Chapter 168: I don't want to be half-assed
Walking side by side, Shishio glanced at Saki, who was in silence. He knew very well that this girl wasn't good at talking, but even so, it made him felt weird since she didn't ask anything about his relationship with other girls, even though she reacted so much when she saw him with Nana before.
Shishio wondered what Saki had said with Nana when he had left them before, but he knew that it didn't really matter since he needed to confirm her feelings and tell her the truth about his feelings.
On the other hand, Saki wasn't sure what to say to Shishio, especially after she had a conversation with Nana yesterday. Even though she had said that they might share him, there was no way that she could talk about that matter, right?
Saki glanced at Shishio and wanted to ask many things, but what she wanted to ask the most was what he thought about her?
'Shishio, what do you think about me?'
It was such a simple question, but Saki couldn't say it out loud.
The distance between them was so close, and if they just moved slightly closer, their hands would touch each other, but she didn't dare to do it until suddenly, Shishio held Saki's hands naturally.
Saki was surprised then looked at the hand that was holding her hand. She stared at his hand for a while, feeling quite complex since she knew that Shishio had a lot of close relationships with several girls, but more importantly, even though she didn't want to feel this feeling, she had to admit that she was pleased. Just by holding each other's hands, she felt that her heart was fluttering at this moment.
Saki remembered the warmth and the feeling of being protected by him when they met for the first time. It was so comfortable and addictive that it made her not want to lose it, but she had only held his hand twice, so she didn't know what to do at this moment until she saw his fingers intertwined with her fingers so naturally.
Saki could feel his slender, strong fingers through the gap of her every finger, which made her giddy somehow, but at the same time, it also made her flustered since she didn't expect that holding hands with him would be so wonderful.
"You're not asking me to let go of your hand?" Shishio asked while looking at Saki. His movement by holding her hand so suddenly might be very bold, or rather, he might be slapped since he had done something so perverted to a girl, but he didn't regret his action since he wanted to see her reaction. He wanted to see whether she would forcefully separate their hands or allow him to hold her hand.
Saki, who felt flustered inside, quickly calmed down when she heard his words.
Looking at Saki's reaction, Shishio knew that Saki was very conflicted at this moment and didn't know what to say to him. He didn't want to lie to her, and it was better to solve this matter directly so there wouldn't be any lingering feelings between them. So whether she would accept what he was to do or she couldn't accept it, he was going to settle everything here.
"You have seen all of those girls, right? Like you, their relationship with me is very close to each other," Shishio said calmly.
Saki looked at Shishio for a moment and asked, "...Do you have feelings for them?" Her voice was quite shaky, and she didn't look at him, looking below at her feet.
"No."
When those words fell, Saki looked at Shishio in surprise.
"If I say that, I'll be lying, but I can't give my heart to someone so easily," Shishio said while looking at the sunset in the distance.
Falling in love with someone was so painful, Shishio had died and became Shishio Oga. Even though it had been a month or so, he would be lying if he didn't miss his previous life. He missed his family, he missed his friends, and he missed his girlfriend. It was just so painful when he thought that he couldn't meet them again, and he was about to get...
Shishio shook his head and knew that he needed to move on, and the easiest way was to fall in love with another girl, but suddenly he received a system that could give him various rewards that he couldn't think of.
Shishio could get various incredible rewards that could only appear in fantasy by making out with a girl, even though he felt disgusted at first. Still, when his life progressed, he knew that there might be a possibility that he might get the power to return to his world back, even though the possibility was tiny since most of the rewards that he had gotten were talent, strengthening his body, assets, etc.
Still, even if Shishio didn't get the power of traveling to a different world, he might be able to develop a technology that helped him to travel to a different world, after all, with all the talents that he received, it was possible, especially when he had gotten the "Machinery Mastery," he even thought to develop Doraemon's gadgets with this talent.
However, for sure, Shishio knew that he needed to let go of his past and move on since there were many people waiting for him.
"I'm like this. I'm the worst kind of man, even though what I'm about to say might make you hate me or even beat me up to a pulp, but I still need to say this." Shishio stopped, looking straight at Saki, and said, "Saki, I can't give you all my heart for you, but even so, I want you to be mine."
Shishio felt that it was too pathetic when he thought that he needed to make all the girls that had feelings for him wait until he had said goodbye, especially when he saw Saki's sad expression at that time so even though he knew that it was quite wrong, he knew that he needed to break the rule that he had set up for himself.
"....."
Saki stared at Shishio in surprise and would have never expected that she would be confessed like this. Her heart was fluttering, and she was thrilled, but at the same time, she knew that she wouldn't be the only one, and that made her very complex and wanted to beat him up somehow.
