Chapter 3611 Jannzi's Contrition
Moments before the revived and altered spirituality of Titania reached out to Ves, two different expert pilots talked among themselves.
"So you finally decided to commit to Ketis." Jannzi transmitted to Joshua through a private communication channel.
"I did." Joshua warily answered. "What of it? Do you disapprove?"
"No. I'm happy for you, actually."
"What?"
Jannzi frowned. "Why do you react this way? Can't I wish you well?"
"Well, I thought…"
"Just because I disagree with your stances doesn't mean that I dislike you as a person. We just weren't cut out together. Though we're no longer a couple, we are still Larkinsons and fellow comrades-in-arms. I will defend you against enemy threats just as much as other clansmen."
"That… is welcome to hear. I… will do the same for you. Our clansmen matter the most. Whatever we had between us shouldn't get in the way of defending our people."
The air of tension that had always existed between the two clansmen faded to an extent. Though they were anything but friends, they were more than willing to trust each other with their backs.
The force of wills they emanated from their mechs no longer generated as much friction as before. This was the clearest sign that the two expert pilots were willing to tolerate each other's presence to a greater extent than before.
IT WAS ABOUT TIME YOU MADE UP WITH YOUR FORMER LOVER, JOSHUA.
"Everchanger! Stop butting into my personal life. You're a mech, not a gossiping aunt!"
GAINING CLOSURE ON YOUR FORMER RELATIONSHIP IS A NECESSARY STEP FOR YOU TO MOVE FORWARD. YOU DO NOT NEED A MAN IN YOUR LIFE.
Jannzi gritted her teeth. "Joshua is right. Please don't meddle into my private life. You may be my battle partner for life, but you are not my spouse!"
OHHHH… LOOK AT OUR PILOTS. ARE THEY NOT ADORABLE?
AT LEAST YOUR HUMAN PARTNER FOUND A NEW LOVER. MY JANNZI IS SO STUBBORN THAT SHE NO LONGER THINKS ABOUT BOYS AT ALL THESE DAYS. FOR ALL OF HER PROFESSED LOYALTY TO THE LARKINSON CLAN, SHE ISN'T TAKING ITS MOST IMPORTANT VALUE TOO SERIOUSLY. HOW CAN SHE CALL HERSELF A TRUE LARKINSON WHEN SHE DOESN'T INTEND TO START HER OWN FAMILY?
"SHUT UP!" Venerable Jannzi burst out. "Sometimes I question why Ves made mechs like you alive in the first place! Mechs used to be much simpler when they just did what pilots wanted and nothing more."
YOU DO NOT TRULY MEAN THAT, JANNZI. LIVING MECHS ARE YOUR FAMILY IN THE SAME WAY THAT OTHER LARKINSONS ARE YOUR FAMILY. OUR CLAN WOULD NEVER BE AS WORTHY OF YOUR PROTECTION WITHOUT OUR EXISTENCE.
The Shield of Samar was right, but Jannzi still felt uncomfortable about being lectured by her own mech. She was the human here. Mechs shouldn't be smarter and wiser than her, particularly when the Shield of Samar hadn't been alive as long!
MECHS AGE IN A DIFFERENT MANNER. DON'T USE YOUR HUMAN MODELS TO MAKE ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT OUR MATURITY.
"Can the two of you mechs take your remarks elsewhere for a moment?! I just want to have a personal talk with Joshua here! I don't need the two of you derailing our talk!"
Once the living mechs no longer bothered the humans, Jannzi could finally get back on track.
She took a deep breath. "Joshua, let me get this off my chest before something else interrupts me again. After a lot of self-reflection, I realize that I was too harsh on you. Years ago, we got along a lot better. It was only after all of the changes that we began to diverge from each other. Though I don't regret breaking up with you, I do wish we parted on friendlier terms."
"..."
What was Joshua supposed to say here?
"Look, don't misunderstand me. I don't want to break up your engagement with Ketis and turn back the clock. We went our separate ways and I'm fine with that. I just think we should get over any hard feelings that still remain and try to become friends again."
"Oh." Joshua succinctly responded. "I… I'm sorry, I still need to adjust to this. It's hard for me to imagine the two of us joking around or going out to watch an arena match together. We hardly did any of that stuff anyway when we used to be a couple."
"I know." Jannzi sighed. "I'm trying to change, and this is part of the process. While I have not changed my stance that our clan needs to change its course, I realized some time ago that I have become so abrasive towards everyone that I was getting increasingly more out of touch with my fellow Larkinsons."
"...Who are you and what have you done to the real Jannzi?"
"Ha. Ha. Very funny, Joshua. I'm being serious here. I readily admit that I haven't been acting right ever since I advanced to my current rank. I can't explain why I acted the way I did after becoming an expert pilot. Maybe the power just got to me. The moment my life took this turn, I realized that I could become strong enough to change all of the wrongs and injustices in the galaxy. The road to the top isn't easy, though. I knew that I had to put so much effort into it that I lost a part of myself in the process."
Joshua quietly listened for a while. He could hear and feel the sincerity in her words.
