Chapter 330 South Park 5
Five minutes earlier, at Stan's home…
Stan's mother, Sharon, was on the phone with a deeply concerned look on her face. "Please, I do not know where else to turn. The police haven't been any help. I think our boys might really in trouble this time."
The person on the other line also said something in return. Sharon then replied, "Yes… Yes… Please check and call me right back. Thank you."
After saying that, she hung up the phone. After putting down the phone, the expression of concern and worry had not left her face. Sharon could be considered one of the more normal characters in South Park. Therefore, after her son mysteriously disappeared, it was normal for her to panic, just as most parents would do in her position.
But… in this room, there was someone else who was not so normal, and that person was Stan's father, Randy, the god of crossing the line in South Park.
Randy normally dressed up in blue shirt. He had black hair that was parted down the middle and a small mustache on his lips, the kind that was slightly wider than the president of China. The man's official job was a geologist, but there were rarely any scenes where he was seriously at work. Most of the time, he was busy trying to push down everyone's bottom line. At that moment, while his wife was worried sick about their son that had gone missing, Randy was walking around the house with a video camera, taking down everything in the shot.
In these two episodes of South Park, Randy had just recently purchased a new video camera, so he had been using it to capture everything that was happening around him. The content was extremely boring and repetitive… It included footage of his family members eating, showering, watching the television, using the toilet, and so on. Other than that, he would complement the recording with his own narration.
"Randy! I swear to God, if you do not put that thing away…" Sharon yelled angrily at him. Over these past few days, she had suffered more than enough harassment from her husband.
However, Randy replied to her in the same way as usual when she got angry about this situation. "Sharon, you are going to be pretty glad when I have footage of this family someday."
"I mean it, Randy, that is enough!" Sharon stood up from her chair and lambasted her husband. "You do not have to video tape every single minute…"
Suddenly, a low growl came from outside the house… Sharon's scolding was interrupted, and her expression became colored by uncertainty and confusion.
"What the hell was that?" Randy also commented. He did not put the video camera down but entered the Cloverfield cinematography mode.
Cloverfield, for those unaware, is a 2008 American science-fiction, monster-horror film directed by Matt Reeves, produced by J.J. Abrams, and written by Drew Goddard. The film is presented as found footage from a personal camcorder recovered by the United States Department of Defense in the area 'formerly known as Central Park', bearing a disclaimer stating multiple sightings of a case designated 'Cloverfield'. The film's shaky camera style of cinematography, dubbed 'La Shakily Queasy-Cam' by Roger Ebert, caused some viewers, particularly in darkened movie theaters, to experience motion sickness.
After sensing the earth-shaking footsteps, Sharon uttered in fear, "Oh my God."
"Something is going on outside…" Randy said urgently. "Stay here."
He then turned around with his trusty video camera in his hands and headed out the front door. When he reached the front door, Stan's violent big sister Shelly was coming down from the second floor. She stood at the stairs to ask, "What's going on, dad?"
"Get back to your room, Shelly!" Randy ordered sternly. Then, Randy ran out from the house. Once he opened the door, he could see the screaming throng of people, and there was sound of helicopters circling coming from the sky. He lifted his head to look and saw two Chinooks hovering in the air.
Among the bustling crowd, Randy saw a familiar face. It was Stan's homeroom teacher, Mr. Garrison. The second worst character at South Park, he was only second to Randy. He was bald, wore spectacles, and dressed in green. The man had been through two gender-adjustment surgeries, and throughout that period, he had assumed the role of a male heterosexual, male homosexual, female heterosexual, and female homosexual; whenever he changed his sexual orientation, he would join the support group and rallies of said group, but when it got involved with his personal benefits, he would instantly change his stance to violate and attack and humiliate the groups that he had represented in the past or would represent in the future. He was the typical case of 'the ass deciding what the brain thinks'.
Randy ran forward to pull at the man to ask, "What's going on?"
Garrison replied with dread and alarm, "They are all over the place!"
"What? What are?" Randy followed it up with another question.
"They are really furry…" Garrison shouted in reply. Then, after shouting that, he shook loose from Randy's grasp and followed the rest of the crowd to escape to safety.
