Chapter 274
Side Story: The Make-Believe Tragic Heroine
Editor(s): Joker, Speedphoenix
She wailed in sorrow .
“Why… Why did this have to happen?”
Her question was met with silence .
“Please… open your eyes… please…! I beg you!”
She grabbed the thing and shook it by the shoulders . But despite her protests, nothing changed . It—he—would remain forever still .
“Why did this have to happen!? Why!? Say something, Yuki! Please!”
Tears trailed down the sides of her face . She sobbed, as she clung onto his lifeless corpse and expressed every bit of the profound misery assaulting her soul .
“What is it that the two of you are doing?”
Only to be interrupted by a bystander .
“Playing pretend . ” I said, as I sat up .
“Pretending to be a tragic heroine!” said Illuna, at the same time .
“Can the two of you not engage in an activity that is more… normal?” The dragon girl’s dubious stare transformed into an exasperated sigh . “I see now that you are doing as described, but I fail to understand the role of all parties involved . ” Her eyes turned to Shii .
“I’m the friend watching over her while she cries!” said the slime .
“…You are smiling in quite the cheerful manner for one witnessing such a heart wrenching scene . ”
“That’s because I have to! If everyone else is sad, then I gotta be happy and help them cheer up!”
“I-I suppose…”
The look on Lefi’s face seemed to indicate that she had a thousand things to say, but she chose to back off in the face of the slime girl’s energetic, insistent response . Give it up, Lefi . Shii’s the biggest airhead around . You wouldn’t be able to get through to her even if you tried .
“You should join us!” said Illuna .
“I should do what?” asked Lefi, taken aback by the sudden suggestion .
“Join us! Let’s play make believe tragic heroine together!”
“Alrighty, let me make some quick changes to the script, and we can go for take two,” I said .
“Yay! Cheered Shii .
“I-I will have you know that I have not agreed to any of this…” Despite her protests, her complaints went unheard .
***
She wailed in sorrow .
“Why… Why did this have to happen?”
“I believe it was… woof woof . ”
Her question was met with silence .
“Please… open your eyes… please…! I beg you!”
“Uhm… bark!”
She grabbed the thing and shook it by the shoulders . But despite her protests, nothing changed . It—he—would remain forever still .
“Why did this have to happen!? Why!? Say something, Yuki! Please! Anything! I just want to hear your voice one more time…”
Tears trailed down the sides of her face . She sobbed, as she clung onto his lifeless corpse and expressed every bit of the profound misery assaulting her soul .
“Bark bark!” said Lefi, before finally getting off her hands and knees . “…I request an intermission . ”
“Something up?”
“Do not give me any of that! Is this not supposed to be the tale of a child confronted with despair? Why is it that the role I must play is one of a dog!?” The dragon girl, who had temporarily been converted to a canine through the use of a dog nose and matching ears, shouted in equal parts frustration, disbelief, and shame .
“I mean, the dude’s backstory is that he’s got a dog,” I said, in a matter-of-fact manner . “It just so happens that said dog happens to be a special kind of stupid . It’s so dumb that it’s managed not to realize that it’s owner is dead, so it’s barking at him ‘cause it wants to be fed . What’s not to understand?”
“I see no reason for his story to contain such detail!” Her face contorted with shock .
Heh . Jackpot . Jokes on you, Lefi . I only came up with this whole dumb scenario because I wanted to see that exact look on your face .
“Well I mean, we can switch it up a bit if you really aren’t feeling it . How about this, we can make the dog loyal, and it can mourn its owner’s death alongside the heroine . Alright?”
“…I would prefer not to . ” She sighed . “I apologize for mocking your game . You must allow me to take on a different role . ”
“Wow… talk about selfish,” I looked at the other two actors with an exaggerated shrug, as if to say I had no idea what to do with her . “Well girls, it looks like she’s trying to string us along . What do you say? Either of you mind swapping roles?”
“I want to be the doggy!” said Shii .
“If she’s changing, then I’m changing too,” said Illuna . “You can be the heroine, Lefi, and I’ll be the friend watching over you!”
“Looks like we’re all set,” I said . “Take three, let’s go!”
“I regret raising my voice… I should have refrained from questioning the game’s content,” said Lefi, in a whisper .
Yup . You totally brought this upon yourself .
