Book 51 Chapter 3 – Bemoaning Flute, Grieving Song
Translator: Foxs' Wuxia
In the vast and indistinct night rain, with Wuming standing on his shoulder, the Thousand-Li Dream under his crotch, on a hill about five li east of Liangdu, Kou Zhong observed the different branches of his Shao Shuai Army, unit by unit, from the official road down below marching in the direction of Pengcheng.
Accompanying him on his left and right were Jiao Hongjin, Bai Wenyuan and more than a dozen personal guards from the Flying Cloud Riders.
Although it was in the night, in the drizzling rain, he was still a distinct figure that every single member of the Shao Shuai Army passing through was still able to see as he personally saw them off. He himself was the element that raise their morale.
Xuan Yong was the commander-in-chief of the grand march this time, lying low during the day and marching on at night, not only it was a rigorous training for the Shao Shuai Army, it also concerned the survival of the Shao Shuai Army.
Kou Zhong was fully aware that this was a big gamble, any small detail slightly out of question, he would never have the opportunity to free himself. Losing the northern territory and this branch of elite troops of the Shao Shuai Army, even with Song Que’s strength, in the situation of lacking in strength to reverse the rotation of the sky, he could only withdraw back to Lingnan in grief.
The Song Family’s expectation of him, the trust that the officers and soldiers of the Shao Shuai Army had on him, plus the desperate struggle against the demonic school, he suddenly felt that these heavy burdens all fell onto his pair of shoulders, weighing him down that his heart was as heavy as the black cloud in the night sky.
Luo Qifei’s men already rode out to scout everywhere, they kept the situation upstream and downstream of the canal under close watch. On one hand, it was to give Yang Gongqing’s army the opportunity to come over secretly; on the other hand, it was to watch attentively the enemy troops movement in downstream Zhongli. Bu Tianzhi was in charge of the heavy responsibility to transport the Yang Army over via the waterway.
How would Li Zitong react? The fact is, Kou Zhong did not have the slightest assurance, he could only leave everything in Laotianye’s hands. If He, the Senior wanted Kou Zhong to perish, Kou Zhong had no choice but to accept misfortune as decreed by fate.
Xu Ziling has never expected that Shi Qingxuan would say such an intimate remark; immediately his entire being relaxed and happy, he felt free-and-unfettered, high-in-the-sky, floating-in-the-air, but he did not forget to salute and said, “Shi Xiaojie, how are you? This gentleman is ...”
Shi Qingxuan’s beautiful eyes slid toward Hou Xibai, she returned to her indifferent expression, as she slightly shrugged her fragrant shoulders and said, “Who doesn’t know Hou Gongzi?”
Hou Xibai calmly said, “Hou Xibai pays his respect to Qingxuan Xiaojie. How about I wait outside the valley? If there’s anything, you can summon Xiaodi anytime.”
Shi Qingxuan’s pretty eyebrows lightly knitted, she spoke indifferently, “Why do you want to get away outside the valley? Hou Gongzi is a friend of Xu Ziling, naturally Qingxuan will welcome you wholeheartedly. Two gentlemen, please come in and have some hot tea, all right?” Finished speaking, she floated to cross over the creek, and took the lead to enter the stone house.
Xu Ziling and Hou Xibai had never thought that Shi Qingxuan would be this easygoing and friendly, they were both pleased beyond their expectation, hurriedly they followed behind her into the house.
Inside the stone house was one elegantly-decorated small hall. Shi Qingxuan lighted an oil lamp on the corner, the two men sat down on one side. This heavenly-beauty, kingdom-appearance, whose Xiao skill was renowned all over the world – Shi Cainu [talented girl] brewed tea in leisurely manner. There was some kind of hard-to-describe warm feeling in their hearts.
Shi Qingxuan’s manner was amiable, yet she also kept her distance; she was cordial, yet there was cold and detached manner within it; however, it was enough to make them feel overwhelmed by favor from superior.
She did not speak, the two men did not dare to speak even more, afraid to destroy the tranquil harmony in the small building.
After receiving the fragrant tea Shi Qingxuan offered him, Xu Ziling could not help saying, “Just now ...”
Shi Qingxuan spoke softly, “No need to say what happened just now, I don’t want to know. Ziling has not answered Qingxuan’s question, why did you come only today?”
Xu Ziling was dumbstruck and unable to reply. “This, hey! This ...” he stammered.
