Just this realization seemed to have some kind of a power that threatened to bend her to its will, so that it could have its way and leave behind a broken, dead husk of the person she had once been.
Desperation drove her to try all the means available to her to try and break that wall. She knew that salvation was somehow behind it, but try as she might, she couldn't find any way to even interact with it. It was inside her mind, and it looked as if she couldn't approach it in any way.
Helplessness. Fear. Pain.
As she almost began to shake due to being wracked by many emotions, she felt something that distracted her.
Looking down, Cassandra saw the two tiny hands that were hugging her thigh from behind.
To her left, she saw a wrinkled hand that had all the warmth in the world. It was her mother's, and she had always vowed when she was little that she would never let her mother wash any more clothes, so that her hands wouldn't always be so wrinkled and rough.
To her right was her father, whose hand had multiple scars and burn marks. As a blacksmith, he had always been someone who never stepped back even if his hand was burning if it meant that the weapon he was making could be made perfectly. He did everything for the betterment of his family, and for them, no amount of pain was too much.
They gave her the strength she needed.
A moment of clarity appeared to her, which made her understand that the solution might lie elsewhere.
So, looking down, Cassandra saw her own hands, and let her mind drift in pursuit of the answer.
They were smooth, as she seldom had to use them while being a Mage.
Also, as a Commander, she had gotten used to ordering people around for almost everything. Although her desire for revenge still kept her going and made her train as hard as she could, it had almost become like something secondary.
With time, that fire inside her had begun to wane.
First of all, even though her talent had allowed her to become a Commander, the resources and techniques available to her had only allowed her to grow slowly, and she had been fine with it by telling herself that it was the same for everyone else, too.
Secondly, as the joy that came from ordering around cadets and seeing them thrive under her instruction increased, that fire decreased even more, even though she frequently thought about this incident almost every day.
And finally, the oath that she had always been bound with by the previous King of Lanthanor had made her want to give up on her lofty objective and just focus on saving as many soldiers as she could, as all of those guys had started to become her family.
Had it all been wrong?
Should she have become a crazed machine of revenge who wouldn't stop at anything to get what she wanted?
The answer seemed to be 'yes' right now, as, in this situation, she was powerless to do anything.
She didn't want to see them die again.
In a way, she didn't even need to, as the images of these two people whom she always cursed had already been enough to jog her memory, allowing those images that she had buried deep, deep inside her heart to resurface.
A normal night, with a gentle breeze blowing outside the window.
Her father came home as usual, and even brought her and her brother a few candy sticks that he had been given as an extra reward for fixing the barrow stake of the candy seller.
Her mother had made a generous dinner for them to enjoy, and the happy family had sat down to share food and create happy memories.
All that, though…had been broken by the sound of glass shattering.
They hadn't been very well off, so they hadn't really invested in protection against those seeking to come inside through the window. The door had a padlock, but it was useless now as the sound of someone falling to the ground, cursing, and getting up was clearly heard.
"Get out of here with the kids. I'll stop him."
"This is not bravado, Nisi. They are here to kill. The best thing to do is compromise for now, and then strike later when we have the advantage of numbers."
As her mother said this, her father sighed and said, "All right. Whatever happens, I'll never regret any moment that I've spend with you."
"And you."
This was something that her parents had always said, but Cassandra hadn't understood its meaning until that day.
When the dark-robed individual had come to the living room of their small two-bedroom house, her father and mother didn't even have time to react.
They had just shared a hug, causing small smiles to appear on all of their faces.
And so, when Cassandra saw her mother and father's head fall to floor and roll, they both had a smile on them, as if they were ecstatic about being in their current situation, when they clearly were not.
It had taken for a few seconds until Cassandra saw the spurting geysers of blood and the motionless bodies that fell forward, onto the table on which they had shared their supper.
"I always tell you to use a variable spell. See, now you only killed two of them, and you'll have to cast another windblade to kill those kids. If you had used a variable one, though, your wind blade would have moved down to kill the children, then back up."
Saying so, another similarly dressed man appeared beside the first one, and shot out some kind of attack that looked like wind that had been solidified into a blade form.
Instead of before, when it had traveled in a straight line, this one dipped low and headed straight to her little brother, who had been completely shellshocked since this whole ordeal had begun.
'Snip'
Just like that, he was gone, too.
