Chapter 766: Chapter 764-So That's The Truth...........Huh?
I went forth to show the things I did when I was far away from her, everything being open to the eyes of Luna, the relationship with my family, the things I did to reach that level of relationship with my mother and then things falling on from there, the pieces within Luna's head falling into place, the things I did when we were together.
There were a lot of things I did on my travel when even Luna was with me, these things all being stuff which Luna didn't understand at first, but now, with the memories flowing into her mind, everything is slowly becoming clear to Luna, all the things I did back then slowly falling into place, a plan so vast that it brought chills to even Luna.
Every action I took had its own reaction, every expression I made had a larger secret to it, and every move I made just being the beginning of a bigger move, but along with it, Luna was also able to see all the tough things I had gone through, all the hardships I had to suffer to get into my hands these girls' affection.
Each action I took seemingly for the girls, helping them and making sure that the girls don't meet, even though the world of harem exists here I live in a secret life, manipulating all these girls so they don't meet each other, each action looked confusing as hell. Yet, it also shows the hell I went through to even get something like this.
In Luna's eyes, it would look stupid and irrational as hell, I mean, just what kind of stuff is this at all? Why do I, someone who has earned such high status and power, grovel for these mortal girls who are a dime in the dozen? So much planning and effort for their love when they aren't all that special at all.
The play going forth, showing the blessing of the Gods I got, the position I hold in this world, a position big enough that even Luna won't be able to mess with me, the church being something that even Luna cannot go against, its power supported by the supreme Goddess, not something just anyone can keep their hands on.
Thus, even Luna would bow her head when faced with the church if she didn't want extinction, and now I hold the highest position there, yet I run around doing all these things that would look like the worst evil in the world, but to the eyes of Luna, this wouldn't look that evil at all, all she would see is confusion in an instant.
I mean, I am the most powerful man currently walking this earth, maybe not in full strength but definitely in backing at least, yet here I am sticking to these girls like some leech, trying to get their attention and, along with it, shows the settings I am keeping, me trying to earn more power within this broken world.
Just releasing my status in one position would crown me an undisputed force, yet I hide my identity, I work in the background, bleeding myself as I try to get more power, a situation that is stupid when Luna sees through her eyes, for what she sees from my memories isn't an evil self but one that is struggling.
To her who lived in the era she did, what she sees is not evil at all, what I do is not evil at all, evil isn't that, in a sense, with Luna's mind, she could see the pure efforts I put in to keep everything afloat, that coming with keeping the girls happy, the actions I did have only saved them from a whole lot of pain in the world.
The actions I took, in a sense, saved them, and aren't I giving them happiness? Making them smile and bringing them joy, protecting them from the evil that would have taken them. Yet even then, it didn't make a whole lot of sense, but I kept at it, the two of us in the chair as the memory kept flowing around, and I lay bare to the wolf in my lap.
A sense of liberation filled my whole being as this happened, my mind relaxing, my expression turning for the better, my soul feeling a sense of liberation as if the shackles kept on it were being loosened, a sense of breathing space filling my essence, for the first time I had let everything go, and now the truth was set free.
'I see, guess this is what I was missing in a sense.'
With nothing more hidden, everything started to clear up. This is the first time I have shown someone my darkest self, the only other ones that know are fully subservient to me, in a sense, my slaves that can't do anything against my will and the ones that only live by my will, of course, there exists Clara for me too.
She knows the true part of myself, that action then had already set a part of myself loose. I was myself around her, and she was herself around me, but even to her, I didn't physically show her everything I did, nor does she know everything I have done, it's not because I don't want to tell her, it's just because she hasn't gotten strong enough to handle all the truth.
And yet, it's different for Luna. She is my companion, but she isn't my slave, she is willfully attached to me, and our connection was formed on equal footing. She can leave me when she wants, and she can do anything she wants from here on out once the truth is known, and it's a risk I have never taken yet I have here.
This having set forth to break the mental blocks I had placed on my mind, the darkness I was trying to deal with opened up and now fully embracing myself, it was as if a lock that was placed on me had opened up, a lock that even I didn't know exists within myself, and within it, a sense of self that too didn't exist before.
'Parts of myself were locked away, while parts of myself were numbed, parts of myself were boosted, while parts of myself were erased...'
I thought as I felt the change happening deep within me, to others, nothing would seem different to them, but to me, I could feel the difference, and it was a big one, someone or something I know had placed locks on me or in this has placed a lot of restrictions on me, binding my soul in ways that I wouldn't have understood.
'It was both helpful and a dangerous combo.'
With time, my sense of self was cut away, which meant that I had lost some parts of myself that had defined my past life self and the ones that had given me a boost in my own sense of self and attachment towards creating and understanding love, guilt, and a sense of evil that guided myself, which meant it helped keep my mental stability up.
Even with these locks, I went into a sense of denial during my travel. If I didn't have it, I would have gone fully crazy, and it also shows why it was hard for me to fall in love, I mean, the number of girls around me was more beautiful and more capable than any girls I knew in my past life, and they are crazy for me too.
So why is it that a normal guy like me who was just living away doesn't easily fall in love with such capable girls? Why was it that it took time for me to even feel much sense of guilt, sadness, or hesitation when it came to manipulating these girls who fell in love with me? And why is it that I fell instantly in love when Clara had accepted my 'true' self?
'A lock and key set arrangement, the truth makes me love, and the lies slow down myself and my feeling of attachment.'
If I was a crazy psychopath or a killer in my past life, I could understand, if I was an evil guy or a lustful person who takes in and plays with girls without feeling anything, I could understand, but I wasn't one of those, playing and controlling a character in a game to fall in love and having that situation happen in real life is completely different.
And yet, I could do what I would have never normally done, I was smart, I knew it, and I was also good at playing with and understanding girls, after all, I did achieve what I did in the game back in the days, yet I wasn't this unfeeling or lustful to deal with things and see things as if it's a game.
'A mirage to see everything as a game in front of me.'
I finally understood, a mirage was created that made me see everything was a game, the women as characters, a connection was established in my mind, connecting the alienated feeling I create when I play the game to the girls I court, a feeling that wouldn't have been
easy to achieve at all.
'But it also kept all of my madness at bay, too.'
Slowly, a crazy chuckle started to leave my mouth, the 'truth' of my first life vanishing away, and the real memories of my past life slowly started to erode over me, bringing with it the bastard that was hidden in the dark.