Chapter 83 - Snapping
'They must really want me,' Khan scoffed in his mind. 'I guess I'll know how badly once I see the value of the martial art.'
Khan could understand how on point his guess had been from that quick answer. He knew that his value had increased a lot after Istrone's rebellion, but he remained a mere sixteen-year-old boy who had yet to complete his first year in the training camp.
There had to be a limit to how much the Global Army was willing to invest in Khan. Yet, the rapid answer from Professor Norwell confirmed that the situation was quite grim and that the higher-ups wanted to secure him before other families could attempt to buy his loyalty.
'Two weeks,' Khan thought while picking his clothes and leaving the training hall. 'Maybe the Lieutenant will come if he knows that I'm leaving.'
Khan didn't have anyone else in the training camp. Luke was a friend, but they had never deepened their relationship due to the boy's obvious hidden intentions. Only Lieutenant Dyester knew Khan's true face now that Martha was away.
'I'll teleport to Nitis in two weeks to join a special training program,' Khan wrote on his phone to send a message to his Master. 'I'll be in the fifth training hall of building N in these days.'
Khan didn't want to force the Lieutenant to face his pain. Everyone reacted differently to those intense emotions. However, he had decided not to let his desperation rule the entirety of his life, so he had to put some effort to preserve his only meaningful relationship left in the training camp.
It had taken Khan an entire day inside the training hall to make up his mind. The desire to isolate himself and let his sorrow thrive was strong, but he didn't want to have regrets before his departure. Lieutenant Dyester's help even came from Martha, so it didn't feel right to leave things like that.
Khan didn't let his thoughts linger on the matter anymore after the message. He had done everything in his power to make things right. The rest was up to the Lieutenant.
The dormitory soon appeared in his eyes. The soldiers guarding the gate were half-sleeping during their shift, but Khan ignored them and continued on his path.
Yet, the sound of hurried steps suddenly resounded from behind him, and Khan couldn't help but jump ahead while spinning mid-air to land with his face turned toward the gate.
Mana flowed through Khan's body and prepared him to deploy his martial art. He had become ready to fight in less than an instant, but confusion appeared on his face when he saw the two soldiers shooting complicated gazes at him.
"We didn't want to frighten you," The first soldier said.
Khan's eyes moved among the two men. His senses quickly evaluated them and gave him a vague understanding of their power. His chances to win the battle appeared non-existent, so he started to look for a way out of that situation.
"We wanted to say that we are sorry for the last time," The second soldier announced while raising his hand to express his harmlessness. "You didn't deserve that behavior."
The mental barrier had already formed inside Khan's brain. He had become ready to fight and kill if the situation required it, but the soldiers' reaction surprised him.
His eyes moved among the scene. The streets, the gate, and the buildings in the distance entered his vision and reminded him of his location. That wasn't Istrone. He was in Ylaco's training camp, so those soldiers weren't enemies.
Khan identified the soldiers at that point. They were the same men that had questioned him after his second fight with the four bullies. His brain then understood their words and connected the past events to his current situation.
'What am I even doing?' Khan cursed in his mind before straightening his position and letting the mana disperse inside his body.
Khan took a few deep breaths to calm himself down and disperse the mental barrier. His mind was clear now, so he quickly came up with polite words. "Don't worry. You were only doing your job."
Too much had happened in the last six weeks. Khan had gone on Onia before facing the rebellion on Istrone. He had almost forgotten about the issues connected to the Blackdell girl. That problem sounded so pointless after everything that he had gone through. He didn't even know if she was still alive.
"We still feel sorry," The first soldier repeated while performing a military salute. "Please, accept our apology."
"Please," The second soldier exclaimed while performing a military salute too.
"You can be at ease," Khan nodded. "Everything is in the past."
The two soldiers heaved a sigh of relief before revealing a smile and turning toward the gate. They wanted to add a few words, but it was clear that Khan was in no condition to receive them.
Khan stared at the soldiers' backs and turned when they crossed the gate. He felt unable to move his gaze before confirming that they had resumed their patrol.
'Dammit,' Khan cursed in his mind while hurrying toward his flat.