Shi Qingxuan served the hot tea to Hou Xibai, and then she sat opposite the two men. “Pfft!” she giggled and said, “No words to answer? Qingxuan is not blaming you; you love to wander the four seas, don’t you? It just so happens that you have not wandered to this remote place, right?”
Seeing Xu Ziling was so embarrassed that his handsome face turned beet red, Hou Xibai decided to speak up to help him, “Zaixia knows Ziling’s situation best; he has the aspiration to wander all over the world, pity that the firmament is still unwilling to give him that opportunity until today.”
Shi Qingxuan laughed indifferently and said, “It’s Qingxuan’s fault, I love to see Xu Ziling’s embarrassed look. Ay! Qingxuan still has not had any chance to thank Ziling for lending a hand to accomplish Yue Bobo’s [uncle, older than one’s father] cherished desire.”
Xu Ziling knew she was thanking him for getting rid of the ‘Heavenly Lord’ Xi Ying. Uttering a modest remark would be the exertion of lifting his hand, but he was afraid it would sound like he was boasting too much, because striking and killing Xi Ying actually involved quite a bit of luck, the victory did not come easy. Hastily he replied, “It was entirely due to Yue Lao’s soul and spirit in heaven’s blessing.” And then he loosened up his bundle and took out the Tianzhu Xiao, while explaining the rise and fall of the terrain, he presented the Xiao with both hands to Shi Qingxuan, and then returned to his original seat.
Receiving the Tianzhu Xiao, Shi Qingxuan cheerfully said, “Shang Dajie knows Qingxuan’s heart too well! How did Qingxuan deserve her affection and favor?”
Once gain Xu Ziling felt the unrestrained, relaxed feeling in interacting with Shi Qingxuan; however, although she never concealed her favorable impression toward him, he felt that between the two of them, there was a chasm that he was unable to cross.
Brimming with anticipation, Hou Xibai sounded her out, “Isn’t Qingxuan Xiaojie going to test the tonal quality of this Xiao?”
Shi Qingxuan laughed while rolling her eyes at him in displeasure; laughing tenderly, he said, “Greedy!” But when she finished speaking, she raised the Tianzhu Xiao to her fragrant lips’ side and lightly blew a clear and melodious note.
The sound of the Xiao seemed to rise from the depth of the two men’s heart; it also sounded like it came from the untouchable place outside the Ninth Heaven.
Emotionally moved, Hou Xibai said, “No wonder Xiufang Dajia did not hesitate to send Ziling from thousands of li away to deliver this Xiao; only Qingxuan deserves to receive this Xiao.”
Shi Qingxuan flowery countenance turned dark, her beautiful eyes were covered in pained and bewildered color, the change in her expression was so sudden that watching her, the two men’s heart and spirit were trembling severely, thinking that she must have recalled the encounter in which she was helpless, hence it was difficult to control herself!
Shi Qingxuan’s fragrant lips effortlessly blowing lightly, the Tianzhu Xiao emitted a series of dark, deep and low notes, the sound was deliberately full of venting her anger, emitting the wear and tear and shuddering tone, containing within it some kind of strange and unusual force, so that others could feel the heavy pain restraining and pressuring inside her fragrant heart, so that they could not help but think that perhaps in the mysterious place deep within her heart that no one could spy on she was silently shedding drops of emotional tears!
The flute sound turned around, it continuously sank down, bringing out a dark world like one was sinking into a nightmare that one could not wake up from, which lead one into the abyss of a sense of loss that was full of dispirited tears.
The flute sound suddenly became staccato, and then turned legato, the earth seemed to exhaust the whole body’s strength that she was no longer able to control the flute sound, the Tianzhu Xiao seemed like it could only rely on its own power, struggling to transform its barely-remaining life into the sad melody before dying.
The dance platform, the singing stage, the distinguished and accomplished, everything was finally being blown away by the wind and the rain!
Xu Ziling has forgotten himself, he felt his entire spirit was shuddering following the flute sound.
‘The guilty feather contains the quotient shifting the modulation, and the chord is thrown with mercy.’ [This is straight from machine translation; the venerable Mr. Google says it is the He Manzi Song written by Zhang Hunan of the Tang Dynasty.]
