Chapter 22: I Don’t Want To Be An Edgy Character, I Swear!
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I walk through the snow at a good pace, although my stomach already begins to rumble.
I quickly eat some snow and it shuts up.
Yeah, the good ol' trick of eating snow to appease my hunger, even after evolving it works wonderfully.
Now, as I walk around, I began to think about what I should do with my life.
Aside from surviving!
I should really look for some kind of civilization, maybe.
But can I even fit in one?
I mean, I was a former human, and even as a Dragon I have intelligence and thoughts, I doubt I can live in solitude for the rest of my life.
…It would be honestly depressing.
Life is enjoyable when you have those you love around.
Emotional pillars are essential for my own sanity, which is slowly fading away with every day…
But if I find civilization or some kind of people or talking monsters… what do I do?
If they are nice to me, I can be nice to them too, right? I don't like to be overly aggressive without any actual reason.
But if they try to attack me because I am a monster… well, I might freeze a few and then run away, perhaps.
Well, depending on how aggressive they are.
Or if they are simply scared and don't attack me, I might just go away without doing anything to them.
I mean if I am going to be aggressive against them I have to justify it!
Even as twisted as I am now, I need some justification for what I do so I don't simply become a chaotic evil asshole.
And because I am a person with emotions and this is real life and not a video game, I want to support my own emotions and sanity in beliefs and a bit of pride as well.
Attacking anything on sight is also not good unless it is a delicious prize or a nice prey and I am extremely hungry.
I am not saying that I am a pushover or something, but not being completely wild and insane doesn't mean that I am a coward, I am just… I consider myself a person, okay?
Being a monster makes me work like a monster, but what about this mind of mine? I am thinking and feeling emotions, thereby I am a person.
I cannot neglect this essential part of my very self, as I don't want to become a mindless monster.
The reason I have survived for so long is because of my intelligence above other monsters (and my cheats).
Losing that strong point of me would be terrible.
Especially in a new world filled with so many wonders and dangers.
I really want to explore this world, to find where the heck I am.
I want to know its history, its origins, what is up with monsters here, why there is magic, what kind of civilizations exist, and more.
I want to find out about what I should do, and what could be my purpose aside from simply surviving.
As a person, I have to think about these things.
I know that I said that I wasn't a person before, but that applies to… well, anyone else except my own mind, I see myself as a person, but people outside will most likely not.
And there's the big dilemma, should I hurt people or not?
I will if they attack me.
And I will not if they don't attack me.
As simple as that, seeking trouble without reason is stupid, and I might get myself chased away and killed.
Being "evil" is not my cup of tea, and I am neither a "good" person either, I am just… a normal person, although I was thrown into this body and given these cheats, I used to be a pretty "chill" guy.
I a not simply going to give a complete shift in personality and become the edgiest man alive just because I have the body of a monster…
I have to first look for what I want to protect.
Everyone in their lives always seeks something they want to protect.
Aside from our own lives, what do we fight for?
A father or a mother fights by working every day to maintain his children and his wife.
A cop works hard every day to protect people and the law (well, this varies a lot depending on how fucked up they are).
A fireman fights every day to protect people from… well, fire.
And so on.
I know this example is incredibly childish and perhaps stupid, but this is how I see things, so deal with it.
So? I want to find people to be at my side.
I am not into the whole "edge lord solo player" bullshit, and I don't think anyone can really be such a being, to begin with, anyone with intelligence is born and fated to meet people and interact with them.
I don't know what kind of setting would make a person really think that they can be alone by themselves forever, it is completely retarded.
Yes, I know that there are shady people everywhere that you shouldn't trust, but there is always someone good for 10 bad people, honest and nice persons that you can trust.
Do I sound too childish by thinking that there are brighter sides to everything?
Perhaps, but what's so wrong with it?
Do I simply want to live in a gloomy world where everyone hates me for no reason? Of course not, that's horrible.
Why should I resign myself to become a lonely loser?
The whole "OP Badass solo player" retarded crap really gets into my nerves, this setting is not simply a game, this is real life, as fantastical as it is, I can smell things, feel pain, breath, eat, and feel hunger.
I am definitely not playing a game, even with a System at my side, therefore, being that stereotype is complete and utter crap.
I will never become such a being, even if I try as hard as I can.
And if I want to find out where I am and what is even this world, I will have to eventually interact with other intelligent beings.
Exploring the world and growing stronger is a nice goal, alongside surviving, but along the way, I also want to forge bonds.
I know… it will be hard.
But I really want to believe that I can do this, I really want to see the bright side of things, even more, when I have delved so deep into the dark side of life in this new world.
But for now, I have to concentrate on the present.
As I finish my mental ramblings, I suddenly hear the footsteps of something.
I quickly hide beneath a thick pine tree, as I glance at the creature roaming around… creatures, in fact.
Three wolves are sniffing around the snow… they are all Initial Stage.
This is my chance.
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