In her mind, Saki often thought about how it felt when she didn't meet him since she might not feel this way. The ugly emotion that she felt in her heart wouldn't happen when she thought that he would be together with other girls. However, at the same time, she was also glad to meet him since it was the first time she could depend on someone, and for the first time, she was in love with someone.
"...You're a bastard," Saki said in a low voice, staring at Shishio coldly.
"I know." Shishio nodded calmly.
"You have made me like this, you have helped me, you have saved me, you have solved all my troubles, and you have made me dependent on you, so you think that I can accept your relationship with other girls by saying that to me, right?" Saki said coldly, but tears kept dripping from her eyes.
Shishio nodded even if his heart was heavy and said, "Yes, I'm such a scumbag. I deserve to be hated by you for playing with your heart, so let's settle everything here, you can reject me or accept me, but even if you reject me, you don't need to worry, even if we are separated now, I'll help with the tuition of your education and even your siblings, so you don't need to work late at night again."
"...You think that the reason why I like you is because of money?" Saki asked with a choked voice, and tears dripped from her eyes. She just wanted to run away from him right now and scream, but she just couldn't since his hand was holding her hand tighter.
Shishio shook his head gently and wiped her tears with his thumb. "Of course not, I have never thought of you that way, and all I want is to help you."
"...Why are you always so gentle with me?" If Shishio wasn't so gentle toward her, Saki could slap his cheek, kick his nuts, beat his face, then quickly return to her home, but after what had happened between them, she couldn't do all that.
"Isn't the reason obvious?" Shishio said while looking at Saki. His heart was so heavy now since he knew that he hurt her, but he knew that there was no turning back. He had decided to walk this path, and a short pain was better than a half-assed feeling.
"...." Saki stared at Shishio, blushing, and almost swayed by his words, but then she shook her head and said, "I can't make a decision now." Everything happened so fast, and she felt that if she stayed here any longer, she might agree directly to his words, but she didn't want that. She wanted to reaffirm her feeling first, and even though she had said that she could share him with Nana, when it happened so suddenly, her heart couldn't accept it for a while.
Saki wanted to monopolize him, she wanted him only by herself, and she didn't want to share him with anyone, so she couldn't accept this confession right away until she confirmed her feelings.
Shishio nodded and said, "Then how about we have a date?"
"Date?" Saki looked at Shishio in doubt since she couldn't understand why they would have a date with what had happened today.
"Let's have a date next Sunday, so before that date, I want you to confirm your feelings, thinking this thoroughly since if you accept it, then I won't let you go, since I'm quite possessive," Shishio said in a whisper on Saki's ear.
Saki blushed instantly and felt her body was weak instantly.
Shishio chuckled when he saw Saki's reaction and said, "I was joking, but I want you to think about it. Let's have a date on Sunday." He thought that he should finish his novel before Sunday, and by that time, he could say a simple "I love you" toward Saki since he couldn't say that now.
"...You...!" Saki knew that this guy was a bastard!
Saki looked at him for a bit, let out a sigh, and said, "Then let's have a date."
"Great." Shishio smiled happily.
Looking at his smile, Saki snorted and said, "I haven't agreed to your confession yet!"
"It's alright, I know that you won't accept it so easily, but my feeling is serious," Shishio said while looking at Saki.
"If you're serious, then you should date me alone!" Saki said without mercy.
"...." Shishio couldn't say anything to refute.
Saki snorted but felt satisfied when she saw him in silence. "I want to go back."
"Then I'll send you back," Shishio said without hesitation.
"...." Saki looked at Shishio for a while and nodded gently.
Shishio smiled and said, "Saki, You're so beautiful when you're angry."
"...Do you have fun teasing me?" Saki stared at Shishio with an unhappy gaze.
"Yes." Shishio nodded without hesitation.
Saki sighed and said, "...Should I reject you now?"
"You want to reject me?" Shishio asked.
"........." Saki.
Shishio looked at Saki, and even though he felt guilty for using her feelings, he knew that he couldn't regret it, and what he could do was move forward and make her happy.
"Let's talk about the date, is there a place that you want to go to?" Shishio asked while looking at Saki.
"Why are we talking about this matter now?!" Saki was startled and blushed.
"Of course, it is because I'm excited. It'll be our first date after all," Shishio said with a smile.
"....." Saki somehow wanted to fight back, but when she saw this smile, she knew that she couldn't, and knew that she had fallen so deep, but she didn't want to accept his confession because of the heat of the moment. She wanted to confirm and calm herself first before she accepted everything since it wasn't an easy decision for her.
Looking at Shishio, who held her hand, Saki knew that she couldn't escape, but did she want to escape?
Saki wouldn't answer that question now, but she would answer that question on their first date later. She looked at Shishio. Then she looked away with a blush while wondering how it felt when she didn't meet him?
Would she be in pain? Or would she be happy?
Saki wasn't sure, but she just wanted to enjoy this moment now.