Chapter 205: Love is trust
"..."
Shishio had never expected such a request would come out from Misaki's mouth and wondered whether she would ask him a favor to have sex in the future, but now what was important was to confirm whether she was joking or not. He then pressed his hand against her forehead and frowned. "It doesn't seem that you're sick."
"...."
Misaki was made and quickly slapped Shishio's hand away while complaining. "I'm not joking!" She wanted to try to have a kiss, but she didn't expect this guy would treat her request as a joke!
Shishio looked at Misaki and said, "Me too. After all, you have Mitaka-senpai in your heart, right? Remember what you have said to me before? You want me to help your relationship with Mitaka-senpai, yet now, you want to have a kiss with me so suddenly. So, of course, I'm a bit bewildered." He was wondering whether his charm was really high, or rather, was it because of that conversation before?
Shishio wasn't sure, but even if they kissed each other, he didn't really think too much, but he hoped that Misaki would understand what she was doing and didn't want to have a regret.
Misaki was in silence, and after a moment, she looked at him and asked, "Was it weird?"
Shishio shook his head and said, "Not really, you're a girl, and I know you're curious about that matter, but if you're just curious, then don't do it, I don't want you to have a regret because of a moment of impulse."
Misaki looked at Shishio and asked, "You don't mind having a kiss with me?"
Shishio looked at Misaki weirdly and said, "You're a beautiful girl, and I'll be dumb if I reject you, but do you know that I have a girlfriend? And don't you care about Mitaka-senpai's feelings?" He was wondering whether Sorata had blabbered everyone on Sakurasou that he had a girlfriend since he knew very well how petty-minded Sorata was. As for Mitaka, he didn't care much about Mitaka's feelings. He knew pretty well that he wasn't a good person, but he wasn't that bad either. In his dictionary, there were only friends and enemies. So if someone wasn't his friend, then it was his enemy.
Depending on the situation, Shishio might send that enemy to Tokyo Bay, but he felt that it was too cheap for Sorata, and he also felt that it was too much since Sorata was just a slime on Dragon Quest's game. Sorata didn't possess a threat to him, and he could snap him anytime, and rather than doing something so violent and mindless, there were a lot of interesting things that he could do, right?
"I know, you have a girlfriend, but it doesn't really matter, right? We're only practicing," Misaki said.
"You know?" Shishio raised his eyebrow.
"Um, Kohai-kun told me that you were going to your girlfriend's house during dinner before," Misaki said simply and asked, "Well, put that matter of your girlfriend aside, you don't mind to have a kiss. With me, right?"
"Even if I don't mind, what do you think of Mitaka-senpai if he knows that we have kissed each other?" Shishio asked, and as for Sorata, he ignored this insignificant figure for a moment, but he had made up his mind to mess up that guy's life in his mind at this moment.
"Isn't it simple? We just don't tell anyone, as long as no one knows, isn't that alright?" Misaki said simply.
Shishio looked at Misaki for a moment and asked, "Why are you doing this?" He really wondered what Misaki's motive was that she wanted to have a kiss with him. Even though he might have thought that Misaki's feelings toward Mitaka might not be love, he knew how complex love was, and it came with many different shapes, and sometimes, a lot of people mistook their emotion as love, but in truth, it was just an obsession. He wasn't sure about Misaki's feelings, but considering how she could tolerate Mitaka's debauchery life for a long time, he felt confused at the sudden change in her emotion.
When Shishio faced him directly, Misaki also did the same. Facing him, she couldn't help but tell him a lot of things. "Do you know when I've realized my feeling toward Jin?"
"No." Shishio shook his head gently.
"The first time I realized my feelings toward Jin was when he was dating my own sister." Misaki smiled bitterly and said, "At that time, I felt like I'd been left behind, and I felt like I was alone at that time. Jin, who has always been by my side, suddenly has moved so far away from me. It was at that time that I'd realized my feeling toward Jin, but..."
"But?"
"Sometimes, I wonder whether my feeling toward him is love or not..." Misaki was really confused about her feeling right now. She had never had someone she could talk to, and the people on Sakurasou couldn't help her either.
Shiro-san was one thing. The other tenants on Sakurasou couldn't be used as a reference, considering how chaotic their personalities and love life were. Sayaka loved to manipulate guys, and she wasn't a good example. As for Mayumi, she was a scumbag magnet, and she couldn't be used as an example. As for Chihiro, she is still single right now. What kind of advice could she give Misaki? Even Roberta might have a lot of experience on the battlefield, her experience at love was still zero right now since most of her time she spent on the battlefield.
As for Ritsu, Shiina, Ryuunosuke, and Sorata, ... there was no need to explain, right?
Misaki also didn't have many friends, considering many people thought of her as a weirdo, and a lot of them also felt jealous and inferior toward her ability, which caused them to slightly alienate her at the school.
Besides Shishio, Misaki didn't really have someone she could talk with, but she forgot that Shishio was a very dangerous man, and if she wasn't careful, she might be *Gulp!* be eaten by him.
"Why do you think so?" Shishio asked.
"I'm not sure, but..." Misaki sighed and said, "I just feel tired." She looked at Shishio, and she didn't know why she felt just comfortable beside him and felt that she could talk with her about anything. "Is love something so tiring? Shishio-kun, what do you think? What do you think love is?"
Shishio looked at Misaki, and somehow he couldn't help but recall what Nana had told him at that time. It brought him a smile, and somehow he couldn't help but think about both Saki and Nana, thinking how wonderful they were.
