IVAN'S POV
What have I done to my mate, I am a monster? I needed her to hate me, so it would be easier for me
when I marry. Instead, I made it worse by hurting her. I will never be able to forgive myself for what I
have done to her. I know that she pushed and pushed until I reacted. She just wouldn't stop. I wanted
to make her pay for ruining everything. I could have controlled my wolf, but instead I wanted to hurt her.
She felt pain, so I left him to take control and take what he wanted, knowing I wanted the same thing.
I wanted to punish her for defining me. I'm so angry I never wanted her in the first place. Why did she
have to come along? I lied to her, and I told her that she was my third mate, knowing I've never had a
mate until now. I have given up all hope and then there she comes along, I hate her for it. I had a plan,
and she ruined it.
I can feel her pain because of what I have done, and it makes me feel even more rage. I want to
apologize for what I have done. I will not show her any sympathy. If I show her any kind of vulnerability
she will be able to take advantage of my weakness. I will not allow that to happen. I need to stay in
control and figure this out.
Damn it she is taking off I should have known that she would try to run, that is what she always does. I
hate that she is defining me once again. Hating that I now have to run after her, I make my way to the
door and shift to run after her. I don't know why she thinks she can escape me. When I see her at the
cliff I know she doesn't have the guts to jump. She is weak, a poor excuse of a wolf. I mind link her
telling her there is nowhere for her to go that I won't find her.
She then shifts into her human I think that she has given up but then she does the unthinkable and
jumps off the cliff. I try to reach her, but I am too late. She is gone. I stand over the cliff as I feel our
connection break. I drop to my knees, it feels as if my heart is being ripped from my chest. I feel all the
emotions at once as I realize that my beautiful mate has killed herself. What have I done, I broke her to
the point of her killing herself?
As I fill up with rage, wondering what kind of monster I am. I drove my own mate to kill herself. Knowing
that she deserved so much better than what I gave her. All I wanted was power. I did not care about
anything else. I was even willing to sacrifice my own mate to gain power. What kind of alpha does that
make me?
When I lost the connection with her, I knew there was no way of her surviving, I searched for her body,
but I never found her knowing it must have been washed away by the falls. She was unknown by most,
so there was no need to explain her disappearance. It was like she never existed. My brother was the
only other person who knew, as he was in the woods and saw everything that happened. He won't
speak to me or even look at me, for that matter. I don't blame him, I am a monster.
As the days passed since my mate is gone, my life has no meaning. I've been abandoning my alpha
duties. I know that I need to get control of myself. But I am somewhat lost, I don't know how to get it
back to who I was. I'm struggling with what all has happened. I want to forget about it, I just don't know
how.
I meet my bride to be today but all I feel is anger knowing that she is the cause of me losing my mate. It
is her felt the way I treated my mate. I should have told my parents the truth about meeting my mate,
instead I lied to gain control of two territories. Greed took over me, I deserve whatever pain comes my
way and I know this.
As I bury myself in Alpha duties that I have been putting on hold but now needs my action. My mind is
somewhere else,, but I'm trying to concentrate as much as I can. I know I need to stop this nonsense of
being weak and take back control of my life.
My Beta approached me even though he is my brother. He does his duties but doesn't show any kind
of emotion toward me, it is like he is a robot around me. "Sir your bride is here and is ready to meet
you, she is a firecracker, Sir."
"Thank you, Sam, I will be out, please lead her to the dining area and I will be right there."
I don't need to add on more stress that I'm already under, damn it. Why this today I want to avoid
dealing with her. I have so much work that needs to be done. I have no time to get everything that
needs to be done. Let alone entertain a little spoiled she wolf. That I need to marry to gain control of
her pack. Because of her father growing old he has a son, but he left to be the alpha of his mate's
pack. So now he wants a powerful wolf to take care of his pack.
I hear commotion out of my office Door I go to stand to look to see what is happening. That is when I
see her, my soon to be bride yelling at my Beta, walking towards me.
She looks at me, but she seems so baffled, "can we please talk right now? I did not want to wait. Can I,
please have some of your time."?
