Chapter 43 – Responsibility
Novel Title: 一生之计在于春 (Spring is the Plan of Life)
Author：御小凡 (Yu Xiaofan)
Translator: K (@kin0monogatari)
Protagonists: 姚锦夕 (Yao Jinxi -MC), 吴洋 (Wu Yang -ML)
*Please read at knoxt.space, the original site of translation. TQ*
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For a moment, Yao Jinxi actually wanted to blame him. He said, “Are you kidding me?” He was doing well in China with both his older brother and mother. Why would he want to run so far away where he’s unfamiliar with the lifestyle at all?
“Why did you think of going abroad?” Yao Jinxi asked. “Wasn’t this something that came up suddenly? You never mentioned it before.”
Yao Jinchen looked at him and smiled. There’s nothing to hide between them as brothers. It’s convenient at times. But sometimes, it’s troublesome. He decided to be straightforward, “There’s no reason for me to stay here.”
Yao Jinxi said, “If you leave, Mom will be very sad, even though she won’t say it.”
“In your eyes, does my hurting seem less painful?” Yao Jinchen shrugged indifferently, “It doesn’t make much difference. Even if it’s the ‘last’ time.”
“Can you stop being stubborn? Is there any benefit to being resentful?!” Yao Jinxi felt like he had caught a hangover. He was feeling a throbbing headache that made him want to close his eyes. “How old are you already? I can give you the benefit of the doubt for what happened during your junior high days. You might not have understood the ways of the world back then. It was also my fault for leading you astray.”
Yao Jinchen snorted in response. There was a constant smile on his face. However, there was also a strong sense of self-deprecation and sarcasm written on it. “You don’t have to deliberately say it like that. Everything I did was because I wanted to do it myself. Don’t treat me like I’m a brainless child.”
“Do you consider yourself an adult then?” Yao Jinxi frowned as he assessed his younger brother. Yao Jinchen was dishevelled and still reeked of a strong alcohol smell. “What are you so fixated on? Even if ‘that’ kind of relationship didn’t happen between us, we are still the closest people!”
He was truly puzzled. In his view, Yao Jinchen’s feelings towards him were mostly derived from familial affection. It was only fueled by a possessive desire not to let him be kind to others. “Don’t misunderstand your feelings towards me. After all these years, haven’t you understood it all yet?”
“You’re the one who shouldn’t misunderstand!” Yao Jinchen suddenly shouted. He stared fiercely at Yao Jinxi. He was so worked up that even his nostrils were slightly flaring. This sudden outburst silenced Yao Jinxi, causing him to forget to argue.
“It’s you who made me consider myself an adult. But it’s also you who always treated me like a kid! What do you know?! Where did you get the right to say that I ‘misunderstand’ what I feel about you?” As Yao Jinchen spoke, the sound of his voice got lower. It was almost like he was murmuring to himself. “Wasn’t it just that one mistake back then? For that, I’m not even qualified to say I like you? Now, just go tell Mom. Just tell her that back then, I forced you. Just go and tell her!”
He became agitated again, even lifting the blanket to get out of bed. However, feeling dizzy, he stumbled and fell to the ground. Before Yao Jinxi could react, Yao Jinchen immediately sat back up. But his momentum had been deflated. He angrily slapped the bed. It was unknown whether he did that to vent at himself or express frustration with everything that wasn’t going well in front of him.
While listening to Yao Jinchen’s heavy breathing, Yao Jinxi fell silent once again.
Once, they could talk about anything at all. But now, it had turned into a situation where there was nothing left to say. Human emotions are the strangest and most incomprehensible. He truly didn’t understand Yao Jinchen’s complex feelings. Perhaps even Yao Jinchen himself couldn’t understand it clearly. He didn’t know how everything had shifted from dependence and intimacy to the current state of turmoil.
This tangled mess… He really didn’t know how to unravel it.