What exactly vexed her that she revealed her true feeling? That she completely expressed the sorrow and the full details of the story inside her fragrant heart? Yet her expression remained tranquil, only her pair of opened pretty eyes emitted a ‘with one note, one intestine was broken, how many intestines could she possibly have?’ sorrow! That kind of cold and detached emotion in contrast to the grief, the difference caused people to shake.
It was unclear whether Hou Xibai was recalling his own, or whether it was Shi Qingxuan’s breaking-people’s-intestines – lot in life, but tears were already streaming down his face; along with the heartbroken flute sound, he suddenly sang while clapping the armrest, “Shu Guo [the State of Shu, Sichuan] has many sentiments, many colors that can be spoken about, the carved low wall’s distinct complain spiraling upward to the beam, the guests on the flower capital city wall are already intoxicated, if the people on the top of the separating mountain range did not return, the resounding sound turns the jade-green cloud to remain in the shadow. The song finally quietly divulging the moon and sinking down the sunshine, the water flowing on the mountain goes to sleep I don’t know how far away, just like the jade hairpin and golden threaded clothes in the dream.”
Shi Qingxuan’s flute sound made a turn again, it appeared to be freed out of the impossible-to-break-free wallow, becoming lingering on the side of purple silk, so that those who hear the sound have their intestines broken.
Also, it was like the cry of the wild goose on the Yin Mountains, or the cry of the apes on the Wuxia Gorge, in sync with Hou Xibai’s desolate, sad, climbing-over singing voice, rising to the firmament with a pleasant lingering effect, filling the space inside and outside the house.
Hou Xibai’s singing voice made a turn, from the hoarse, deep and low, it became gentle and soft, deep with emotion; his singing continued, “A beauty in a distant night, her gauzed clothes moistened by the autumn frost, containing the emotion through the bamboo Xiao, springing up to become raised mulberry path. The sound of Xiao is so intense, the wind rolls up to the destroyed cloud. Pedestrians throw the candles, the perching birds soar far away. But the writing carries bitter innuendo, which will not dismiss the pain of this song. Hoping to meet someone with the same mind, with whom I will fly away like a pair of violet mandarin ducks.”
The power of the flute sound and the singing voice, which could chase the soul and terrify the spirit – completely washed away and shattered Xu Ziling’s self-control. In this quiet and secluded moment of the moonlit night, the hidden-beneath-the-surface grief-stricken thoughts and melancholy were triggered like a mountain flash flood, myriads of helpless and irreversible sorrow violently rushed forth in his heart, emotional tears burst out of his eye sockets.
Singing the last stanza, Hou Xibai’s voice choked so that he could not continue, only the sound of the Xiao wandered alone in the empty air; even the most hard-hearted person would be affected by the sound of the flute, much less Xu Ziling and Hou Xibai, these two sentimental kids.
The flute sound changed again, now it revealed a floating-freely implicit charm; compared to a moment ago, it was like someone who has been drowning his whole life all of a sudden achieved supreme enlightenment [nirvana, Buddhist concept], and was able to see through the ways of the world, as he is being drawn into the realm of peaceful and gentle purity and cleanness.
Shi Qingxuan’s beautiful jade countenance shone with divine bright luster, her pair of eyes was profoundly serene, the originally anxious clouds and wretched fog that shrouded her and lingered on disappeared like dispersed smoke, without leaving the least bit of a trace. It was like the beautiful notes completely wiped away the brightness of the sun so that it did not dazzle the eyes anymore, it caressed and smoothed wrinkles in the two men’s heart and soul with infinite tenderness.
“Slender magnolia held the warm Xiao, wondering why the spring breeze was not blowing. The purple-red lips breathed the changes between the Gong and the Shang [first and second notes in pentatonic scale, respectively], bemoaning emotion gradually pursued fresh and clean actions.”
The flute sound gradually faded far away, suddenly Xu Ziling came to his senses, just happened to catch Shi Qingxuan’s touching figure as she disappeared outside the door.
The drizzle sprinkled down endlessly from the sky, the convoy of heavy-laden carts passed speedily through, the crunching noise of the wheel against the mud was rising and falling continuously.
Kou Zhong’s mind flew over to think about the battle going on outside of Luoyang.
It seemed like right or wrong, until this moment he still did not know; was his decision to fight for supremacy right or wrong? In the past, he only had to take responsibility for himself and to take the blame for his own action. But now, he could not play this tune; in everything, he had to give thought to those who follow him.
