After blocking out her conscious, Ru felt her insides twisting with a splitting pain rising from the core of her head. As her distraction was gone, her whole body felt heavy and she had to drag herself inside the apartment. However, after a few steps, her body went limp and she slid down on the ground.
Her breath was getting heavier and uneven. The scene from earlier played before her eyes like a movie. That thick stench of blood in the alley was still overwhelming her senses. At the reminder of seeing that katana with blood dripping down its tip made her knock her head back at the wall behind her.
She wanted this pain to numb her senses to forget the earlier events of the night.
But instead...
She felt like standing between those corpses all over again. The lives she took tonight. Cold sweat was forming on her forehead while her eyes looked dazed as she stared straight particularly at nothing.
In the past couple of months, acting as a civil human being almost made her forget the monster she was deep down. These recent attacks on her were a reminder. Reminding her of who she was and which world she belonged to.
Even as a monster or a human, there was no doubt that each life held value. And every dead soul leaves a mark on its predator. She could tell that she was in for another torturous experience. Her mind won't let her forget those people who lost their lives to her. Just like the ones who were still haunting her from the past.
Slowly, she felt like that blood spots in her memory turned into a mist before her very eyes and formed into a person that looked a replica of herself. There was an icy cold sneer on that beautiful face that looked like hers.
"Just like a leopard can't change its spots, you can't change your nature. You'll always stay a monster." That chilly voice made Ru feel like her head was going to burst open. It was sharp and unbearable.
Ru lifted her hand and bit down hard on her thumb until it bled. The taste of blood slowly entered her mouth and her lost rationality slowly came back. Her fuzzy mind finally noticed that there was no blood or mist or a person in her apartment except for herself. It was her own hallucinations playing with her mind all over again.
Feeling the energy slowly drifting away from her body, she leaned her head against the wall and closed her eyes slowly. Her thin blood-stained lips upturned slightly in a brittle smile in mock amusement.
"Monster? Just call me a demon. Because this devil long lost the desire to find her human self." Even in her whispering, one could hear her vulnerability. And vulnerability was a taboo for her.
She didn't know how long she stayed on the cold floor. All she knew was that slowly but certainly, her mind was coming out of those memory fragments which made her lose her rationality every single time.
"Ding-Dong!"
Suddenly, the doorbell's sound entered her ears but she ignored it. She wasn't in the mood to deal with anyone in the middle of the night. Especially, when she wasn't even sure whether she'd be able to hold herself back from strangling another person.
But the person at the door was also very persistent since the doorbell kept going on for a long time. So long that Ru's face twitched in exasperation. How could someone be so insistent? If she wasn't opening the door, people should take the hint which clearly said; Get lost!
But, nooo... Why would anyone be considerate of her flurry of emotions? Or her raging murdering instincts.
Inhaling... Exhaling... She repeated it several times before pushing her now numb body off the floor. With her one hand on the wall to support her body, she paced towards the door while wiping the blood off her lips with her sleeve.
However, on the other side of the door...
It wasn't that Xiao Zhiren wasn't considerate of her feelings. But he was insisting on waiting for her to open the door just because he was told that she came back home and hadn't walked out. He knew she was inside.
"What the hell is taking her so long? I hope she's okay..." He had gotten anxious since Ru wasn't opening the door which wasn't like her at all. There were so many scenarios running in his mind and each one was worse than the previous one. It only added up to his worries.
Wasn't it enough that he hadn't seen her since that kiss? He was cursing himself for being impulsive. He felt like his move had finally crossed a line and she was now pushing him away. But this distance was making everything harder for him.
And it became even worse when tonight he was told that Matrix Consortium's Chairman Xie Rong had been under multiple assassination attempts. And Xiao Zhiren who was planning on giving her time to sort out her feelings came running to her door to look for her.
He didn't know why but he was really scared for her. Not because he thought she could be hurt by those assassins but rather because he didn't know anything about it. Such a heartless fellow she was that she didn't even seek him out. He knew she didn't need his help. But at the very least, she could look for him to talk about it or something.
In all honesty, all these thoughts in his mind were just an excuse. An excuse that his restless heart needed to see her.
Finally, the man of the hour... Cough... I mean the woman of the hour pulled open the door and stared at Xiao Zhiren with blazing eyes.
"What took you so long? Are you so desperate to ignor-" his words were stuck in his throat as he noticed her appearance. Earlier, Ji Yifeng might have not noticed anything but Xiao Zhiren was different. He could discern the smell of blood on her almost immediately. Moreover, what made him lost for words was her green eyes.
Her pupils were contracted and her gaze was darkened. But there was something else amiss about those eyes other than the usual charm. He just couldn't point out what it was...
Seeing that it was Xiao Zhiren at the door, Ru felt like hiding but composed herself. As for why or where that instinct of wanting to hide came from, she couldn't tell. She held the door with one hand while hiding her blood-stained one behind herself.
Looking straight into his penetrating gaze, she only said two words, "Get lost!"
And with those cold words, she slammed the door with a bang and took another deep breath.
Xiao Zhiren was left alone and dumbstruck in the hallway but more so, he suddenly realized, what was the look he just saw in Ru's eyes. He had seen it before once. Her eyes looked dazed as if she was operating mechanically without a soul or any thinking of her own.
At this realization, he pressed the doorbell again but no response came. After contemplating for a while longer, he decided to try his luck and punched in the code he remembered by heart.
He didn't expect that Ru really hadn't changed her passcode even till now. How odd! Wasn't she wary of him? Or was this her form of trust in him?
That fleeting thought made him feel good inside but soon he came back to reality and ran inside to look for her. However, he couldn't find her. He looked in every single room but didn't see her. He wasn't in the mood to appreciate her apartment's interior or notice the fact that there was no bed in the entire apartment.
His mind was a mess as he ran around frantically looking for her. Standing in her living room, he raked his fingers through his hair and breathed out, "Rong, where are you?"
"Right behind you..." her voice came out in a whisper but Xiao Zhiren had heard it and immediately turned his head only to realize that she had been sitting on the floor right behind the main door while he was running around her apartment like a crazed man.
Seriously? Couldn't she have spoken sooner?
But this was not the time to rebuke her at all. He squatted down beside her and held her hand which she tried to retract but he didn't let her do so. Noticing that the blood on her hand was because of a small cut, he eased up a bit.
Both of them kept staring into the depth of each other's eyes with no intention of backing off. As for what they were looking for, only they could tell.
While Ru wasn't planning on saying anything, Xiao Zhiren wanted to hear her voice. He needed to hear it. But he didn't want to start off with her current condition. Looking for a topic as an ice breaker, he recalled how she slammed the door right at his face and said, "You're getting fond of banging." With a cough, he added, "I meant door. Banging the doors."
Seeing how Ru's looked confused, he realized how clueless she was about the suggestive meaning behind his words. Aiyo, why did she seem so innocent all of a sudden?