Chapter 710 Loneliness
Hazy darkness welcomed Khan when he opened his eyes. He rubbed them to bring clarity, and the bedroom's blue menus quickly became visible.
Khan held back a sigh. It was deep into the night when most of the Harbor was still asleep. The morning wasn't even close, but he knew his body wouldn't allow him to rest. He was full of energy, and the sleeping figure at his side would pay the price for that if he didn't leave immediately.
Monica was lying on her belly with only a thin blanket partially covering her figure. Pieces of her sensual lingerie were still on her, but the rest was gone. Khan tried to look for the missing parts on the mattress and the visible floor, but his search failed.
'There goes another one,' Khan internally chuckled. 'How do we keep losing underwear?'
Occasional snores interrupted the bedroom's silence. Monica's bad habit was as loud as always, but Khan only smiled at it. He couldn't help but find it cute, especially now that it was a core part of most nights.
"Hey," Khan softly called, leaning on Monica to kiss the curls above her cheek. "I'm going to the office."
Monica whined when Khan's soft caress awakened her, but her brain activated when she saw his face. She instinctively tried to sit down, but Khan didn't let her.
"It's very early," Khan whispered.
"Breakfast together," Monica cutely complained, her voice full of drowsiness.
"It's earlier than early," Khan chuckled. "You can come by the office later."
Monica hummed. It wasn't clear how much she had understood, but Khan had continued to caress her, fueling her drowsiness and making her give in. Yet, she managed to muster enough strength for one last request.
"Kiss goodnight," Monica childishly requested, and Khan couldn't even think about refusing. His face went down once again, and Monica fell asleep when his lips pressed on her cheek.
Khan held back another sigh as he left the bed to go to the bathroom. Ideally, he would have remained beside Monica, holding her while he killed time with his phone. However, he needed to catch up on his duties, and problems continued popping up.
While the shower's water fell on Khan's head, a tinge of loneliness invaded him. The feeling had nothing to do with the late hour or Monica's absence. It stretched into deep spiritual themes that even he didn't know how to face. Actually, part of him feared the answers he could find.
Things were different during missions. Videos and pictures couldn't replace Monica, but Khan could make them work. Instead, the current loneliness was almost existential, and time flew as Khan lost himself in his thoughts.
The mundane, sophisticated life in the Harbor truly showed how different Khan was, and living with Monica highlighted that rift. He slept far less, worked more than others, and walked through the world seeing and feeling things no one else could even perceive. He could inspect the symphony with his bare eyes, and his mind experienced emotions in ways he couldn't describe.
It wasn't a matter of effort. Khan would have found some reassurance in that. Having superior abilities was something to be proud of, especially when they came from training and determination.
However, as much as Khan had needed training to get where he was, he knew he couldn't apply the same values. He wasn't trying to be different. He was different to his core, and his element always reminded him of that through unreasonable urges.
Khan had been in a similar situation on Reebfell with Cora, but the issue was far different now. Back then, he had been conflicted about his desire to be on the battlefield and the boredom of a quiet, peaceful life. Instead, the current crisis was deeper and involved his place in the universe.
That wasn't even the first time Khan had faced those topics. He had already accepted he would spend the rest of his life as an outcast among his own species. Khan had the determination for that. Everything could be bearable as long as he had Monica. Still, recently, that new, deep loneliness had started to hit Khan during his most quiet and private moments. It came without warning. He could be under the shower, working in his office, or with Monica sleeping next to him. Nothing seemed to make a difference, and his mind instinctively dug out old memories when he faced the issue.
'Sometimes,' Khan couldn't help but think, 'Love isn't enough.'
Khan's eyes widened, and his hand moved to slap his cheek. Anger surged inside him, but his mana didn't come out. After all, he was the target of that feeling.
Khan hurriedly left the shower, but the mirror in the middle of the bathroom managed to stop him. His reflection captivated his attention, and his eyes absorbed his entire figure. No matter how much he looked, he couldn't see a human there.