Cassandra's life had shattered in front of her life. At that moment of time, she had seen no future except the same one for her- one of blood, and motionlessness.
However, when the same windblade was about to swerve up a bit and behead her, too, the new man stopped the first one by catching his hand.
"Look at her. She'll do. We still have 30 minutes until the siege. The squad leader asked us to stay put and be quiet. We can simply handle the second one with magic."
Cassandra had been 14 years old at that point.
So, she easily understood what the men were discussing.
It had looked like fate had had a much darker path ahead of her instead of shoving her into complete darkness directly, so Cassandra had almost broken down then and there and given up her life.
It was her father's words which had stopped her.
As a blacksmith, he had always said that unless tempered properly, a blade would never withstand an opponent's blow.
And if the tempering was wrong…then it was better to just break the blade, and make a new one which did not have the flaws of the previous.
She had been broken.
But she did not want to be remade in death or torture to become someone mindless who remembered nothing of her family.
Anger and dissatisfaction filled her. Along with a willingness to do something, anything for revenge.
Until then, she had been a simple, hardworking girl who helped her family in every way she could and dreamed simple dreams of getting a good job and taking care of her parents' difficulties.
Her best friends had always called her as someone spontaneous, as she, herself, didn't know how she would react in a situation. They had always used to play pranks to test that and laugh, as she was someone who lived in the moment and decided her next course of action using pure instinct instead of going by logic.
Of course, they also called her crazy due to her perseverance which allowed her to do anything and everything in case she wanted to achieve something. Once, she was known to have 'studied' a guy who had bullied her brother for 3 days before striking and taking revenge. Her family was her life, and she would also never accept anyone saying anything wrong about them
This fierce loyalty and love was the one that had led to her decision then.
They had been eating with knives, too, so she had carefully snuck one to a spot that she expected that no man who was going to do that to her would touch.
It was into her hair, whose red flowing locks had been the envy of all the girls in their street.
It had been difficult. But she persevered while remembering how they had looked after losing their heads. That terrifying image shocked her so much that she became hyper-alert, which had been a bad thing as she had had to let the man begin his activity.
She had lain there, while pain wracked her body, waiting for the perfect opportunity.
Finally, at the perfect moment…she had buried the knife into his throat.
In his throes, he had only been capable of falling to the side while his eyes had rolled back to show their whites.
She had known that she didn't have time. So she hid behind the door and made a loud noise.
The other man had come up, but her plan had been dashed as she hadn't accounted for the smell of feces that also emanated from the dead man.
The other man smelled it, and entered cautiously.
He had seen her, and she had thought that all was lost, as he began to throw an attack.
However…at the last moment, he had tripped on the puddle of blood from his partner.
The problem was that he had already shot a wind blade toward her.
All seemed to have been lost.
Yet, in the time of crisis, she remembered what other guy had said.
"Variable Spell"
Ducking, she saw the blade pass after cutting a few hairs of hers, as the man had automatically cast the spell he was used to.
By the time it impacted against the wall, the knife had been driven into this guy's neck, too.
Later, the news came out that a small invasion by Axelorians had been thwarted by the then Grand Court Mage, an enigmatic old man who loved to watch people do mundane things.
At the same time, she also became famous as the one who single-handedly killed two Axelorians.
Since that night, no man had ever shared her bed. And no one ever found out the real truth about what had happened.
Even Aran, Kellor and Luther only knew that she had been witness to her parents' deaths. What she had done, though…had been locked away in the ball inside her mind that yearned for revenge.
She had been lauded and given a full scholarship in the Academy. And she had clawed her way to the top after finding out how she had lucked out regarding her Comprehension level.
All to grow stronger and take revenge on the man who had deployed the invasion in the first place: a commander in Axelor.
Years had passed, and she had later found out that that commander had been killed in war.
She had felt desperate. Directionless. At that point, she hadn't even become a Commander and found joy in training others.
So she had shifted that blame to the King of Axelor.
And when he died, too, Cassandra had just told herself that she would fight to end such oppressive people all over the world.
Whatever she did, though, she never gave up on the idea of revenge, as she had always felt that that was the last part of her family that was still with her.
If she let it go, she would no longer be the 'Cassie' of Edgewater.
But…was that really true?
Cassandra looked up. The two men were reaching ever closer, and the pressure she felt from the three hands grew.
She had gone into the past with the hope of fighting strength.
