Ru felt that she had grown comfortable in the presence of Xiao brothers. The dinner was a joyous affair. And even after she left their place, there was a smile plastered on her face. It wasn't like her usual smile which always held a touch of languidness and aloofness. This smile was different. It was genuine.
But as she looked at her own dim reflection through the glass walls, her smile stiffened up. She lifted her hands to touch her own face as if making sure that the smiling face was her own.
She couldn't understand why but she wasn't able to look away. The face smiling back at her was captivating and enthralling. She tilted her head a bit and continued to stare at her own thin lips curled up in a beautiful smile. The glint in her beautiful eyes was akin to sunshine that could leave anyone with a sunburn.
She had to slap her face twice to get back her solemn face. "Ah, this young master has such charms that he even himself gets mesmerized by them. How unfair to the world!" As her usual self, she joked in order to get back her composure.
But it didn't really help... She was sure that she was comfortable with Yuan because he reminded her of her little rice cake back home. But...
The question was... Why was she so insouciant and congenial around Xiao Zhi Ren?
She promised herself not to make friends. People didn't value friendship in this era. And yet, was she really amalgamating the fringe between 'just acquaintances' and 'friendship'? Because if she was, she really was getting herself into deep trouble all over again.
After taking a warm shower, she didn't bother drying her wet hair and went to the terrace through the french windows in her bedroom. The terrace was beautifully aligned with pots of flowers and bonsai maple trees in various colors. Other than those beautiful pots, there was only a wicker swing Egg chair on the terrace.
Ru sat down in the chair absentmindedly and stared out at the dark night illuminated by skyscrapers. A person like her who grew up in the mountains never got used to the bustling cities that never slept. She didn't like the artificial lights that made it difficult to get a glimpse of that stars laden sky.
Often in the dark of night, she had a habit to whisper, "Ru, are you depressed?" As she asked that question in the void, she answered it herself, "No... I'm not sad at all... Not really." Since she had no one to ask, she would do it herself.
Leaning in her chair, she whispered again, "Are you happy with where you are?"
She gave a bitter smile to herself before saying, "I'm not exactly happy either. Even with my insomniac nature, I manage to smile and laugh. I can even make the most horrible jokes in the day. But..." She took a brief pause to look upward at the sky filled with smog and added, "As I stay alone at night like right now, I forget how to feel. I forget whether I have any feeling within me or not? Or perhaps I really have turned into a barbarian."
She had plenty of monologues sessions with herself. Because she was the only one who would dare ask herself how she feels. Maybe, sleep wasn't planning on showing tantrums tonight since she didn't even realize when the sleep actually knocked her out.
["You have a pretty smile," she heard a refined voice from right beside her but when she looked up, the person was engulfed in the darkness that surrounded her. "But it's a pity that it's a fake one." Her heart shook a bit at his words.
She opened her mouth to say something but closed it again, not knowing how to respond. So, she said, "It's easier for me to fake this smile. I didn't learn to show my tears."
"You don't want to give people the satisfaction that they managed to tear you down. Is that why you're hiding a million problems behind that one fake smile?" Her heart was startled again as those words' attack was straight to her heart.
She sniggered softly before saying, "I smile just to let the world know that I am here and I am still strong as I had been."
She felt the warmth of a big hand on her shoulder as she heard that masculine voice again,
"The first time I saw her smile
I knew,
fervent trouble was brewing inside
There was nothing more beautiful
then the smile on her lips
and the glint in her eyes
Nonetheless,
I saw those tears that welled up in her eyes
She didn't let the tears fall
Just to keep that drowning girl's pride
Or perhaps,
To hide the fact that her smile was just...
Another Disguise."]
Ru felt a splitting headache as she was jolted awake from the dream. Cold sweat had drenched her clothes. With heavy breathing, she looked around to see that the sun had already risen up long ago. Ru frowned to see the sun's blazing light shining on her face. 'Did I slept through the whole night?' She wondered to herself. 'How did that happen?'
It was a mystery to her how she managed to sleep through the night since even with her own personalized sleeping medication, she was only able to sleep for a couple of hours. She couldn't even remember when was the last time she actually slept for this long. Perhaps never?
She shook her head and went inside to take a shower with a new conviction in her heart. 'No matter what, stay away from Xiao Zhi Ren! He's bad news!' That voice in her dream had made her conviction stronger. She felt like she was confusing the person in her memory with Xiao Zhi Ren just because both had a mellow and charismatic voice which was distinct from the rest.
However, she wasn't the only one being haunted by her memories.
The first thing that Xiao Zhi Ren did in the morning was to open his hidden drawer and rummage out a beautifully carved pendant encrusted with pure green jade and blood-red rubies. There was a single character engraved on the pendant in Cantonese; 'Yu'.
Xiao Zhi Ren sighed heavily as he stared at that pendant in his hand as if he could see the owner of this pendant right before his eyes.
"One day, you might not find me here," she had said to him back then.
"Where would you go? To seek your revenge?" He had asked her gazing at her frail body.
He heard her scoff lightly as she said, "I might look like it but I really don't live my life for the sake of revenge." He saw her tracing a pattern on her palm with her index finger as she went on, "Only shallow people will burn their lives with the desire to take revenge."
He gazed at her sleek black hair that fell to her mid-back. "Will I see you again?" In his heart, he knew he won't be able to stop her. So, he chose the second best option he could think of.
"You saved my life. And I'm not a thankless person. I give you my word that I'll come to look for you." Xiao Zhi Ren felt at ease at those words.
"You have to keep this promise," he emphasized on his words to make sure that she remembers.
He saw her lips turning a bit into an arc as she said, "Until today, I'd lived my life aimlessly. Now, I might live this life for the sake of promises I have to keep."
Coming back from his reverie, Xiao Zhi Ren felt a tear trickling down his face. He wiped it away and said to no one in particular, "I know you'll keep your promise but can't you come sooner? I'm really tired of walking alone..."
He kept tracing that character on the pendant gently. But little did our Xiao Zhi Ren knew that 'Yu' in Cantonese was actually 'Ru' in Pinyin. And the person with the character 'Ru' was actually right beside him. But it wasn't like he could make the connection since the one he was waiting for was a girl and the one beside him was a 'man'.