"Ah!" A harrowing shriek caught Randy's attention. He turned his head toward it and saw a man wearing a yellow t-shirt and jeans flying through the air from a far, and then with a splat, he landed right before him. The man's body was mangled from the fall. His left leg was twisted like a pretzel, and both of his arms were folded behind him. The ribs on the left side of his body were poking through his chest, and the bone was also protruding out from his right wrist. Almost at the same second as he landed on the ground, the man took his last breath. Blood burst out from his mouth and nose, and he died with his eyes wide open.
"What did that‽" Randy cursed with shock.
Wu!
Then came another groan. Randy lifted his eyes to see. Behind the group of escaping people, he saw it… there was a giant guinea pig.
"What is that thing?" Randy shouted with his voice breaking.
"Mr. Marsh, you have to move it! It isn't safe here!" Someone grabbed Randy by his shoulders and yelled into his face. The person who did that was the small town's patrol police, Officer Barbrady. This slightly rotund officer wore sunglasses, and during one of the seasons, he was fired from his post because it was discovered that the man was illiterate, but due to some unknown reason that was not explained, he regained his post several episodes later. This was one of the few characters in South Park who treated their job seriously. At this moment, he did not forget his responsibility to keep the citizens safe.
Hearing that, Randy hurried to run down the other end of the road, but then a car flew out from the corner. The car rolled several times on the ground before exploding in licks of flames. Following behind it was another giant guinea pig.
"Oh my God!" When Randy saw the giant monster before him, he did not run for cover immediately but stopped and aimed the video camera at his own face and said through hurried breaths, "Oh… Ha… ha ha… Oh God… Oh God, god… Oh god… Huh… I, I, I am so startled!"
When this thing was doing what he was definitely not supposed to do in this time of crisis, suddenly… a racing car slithered out from behind the giant guinea pig and rammed harshly into the giant monster. After the collision, a man wearing a dark blue skiing jacket flew out from the driver's seat. Even after such a horrifying car accident, he had not forgotten to hold onto his backpack and the gun. The man used an extremely agile movement to escape away from the giant guinea pig.
Right at that moment, three F-15s flew across the sky, and several missiles leaving trails of white smoke howled through the air. The missiles all landed on the giant guinea pig, and the blast wave affected the area nearby. Randy was quite far from the place of impact; he was merely blown off his feet and collapsed to the ground. On the other hand, Feng Bujue was not that lucky. His whole body was sent flying from the impact of the explosion. He arced through the air before crash landing on a vehicle that was abandoned by the side of the road. The car probably had been tossed off or stomped on by the giant monster earlier. The car itself was mangled out of shape. When Feng Bujue landed on it, a metallic edge that protruded out from the car cut right through his waist. A gash that was the size of one's finger was leaking blood. In this situation where his whole person was hurtled through the air, the armor did not serve much use. If anything, the jacket that he took from Jimbo's shop provided a better layer of protection for him to decrease the damage that he might have suffered.
"Motherf*cker…" Feng Bujue cursed under his breath as he crawled out from the car. His face was scratched by the broken glasses, and a bloody gash formed on the top of his left cheek. But the wound was not that deep. It did not lose him too many Life Points, and it did not inflict a bleeding status.
Wu!
Before the dust that was caused by the missiles had begun to settle, the giant guinea pigs started to wail and groan again. Based on Feng Bujue's memory, these monsters were extremely powerful, and conventional weapons were of no use on them. Even if a tank was to drive over, it would be overturned by these monsters easily. No matter the kind of bullets, missiles, rockets… none would deal any damage to them. At most, they would only stall the monsters for a while.
As a man of flesh and blood, getting close to these giant guinea pigs was no different from searching death. With such a difference in size, if a human being walked over, he could be bitten, stomped on, or scratched. No matter what, he would definitely die.
"I will reach my destination after another turn… I will not allow myself to be stopped here." Feng Bujue hissed with a determined look. He pulled on the straps of the backpack. With one hand on the wound and the other hand holding the gun, he activated his Body Enhancement Spell and leaped into the air. The next second, there was the sound of concrete being cracked from pressure, and the ground where Feng Bujue was standing on earlier had a spidery crack that was five meters in diameter. The person who previously stood in the middle of this web had shot into the sky like a fast bullet. With an action that was only performable by superhero, Feng Bujue successfully jumped onto the rooftop of a four-story building. Since the streets were blocked off, then he would make his journey through the roofs, cutting through the city that way.