I motioned for her to come in, I prefer not to talk to her, but I don't have a choice. If she is going to be
my wife, I need to show her some kind of respect. The respect I should have shown my own mate, but
that is too late now.
"Look, Alpha Ivan, I do not want to marry you. My father is forcing me to, and it's not fair I shouldn't
have to, please don't go through with this marriage and try to come up with another way that doesn't
involve this. We deserve to find our true mates."
I look at her, surprised that my impression of her was totally wrong. "What do you expect me to do,
your father is a very determined man, and he wants this wedding to happen. There really isn't any other
way if you can find one, please tell me?"
"Why do we need to be married for you to be the Alpha of both packs, why can't you just become Alpha
without a wife?"
"If that happens, your father's bloodline will be no longer be in his pack."
"Our child would not be a true Alpha because we are not true mates. Our child would be a weak Alpha
that could get your pack killed."
"We will just have to figure that out with the time comes."
"No, I don't want to be your wife."
"Then come up with a plan for you to get yourself out of it."
"Fine, I will, I'm not staying here until need be, so I will be leaving."
"That's fine, do as you wish. I will have my Beta to stay with you so you 're protected."
As I call for my brother, I can see that he has an irritated expression on his face but following his Beta
role. "Please stay with her for protection while she is out."
"Fine."
As I watched them leave, I'm relieved not wanting to be bothered, hoping she can find a way out of this
marriage, so I never have to be bothered by her ever again. I can't find it in myself to care, to even help
her figure out a way to make her happy. I don't care if she is happy, her happiness doesn't matter to
me.
I'm lost in my grief over losing a mate that I never showed any kind of affection towards, hating myself
for it. Wondering how life would have been if I just accepted her and let her take her rightful spot as my
wife and Luna to my pack. As days have passed without my soon to be bride being present, I'm able to
get Much needed work finished. I have been avoiding unnecessary connection with anybody. Knowing I
need to be able To at least for pretend that everything is ok.
I get a big surprised when my thoughts get interrupted by my mother I hate that she is here, shocked
that she just showed up unannounced she is able to see through all my bullshit. "Hello Ivan, I have
been trying to contact you, but you have not answered. So, I decide to come and visit."
"I'm sorry, mother, I have been busy with my pack duties."
"Ivan, what is going on with you, something just doesn't seem right you can talk to me."
As much as I want to tell her everything that has happened I can't, I don't want my own mother to be
disappointed in me. When I'm already disappointed enough in myself. I press a fake smile on
"everything is great there is nothing for you to worry about."
"Ivan, I know that you're not telling me something but when you're ready to talk about it just no I'm
here."
My father cuts my mother off "There is my son working hard where is your soon to be bride. I heard she
arrived, I haven't seen her."
"She had things to take care of, I sent Sam with her to watch over her to keep her safe."
"I hear she is a beauty I'm so proud of you, my boy you will soon be an Aphal of one of the biggest
packs in the world."
I look at him with shameful eyes, knowing what it cost me, knowing now that it wasn't worth losing my
mate. "Yes, for a sacrifice that should have been more important to me. I just left it to die to take power
that I didn't need because I was already strong enough."
My parents look at me, confused. "Son, what are you talking about?" My mother asked.
I'm too ashamed to tell her the truth I just ignore her as I look out the window I see Sam and my bride
coming to the house I think prefect timing, I tell myself. "Here comes my bride, now you will be able to
meet her, it seems that they are back."
As my family walks down, my brother looks surprised. I look at them and say, "look who came to meet
you." Fuck I don't even know her name I don't know what to say, I freeze.
She smiles "hi I'm Jenny it's a pleasure to meet you Ivan has told me so much about you."
I put a fake smile on, like we are just a fucking happy rearranged couple. Like we have known each
other and were met to be together. Looking at my mother, I know that she isn't so easy to convinced.
My father on the other hand is blinded by the lies and is so easy to fooled.
"It is a pleasure to meet you my love" my father reaches out for her hand and kisses her hand.
She laughs, "No the pleasure is all mine."
I am not amused. I look at all of them smiling, it's making me sick. "Well, I need to get back to work if
you want to continue. That is fine, but I need to get to work."
