After one week, I am discharged from the hospital.
During the hospital stay, I pick out a name for my daughter:
Penelope.
It means love that never dies.
But I guess I'm the only one who knows why I give her that name.
Penelope has yet to be discharged from the hospital, but now she can take her bottle herself. That's
something!
The doctor gives her a checkup and tells me that if it goes well, Penelope will be transferred to the
general ward in two days.
Since I can't see Penelope except in visiting hours, my mother and I go back to our hometown together.
On Monday afternoon, we rush over to see her.
Three days later, Penelope is transferred to the general ward. And I stay in the hospital so that I can
take good care of her.
Seeing her increasingly round chubby cheeks, I feel extremely happy.
But my mother really worries about me.
"Jane, you've lost a lot of weight."
I know I'm thinner than I was during pregnancy.
After just having given birth to Penelope, I decide to take care of Penelope myself even without being
confined in a month. My mother wouldn't let me. If not for my tears and pleas, I wouldn't have been
allowed to stay by her side.
But I’m barely holding on.
When I look in the mirror, I'm even afraid to look at myself. I'm afraid that it might make me feel painful
to see how skinny I am.
But I must hold on. If I fall apart, what will happen to Penelope?
My mother finally manages to persuade me to rest in the bed next to Penelope's after I've taken care of
her for a whole day. For me, the happiest thing to do every day is to look at Penelope.
After half a month, Penelope has gained from 1.6 kilograms to 2 kilograms.
With the advice of the doctor in mind, I carefully bring Penelope home.
Penelope gets better day by day. It requires a lot of money to raise a child.
But I have no money.
So, all I can do is to get a job.
25 days after giving birth to Penelope, I go to the job market for job seeking, regardless of the fatigue.
I don't want to be a designer anymore.
As soon as I pick up the brush, I would think of my old life.
Frances would suddenly come to my mind and linger on.
I still have recurring flashbacks of the bygone days. That shot has brought me great pain, reminding me
that it was me who personally destroyed my love with a gun.
Every time I think about it, my heart aches so much that I feel suffocating.
I thought I could be away from Frances if I didn't think about him or ran away.
However, he suddenly shows up.
To be exact, he shows up with Hilda, Albie, and Earl.
They look like a family of four.
At this moment, I'm carrying a lunch box, squatting on the side of the road and eating my lunch. I look
like a real mess.
The job fair in the afternoon is about to start soon. I don't want to miss it.
A car stops in front of me.
Four people get out of the car and I can't take my eyes off them.
I don't dare to look at Frances. I'm staring at Earl.
It has been eight months since I last saw him. And he can walk by himself now.
He follows behind Albie and calls him "brother" with a lisp. How cute he is!
I can feel great joy and my strong love for him.
But Frances and Hilda stand in front of me. Their condescending looks embarrass me a lot.
But I don't want to go away because I can't bear to leave Earl.
"I heard that you've been out of prison. Look at you! Poor thing."
Frances’ cynicism hurts me a lot.
He used to hold me in his arms and promise to love me forever.
But now, he is holding someone else's hand and standing happily in front of me, which is a heavy blow
for me.
I look at the woman in the rearview mirror of the car. Although she wears light makeup, her black eyes
and haggard face cannot be concealed. The protruding cheekbones caused by rapid weight losing
make her look more miserable. That woman is me.
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