It was hard for Jannzi to admit her failings and weaknesses, but now that she finally voiced them to the person she used to care about a lot, she felt as if a weight had lifted off her heart.
She could already feel herself growing stronger and more focused now that she had unburdened herself.
I TOLD YOU SO. BEING HONEST WITH YOURSELF AND ADMITTING YOUR FAULTS IS AN IMPORTANT PART OF YOUR GROWTH PROCESS. IF YOU WANT TO BECOME A GREATER MECH PILOT ONE DAY, YOU MUST IDENTIFY AND SCOUR ALL OF YOUR WEAKNESSES.
"Where did you get this from?" Jannzi frowned and asked her mech.
THE QUINT AND QILANXO TAUGHT ME THAT. THEY BOTH POSSESS DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVES ON WHAT IT TAKES TO GROW STRONGER.
"I can't say I dislike the change." Joshua said, dragging Jannzi's attention back to the main conversation. "I've hung out with many different expert pilots, from Venerable Tusa to Venerable Brutus. What I found is that each of us are different from what we were before. Back when we were just regular humans, we had ordinary wants and needs. Once we all broke through, something deep within us undergo so many changes that it seems to me that we are losing as much as we gain. It's not as obvious with me, but whenever I talk to you or Venerable Stark, I get the impression that I'm talking to an ideal rather than a person."
Jannzi did not disagree with his assessment. "We are the embodiment of our ideals. When we become demigods, we are empowered by our respective causes. We are driven by our convictions. We are like engines that must constantly be fueled in order to keep running. The moment we stop powering ourselves with our ideals, we become meaningless existences."
"I'm aware of that, but if you ask me, sometimes you can take it too far. Take Venerable Stark for example. She's always plotting to take revenge for what the sandmen have done to her state and all of those third-raters in the Komodo Star Sector. She's so obsessed with her personal goal that she is always spending her time on training rather than doing ordinary stuff like making friends or spending time on a hobby. You were like that too sometimes."
As someone who had become consumed by her own overarching desire to defend the clan, she fully understood why Venerable Stark pushed herself to such an extent.
"What Davia wants is nearly impossible to achieve." Jannzi said. "She recognizes that but isn't willing to give up on her goal. Whether consciously or unconsciously, she has willingly set aside many of her ordinary desires that might weaken her resolve or persistence. Out of all of the expert pilots in the fleet, it is not a coincidence that she is improving the fastest out of all of us. Her dedication to her goal is extreme even by my standards."
"What about you, then? Are you willing to sacrifice parts of your mortal self to close the distance to god pilot?"
This was not a simple question to answer for Jannzi. A lot of factors were involved. She needed to know what she wanted first before she could decide to what extent she was willing to give up in order to attain supreme power.
"The Larkinson Clan is everything to me." She said. "Despite its flaws and despite its current leader, I still love it and everyone who is a part of it. I love the old Larkinson Family too, but my old relatives can take care of themselves. The clan is still too new but Ves has already decided to plunge it into the Red Ocean without adequately preparing for all of the threats and challenges that we are facing even now. The fight against the Titania is just a preview for what is to come. I'm afraid… I will have to push the Shield of Samar's defensive capabilities to the limit in order to save as many Larkinsons as possible in the next big engagement."
"...I feel the same way sometimes." Joshua admitted. "While I don't agree with your stance that we should replace our patriarch, I'm not blind to all of the trouble he attracts on a regular basis."
"You mean seek out. Ves has made numerous decisions that have led us right into danger. We could have avoided all of those battles if he acted carefully, but he has been anything but restrained. Even before he founded the clan, he was already acting like a maverick."
Joshua frowned. "It's bold leadership and a willingness to take risks that has got him and our clan this far. Your biggest fault is that you only look at Ves' bad side. He has done plenty of good as well! Also, remember that all of us signed up for this adventure."
"Let's not retread this argument, shall we?" Jannzi proposed. "Whatever the case, it is a fact that as long as Ves is in charge, he will attract enemies on a regular basis. We need to stay focused and do our best to improve so that we are better equipped to repel the powerful enemies that we know are coming."
Joshua was just about to respond when he and Jannzi suddenly sensed a powerful spike in activity down below!
As the spiritual remnant of the Titania came back to life in an altered form, it suddenly decided to shoot out a thick spiritual bond straight at Ves!
Yet before the transformed spirituality could link up with the person responsible for turning it into its current state, a strong resonance shield appeared in place. The powerful shield generated by Jannzi and the Shield of Samar gave no chance for the altered Titania to succeed in its odd attempt!
"Ves, are you alright?!" Jannzi transmitted from her mech.
"I'm fine! Even if you didn't make a move, I have a dozen other counter-measures. Besides, this spiritual connection attempt isn't particularly strong or threatening. I don't think it means any harm. What do you sense, Joshua?"
"I… can't really explain it." Joshua said as he tuned his senses to the new entity down below. "It's still a bit sluggish, but I can sense a lot of confusion but also comprehension. I haven't found anything that suggests to me that it wants to kill us all, though."
Ves smiled behind his helmet. "You see? It's fine. Let's give the new entity a chance to express itself."
"By the way, there's one more thing, sir. I think the Titania is a she." Joshua stated.