After a long pause, Yao Jinxi sighed, “Fine. You want to go to the United States, right? It’s good to get some experience then. As for Mom, do you want to tell her about this yourself, or should I?”
Yao Jinchen leaned against the bedside as he lowered his head and spoke softly, “I’ll tell her myself.”
The matter was settled between the two brothers. They didn’t discuss it further nor did they talk to each other. Yao Jinchen’s clothes were definitely not going to pass as acceptable. But given that he was taller than Yao Jinxi, Wu Yang’s clothes would fit. However, Yao Jinchen was absolutely unwilling to wear them. Yao Jinxi showed indifference to his fussiness, “Then just wear whatever you have on and go buy new ones for yourself.”
At this point, Yao Jinchen wasn’t in the mood to argue further. He went downstairs and bought a new set of clothes from a men’s clothing store next to the hotel. He then came back to shower and change.
Yao Jinxi called Wu Yang, continuing with their plans for lunch. They rushed to the West Window Pavilion. Wu Yang and Yao Hong arrived first. The boat was docked by the river. City L was indeed a picturesque place with mountains and water. Looking out of the exquisite boat windows, the mood for dining was lifted.
Wild river Jiangtuan was a must. So they ordered two freshly caught ones. The waiter explained, “Our wild river Jiangtuan are all caught fresh. The meat is exceptionally delicious.”
These were all formalities so neither of them took the words to heart. By the time Yao Jinxi and Yao Jinchen arrived, Yao Hong and Wu Yang had already ordered the dishes.
Without even sitting properly, Yao Jinchen announced, “Mom, there’s something I need to tell you. The company is planning to send me to the United States.”
It took Yao Hong a while to react. She frowned as she glanced at him. She then looked at Yao Jinxi. It seemed like an explanation was needed. However, Yao Jinxi didn’t say a word. He just kept his head down as he fidgeted with the teacup.
“You don’t have to look at my brother. He’s not even my legal guardian.” Yao Jinchen turned slightly, facing Yao Hong directly. “This is a great opportunity for my career development. If I get selected, I’ll be groomed as a reserve cadre. Mom, haven’t you always wanted us to succeed?”
The words made sense. But it was too sudden. Yao Jinchen hadn’t mentioned anything about this before. Yao Hong couldn’t believe that nothing had happened in between. She silently scrutinised Yao Jinchen for a moment, “Have you thought this through?”
“Do I need to think so much about it?” Yao Jinchen glanced at Wu Yang, who seemed indifferent. Meanwhile, Yao Jinxi seemed lost in thought about something else. A surge of determination rose within him. “I can take responsibility for my own future! I’ve made up my mind!”
Yao Jinxi’s hand, which was fidgeting with the teacup, paused for a moment. Slowly, he lifted his head, joining Yao Hong in looking at Yao Jinchen. Yao Hong nodded slowly, “I got it then.”
The aroma of the dishes was approaching. The waiter, with delicate plates, began to serve them one by one. However, everyone at the table was preoccupied with their own thoughts, making the meal unusually subdued.
After dinner, Yao Jinchen and Yao Hong went home, realising that they might have some things to discuss. Yao Jinxi, feeling that he shouldn’t disturb them at this moment, made up a pretext and went straight to the hotel with Wu Yang.
He wasn’t good at hiding his thoughts in front of Wu Yang. So he shared the conversation he had with Yao Jinchen at the hotel. “Sometimes I think, I don’t know where things went wrong.”
“Don’t overthink it. There’s no clear right or wrong about things in life.” Wu Yang smiled and shook his head. “It’s just different choices leading to different outcomes. But until the end, nothing is really an outcome. It’s just another multiple-choice question waiting to be answered. Your brother going to the U.S. could be a good thing.”
Yao Jinxi sighed, “Is it really a good thing? Who knows what he’ll be like over there.”
