Chapter 622 - What If
Iris opened her eyes and looked at him with heavy-lidded eyes. "What's wrong?" she asked after hearing him curse.
Jin Liwei couldn't answer at first. He was looking at something below him in disbelief.
Why was he acting like that? Now she started to feel worried. "Darling?"
He took a deep breath before answering her. "The condom broke. I might have gotten you pregnant today."
Now it was her turn to freeze.
His jaw tightened after seeing her reaction. "Sorry, love. I know that you're not ready yet but if I really made you pregnant today, we have no choice but to make adjustments to our initial plans. Don't worry. I'll take care of everything."
She was too shocked to reply.
Something painful started twisting inside his chest. Why wasn't she saying anything? Did she hate the idea of getting pregnant with his child so much? He took another deep breath to calm himself and try to understand what she must be feeling now. He removed the torn condom from his now flaccid member, and then started talking to fill the uncomfortable silence.
"I should've known. This is a different brand from what we normally use. The ones we use are made of the highest quality materials and are known for their extreme durability. I never have to worry about getting rough and intense with you while using them. But this condom…Dominic must have bought it from a regular store."
Iris remained silent, causing him to be filled with anxiety. The pain in his chest became heavier. His hold on her hand tightened."Do you regret it?" he asked her. "Because I don't. You becoming pregnant with my child will make me the happiest man in the world. I want to marry you, build a family with you, raise our children together, and live the rest of our lives in happiness. I'm sorry that I wasn't careful today and that I may have ruined our nicely laid-out plans for our future, especially since this might cause a pause to your career and studies. But I want you to know that I don't regret it if I really did make you pregnant today."
She looked at him with emotion-filled eyes but otherwise maintained her silence.
"Xiulan, love, please say something," he begged her, his tone filled with anxious urgency…and pain. "Do you really hate the thought of being pregnant with my child?!"
"No!" she finally spoke. "Please don't think that."
She sat up and pulled him in an embrace. Her chest felt tight seeing that he was hurt. He tried hiding it but she could see it in his eyes. How careless of her! She didn't realize that her reaction would hurt him.
His arms wrapped around her, hugging her closer. He rested his head on her shoulder.
They held each other in a tight embrace. Their dishevelled appearance and exposed privates had flown out of their minds, as they tried to take in what just happened.
Iris, especially, didn't know exactly what she was feeling. It felt like a million emotions were running through her heart. She felt confused and scared but at the same time also happy and excited. It bothered her that Jin Liwei was misunderstanding her, thinking that she hated the thought of getting pregnant with his child, but she had no idea how to comfort him at the moment. She was still trying to figure out her own emotions.
He was the first one to break their embrace. His expression showed understanding and gentleness, yet she could still detect the hurt and disappointment underneath.
"Don't worry, love. You might have negative feelings about it now, but I'll work hard to make you accept it slowly. I'll show you that despite being unplanned, this pregnancy—if I really got you pregnant—is amazing and something to be celebrated.""Darling…"
"Come, I'll help you with your clothes."
"Wait…"
"We also need to eat lunch. We don't have much time so we need to eat quickly. I don't want you returning to work in an empty stomach."
"Liwei!"
His mouth pressed into a thin line before forcing himself to smile at her. "You don't have to worry about this now. We can talk when—"
She pressed her a finger on his lips, shutting him up. "Look at me."
He did.
"Listen. I don't hate the thought of getting pregnant with your child. I'm just…I…" She desperately thought of the appropriate words to describe her exact feelings but couldn't. Words were difficult but if she were in front of a piano, she would've perfectly conveyed her garbled emotions using music.
She sighed, giving up in trying to find the perfect words. Framing his face with both her hands, she said, "I'm scared. Confused. I think I'm a good godmother to Little Jun and a mother to our cats, but I don't know how to be a realmother to my own child. I'm sure that you'll be a wonderful and responsible father but what about me? What if I end up being a terrible mother? What if I make our child suffer? What if—"Jin Liwei pulled her in another embrace.
She burst into tears in his arms. She held on to him as she cried. It was a cry filled with anxiety and fear. Although the memories of her past life had grown hazy after the original Iris Long's remnant started fusing with her, there were still some memories which remained clear and potent as if they only happened yesterday. One such memory was of her fear of Madame Vetrova, the queen of their family's criminal organization…and her past life's mother.
She feared that she might unknowingly turn into someone like Madame Vetrova, a cold and merciless woman who treated her own children as instruments with the sole purpose of continuing and strengthening the Vetrov's reign in the international underworld. She was that woman's daughter whether she liked it or not. What if she inherited Madame Vetrova's ruthlessness towards her children?
Her fearful crying turned into horrified sobbing.
Jin Liwei rubbed her back and kissed her head. "Sshhh. You'll be an amazing mother, my love. I'm sure of it."
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