Chapter 258 - SIDE STORIES BOOK 1- SHAWN AND DIETRICH CHAPTER 4 (BL)
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Shawn
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There had been some pretty mind blowing revelations during the meeting that followed dinner, but it still didn't hold a candle to the fact that I had found my mate. My very male vampire mate.
The questions that I kept asking myself was how could I be mated to a man when I wasn't gay? Or at least I didn't think that I was. Could you go your whole life not knowing you were gay? Wasn't there supposed to be something that told me that I was interested in men instead of women?
The problem was that I was not really interested in either men or women, at all. Not until now that is.
Just being next to Dietrich made strange thoughts run through my head. What was I supposed to do? I didn't know how to act. And what was I going to do with the fact that I now had a vampire as a mate.
There was just so much to think about. So much that I didn't understand and wasn't likely to figure out anytime soon.
Once the meeting was over and we were leaving the room, I bolted. I couldn't help it. I didn't want to hear whatever it was that Shane was going to say to me. I didn't want to have Dietrich put his arm around me again when I didn't even understand what was going on with me yet. I just panicked and ran.
I didn't have anywhere in particular to run. I didn't want to go back to my lonely apartment. I didn't want to go home to my parents, how were they going to react to this? And I definitely didn't want to run to Shane's place, that would be the worst of them all.
So, what did that leave me? The forest and the mountains.
I had always loved being up in the mountains. That probably came with being a wolf that was raised around them. But the higher I was in the rocky area the better I felt. And so, needing to think, I turned away from the house, away from the driveway, and ran as fast as I could.
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Dietrich
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I was walking with all the guards as they were leaving the house. It was getting late and the meeting was over so they were heading home. The Alpha was there to protect his mate now so they weren't needed as much.
I had hoped to stop Shawn and ask him if we could spend some quality time together, if we could talk. But, the moment he was out the door, out of the house, he turned away from everyone and ran.
"Shawn!" His brother Shane yelled after him. "Shawn where are you going?" I noticed that Shawn was running on two feet, not four, so he hadn't shifted, that was good. I didn't want him thinking that something was wrong with him, with this whole situation. I didn't hesitate, I just took off after him, following him into the trees and mountains that sloped up and away from the Alpha's estate.
I didn't call out to him. I just followed him in silence as he ran. I knew that sometimes running was a therapy in and of itself. That just pounding the ground with your feet, breathing heavily and drawing in that fresh air, getting your heart pumping and the endorphins flowing, all of that could help make someone feel better than just about anything sometimes.
After nearly twenty minutes I noticed that Shawn was beginning to slow down. His breathing was heavy, the breaths sawing in and out of his lungs. I could hear his heart racing, even though I was still a few meters away from him.
A few moments after coming to a stop, I noticed that Shawn was calming down. His heart settling and his breathing normalizing. He still didn't turn to look at me but I know he knew that I was there. Shawn just continued to stare out over the cliff he was standing in front of, enjoying the view, as he sat down on a large, low boulder. It was almost like a bench, one big enough for a few people, more than big enough for the two of us.
"Why did you follow me?" His voice was raw, emotions barely restrained even though he had calmed down somewhat. Just how upset had he been?
"I was worried about you. I don't want you being confused about what is happening between us, what this all means. I want you to know everything, if you're willing." I was ready to bare my soul to him, I would do so happily if it meant we could be a proper couple eventually.
"I don't understand any of this."
He hung his head in shame, the sight of him broke my heart and I longed to soothe him. I ached to wrap my arms around him and hold him close. I wanted to tell him that it would all be OK and that he didn't need to worry. But I couldn't force my opinions onto him. I couldn't rush him into this.
"If you're willing, Shawn, I will help you to understand. I will tell you anything, explain everything, if you'd just give me the chance."
"Why? Why do you want me?" He sounded broken hearted, the hurt, the pain and sadness in his voice, it shattered my heart.
"Oh Schätzchen." I spoke the tender word in my native tongue, hoping to get away with the pet names for now.
"What's that mean?" He asked me immediately.
"It's just a nonsensical word, every language has them." I hoped he would let it slide for now. He just shrugged his shoulders and seemed to ignore it after that.
"You didn't answer my question though." He pointed this out as he continued to look out over the cliff.
The scenery that he was looking at, that I could see from behind him, was that of a river running alongside the mountain and trees rising up toward the sky. This was a largely undeveloped part of the area and it was a wonderful sight to behold. I had a feeling that he quite enjoyed this view and often came here to think.
"Shawn, may I sit with you?" I asked him before continuing. "I want us to talk, to explain things to each other."
"Go ahead." He didn't act like he was repulsed by me, he didn't act like he wanted to get away from me, he just sat there looking out over the trees and away from me.
I walked slowly toward the rock he was sitting on, I didn't want to scare him by hurrying over in excitement. I would need to progress this relationship slowly. That's fine, I could do that. I could definitely do that for true love.
"Shawn, Liebling, what troubles you the most about our mating?" I thought that this was the most important thing for us to address.
"I don't understand it. Not really. I spent my life knowing that I was going to find a mate one day. That she and I would grow old together and have a family that we would hopefully raise into good people. But now, I find out that the idea, the plan, that I had drilled into my head my whole life isn't how my life is going to go." He seemed to be speaking both from right next to me and far away at the same time.
"Are you disappointed? Do you wish that you had never found a mate now that you know what the Goddess has in store for your future?" I hoped he wouldn't say no. I didn't know if my heart could take the pain if he told me that he didn't want me, even if it meant never having a mate at all.