For the first time, he felt that life no longer belong to him, one person, because any mistake, including the large-scale military exercise before his eyes, the one sacrificing their lives were not only him, one person. Becoming the supreme leader of the Shao Shuai Army, he could no longer like before, rashly showing off his heroism. Even the brotherly emotion with Xu Ziling, which had always been the most important matter to him, would now have to be placed on the secondary position. In everything, he had to attach most importance to the honor and disgrace, the advantages and disadvantages, of the Shao Shuai Army. This notion had given him the shivering-all-over-though-not-cold feeling.
Fortunately, now Xu Ziling shared the same goal with him, otherwise, he really did not know what to do.
A lot of considerations that he had never touched before now appeared within his plain of thought. Before, no matter how nasty the environment he was in, if he could not cope with it, he could simply run away. But now that the Shao Shuai Army had fused with himself into one entity, they would exist or perish together, he could no longer come and go freely, calmly and effortlessly relying on his, one person’s ability. Between victory and defeat, not only there was no hard-to-cross chasm, there was only a fine line of difference between the two. If Shao Shuai Army was totally wiped out, he would also be too ashamed to live alone.
Song Yuzhi’s accusation to him was justified; since he decided to contend for the hegemony over the world, after setting the unifying of the Central Plains as his aspiration, then he could not allow other things; even more, he did not have the qualifications to hold on to other beautiful things in life. He had never understood his plight more than this moment.
The golden moon sprinkled its light everywhere on every corner of the small valley, Shi Qingxuan was sitting on a big rock by the creek, soaking her feet in the water, the Tianzhu Xiao was lying casually by her side, her charming face was raised up to gaze at the moonlit night.
Xu Ziling came quietly by her side and sat down on the other side of the rock.
Shi Qingxuan’s cherry lips exhaled lightly, she spoke softly, “Why did Ziling cry?”
She still maintained her posture looking up to watch the starry night; looking at her, there was a special deep emotion around her, so that it seemed like she was asking herself, not the person sitting by her side.
Her question evoked Xu Ziling’s mood just a moment ago, so that hot tears nearly burst out of his eye sockets again, he really wanted to bury himself in her bosom, to wrap his arms around her slender waist, to pour out the complaint and grievances in his heart, to have her comfort him with tenderness.
But he could only force down this sudden impulse, he fought with all his might to make his own lingtai acupoint clear and bright, his heart calm and his spirit quiet, he let out a light sigh, but still did not know how to answer her.
Since Hou Xibai was staying inside the house, the serene and peaceful deep valley was like a world that belonged to only the two of them!
Shi Qingxuan did not care the slightest that Xu Ziling did not answer her, she spoke softly, “I wonder if mankind’s final destination is one of the constellations of the stars in the sky? If it were really so, I wonder which star would my final destination be, and which one is Ziling’s final destination?”
Xu Ziling cast his gaze from her elegant silhouette to the starry sky. Due to the moonlight, the night sky became hazy, studded heavily with countless dots of stars. A subtle and complicated emotion welled up in his heart, the beauty by his side seemed like as unfathomably mysterious as the night sky, and it was like she had an infinite starry sky in her.
At this moment, he forgot all the things in the secular world, only Shi Feixuan and Shi Qingxuan remained.
Both women chose the path to withdraw from worldly affairs, the difference was that Shi Feixuan’s path was to abandon everything of the mundane world, including the romantic love between men and women, which made people turn upside down and intoxicated by it, in pursuit of what she saw as everything was the empty mundane world, to stand aloof and cross over toward the certain mysterious place at the other shore [Buddhism: paramita] of life. Her aspiration was to see through, and not to be indulged in – everything.
Perhaps to avoid describing the path Shi Qingxuan chose to withdraw from the worldly affairs would not be too appropriate, but after all, the way she shunned the world carried a little bit of this kind of implication! In the past, Xu Ziling always held this kind of view toward her. But this time, in the deep valley where she lived peacefully, hearing her confessional-style flute music, his view has been shaken. The fact was that she was feeling the real meaning of life in her own way; she was not really shunning the world, rather, she involved herself in human affairs. What she wanted to avoid was the dispute and the distress of the secular world, to make the closest contact with the nature, to learn through experience the fine things that other people were too busy to understand.
There was never a moment when he understood her better than he did now.
She did express to him that she had no intention of traveling around, because in itself, the deep valley was self-sufficient; she practically did not need to look outside.