“Look at you. You’re doing it again.” Wu Yang took advantage of a red light to hold Yao Jinxi’s hand and playfully shook it with interlocked fingers. “His growth is his own responsibility. Meanwhile, letting go of him is yours. Can he really die overseas? We can always visit him when we travel there.”
Yao Jinxi rested his other elbow on the window frame, supporting his chin as he looked at Wu Yang and raised his eyebrows at him. “You always speak these comforting words. How come you got depression back then?”
It was meant to be a teasing remark. But Wu Yang seemed momentarily stunned after hearing it. He then sighed and smiled faintly, “Back then, everything felt like a dead end to me. My mind understood. But my heart couldn’t get through it. It’s probably something like that.”
As he spoke, he pulled Yao Jinxi’s hand and kissed the back of it. He then said with emotion, “Fortunately, I met you.”
Even after knowing Wu Yang for so long, Yao Jinxi still couldn’t quite get used to his ability to express sweet words anytime, anywhere. He blushed a bit and chuckled helplessly, “You… are too smooth-tongued.”
Wu Yang released his hand and shifted gears. He drove the car with a slight smirk on his lips. “It’s all sincere words. Why don’t you ever believe me?”
Not knowing what Yao Jinchen and Yao Hong talked about, Yao Jinxi was informed the next morning that Yao Jinchen had returned to City C.
Yao Hong’s spirits seemed alright. But there was a hint of something hanging on her mind. Wu Yang, perceptive as always, made an excuse to go buy groceries, leaving Yao Jinxi and Yao Hong alone at home.
Suddenly remembering something, Yao Hong explained, “Jinchen said he’s going back for work.”
Checking the date, it was indeed Monday. Yao Jinxi didn’t have any objections to that. He looked at the expressionless Yao Hong who was half crouched down. He then said as he looked up at her, “I’ll come back often from now on…”
Yao Hong, a bit absent-minded, smiled at the words and shifted her focus back. “I don’t need you to worry about me now. Just live your own life well. Even if your brother is leaving, it’s still two months away from now. I don’t know why he’s in such a hurry. The company might not even choose him. He’s always been so impatient.”
Once she started talking, she couldn’t stop. Yao Hong felt calm discussing Yao Jinchen’s matters but realised she was rambling about the two children’s childhood, with no real substance. She chuckled, somewhat self-deprecatingly, “I’m getting old.”
Yao Jinxi laughed, “No way. Mom, you’re still so young and beautiful. If we go out together, people might mistake us as siblings.”
With a wistful smile, Yao Hong gazed at Yao Jinxi’s face and lost herself in thought. “You’ve grown up. And so has Jinchen. As you both grow up, I just get older.”
Unintentionally, a hint of melancholy surfaced in her words. After speaking, she rubbed her forehead and held Yao Jinxi’s hand. “When Jinchen mentioned going to the U.S., I suddenly felt like I understood many things since then. What’s the point of living for others? In the end, we live our own lives. Oh well… Just go and do what you both want to do.”
“Mom…-” Yao Jinxi tried to say something but was interrupted by Yao Hong. “-I don’t know what’s wrong with me. But I keep thinking about the past. Wu Yang is a good guy. I can see it from how he treats you. But there was just something that held me back.”
Yao Jinxi smiled wryly, “I got it, Mom.”
“But now that I think about it, it doesn’t seem like a big deal anymore. I’ve been married twice but was that a success? Was I happy? Still, in the end, I ended up alone.”
As she spoke, she chuckled a couple of times. Her features relaxed and her face seemed to light up. “As long as he’s willing to treat you well, it doesn’t matter if he’s a man or a woman.”
Yao Hong smiled gently, running her fingers through Yao Jinxi’s hair. “As long as you’re happy, that’s all that matters.”
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*Translator’s Note: I have no time to proofread so forgive me if there were any mistakes in this chapter or in previous chapters. Been really busy and I will start a teaching job soon so if there are changes in updates frequency, I will let you guys know. -K
Next update: 2023.11.23
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