In that desperation, she had just been wishing that she would find some way to break that wall inside her mind.
She seemed to have been successful, but it was in a way she could never have imagined.
She took another last moment to think about it. And when she did, she realized that this had been staring at her for years, and she had never faced it and seen it for what it was as she had always been too busy running forward to pause and look back.
So, without any more hesitation…she stepped forward, and closed her eyes.
The feeling of those hands leaving her body was heartbreaking, and it almost drove her mad with sorrow.
But she knew that she had no other choice.
She couldn't change anything that had happened.
And she couldn't cling on to it, like she had been doing all this while.
She knew this to be true, yet she didn't understand one thing.
Why did it have to hurt so much?
This was the single hardest thing Cassandra had ever done in her life.
Her fiery nature had always been there due to this resentment. And she had always been the one who leaped into battle first, as she hated inaction and weakness.
But that was exactly what she was being now.
Just the act of not doing anything took so much out of her that she came close to breaking.
She imagined her family looking at her back with pain and disappointment in their faces. She imagined the two Axelorians walking forward and slaughtering them, all while she just stood there, just like the first time.
As the seconds ticked and this reality came closer and closer, Cassandra understood that she might not get past this.
Yes, she might have chosen the correct thing by letting go.
But reliving it would still break her.
However…she didn't care.
For too long, she had been choosing the wrong thing so that she would be fine.
Now…she was ready to choose right even if she killed her.
Since that night, she had hidden away her true nature. That of that little girl who could do anything to get what she wanted.
She would do so no longer.
That was her, and now, she wanted to make this choice even if it meant death, or worse.
But…even after a few minutes, none of what she imagined happened.
There were no screams, and no blood being shed.
Slowly, she opened her eyes, and as she did so, she felt the wall inside her mind disappear.
In front of her stood her family, and they were all beaming at her.
T-They were normal!
Cassandra didn't understand, but she jumped forward and hugged them all desperately anyway.
As her tears dripped down her cheeks continuously, the three of them patted her back and spoke.
"You had to let go, Cass. But as you're the stubborn girl we raised you to be, you never did."
"Yes, silly sis. We're fine. You should take care of yourself, too."
"Cassie dear, we will always be with you. Whether you want us to, or not. We will always be a part of you. How could you be so silly to think that we would leave?"
She nodded profusely, as if she was being told off for eating all the honey meant for a week back when they still used to live in the village.
With the wall gone, clarity also returned to her. She knew that this was an illusion, and that it would soon end.
So she just wanted to spend a little bit of time in their embrace, which was something that had been taken away from her all too soon.
"Be who you are, Cass."
"Be the Cassandra that will bring glory and honor to our name."
"Be the big sister I can brag about."
Her mother, father and then her brother spoke in turn, and as she felt them fading away from her hands, she heard one last message from all of them.
"The brighter you shine, the more we will be able to see you. We miss you. We love you. And we will always be proud of you, no matter what choices you make. But, for now, we must say goodbye. But don't worry, Cass, because like we said, we will always be with you when you need us. Just think back to that day when the autumn leaves were drifting over the broken, wooden planks. And when they drifted down to land on you…"
"You found me, and took me the home that became ours."
BOOM!
Faxul and Kellor had been carefully watching Cassandra's room for any movements, so when they saw an explosion wipe away the communication eye and all the formations set around the room, they got up with shock and gaped at the empty screen.
When they looked past it, though, they saw a sight they would never forget.
A woman wearing tight-fitting leather was floating in the air, while a blazing white-hot aura surrounded her body, melting the stone around her.
Even her red hair was ablaze, and it was now a striking crimson.
While her eyes also glowed brightly like two burning flames in the darkness, she calmly floated forward, breaking apart all the formations laid down in her path with ease.
"K-Kellor…aren't those formations at the Champion level?"
"Yes…"
"Then how is she breaking through them even though she could only have become a Warrior?"
Faxul only received a mumble as an answer, which he didn't understand, so he turned around to find Kellor even more gobsmacked from him.
He seemed to be mumbling something under his breath though, so Faxul was about to ask the man to repeat himself.
However, before he did, Kellor violently turned to the side and grabbed Faxul's shoulders before shouting, "CALL THE KING! He told us to call him if there's an emergency or if something happens out of the ordinary, AND THIS IS NOT ORDINARY BY ANY MEANS! CALL HIM!"