He fell head over heels in love with Shi Feixuan starting in Longquan, but it also ended in Longquan. No explanation needed from either side, and both sides knew that the fact was so.
He was now free, without any emotional bondage, and happiness was precisely by his side. He could either break the fate or accept the fate; perhaps he ought to fight for himself?
The first time his heart was moved by Shi Qingxuan, it happened last year during the Mid-Autumn night in Chengdu’s city center, and then after the joys and sorrows in the small second-story building in Duzun Bao, he had always suppressed his cherished memory of Shi Qingxuan, he resisted with great difficulty the torment of missing her! Until just now when he heard the sound of her flute that the mood, which has been suppressed for a long time – was suddenly released, and he felt that he had lost the ability to control himself.
He felt even more deeply his fond attachment to her, but he also felt that he was not worthy of her, he was grieved since he was feeling ashamed of his own inferiority! It was not a question of identity or status, rather, he still could not throw away everything to be drunk together with her in the beautiful starry sky in heaven.
If he thoroughly told her his inner feeling so that he obtained her favor, and then he changed direction to leave her, so much so that he died in battle, wouldn’t he only add more injury to her spirit?
The most annoying thing was that there has never been a moment like right now where he really felt that he needed her; a world without her would be absolutely empty and would be unbearable to him. The faint fragrance emitted by her tender body was so real, yet was also faintly discernible like nothing; it could be expected, but could not be obtained.
How he wished he could hold her in his arms, he could kiss every square cun of her skin over and over again, and say to her with every ounce of strength in his body, “We will never part.”
But the cruel reality made him afraid to make the slightest move, to speak half a sentence more to her.
Shi Qingxuan finally looked at him. ‘Pfft!’ she giggled tenderly and said, “Silly kid, what are you thinking? How come out of ten questions, you did not answer nine?”
Shaken, Xu Ziling met her gaze, and then he turned his eyes to her perfectly clear and white feet inside the water of the stream. A group of small fish were swimming freely around her feet, perhaps they were curious or wanted to bite the tip of her touching toes. Unexpectedly he was so clueless that he asked, “Why did you call me silly kid?”
“You are a silly kid!” Shi Qingxuan playfully replied, “Only a silly kid would ask other people why he was called a silly kid, right? Why did silly kid cry just now? Other people did not cry!”
Xu Ziling’s heart was swept away, he could not help answering a question with a question, “You started blowing such a sorrowful melody, didn’t you want us to cry? Actually, Qingxuan was weeping as well; the sound of the flute was your sparkling and translucent teardrop.”
Shi Qingxuan’s beautiful eyes suddenly became endlessly deep, covered in pained and bewildered expression; she spoke softly, “Will Xu Ziling wipe my tears?”
Severely shaken, Xu Ziling said, “Wipe your tears?”
Shi Qingxuan’s gaze returned to the night sky, she spoke softly, “Qingxuan has not seen that kind of emotion in the house for a very long time, the harm you inflicted upon me was not shallow.”
Xu Ziling’s heart and spirit were shaken, some kind of strange mood was intensely pulling him; he lost count how many times she called him a silly kid, was it really like Shi Zhixuan said, he was a big fool who did not understand her feeling?
Shi Qingxuan let out a shallow sigh, she said, “You are a hateful silly kid. Last time you slipped away without saying anything, implicating me that for several days I did not dare to leave the valley to pick medicinal herbs. Were it not for Shi Feixuan coming to see me, I would think that you formed companionships and left with her, that you were unable to spare time to come to the small valley to give Qingxuan the opportunity to thank you.”
Xu Ziling was shaken, “Qingxuan!” he said.
Shi Qingxuan looked at him again. Her pretty eyes looking deep into his, she spoke gently, “Now it does not matter anymore! Xu Ziling finally came, although it was on an errand for Shang Xiufang. You finally came; you even cried.”
Xu Ziling had a thousand of words and ten thousand speeches, but did not know which sentence could properly express the wonderful feeling at the bottom of his heart. A burst of warmth, which was more intense than any other times, occupied his whole heart and his whole spirit.
By this moment the moon already moved behind the mountain range, to a place that they could no longer see, the forest and the house in the deep valley was fading out in the dark, the water of the stream no longer flickered in the gleaming reflection of the moonlight on the waves, only the whole sky, a multitude of stars, and the vast, deep night sky behind the stars – remained. In the world, apart from their two leaping hearts, there was no other human affairs.