But to his consternation, Brother Jue had just landed on this rooftop when he caught sight of Randy, who was standing on the street not that far away from him. When the giant guinea pig was stomping its way toward him, the man did not seem to have any sense of danger at all, and he stood where he was, recording his tape that was taken from his first-person perspective.
"What the f*ck… This man…" Naturally, Feng Bujue was able to recognize Randy. The beep on the radar in his menu showed that this man was one of the important people that he needed to rescue in his side mission. Therefore, Feng Bujue had no other choice but to go and rescue this man.
"Run, don't just stand there! You beep!" Feng Bujue leaped down from the roof and landed on the street. While he was hurtling through the air, he aimed his M733 Commando at the giant guinea pig and awarded it with two grenades. Feng Bujue landed on the ground when the grenades hit the monster. Feng Bujue did not even have the time to perform a landing move and took the falling impact without bracing for it. He then bounced up from the ground and hurried his way forward.
Randy, who was completely in shock, saw a man fall down from the sky like a superhero before he started charging at him. The man was covered in blood and had a dark expression on his face. He did not even turn around to see the explosion that was happening behind him, so this was what a super manly man looked like.
"Ah!" For some reason, Feng Bujue started to roar. This roar contained a ton of emotions; none of them were not complicated. Of course, the main emotion was anger and annoyance. With a swing of his arm, Brother Jue picked Randy up over his shoulder, ignoring how that would harm his wounds. Gritting his teeth, he carried a middle-aged man and raced down the street like he was flying. In between breaths, he turned back to ask, "Where is your home?"
"Wh… what?" Randy still had not recovered from the shock. He answered rather numbly.
"Your home! Where is it‽" Feng Bujue repeated his question.
"It… It is over there…" Randy pointed at a house about more than ten meters away. About two seconds later, he picked up the video camera and aimed it at himself. "Oh… God, there is a superhero who came to save me. Hey, man, what is your superhero name?"
"Beep!" That was Feng Bujue's answer. Naturally, Randy took it as the actual answer. He turned to the camera and said again, "His name is Beep! Oh! A real superhero, this is so cool!"
If not for the objective of the mission, Feng Bujue would have ended this man right there and then, but before the system announced that he had completed the mission, he would have to be patient. In less than half a minute, Feng Bujue had arrived at the front door to Stan's home. The door was not closed, so Feng Bujue used the momentum to toss Randy through it, and then he caught up behind him. The moment he closed the door behind him, Brother Jue collapsed to the ground like the energy had all gone out from him.
In these few moments, his actions had caused Feng Bujue to drop a lot of Life Points. His Life Points had dropped down to the danger zone of thirteen percent. Once Feng Bujue entered the room, he took out things like bandages, disinfectant, and needles as well thread used for sewing as he prepared to tend to the wound on his waist. As someone who was very efficient, his lips did not rest either. He used this time to communicate with the three NPCs in the room. "Do not worry. I am here to help you."
Both Sharon and Shelly responded with fear and confusion; only Randy handled the video camera with laser focus as he aimed it right at Feng Bujue. He continued his narration. "Look, the superhero is now sewing up his wounds inside my house's living room."
Even though Feng Bujue desperately wanted to beat Randy to a pulp, he resisted the urge because he knew that inside the video camera that Randy was holding, there was no tape at all. Brother Jue did not plan to remind Randy of that; he would just allow Randy to continue with his project.
…
At the same time, in the night sky over Costa Rica, a C130 transport plane printed with the American flag and the symbol of the Department of Homeland Security was flying south. Inside the cabin, the five primary school students sat in a row. No one was saying anything, and the atmosphere was rather weird. Suddenly, the door to the cockpit was pulled open, and the co-pilot came in to tell the kids, "Alright, we are about eight hundred kilometers from Peru. There will be a truck to take you inside the border, where you will be briefed on the mission specifics."
After saying that, he moved back into the cockpit, closing the door behind him.
Several seconds later, Craig started to say, with no expression on his face, "Was there ever a moment when you guys first came up with the genius plan to become a Peruvian Flute Band, that any of you said, 'Eh, you know, this plan might backfire'."