My mother puts her hand out to mine, "Ivan, can't your work wait until later."
"No, it can't. I'm sorry I have to go but don't let me spoil your good time. Enjoy yourselves."
I smile and walk away, not wanting to be a part of them meeting her or getting to know her. I just want
all of this to go away, but I feel like it's a never ending game that will continue having to play until
they're just isn't anymore to play with. I get to my office, feeling relieved that I'm finally alone.
As the days go by, I don't speak to anyone and I continue burying myself into my work trying to get
what all needs to be settled before the wedding. So, both packs will be satisfied without anyone getting
more than the other, so they are all treated fairly. It is crazy how far they look into detail with these
things.
The door to my office swings open. I get angry before I can react. Jenny barges in and says, "I got it. I
came up with a plan. I mean, it's a long shot, but I think it might work.
I feel intrigued, "okay so let's hear your plan."
"I am going to plan my own death."
"That won't work if I allow anything to happen to you, then there would be a war between packs."
"That's why it's not going to happen under you. I will plan it around my protection, so I won't endanger
anyone."
"Do as you please, but don't get caught by your father and I will not have any involvement."
"That's fine I don't need your help I will be able to do it on my own goodbye I am going home for now
you won't see me again thank you."
"Good luck proving your death, it will not be easy to make it believable."
"Maybe so, but it's worth a shot of freedom."
I have no idea how she is going to do it but I hope she does. I don't want her. I would rather just be
alone. I would be a better Alpha with no distractions, even if he chooses not to combine packs. My
pack will still be the stronger pack, he won't dare try to attack, his pack would no longer exist.
As the days are passing I haven't heard from Jenny, I decide to contact her father. Knowing if I don't
reach out, it would look like I don't care. I call him and he says she is out with friends and that she
should be back in a couple of days. Knowing that she isn't going to be back, that she is already gone.
I decided to go for a run to clear my head, needing to get out of my office. Once I leave my house I shift
and begin to run as fast as I can feel my lungs burning. Knowing I haven't run in some time and feeling
out of shape. I then see the dreadful spot where my mate decided to take her own life. As I approach
the top of wicked falls.
As I'm looking over the falls in the breeze, there is a smell that makes my heart sink. It smells like
vanilla with a hint of cinnamon, a smell I run towards the scent knowing it can't be. She can't be alive, I
felt the bond broken. Could it really be her? I run with everything in Me, I need it to be her.
As I see her wolf I am shocked, I shift, "Lilly is that really you?"
She says nothing when she shifts, I can't help but to let a growl out not liking that she is exposed for all
to see. She runs over to me and connects her lips to mine. I can feel the excitement she has over her
entire body. I know what she wants, surprised by her actions it's almost like she is in heat, and she has
no control.
She pushes me to the ground and puts her naked body on top of mine, knowing my cock is already
hard and ready for her. As she positions herself, I can feel that her pussy is gushing for me as I can feel
her wetness on me, I can't help but pre-cum when she grabs my cock and sees mine cum she puts my
cock in her mouth to lick it off. Feeling her lips around my cock I wanted to cum all over her face, but I
held back, wanting her to pleasure herself with my cock.
When she inserts my cock into her tight pussy, I feel pleasure that I have never felt before. As she
fucks me, I grip on to her breast squeezing her perfectly shaped nipples as I make them hard. As she
fucks me faster, I know that she is about to cum. I can feel her pussy juices around my cock like it's
drowning it as she has her orgasm before she goes to stop. I grip on to her hip and force her to give me
more. She has no objection as I am making her body shiver in more pleasure. I can feel her pussy
tightening up once again as she has another orgasm. I then cum in her already juiced filled pussy. I let
go of her, and she collapsed on top of me.
When she gets up, I can see the regret in her eyes which makes me sad. I am her mate, and she is
mine, but she wants nothing to do with me because I am a monster. She wants me to let her go, to let
her be free and do as she, please. She doesn't want my protection, she wants nothing to do with me
which makes me angry. I agree to let her go for now, but I will not promise to stay away forever, she will
be mine.
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