Chapter 641 - 641 A Tear of Fear
641 A Tear of Fear
Everything was going backwards. Yan Zhiyuan could not describe the shock in his heart with words.
He was already in his forties, but he saw himself when he was younger, when he was an adolescent, and when he was a child.
In these memories, the person lying on the bed, who was like an evil spirit that did not die and made him afraid, gradually became young and solemn, but sometimes, he seemed to be a kind father.
Even his dead mother had come back to life in his memory.!!
Yan Zhiyuan could not explain what was going on. He was like a bystander, watching his childhood experiences replay. He was just a guest, unable to touch any of the scenes in his memory, nor could he interfere with those things.
At first, it was shock, then it became calm, and finally silence.
Yan Zhiyuan noticed many differences. He realized that his fear of Yan Qingyun started from a small matter. He memorized a poem wrongly. Yan Qingyun stopped smiling and punished him to memorize it ten times.
After Yan Qingyun left, his mother, Qi Xinyue, came and scolded him severely. She said that if he didn’t work hard, he would let her down. If there were other children in the residence, he would definitely be killed by others.
Qi Xinyue’s punishment was much harsher than Yan Qingyun’s. She hit him so hard that his palms were bleeding. She kept asking him if he had remembered. The little him, the weak him, promised Qi Xinyue again and again that he had remembered.
Yan Zhiyuan couldn’t help but tremble when he saw this. Was this the case? Was this the case?
But why was it different? In his memory, he had a fever. After he recovered, he could no longer remember the reason for his punishment.
However, after this incident, he was very afraid of his father, Yan Qingyun. He was afraid of being despised by his father, afraid of being punished by his father, afraid of doing something wrong, afraid of being useless.
Whenever Yan Qingyun revealed a little bit of his emotions, he would be very nervous and afraid. He thought that he was afraid of Yan Qingyun, but in fact, he was not. He should be afraid of his mother, Qi Xinyue.
When he didn’t do well, Yan Qingyun would only scold him, while Qi Xinyue would punish him and ask him to change.
He felt that it was too pressurizing. He felt that Yan Qingyun was like a mountain pressing down on his heart. Day after day, year after year, the pressure, hatred, and dissatisfaction increased. He had long stopped treating Yan Qingyun as his father.
However, from a bystander’s point of view, Yan Qingyun was heartless and made use of women. However, he also taught and nurtured his descendants diligently. He wanted to build the prosperity of the entire Yan family.
As his son, he had disappointed him.
He had never even thought that the person he had suppressed in his heart for so many years was actually his mother, not his father.
Yan Qingyun was also passively enduring his emotions. He had already restrained himself and tried his best not to show his emotions in front of him, but he had never understood the helplessness and disappointment in Yan Qingyun’s eyes.
Yan Zhiyuan also realized that it was not his father who was suppressing his heart, but his mother. Be it knowledge or marriage, everything was arranged by his mother, and she left a shadow in his heart.
But he couldn’t say that his mother didn’t love him. Qi Xinyue had done so many things for him and Yan Zhenzhen. How could he not appreciate it?
However, this favor was really too heavy.
Yan Zhiyuan felt his cheeks burning, as if something had flowed down his cheeks.
“Wake up.”
It was as if a shout came from the horizon. Yan Zhiyuan seemed to have woken up from a dream and his eyes were blank.
That teardrop landed on Little Niu’s finger and seeped into his body.
After a while, Yan Qingyun asked in a hoarse voice, “Where are we?”
Little Niu smiled and said, “The carriage has just left for less than five minutes.”
“It’s only been a while.”
Yan Zhiyuan murmured in adrift. It felt like an entire lifetime.
He suddenly realized that he had made a huge mistake, but there was no chance to make up for it. He covered his face and cried, “How could this be? How could this be…”
He thought that he had finally made a comeback, but in the end, he had made a huge mistake and harmed the entire Yan family.
He had actually done such a despicable thing. How could he think that others would not know? How could he think that way?
It wasn’t even the 15th of January yet. There were many people in the court who were probably waiting to report him after the 15th.
“Help! Help!”
Yan Zhiyuan knelt down in front of Little Niu. At this moment, he was treating Little Niu as his only straw to clutch at, praying that he could point out a clear path.
Little Niu let out a light sigh. “You and I are fated by a drop of water. It’ll be over after I take away your teardrop of fear. It’s useless even if you beg me.”
Yan Zhiyuan fell into the carriage in a sorry state. What should he do?
The more he thought about it, the more regretful he became. He thought that he was leading the entire Yan family on a good path, but he did not know that he was walking towards their doom. Therefore, how could he have the face to go down and meet the ancestors of the Yan family?
Every time he finished venting his anger at Yan Qingyun, he would report it to the ancestral hall. Now that he thought about it, Yan Zhiyuan wanted to slap himself a few times. How could he do such a thing!
Yan Zhiyuan was in so much pain that he suddenly thought of an image. He immediately found the reason and said to himself, “Yes, it’s my mother’s fault. If she hadn’t been so harsh to me, I wouldn’t have hated my father. It’s all my mother’s fault. Who asked her to be so harsh to me? Who asked her to be so vicious? If there was a concubine’s son in the mansion, I might have felt the pressure even without her being so strict. Yes, that’s it.”
Yan Zhiyuan found another reason to convince himself. With the source of his pain being clear, he felt much better.
Wiping away his tears, Yan Zhiyuan said to Little Niu, “Little Daoist priest, please help my father get better.”
“Your father can’t live anymore. He’s just a wisp of remnant consciousness. Even if the Zenith Heaven gods come, there’s nothing they can do. My fate with him is just to end his remnant consciousness and send him away in peace. If you’re willing, I’ll go. If you’re unwilling, forget it. Don’t speak nonsense”
Little Niu retracted his smile, his tone devoid of warmth.
His eyes were empty. Yan Zhiyuan looked at him and felt his hair stand on end. In just a few moments, he lowered his head and said hurriedly, “No, no, no. It’s my bad mouth. Little Daoist priest, don’t be angry.”
“It’s good that you understand fate.”
Little Niu smiled again.
Yan Zhiyuan was a little absent-minded. One moment, he was terrified, and the next moment, he felt as if flowers were blooming in spring. He was blind, but he seemed to be able to see many things in his eyes. Yan Zhiyuan didn’t dare to speak anymore. He dared to transfer his hatred to his dead mother, but he didn’t dare to blame Little Niu, nor did he dare to make any requests of him.