"I don't know." He paused for a moment, lowering his eyes to the ground and studying the dirt he saw there for several seconds before he continued. Those seconds seemed to last for hours with the dread filling my heart. "I don't think I'm disappointed, not really. I had sort of resigned myself to never finding a mate anyway. I thought that since I just wasn't attracted to anyone, that I hadn't found anyone that I even wanted to be intimate with, that it just meant that I was not destined for anyone."
"So you really are innocent? You're a virgin?" I didn't have any trace of laughter in my voice, I just wanted to know. But still, his face flamed into a brilliant shade of crimson.
"Yes. I'm a virgin. I never found a woman I was attracted to, and I've never been attracted to a man before. So there was no one that I even thought about losing my virginity to."
"Are you attracted to me?" I held a little bit of hope in my voice. He had said before, not ever, to me that said that things had recently changed. And, judging by the even darker shade of red he turned, I felt that I had a reason to be hopeful.
"I don't know." He answered me quietly. "I feel something for you that I have never felt before, that is for sure, but I don't know what it is really. I don't fully hate the feeling, but it frightens me."
"I will never do anything to frighten you or to pressure you, I hope you know that Shawn." I was being honest, sincere, and I hoped he knew that. "I don't care if it takes me a hundred years to prove this bond to you, I will spend every minute of that time happily being there by your side until you're comfortable with me."
"That's what I don't get." He looked at me then. His eyes, those steely, storm gray eyes that looked like snow could blow from within their depths at any moment, were full of wonder and curiosity, and a little bit of apprehension. "You sit there and act like you love me, like you've had so long to build this dream about us, about a future together, and you're just hoping that I say yes. How can you feel that way so soon?"
"First, remember that I felt our connection sooner than you did. I have had a week to fantasize about a future with you. I saw you in that call and knew right then that I was already yours. Second, I am much older than you and I understand my own heart and feelings. I understand them to the point where I no longer second guess myself at all. I know when I am comfortable with something and when I am not and there is no reason for me to question myself."
"Goddess, but that's another thing. You're five hundred and two years older than me. How am I supposed to be OK with that? You're literally more than twenty times as old as me."
"Yes, I am technically that much older than you, but I froze in time when I was just about your age. Time has moved on, but I have not."
"And what happens when I begin to age? What happens when I become an old man? What happens when I die?" This seemed to scare him as his eyes darkened with fear.
"I can't answer that right now, because I don't know what will happen in that regard. There are options, things that can prolong your life and give us more time together, but now is not the time to talk about that."
"And what about a family? That's something that every wolf wants but we can't have that."
"There's options for that too. Nothing is the end of the line. And we have plenty of time to figure it all out."
"And then there's the fact that you're the leader of the vampires. You're their Emperor for crying out loud. What would that make me? How would your people react to this situation? Won't they reject me? Won't we be considered freaks among them?"
"I think you underestimate us vampires. For one, we don't often settle down, there are a lot of vampires who never find their true mates. So when it doesn happen, no matter who it's with, no one really questions it. At least not the majority of them."
Shawn looked away from me then, a sigh escaping him as he attempted to exhale the negative feelings, or at least that's what I thought he was doing.
"How could I be gay without knowing it?" He sighed again as he said these words.
"Do you have to put a label on it? Can't it just be that you're a man who was looking for love, no matter where that love might lie? When you look at things as having a concrete gender role then it can make you forget what matters most."
"And what is that?" He looked at me again, his eyes showing me the question he had just asked, curiosity all but dripping from them.
"Together we can be happy. Separate, we will always be searching out our other half. It doesn't matter if the person you're fated to be with is a man, a woman, or a purple blobby alien from Jupiter, as long as you're happy and your partner is happy isn't that all that matters?" I heard him laugh at my words, it was the first time I had heard him laugh. That laugh mixed with the smile that spread across his face lifted my heart so much that I felt the need to clamp my mouth shut so that it didn't float right out of my mouth and keep going until it reached Jupiter itself.
"I really hope that you don't turn out to be a purple blobby alien from Jupiter, honestly that might turn out to be a little too much." That mirth filled laughter that he spoke with continued to make my heart swell and cemented my grin in place, I didn't think that I would ever stop smiling after this night.
"As far as I know I'm not. But I guess my alien side could just be in hibernation mode or something." Shawn chuckled then, his laughter bouncing off the rocky mountain side and coming back to me in a musical chorus.
"We'll have to be on the lookout for it I guess." He was still laughing, that was a good sign.
"Shawn." I said his name with a semi-serious tone of voice, causing him to look at me cautiously. "Can we work on this mating together? Will you give us a chance? I promise that I won't force anything on you. I won't rush anything." I saw the nervousness in his eyes, the apprehension and fear that had settled in him when he realized our mate bond.
"I won't not work on it." His double negative made me want to laugh but I stopped myself at just a smile. "I can't promise you anything, not yet, but I won't reject you out right. I know that the Goddess chooses our partners for us, and everyone I have ever seen that has been mated is happy and enjoying themselves. I would like to have that someday. I didn't think that I would want that, but I do, I really do."
I grinned at him, hoping to convey just how happy his words made me.
We spent the rest of the night talking there on the mountain, getting to know each other. I kept my hands to myself, not wanting to frighten him or anything. When the sun started to come up we sat there in silence, watching as it slowly moved above the horizon.
After we watched the sunrise I offered to walk him home, which he did not refuse. The walk was mostly quiet, with just a random question thrown out here and there. When we got to the sidewalk for his apartment building it was time for us to separate.
"Sleep well, Liebing." I grinned at him as I pretended to brush a stray piece of grass from his cheek just so I could feel him one more time.
"Good night." He said as he started to walk away.
"Gute Nacht mein Schatz." I returned his words and added on my darling as I began to walk away.
I smiled the entire way back to Reece's Alpha Estate. I had found my mate. He hadn't rejected me. And I had spent the entire night talking to him and getting to know him.