Chapter 274 - Monster
[A/N: I said in the previous chap that there are 1-2 more chaps for the Gavrael arc, but I changed my mind. So from this chapter onward, we are back to the present.]
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Back to the present…
Gavrael clenched his fists tight as he stared at the portal. He knew he could not go back to the Under Lands anymore. This was one of the prices that he had to pay when he had managed to leave the lands of the dark faes without having the set side effects of losing his memories and magic. However, there is always a negative to a positive. There is always a give and take. Since he had taken the benefit of keeping his memories and magic, he had to give up something – and that was to never be able to return to his birthland. He looked on at the portal in silence, but his stormy eyes belied the calmness that was shown on the outside.
After a long while staring and standing there, he managed to calm down a little from the rage churning inside of him. Gavrael then felt like wanting to go back even just for a while. It was an irony as he could not wait to leave that place previously and never wanted to return. However, now here he was wanting to go back even for just a while. He wanted to speak with his father and hug his mother. Because right now, he could feel his heart darkening. He was losing himself to this intense desire within him to do everything evil.
The rage and sufferings he had to endure all these while had hardened and darkened his heart completely. And he had somehow developed the desire to destroy the world. He had this intense thirst of wanting to shed blood and paint this land red. He knew this was the result of his sufferings for so long. He had hated everything, always wondering why he was being tortured. Why did the world had to take her away from him, too? How could she have broken her promise and married someone else? Why was he not able to find her for such a long time?
And now that he had finally found her, she could no longer remember him. Worse off is, she even feared him like he was some kind of monster. It was as if they had returned to that time, long ago, when he had first abducted her. The only difference now was that Gavrael believed he has actually turned into a real monster now. Since that night he woke up inside that dungeon and then found out that Evie had been married off to someone else, something vital within him just shrivelled up and died.
When he seized Kirzan, he had swept in and killed mercilessly. He shed blood without batting an eye and there was not a single twinge of regret that surfaced within him. In fact, he found himself enjoying the battles, especially the killings as if these deeds were something that could fulfil that void within him, and he could not stop himself. He had turned into a monster, and he knew it.
In fact, he had to leave Evie immediately when he felt his darkness pulsating within him, threatening to surge and overpower his rational self. This was all due to his rage as he was afraid that he would really have harmed her. His power, his dark magic had become so strong. It had grown to a point even stronger than that he could handle, and he was afraid of losing whatever little shred of control he already had. He did not actually mind at all. He did not care if he lost control. Just as long as Evie was not there to be accidentally caught up in the maelstrom.
Because despite everything, even though he had turned into a monster now, he was still that fool who was… no, is still madly in love with her and everything about her. He was still that chump who wanted no one else but her and would do anything to get her and keep her, no matter how he suffers or no matter what the method used.
Retracting his hand from against the wall, Gavrael's eyes blazed intensely before he disappeared. It was nearly dawn when he finally reappeared in his room back in Kirzan, where he had left Evie.
She was still there, curled up on his bed, hugging herself as though trying to keep herself warm.
Gavrael took off his robes and then approached the bed.
He sat quietly next to her, looking down at her sleeping face. He could not help but feel his heart ache with such longing for this person. She looked so lonely and sad. As his eyes trailed over her, he noticed that her eyelashes were damp and clumped up together, Gavrael's gaze sharpened, and his jaws worked.
"Forgive me, Evie…" he whispered, "but this monster can never let you go. Even if you are in love with someone else now, he doesn't care…" he finished the rest of his thoughts silently. 'he just needs you here with him. If not, he might be as good as dead…'
His eyes gleamed with intense emotions. "Now that I have finally found you, I will never let you go even if you beg me, even if you hate me – not that you don't already." He said helplessly and he laid next to her, pulling her into his embrace.
Closing his eyes, Gavrael finally felt his body relaxed. He could not remember when the last time was that he was actually able to rest like this. It seems, she is the only one who could soothe him. The storm of darkness within him calmed and the turmoil quietened. As long as he could remember, he only felt such relief when he was on his killing spree, but it did not surprise him anymore that she could relieve him so effortlessly like this and on such an incredible degree as well.
That night, that was the first time ever that Gavrael managed to fall asleep since his torment started.