Chapter 303 - A Place In Your Life
Two days later...
The funeral for Lilith was in the morning but Ru had stood before her grave till noon without any intention to leave. The weather was very pleasant on this day. It wasn't exactly sunny but neither was it cloudy. Perhaps nature was just as confused as Ru's inner feelings.
The only person who had been standing not far from her was Zhang Han. Donning a black suit, his fair complexion looked rather pale and waxy along with his red puffy eyes. His eyes looked void as he lifted his head and spoke, "Do you think she deserved to die?"
Ru's head tilted as she looked heavenwards, "She had already been dead from the day her right to live freely was taken from her. So what if she's buried now? She had long been dead inside." Her hands clenched tightly as she lamented over the fact that if only she hadn't shown Lily a way to live again, maybe her death wouldn't have been this painful to her and the people around her.
She turned around to leave but when her eyes fell on a weeping willow swaying gently in the air, she ended up walking to it. Taking her shoes off, she let her feet touch the green grass that was soft. She sat down under the shade and leaned against the tree as she closed her eyes.
She hadn't seen Zhiren in the last two days and Zhiyuan would end up trembling in fear at her sight so she kept her distance from him. As for why she didn't see Zhiren was because she let both her brothers find a way to help him.
Just as she was thinking about the times she had come across Zhiren in her life, she felt a weight on her legs. Her eyes flew open and she looked down to see Xiao Zhiren whose head was now laying in her lap.
"You..."
Before she could say anything he spoke up, "Can you not push me away?" He looked into her eyes with a pained look as he went on, "Something tells me, this might be my last chance."
Ru leaned her head against the tree and didn't reply. She couldn't think of a reply. If she said yes, she'd be hurting him, and if she said no, she'd be lying to him. Either way, the answer wasn't right. So, the silence was the only option she could think of.
His eyes dimmed when she didn't give any response. He had expected it and yet it hurt. He exhaled a lot and heavy breath, "Do you hate me?"
Ru smiled faintly to herself, "Hate is a strong feeling. I don't use it so carelessly. You already know that."
"Then do you regret it?" He didn't dare look at her face. "I didn't even realize how your and my life had been intertwined all this while. If it wasn't for me, your life would have been a lot easier."
"I strongly disagree with that," stated Ru calmly. "Maybe if I hadn't come across you back then I'd have gone back home after having my fair share of wandering around. But whatever conspired yesterday was something I owed to the woman who gave me birth. I owed it to my bloodline that died down unjustly merely for someone's obsession for power and jealousy." She looked at the branches swaying in an enchanting manner as she went on, "This young master is still the same. I still don't regret anything. Neither meeting you, nor even letting you make a way to my heart."
"But I only have a place in your heart, I don't have one in your life, right?" he sounded bitter as he inquired looking at her face. He wanted her to turn her face a little so he could see her eyes. He wanted to see every little expression of hers to engrave it in his memory. If he didn't, he didn't know how he was gonna survive.
From the moment his memories restored, he was in a dilemma. He didn't know what he was supposed to feel. All his thoughts and feelings were just in turmoil. He was feeling at a loss since it felt like he had been living a fake life all these years with fake memories. If there was one thing, that he was certain about that would be, in every single piece of his memory, real or fake, he loved only one person; this green-eyed lady who loved running around as a lad.
But now... It seemed like he lost the right to even hold her back.
"Remember I told you that we are two people with completely different destinations?" Zhiren stayed quiet in reply as she went on, "As you said, our lives had really been intertwined all along but we merely met at the crossroads of life before turning towards our own destinations. Our paths could only cross, it was never meant to merge."
"You said an angel and a demon can fall in love," his voice was turning hoarse as he was trying to hold back his tears.
Ru's hand lingered above his head for a while before she finally stroked his hair gently. "Yes, the demons in me fell for you even though they were scared of the glaring halo you had. But I never said a demon and an angel can be together. My darkness is too afraid to taint your halo."
His heart clenched in his chest painfully, "Can't you give me another chance?"
"Zhi, didn't I say I don't believe in second chances? There is only one life and yet you insisted on wasting it by loving someone like me. I warned you that my insanity is catastrophic, it'd destroy you. Yet, you stubbornly kept saying you could take it. You could love all of me." She took a deep breath as she went on, "You should face the truth now, the light in your eyes won't be able to brighten up my darkness. It might just end up losing it's own identity." Her hand touched his face as she added, "I never questioned your love as you insisted. I was merely stating the truth all this while. I don't want my demons to devour you. It's not something I'd be able to watch."