It didn't take him even a second to understand what had happened. His mind had snapped at the first unclear event. It had directly connected the loud steps to potential dangers and had made him ready to fight.
'I can't stay here anymore,' Khan thought while the door of his flat closed behind him. 'I'm dangerous.'
That realization made Khan wish that Martha was awake. She might not know what to say in that situation, but her words would still help.
Lieutenant Dyester would also be able to say something useful, but he was unreliable right now. Khan didn't even know if he had read his message.
The lack of options made Khan rely on his training schedule to suppress those thoughts. His meditation and mental training were the only stable pillars on which he could found his remaining time in the camp. Everything would change traveling to Nitis. He hoped that at least.
.
.
.
Khan felt slightly better when he woke up. He still jumped out of bed as soon as he opened his eyes, but he had managed to rest a few more hours that night.
Breakfast arrived in his room while he performed his usual training. Khan ate everything before leaving the flat and walking toward building N.
A slight smile inevitably appeared on his face when he saw Lieutenant Dyester sitting in front of the building. A fuming cigarette was in his mouth, and his uniform grew dirty while he remained on the street, but he didn't seem to care about anything.
"Give me an actual hour next time," Lieutenant Dyester scolded when he noticed Khan. "I have waited here for two hours already."
"You could have sent me a message," Khan calmly replied, but the Lieutenant limited himself to snort before standing and entering the building.
Khan followed him, and the two entered the training hall without exchanging any word. It was clear that both of them wanted to talk, but neither seemed willing to make the first step.
"So," Lieutenant Dyester eventually said when Khan started to browse through the training programs, "Did the nightmares arrive?"
"They never left," Khan replied while giving voice to a short laugh.
Lieutenant Dyester took his words as a half-joke meant to hide the true state of his mindset, and Khan let him believe that. Only his father knew about the nightmares, and Khan preferred to leave it like that.
"I snapped yesterday," Khan revealed after Lieutenant Dyester fell silent. "I heard steps and went full kill or be killed. I guess part of me is still in the jungle."
"Is that why you chose to leave so soon?" Lieutenant Dyester asked. "Did peace become suffocating?"please visit 𝙛𝘳ee𝓌e𝗯n𝗼ѵ𝙚𝗹.𝒄𝚘m.
"What was I supposed to do?" Khan snorted. "The streets are empty, the canteen is silent, and everyone treats me as a hero. I'd rather spend my time fighting than having to go through that for months."
Khan's foot quickly found his usual training program and pressed on the eighth level. He wanted to use those two weeks to approach the competent proficiency level, but he still struggled to advance.
"Do you use the mental barrier during battles?" Lieutenant Dyester suddenly asked when he read the difficulty level.
"I'm better with it," Khan revealed. "I don't commit the same mistakes."
"But you experience only half of the battle like that," Lieutenant Dyester added. "Cutting away your emotions might have been necessary on Istrone, and the training for your element might even require it, but you need to learn how to control them. You need to lose this bad habit."
"Do you want to make me weaker before my departure?" Khan asked while spreading his arms.
"A training dummy feels no happiness in a victory," Lieutenant Dyester sighed. "It doesn't even care about winning at all. It only does what the programming tells it to do. It doesn't commit mistakes, but it can't go beyond its limits either."
Lieutenant Dyester continued while pointing his forefinger toward Khan. "The mental barrier helps you express everything you have learnt without committing mistakes, but it might become a wall that prevents your improvements in the future. I'm not saying that you shouldn't rely on it if your life is in danger, but you definitely must not abuse it."
"What should I do then, Master?" Khan tried to mock the soldier, but the latter didn't fall for his words.
"Go to the previous difficulty level," Lieutenant Dyester ordered. "You'll fight every day of the next two weeks to get rid of that bad habit. You'll feel weaker for a few days, but you'll know that I'm right by the date of your departure."
Khan didn't completely understand Lieutenant Dyester's words, but his metaphor with the training dummy made sense, so he followed his orders.
"For your information," Lieutenant Dyester added after Khan turned, "This isn't only to prevent your growth from becoming stale. You need to feel to accept your emotions again. You need to stop treating your feelings as something that you can ignore whenever you want. They would lose every meaning in your mind otherwise."