Chapter 512: Memories (III)
Gideon could not stop himself from trembling. He truly did not want to believe what he had just witnessed from the recollection of the memory. No! There was no way… She had died all because… all for the sake of saving him. Him… the monster that should just disappear from this world.
He fell on his knees, pulling at his hair and screamed as though his heart was breaking, wanting to tear himself apart. He did not know… he had absolutely no idea that she had died to save him. She had sacrificed her precious life in exchange for his wretched one. "Why?! Leah!!! Tell me why??!" he cried out despite already knowing the answer.
And despite his extreme agony, the memories continued flashing, running through his mind with no breaks. Mercilessly, they bombarded his already overwhelmed senses. As if it was still not enough that he was once again mourning the loss of Leah's life. Such a waste – exchanging her life for his, in his opinion.
It was then that he had noticed something. Her soul had appeared next to him when he was still in the middle of his grief. She was shining brightly, glowing like a delicate angel of the light. She saw her hugging his unconscious body, lying next to him on the ground, wrapping her arms around him. That continued until he woke up.
She had followed him, clinging continuously to him, the entire time as he looked for her even until he jumped into the abyss to find her. Only now he knew that she had been beside him the whole time.
And when he had gone into hiding and secluded himself in his self-made prison, she had stayed on beside him as well. The whole time, she did not take a step away from him not left him alone when he was in mourning. He could see her embracing him while he was there, just slumped on the floor like a living dead. It was as if she was afraid that if she were to let go, he would just crumble and break apart.
She never left him. Not even for a while. She just hugged him tightly in silence, as though she was planning to cling to him like that forever. She lay next to him when he stretched out on the bed, watching his face as he shut his eyes closed.
The sight of her acting like his guardian angel soothed Gideon's agony. He thought that she would finally leave him eventually. But contrary to his belief, she did not. She stayed on even after days had passed and had never left.
An extreme fear began to bloom within him again. Why was she doing this? What was she planning to do? The fact that she was still not leaving him at this point gave him a bad feeling. And she looked as though she had no plans to leave at all.
As the memories of theirs went by, with just him finally coming out from his hide out and her, following him everywhere he went in her soul form, Gideon who was now watching the memories felt his anger and fear continue rising. His emotions raged until he found himself begging her to go. To leave him. Even though he knew that this was the past and nothing he did now would be able to affect or change it, he still begged. He could not stand to see her wasting her time sticking beside him and following him everywhere.
But of course, she did not listen. Just like how he had not responded to her when she had tried to wake him up while sealing the abyss. She had just continued clinging onto him and never left. And it hurts him so bad when he saw her trying to soothe his pain when she was in that situation. When she was in that soul state. Why? Why does she always do this? What is the point of her suffering for him in silence, without him even knowing about it? How would that even benefit her at all?
"Silly girl…" He muttered bitterly. But he knew his words were only that – words. He did not mean it at all. It just hurts so bad. The guilt and everything else… they were just getting too much for him to bear. Again, he remembered the words she had whispered to him before she died. That she was never going to leave him behind. And he clenched his fist over his heart, wanting to rip that beating organ out of his chest cavity apart, into pieces until it stopped hurting. Because he felt that she was really not going to leave.
Why? Why did she do this? Was he going to watch her soul disappear into nothing as well?
But he did not beg for the memories to stop flashing in his mind anymore. He was going to watch it even if it breaks him.
He finally understood now. The reasons why he did not break down completely after losing her. The reason why he had not totally descended into utter madness. It was all thanks to his little warm ball of light. It was all because she did not let him succumb to it. She had singularly held onto him in silence. Giving everything that she had in her soul state to preserve him the best that she could.
Even though he never once thought that she was actually with him all those times, he had always felt that something was holding him from breaking apart completely. He had always thought that it was just fate that preserved him in order for him to carry out all his carefully thought out plans regarding the matter of the abyss. Never once had he thought that it was because of her all along. And it hurts right now. It hurts so bad he could almost die.
And now he was going to watch from the memories on how she would disappear completely. He knew about this, that souls who chose to stay will not last for long. Not only that. But because of the choice they made of passing onto the afterlife and deciding to remain behind in the realm of the living, there was always a penalty that would be served. They will disappear into nothing once the time limit for their soul's stay in the realm of the living has ended.
Announcement: Happy b-day to myself. Lol. XD
Alright, this is the real announcement. Just wanna tell you guys that my comic I Made a Deal with the Devil is finally out. You can read it now on tapas app for free. I hope you guys can support me by reading and subscribing there. It'd be a lovely bday present for me. ^^
P.s. please don't forget to subscribe, tap the ♡ button and comment when you get there. Thank you.
~ kazzen (01-09-22)