Chapter 4540 The Young Man Who Cared Too Much
Joshua looked thoughtful as he sat at the dining table while neglecting his nutritious breakfast.
His wife made sure their two children did not imitate their father. They laughed and giggled as Ketis showed warmth and concern that was far removed from her public persona.
Once Ketis was satisfied that Kirian and Mayra filled up their bellies so that they could gain the nutrients they needed to grow their hungry designer baby bodies, the swordmaster approached the expert pilot with obvious concern.
"What's wrong, Joshua?" The large and athletic woman asked.
"Nothing is wrong."
His wife looked upset as she sat on the other side of the table. "You can't hide your feelings from me. You know better than that. You've remained unusually silent and withdrawn in the last few days. What happened? Is it about the last battle? Were you upset because you hadn't been able to contribute as much to our victory as before?"
"It's not that. I… had a lot on my mind lately. It's not your fault or mine for that matter."
"Then tell me what is bothering you. I can't drag you out of your funk if you keep withholding information from your family. Didn't we agree to share wealth and woe when we married each other? Part of that means keeping me in the loop of what is going on in your head."
The young but maturing expert pilot let out a sigh. "You're right. I suppose it is unfair for me to tell you nothing. I can't share everything about what I have experienced earlier this week, but I can give you a brief explanation of what is on my mind."
"This should be good." Ketis muttered as she crossed her arms.
"It started when Patriarch Ves somehow managed to reconcile with the Gemini Family and make a deal of sorts. Part of the benefits involved sending us to the family's fleet so that we can attend a special tutoring session."
"A tutoring session? Wait… are you saying…"
Joshua nodded. "Well, it's not that big of a secret. All of the Larkinson expert pilots had a good talk with the Gemini Saints. We first gathered around in a circle and opened up our hearts. After that, each of us entered a private room where we could talk with Saint Sandro Gemini and Saint Kaia Gemini in confidence."
A lot of mixed expressions flitted across Ketis' face. "So you and the others basically shared all of your mental and emotional vulnerabilities to the ace pilots of a rival pioneering group? Have you obtained any guarantees that the Geminis will refrain from selling this sensitive information or taking advantage of it in any way?"
"We made enough precautions." Joshua reassured her. "Not only did the lawyers fix all of the terms in an MTA-approved contract, but the Gemini Saints put their integrity on the line when they promised to do their best to keep what they have learned to themselves, even going as far as to use their Saint Kingdoms to generate an impenetrable interference field around them that can scramble pretty much any form of monitoring and recording. Not even implants have succeeded in creating any recordings."
"I see. I suppose the clan wouldn't go through with this without establishing sufficient guarantees."
His wife did not ask any further about the potential for leaks. As a swordmaster, she knew more than most people how important it was for the Gemini Saints to keep their word.
"So what was it like?"
"Well, the first topic that gripped me was when we talked about morality and the justification of killing."
"I thought you got over that, Joshua!"
"I can't simply 'get over it'. I don't like to kill."
"You're a mech pilot, an expert pilot even! Why the hell did you even get into this profession when you are still pussyfooting around?!"
"Okay, I admit that I might not be the perfect killer that everyone is looking for in a mech pilot, but there is still meaning in what I do!" Joshua pushed back.
He recalled the exchange of words that affected him the most.
Joshua along with the rest of the Larkinson expert pilots sat on cushions placed in a circle in the middle of a comfortable and luxuriously decorated lounge.
The informal seating arrangement caused everyone to put down their airs and become more open to putting down the masks they wore in their daily lives.
Though their strong force of wills occasionally grinded against each other, they possessed enough self-control to keep their egos and willpower in check.
Saint Sandro Gemini spoke up first about the topic.
"Many humans have written entire treatises about whether it is right or proper for us to use the destructive power at our fingertips to take people's lives. Some argue that all of the senseless killing that is still perpetuated throughout human space should be prohibited because it is degrading our society. Others state that killing is an essential component to maintaining a strong and healthy civilization."
"We are not academics, so we will refrain from exploring these dry opinions in detail." His wife and twin sister continued. "The reason why we bring this up is because our work, our duty and our responsibilities will often demand us to take the lives of others or deprive them of their livelihoods. We have witnessed many expert pilots over the years who possessed wildly diverging thoughts on this matter."
Saint Kaia Gemini pinned each of the Larkinson expert pilots with a scrutinizing stare. Her willpower was much greater than theirs, so she was able to peer beneath the surface.
"Some of you are completely unbothered by the question of whether your victims deserve the treatment that you have subjected to them." She said as her gaze lingered on Venerable Dise.
"Others have not put as much thought on this matter as they should have, hoping to ignore the warnings issued by their conscience until this will spectacularly blow up in the worst possible way."
The female ace pilot looked pointedly at Venerable Venerable Vincent, who seemed oblivious to her implicit accusation.
"Then there are those of you who have made your own rationalizations about the bloody consequences of your actions."
Saint Kaia Gemini deliberately glanced at Venerable Tusa Billingsley-Larkinson, Venerable Davia Stark, Venerable Rosa Orfan.
She also spared a glance towards a couple of the newbies who have yet to obtain their expert mechs from the Larkinson Clan.
"Only a handful of you have thought properly about this subject and found a way to reconcile conflicting demands and expectations."
