Chapter 186 Selfish desire
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Dark, ominous clouds seemed to have quickly gathered in Alex's eyes as soon as he heard the words that came out of Abi's mouth. The atmosphere became frozen cold, as if the ice king had finally awakened from its long slumber.
His eyes dilated as his dark orbs turned even darker, so dark that Abi couldn't decipher anything anymore in those eyes of his. Abi felt goosebumps crawl up her arms and her neck and she shivered subconsciously. His coldness normally didn't get to her but at that moment, she felt the chill he was emanating seep into her heart, along with the feeling of intense agony at what she had to do.
"I'm sorry…" she uttered once again. Her heart felt like it was being cut into a million pieces. Abi didn't know that heartbreak felt like this. Now that Alex was standing right before her, the pain had become even more unbearable.
She had read it in many novels that love wasn't all sunshine and rainbows, that if you love, you should be ready to get hurt. When she read those novels, she realised that every love story was a tragedy and that love and pain were both sides of the same coin. She thought that these were all true because her dad was a prime example of having felt the deepest love and in turn, the deepest sorrow.
Her father loved her mother so much that he suffered so much pain and she knew that even until this day, he still felt it whenever he is reminded of her. She saw, in his eyes, the loneliness, the longing and the sadness at being parted from the woman he loved. She saw it in the way he would look at her photo and gaze into the distance with unseeing eyes. She saw the torment he went through every single day of his life.
But it appeared that she didn't really understand the extent of pain that resulted from loving someone, until that very moment. She underestimated the pain, the agony, and now she felt like these feelings were eating her alive.
This made Abi think about her dad. If breaking up with someone you adored and loved so much felt like this, how much more would it be to lose that person forever?
She tried putting herself in her father's shoes and thought that she couldn't probably survive such pain. Thinking about it made Abi shiver in fear deep within her. When she looked at Alex, she only thought about one thing – that this man, her beautiful jellyfish, her Alex, didn't deserve such pain.
This pain she felt right now, Abi thought she could handle it, as long as Alex didn't suffer with her. Her selfishness should end here, tonight.
Abi lifted her hands and removed the necklace. She stared at the emerald ring in her hand and her fingers trembled a little. She remembered how happy she was last night. That moment when he put the ring on her finger was so magical and she would never forget it until her very last breath. She thought that that precious moment would be enough to carry her through. She should be content now because she really was so lucky to have experienced something like that, so lucky that Alex had given so many memories for her to look back on until her last breath. She knew she was still the luckiest girl alive right now, for meeting this man.
With an intensely heavy heart, Abi held his hand and slowly lifted it up. She put the ring in his palm before she looked into his eyes.
"I'm sorry… I finally realized that I am asking for too much. I've been so selfish since the day I met you. I guess, you've pampered me so much I became so lost in my beautiful delusions to the point that I was even prepared to treat marriage as something I could go through just because I wished to. That was just my selfish desires. I'm sorry for being so selfish since the beginning. And I'm so sorry for being selfish again and wanting to quit now," she said as she slowly retracted her hand.
And then, she smiled at him, the saddest smile she ever made. "I'm so sorry. Thank you for everything." Her voice cracked. "Goodbye, Alex." I love you so much… and I will keep on loving you forever…
After those words left her mouth, Abi turned away, opened the door and ran outside, leaving Alex frozen as his eyes just stared at the now closed door.
Abi's tears finally burst as soon as she stepped out of the door. Her eyes were clouded as she dashed out that she didn't see Zeke walking towards the door.
The tears were like water gushing out of a broken dam, nearly impossible for her to stop.
She bumped into Zeke and the man held her by her shoulders, steadying her.
He looked at Abi's tortured expression along with the tears flowing out of her eyes and his grip on her slightly tightened.
Abi pulled away from him and ran towards the road.
Zeke looked at the closed door like he was waiting for someone to come out. But when no one came out, Zeke sighed and his gaze immediately fell on Kai who was looking worried to death as he looked at Abi's disappearing silhouette.
"Kai, go follow her. Bring her home and make sure to watch over her," Zeke ordered and Kai glared at him.
"This… this is all your fault, right? Are you happy now, seeing Abigail breakdown like that?" Kai told him and Zeke quickly moved closer to him, grabbed his shoulder and leaned in on him.
"You will understand everything when the time comes. Everything I do and everything I have done has been for one purpose, so stop blabbering and just do what I say," he said with his authoritative voice and Kai could only press his lips tight in hard line as he clenched his fists into tight balls before he ran towards his car and chased after Abi.