He paused for about two seconds before continuing on his phone. "No, that never occurs to you because you guys are jerks, and you have never learned from your mistakes. That is why everyone at school thinks you guys are *ssholes."
"That's not true! Kids at school like us," Kyle responded. He looked at Stan to ask, "Don't they?"
"Yeah, dude, kids at school totally like us," Stan replied confidently. He, in turn, turned to accuse Craig and say, "Craig is just being a dick because we are having a tough time right now."
That did not seem to hurt Craig at all. He continued to mock the rest of them with his expressionless face. "I am being a dick…"
Stan confirmed. "Yes!"
Craig continued like he did not hear that. "You guys took my birthday money, then got me arrested and sent to Miami with no way home except to take down the country of Peru… and I am being a dick?"
The money that was used to the start the Peruvian Flute Band by the kids had been swindled by the kids from Craig.
Cartman then pointed at Craig and told his other pals, "There is no talking to this guy."
"Alright, fine, Craig, when we get back home, we will give your money back, and we will never talk to you again. How's that?" asked a frustrated Stan.
"That would be great, thank you," Craig answered.
"This is wrong. This just doesn't make any sense. Why would Homeland Security send us into Peru?" Kyle pointed out.
Kenny mumbled something that only his friends would be able to understand. In any case, Kyle got it clearly because he continued. "I don't know. It just feels like there has to be something else going on here."
Craig was not going to let him have the last word on this, so he pointed out. "Do you know why no one at school likes hanging out with the four of you? Because you are always doing things like this… You come up with these crazy ideas, and something bad will happen, then you will be escorted out of the country or tossed into space. And that is why… no one likes playing with any of you."
"You are being too pessimistic, Craig. I'm sure everything will work out in the end," Cartman replied like it was nothing.
…
At the same time, the conference room for the American Department of Homeland Security was empty except for one person, who stood quietly next to the podium that was at the center of the room. It was that balding commander from the previous chapter, and he was the head of homeland security. Before him was the picture of a world map. At that moment, he had his hands behind his back, studying the map. There was a proud smile that curled up the sides of his lips.
An African American soldier in military gear walked in from the door holding a document in his hands, and he said with urgency, "Sir, we've got a bigger problem."
"Oh?" In contrast, the tone of the head of Homeland Security could not have been more relaxed. "And what might that be?"
"New reports are coming in from major cities all over the world. Word of massive destruction and death by what appears to be…" The African American officer hesitated for a moment.
The Head of Homeland Department did not wait for the man to finish. He turned around and uttered with a chilling smile, "Guinea pigs?"
When the African American officer heard that, he was shocked beyond belief. "Er… Yes sir. How did you know?"
The Head of Homeland Security turned back and said with a cheery smile. "You were so close to figuring it all out, Davis. Did you know that? Haha…"
"Er, sir?" Davis really did not understand what his superior was telling him.
"I really thought you had me in Miami, but you just could not quite put the pieces together," the Head of Homeland Security said again.
"You… you knew this was going to happen?" Davis stuttered through his shock.
"Oh, this is just the beginning, Davis." The Head of Homeland Security raised one of his arms and lifted one of his fingers to wave around as he stressed his point. "And… I cannot let you interfere."
As he finished, the Head of Homeland Security suddenly opened his mouth wide. The tongue shot out from the hole of his mouth like a lance, and it reached the length of about four to five meters within one second. With the tip of his tongue, the head of Homeland Security killed Davis by poking through his eye socket. His tongue shot through the man's eyeball and entered his brain.
Davis did not even have the time to react. His body stood frozen for several seconds as his brain was being turned into mush. Then his body collapsed weakly to the ground, and he was officially a dead person.
The Head of Homeland Security pulled back his lance of a tongue and explained to the dead body before him very calmly, "Sorry, my friend. But I have worked too hard to make all this happen.
"The flute bands are on their way to their deaths, and the guinea pigs are rising."
He bent over slightly to pick up the document that Davis was holding earlier.
"And the only person who could have stopped all this is on his way into the middle of nowhere…"
At the moment, the first page of the document had a picture pinned to it, and the person in the picture was Craig…