Looking at Shishio's smile, Misaki wasn't sure why, but she could tell that he was thinking about his girlfriend, which somehow made her uncomfortable, even though she didn't know the reason.
"Senpai, love has many forms, so depending on the shape and the people who feel it, they'll have different interpretations about it, but my girlfriend has said that love is trust," Shishio said.
"Love is trust...?" Misaki looked at Shishio in doubt and confused, wondering why love could be interpreted as a trust.
"She has said that loving someone doesn't mean that you're not okay with them changing, but it doesn't mean you have to be okay with however they may change. It's the confidence that the person will stay true to what made you fall in love with them in the first place. Love is an expression of trust. That's what my girlfriend said, but each person is different, after all," Shishio explained.
Misaki looked at Shishio and said in a low voice, "Your girlfriend really loves you." She then looked at him and asked, "What about you? What do you think love is?"
"Me?" Shishio thought for a bit and said, "I guess... love is when you feel that you want with this person forever and ever, no matter what happens..." Which was why it was so painful when he knew that he couldn't meet her again.
Misaki suddenly saw Shishio become sad, and somehow she wanted to say something, but she didn't know what to say. It somehow made her frustrated that she couldn't say anything in this situation.
Shishio quickly shook his head and asked, "So how about you, Senpai? Have you ever felt that feeling toward Mitaka-senpai?"
"Me?" Misaki was a bit surprised by this sudden question, but then she started to think about this matter seriously. "...I'm not sure."
"You're not sure?" Shishio was surprised.
"You know... the reason why I felt like I'd fallen in love with Jin was that he dated my sister at that time. It was so lonely, and I felt like I was alone, so maybe I thought that emotion was love, even though I wasn't sure what kind of emotion that I felt at that moment," Misaki said, feeling lonely. "I want to be with him, but when I'd thought about all the girls that he'd dated after we came to Tokyo... and at how he might have a lingering feeling toward my sister..."
"Don't you trust him? Trust that he's able to make a script that is able to excite you? Trust that he's able to break up with all of his girls, including your sister, so he can be with you?" Shishio asked.
"I..." Misaki couldn't answer Shishio's question, or rather, she knew exactly that she couldn't trust Jin. She knew about Jin's ability, and she knew about his personality. After all, they had stayed with each other for a long time, so it was hard to have that trust in him.
"Senpai, when you're confused, you shouldn't use your head," Shishio said.
Misaki was startled and asked, "Then what should I use?"
"Your heart." Shishio pointed his heart and said, "If you feel happy to be with Mitaka-senpai, then you can't give up, but if you don't feel happy, then it might be better to take a break from your relationship."
"My heart..." Misaki touched her chest where her heart was located, but it might be because her boobs were so big that it felt like she was rubbing her boobs from Shishio's perspective, but he didn't say much.
Misaki thought about the day that she spent with Mitaka, and rather than feeling happy, she felt so desperate, she was so desperate to make him fall in love, and sometimes she also needed to lie that his script was interesting, which tired her out. 'Am I happy?' She could tell this answer clearly, and she couldn't help but compare the time she spent with Mitaka and Shishio. Even though she only met Shishio for a week or so, she felt very comfortable with Shishio, and it was so fun, which was why...
"I know my answer, so how about we try to kiss each other now, Shishio-kun?" Misaki asked while looking at Shishio.
Shishio raised his eyebrow and also looked into Misaki's eyes, facing her directly, and said, "Senpai, you should realize that once we have kissed each other, our relationship will change."
Misaki was dumbfounded and asked, "Our relationship will change?"
Shishio nodded and said, "We won't be a senior and junior again, and we'll be both a man and a woman. There's a chance for both of us to fall in love, so are you ready for that?"
"I..." Misaki couldn't answer Shishio's question immediately.
Shishio smiled and patted Misaki's head. "If you still have a hesitation, it is better for us not to kiss each other. How about we rest for now? I'm a bit sleepy." He was really tired at that moment and wanted to sleep.
Misaki looked at Shishio with complex emotion and nodded. She then walked out of his room while thinking about what they had talked about in his room. She walked downstairs then toward her room, but her mind was preoccupied with many things that she didn't realize that someone walked past her.
Misaki had to admit that it was very enjoyable and fun with Shishio, but that was because they were both a senior and a junior and if their relationship changed...?
'Trust!'
Misaki suddenly thought about the meaning of love from Shishio and knew that love was a symbol of trust. She then thought about Shishio and the time that they spent together.
Could she trust him that their relationship wouldn't change when they kissed each other?
Yes!
Misaki didn't have doubt again, but when she was about to return to Shishio's room, she saw Shiina, who was about to enter Shishio's room. Somehow she could only stand there, staring at them, then walked back to her room since she knew compared to Shiina, her feeling toward him wasn't as much as Shiina. She tried to smile, but...
"....."
Misaki felt that she couldn't say here any longer and quickly ran to her room, feeling very uncomfortable at this moment.
---
At this moment, Shishio, who wanted to sleep, after a long talk with Misaki, opened his door again, looking at Shiina, who came to his room.
"Shishio, let's kiss."
Shiina was about to kiss Shishio, but...
"Wait, what?" Shishio was stunned since it was so suddenly subconsciously stopped Shiina, but...
Shiina showed a sad expression, her eyes were red, and tears were dripped from her eyes when she was stopped. She looked at Shishio, and she asked, "Shishio, are you going to leave me?"
"..."
Shishio knew that his night was still very long at this moment.