There wasn't much after that. The system upgrade was a highlight that he still cherished, but after that, all of the battles they had won against the Bishop felt… hollow.
It felt as if he had come back to the present all too soon, but Daneel saw no reason behind going back, again. By now, the sobs had stopped, and he had already assumed a meditative position with the droplets and marbles floating in front of him.
He continued the analysis blindly, but the main question he had was regarding just what he was trying to find in all these memories. He had gone through happiness, pain, loss, and anger. Only a few years had passed, and he had wanted to do so much more… but he once again shied away from the thought, and tried to look for a clue.
It came in fits and bursts, as he saw the hints arrayed all over everything he had just gone through. He had to go back, multiple times, to moments that might seem insignificant in the long run, but slowly, he began to see what was wrong.
When he finally got the answer… it made him open his eyes, and chuckle.
'Pride. The answer is pride. Ever since that first plan of mine succeeded, there has been an underlying pride within me that never left me, no matter what I went through. Through every defeat, it sustained me. Through every loss, it supported me. Through every victory, it grew stronger, until… it became a rock within me that I could stick everything on. It became my very personality! It was the confidence that accompanied every one of my plans. It was the headstrong attitude with which I dealt with many of the problems. It was the mindset that made me think out of the box as I knew that I only needed time to find a way through… but where is it now? Where is it when I need it most? It even looks like all of my story so far is about how it propelled me to where I am…but where the f*ck did it go, now?!'
The answer hit him like a truck.
'It's… gone. It shattered when I saw the future of Angaria, which will come to be no matter what I do. It left me, and now, all I am is an upjumped kid empowered by a system that is too good for him. The moment I saw that everything I've done over all this time was meaningless… it vanished. What am I, now, without it?'
His mind went blank with the realization. The answer had come when he had seen that if his emotional state was analyzed and compared between his first victory and now, it hadn't changed much. He had grown in power and wit, but he hadn't really matured from that little kid who had just loved it when he had been cheered by the people.
True, there was some improvement here and there, but overall, he did not really see enough to make him feel that he had grown. All of his victories had made it so that he didn't even see a reason for that to happen, and now, that oversight came back to haunt him at his lowest point.
He couldn't even form coherent thoughts, but slowly, he understood that he…regretted this. He regretted the fact that he had not looked within in this manner before itself, and if he had… things might have been different. He couldn't guarantee this, but the yearning for that chance… grew stronger and stronger, even though he knew that there would be none.
The emotions spilled over, making him stumble out of the room and into the empty city. He whirled around, staring all about, and suddenly, the gaping holes that were actually the doors and windows of all the remaining rooms transformed into the laughing mouths of all those he had defeated.
BOOM!
He began to attack them, flinging power left and right, reducing everything he saw to rubble. The formations that protected Elysium weren't strong enough to withstand his wrath. In merely a few seconds, all that remained was a pile of smoking stone, and in between it, Daneel collapsed to his knees, clutching his head that hurt so much that he felt like cutting it off and throwing it aside.
Frantically, he looked for a solution, no matter how cowardly it might be.
'Can I run away before Angaria gets destroyed?'
'Then no one would be present to protect Elysium and make sure that these fragments survive. Besides, the Saints… if what I heard from the assassins is true, they can detect the remnants of a continent even from far away. They'll know I'm alive… and they'll hunt me to the ends of the world.'
'Maybe I can manipulate the TriCobra sect into helping me?'
'I could run away to them… but still, everything here would be destroyed. Can I live with the guilt of having abandoned everything that I love? Not a chance.'
'What if I surrender to the Church, and make myself forget about Elysium?'
'If they're prepared to destroy Angaria, then they would not hesitate to kill me. The time for surrender is past… and after my previous stunt, I highly doubt that they would trust me again.'
One by one, solutions more hopeless than the last kept appearing in his mind, and he kept shooting them down.
'Why me? Why not someone else?'
When they stopped, thoughts like these that were both a waste of time and a statement to how worthless he felt came in their stead. Like a glass of water that was cracked at the bottom, they looked like they were here to satiate him… but all they did was leave him behind, empty.
Finally, he could only look around, stuttering like a fool. All he could think was that he had been so utterly defeated that he couldn't show his face to anyone. Like never before in all his years on Angaria, everything was lost… and he wasn't good enough to save the day.
In the back of his mind, he could tell that the way he had humiliated the Church must be one of the reasons, if not 'the' reason behind the destruction that was going to come. The Emperor had been cursed at and maligned for thousands of years because of bringing down that foe on their home…but at the end of the day, he had succeeded in saving many to fight again. In the precious few moments that the Angarians waiting for him had left, how much more would they cure him? Instead of doing what he had promised, he had made everything worse and had taken them all down a path of no return…and for what? A few short-lived moments of glory?
He saw his folly, now, and it made him laugh again. The laughter echoed through the halls of the city, magnifying and then being thrown back at him, and soon, it was as if the entire world was making fun of him.
He stopped, then, and bent down to let his forehead touch the ground.
'One chance. Just one chance… And I'll set it all right. Give me one chance… and I'll not waste it. Over all this time, I never asked for anything from the Heavens. I only used what I had in the best way I could. I think that once, I even subconsciously mocked those who could only pray for help instead of being able to do anything by themselves… but that is what I have fallen to. Is there any one out there that is listening?'
Only silence was his answer. And because the silence was so deafening, he began to laugh again to fill it up.
Only…a second after the laughter began, a voice suddenly interrupted him, and hearing it, Daneel fell on his back and stared.
"Tell me, Saviour… What will you do if I give you the chance?"