The alien tattoo eventually appeared on the mirror, and Khan lifted his hand to reach for it. His fingers rested on its blue lines as if trying to absorb some ancestral knowledge, but nothing arrived. He was alone in a world only he could see.
The issue wouldn't cause Khan such huge internal conflict if things were similar to when he was on Reebfell. He wouldn't have any problems finding solutions and answers if his relationship were anything like what he had with Cora.
Yet, Khan knew. Actually, he was beyond certain. He loved Monica, and that wasn't a fleeting feeling. It could last several lifetimes, if not forever, which was the core of the internal conflict.
Being with Monica implied remaining bound to humankind. However, leaving Monica was akin to ripping off a vital organ. The choice seemed between loneliness and death, and Khan didn't know which he preferred. He couldn't predict whether it would get worse either.
Luckily for Khan, his urges balanced out his overthinking mind. Even if he wanted to, he couldn't betray his love. Even with his doubts, he would follow his feelings, and most of them existed for and because of Monica.
The slight peace brought by the urges didn't stop Khan from reaching his office with a heavy mind. It wasn't a proper headache. Khan was simply pensive, but the place had a solution for his problems.
Khan sealed his office, sat behind the interactive desk, and opened a drawer to retrieve one of the stored bottles. Booze was one of the first things he had brought after replacing Ambassador Abores, and the embassy never forgot to refill his stash.
A popping noise echoed through the dark office when Khan opened the bottle. He didn't bother turning on the lights. He could basically see anyway, and the darkness almost vanished when the holograms appeared.
'Where was I?' Khan thought, placing his feet on the interactive desk and leaning back on the chair. One hand held the bottle while the other handled the holograms. That was his ideal studying position.
The office kept track of Khan's progress, so it only took him a few taps to return to where he had left. He was still studying subjects required by his position, and the list of remaining books seemed endless. Still, as dull as that practice was, he preferred it over pondering his unsolvable problems.
Of course, Khan didn't limit himself to Ambassador-related topics. He split the holograms into multiple screens, assigning each a different subject. He even appointed one to the network, which obviously had updates about his private meeting with Abraham.
'Surprising,' Khan exclaimed in his mind while reviewing the most recent headlines. 'Or predictable.'
The network didn't air conspiracy theories or intricate gossip. In fact, it was the opposite, with public opinion united behind a single conclusion. Everyone believed Khan's lessons had been so good that Abraham couldn't resist requesting a private chat.
By then, Khan had spent years at the center of the network's gossip, turning him into an expert in the field. Uniting the public under a single banner was impossible. There would always be opposite factions, and some headlines would never miss the chance to write about them. Their absence was more suspicious than actual accusations.
'They are controlling the news,' Khan concluded. He didn't have a shadow of a doubt about the matter, and the why felt pretty obvious. He even guessed who was behind all of that.
'The nobles truly have unlimited power,' Khan admitted. He didn't know whether the Nognes family had personally intervened, but that result still showed that the Global Army was abiding by sixteen-year-old directives.
'Come on,' Khan cursed, drawing his phone and scoffing at the blank screen. 'You should know that I know. Make contact already!'
Khan stared at the blank screen for minutes, occasionally sipping from his bottle. Yet, the lack of messages or calls eventually made him give up. Meeting Abraham could be seen as his reply to Princess Felicia's introduction, but the Nognes family didn't make its move.
More curses resounded in Khan's mind when he looked at his schedule. The Thilku remained his best way to secure his position and ensure his safety, but Mister Cirvags didn't assign any mission. The embassy was prioritizing Khan's lessons, keeping him out of the field until the scientists were satisfied.
'Dammit,' Khan cursed again, emptying what was left of the booze and drawing another bottle. He preferred Raymond's foreshadowed threats to that silent and uncertain wait, but the universe didn't comply with his desires.
The lack of developments made Khan slip back into his previous internal conflict, but he was awake enough to counterattack now. As soon as the loneliness showed its presence, he connected his phone to the desk, opening his private network.
Information about the Nak promptly filled Khan's eyes, which began to shine at his eagerness. In a way, all his problems went back to the Second Impact, so he hoped good solutions would arrive after lifting its curse.