She briefly nodded to Venerable Jannzi Larkinson, Commander Casella Ingvar, Venerable Imon Ingvar and Venerable Isobel Kotin.
"We are surprised about the diversity in progress and thought within your clan." Saint Sandro Gemini spoke up again. "A mech army that is better run shouldn't have let you flail over this deeply important topic by yourselves. I suppose that is one of the issues that the Larkinsons have hired us to address."
"Let us begin with you." Saint Kaia Gemini said as she turned squarely towards a male expert pilot. "Venerable Joshua Larkinson, out of all of the expert pilots gathered in this circle, we sense that you stand out the most."
The hapless young man looked surprised when he suddenly became the center of attention. "What is the matter, Saint Kaia?"
"All of your other colleagues are killers in one way or another." The powerful ace pilot described. "They all have blood on their hands and take varying degrees of pride in that. You on the other hand are the only individual among us who carries this weight as if it is a burden."
Venerable Joshua frowned. "Isn't that supposed to be the right way to think about murder?"
"Murder is a subset of killing that implies that the act of depriving an individual's life is not legally justified." Saint Sandro replied. "We all know that murder is not normally a part of our job description. We are soldiers. We are not criminals or law enforcers. We are not meant to question whether our actions are right or wrong. That is a matter that is best left to your superiors."
"I don't agree with that." Joshua shot back. "What if our bosses are evil? What if the person giving us orders is abusing his power? Are we supposed to switch off our brains and follow our orders without any form of critical thought?"
Saint Kaia shook her head. "That is not the case. Each of you have met with the MTA at least once, correct? The mechers should have already inducted you into the ranks of galactic citizens. That is important for many reasons, but the most pertinent one is that you have accepted a greater role in human civilization. Each of you have in some part taken on the responsibility of safeguarding the future of humanity. This means that you have an obligation to stop or discourage any actions that clearly violate the taboos that are meant to prevent our race from backsliding again."
Joshua still looked dissatisfied. "The taboos don't go far enough in my opinion. I get that the Big Two doesn't want to interfere too much in people's lives, but way too many civilians are getting killed due to all of the wars that are being waged across human space. I know I can't stop all of these greedy leaders from abusing their power to pursue their selfish motives, but I don't like it when pilots such as myself must contribute to all of this unjustifiable death and destruction."
The other Larkinson expert pilots looked at him with varying degrees of disapproval and discontent, but Joshua didn't care. It felt good for him to voice what he had bottled inside his heart all of the time.
"You speak as if you want to change these perceived injustices."
"I do want to change humanity for the better. I just think that we could redirect all of our capacity towards self-destruction towards a more productive purpose."
Saint Kaia Gemini smiled. "Our civilization is already in the process of doing that, Venerable Joshua. The opening of the Red Ocean has given you and your clan an excellent opportunity to direct your killing potential towards the indigenous aliens that are occupying the territory that humanity wishes to conquer. During the previous battle, we got rid of a dangerous collection of alien pirates that would have posed a significant security threat to the human colonies that will most certainly arise within this region."
"..."
Both of the Gemini Saints narrowed their eyes at Venerable Joshua.
"You… evidently do not think that defeating the aliens who were residing at the Palace of Shame was entirely right."
"Yes." Joshua admitted with a sigh. "Pirates they may be, they were just poor alien chumps that had never committed any raids in human space. Look, I know it is not that popular for me to argue in favor of the aliens, but… they are just as alive as our fellow humans. Is it really right to mow them down with extreme prejudice just because they belong to a different civilization?"
"Careful now, Joshua." Commander Casella Ingvar felt compelled to interject. "Those are cosmopolitan sentiments. That is taboo in our society. Humans are not allowed to spare any sympathy towards aliens. Our justice does not include their kind. Our earlier history is filled with all of the mistakes that have been made by consorting with aliens. It is not without reason that the current consensus strongly rejects any misplaced concern about their wellbeing."
"A taboo again!" Venerable Joshua burst out as he threw up his hands. "Taboo this, taboo that. Why are there so many taboos?! Why do we have to abide by them all?! Can't we question the rules without getting shot in the head by secret mecher or fleeter agents? Am I not allowed to think that all of these wars we are starting against ourselves and against our alien neighbors is desecrating the sanctity of life?!"
"..."
The Larkinson expert pilots all became speechless at what they heard. A few people such as Venerable Dise and Venerable Imon Ingvar couldn't help but palm their faces.
To their credit, the Gemini Saints did not mock Venerable Joshua's sincere feelings.
"Is that what is all about to you, then? You value their lives too much to bear the thought of snuffing them all out." Saint Kaia Gemini asked.
"I… guess so. Am I a fool for thinking this way? Everyone I consulted on this topic seems to think so." Joshua whispered as his voice and force of will became weaker. "I try so hard to make myself agree to their well-meaning advice, but that is not who I really am. I can clearly sense and appreciate the lives of everyone I face on the battlefield. To be put in a position where I have to cut all of those beautiful lives short is repulsive to me. It feels as if I am acting against my true nature. I usually try not to think too much about that during the battle, but once I am no longer obliged to defend my fellow Larkinsons, it all comes back to me in the worst fashion."
"..."
It sounded as if Venerable Joshua truly needed help.
"Yeah… pretty much." Venerable Rosa Orfan concurred.