***
She wailed in sorrow .
“Uhm… Err…” Lefi stumbled over her words for a few moments, but attempted (poorly) to cover it up by clearing her throat . “…Your death was pathetic and entirely in vain . But I do not find it undeserving . ”
Her question was met with a snort . Oh god . That line was so ridiculous it caught me totally off guard .
“…I am beginning to doubt my assessment of your condition,” said Lefi .
“Yeah, Yuki! Dead people aren’t supposed to snort!” said Illuna .
“Yeah!” agreed Shii .
“My bad, my bad . I just really wasn’t expecting her to say that,” I said .
After a few final spasms, the man’s corpse once again lay still . The girl placed a hand on the now truly deceased individual’s ice cold cheeks and slowly—gently—caressed it .
“Why has it come to this?” she said, tearfully . “All of your limbs have been removed, and your entrails have been wrenched apart and consumed . It was a miserable death, and one not of necessity…”
Again, the man snorted .
“You would do best to play your own role well before seeking to criticize others, Yuki,” said Lefi .
“You’re saying it like it’s my fault! How am I supposed to keep quiet with you just randomly adding stuff? And needlessly gory stuff, at that . ”
Like, all this is really starting to beg the question of how and why the man ended up dying to begin with .
“You have no right to claim my additions needless . It was you who fleshed out the dog’s past, was it not? I am fully aware that there was not a need for such a role to begin with!”
“That’s not true!” said Shii . “The doggy is very important!”
“That is a statement that you have only made as a result of your desire to wear the props associated with the role,” said Lefi .
“Oops! I was trying to keep that a secret!” giggled the slime, in an embarrassed manner .
Damn . She’s so cute her drill could probably pierce the heavens .
“Alright, you know what, clearly, our two roles are the problem,” I said . “So here’s how we’ll fix this . You can be the corpse boy, and I can be the sad girl . Capiche?”
“…I believe that to be an unfitting set of rules, but very well . ”
“Alright, fourth time’s the charm,” I said . “Ready, set, action!”
***
(S)he wailed in sorrow .
“Why… Why did this have to happen?”
“Bark, bark, sad bark…”
“Please… open your eyes… please…! I beg you!”
“Eep!?”
The girl let out a quiet, but audible squeal as a pair of hands suddenly made contact with the sides of her stomach .
“Wait, is it just me, or did she just move?” I looked around . “I’m pretty sure moving is the one thing corpses aren’t supposed to do . ”
“Do not blame me! The fault is yours!”
“You’re not supposed to move, Lefi . You’re dead!” said Illuna .
“Yup! Very dead!” repeated Shii .
“Ughhhhhh… . ”
The girl was distraught . Her complaints had been silenced by the hero(ine)’s friend and dog . But with no other choices remaining to her, she returned to being nothing but an inanimate corpse .
“I’m so sad,” I said in an intentionally unfitting, upbeat tone . “I can’t believe something like this happened to someone so important to me . ”
Despite her best attempts to remain silent, the girl began gasping in an almost sensual manner as the hero(ine) continued to fondle her body inappropriately with one hand while grabbing a nearby object and popping off its lid with another .
“I’m so, so sad I think I’m going to have to sharpie your face to help me get over it . ” The hero(ine) acted as (s)he spoke, and doodled all over the corpse’s face .
“Sh-sharpie!? Yuki!!” Her eyes shot open as she came back to life . “Were those not permanent!?” She sat straight up and began touching her face as she addressed the hero(ine) .
“Wow, I’m surprised you actually remembered . Yup, you’re right . They’re totally permanent, and won’t come off even if you wash ‘em . ”
“You imbecile! Why would you use such a thing on my face!? And why are your senseless scribbles all over it!? How am I supposed to see this removed!?”
“Don’t worry, Lefi, I’ve long decided to love you forever, no matter what how you end up looking any number of years down the line . ”
“I will not allow myself to be fooled by your sweet whispers!”
And so, the girl began squabbling with the hero(ine) . Seeing this, her friend and her dog exchanged glances .
“I don’t really think this tragic heroine game is going to work anymore…” said Illuna .
“Me neither . Let’s go outside instead!” said Shii .
“Good idea! Let’s go!”
And so, the girl’s friend and dog moved on and sought greener pastures in which to entertain themselves .