girl. Her older sister.
Annoyed that she had put off all her work while her sister was suffering, Keomi went into seclusion for real with Li Jian, the sect master of the hidden sect and Nan Tian's adoptive father. Since he was the most experienced when it came to martial arts, she sought his tutelage as Koji was busy with other tasks.
Closing his eyes, Nan Tian realised that everyone in the party was now either doing everything they could to help Shiro or training themselves to the limit so that they won't have to give all the work to her. No one was idle anymore even if the development of the plans seemed slow. Once Shiro returned, everyone would jump into gear, ready to fight with the Queens.
But that was only if she returned.