I walk into the elevator with my chaperone and slump back against the cold steel interior, heart
thumping through my chest at how Arry is going to react. Pretty sure he’s going to be crazy mad at me
for this one, another stupid and dangerous situation, even though it wasn’t my fault at all. I know he’s
going to yell at me, off the charts explode, and well, after last night he probably still doesn’t like me very
much.
My heart’s pounding through my chest, nerves eating away at me as we wait in silence to get to his
floor. Whoever buzzed us in on the other end wasn’t him, some male voice I don’t recognize, so
knowing he isn’t alone makes this even more stressful. Last thing I need is a bunch of witnesses while
my boyfriend tears me a new one and probably dumps my ass spectacularly. I mean why the hell would
he keep wanting to do this, after last right and now this? Getting him dragged into some crazy
unbelievable bullshit. He’s right, I’m toxic and I attract all sorts of trouble. I’m a mess and I’m screwing
up his life.
He’s better off without me.
When the doors slide open I’m faced with two men standing casually on guard, both identically suited
and booted and looking very Mafia’esque. I half smile their way nervously, getting nods in return and
glance around expecting to see Arrick. They are completely out of place in his apartment and I’m aware
that my driver follows me inside. There doesn’t seem to be any sign of Arrick at all.
“I think they were on the veranda.” One man nods to me and I sigh, smiling a thanks as I leave them to
it and wander towards the back of his apartment apprehensively, on almost tip toes because I’m so
consumed with nerves. My heart starts thudding through my stomach and I begin to physically shake.
I have literally no idea how he’s going to react at all and I’m tense with nerves, I think I may throw up.
I’m hot and unwell from the sheer stress of the last twelve hours and I’m pretty sure I may pass out
before the hour is done. All my strength saps away and I’m left feeling weak and shaky as I tentatively
proceed.
I can see from here the doors are open but voices coming from his study pull my attention in there
instead. I pause as I catch sight of Jake and Arrick in the open doored study, in view from where I am,
yet neither looking my way, so they don’t see me at all.
Jake has his hands on Arry’s shoulders, standing facing, but Arrick has his own hands in his hair,
clutching the shortness as though he is on the verge of pulling it out, head tipped down and almost
leaning the top of it into his brother’s chest; posture looking completely rumpled and loose. They don’t
see me approaching, but I’m glued to how much he looks so unlike his normally calm and composed
self.
Jake is practically holding him up and he is so slumped it’s like he has no life in him, his form screams
of pain. It brings back the wave of heart wrenching tears, and they fill my eyes instantly.
“She’ll be okay, Alexi won’t let anything happen to her. You know he’ll fix this and get her out safely.”
Jake sounds ravaged too, tears in his eyes fully trained on the top of his brother’s head while Arrick
seems inconsolable. His voice broken when he responds quietly, and it only wounds me to my core.
“I left her…. I left my baby girl out there alone, Jake, hurt and crying. Like an asshole. I left her… I said
such cruel shit to her that I didn’t even mean…. I was pissed and lashing out, so stupid, so fucking
wrong. All I keep seeing is her face, begging me not to leave her and it’s ripping my insides out. I left
her, I said I would never. I hurt her, again… This is because of me if I stayed, or kept her with me,
then…. if anything happens to her…..I can’t forgive myself for this.” His voice is like the night he took
me to the garden after Leila’s party, wrecked and torn, obviously overcome with emotion. Broken like
he was when he got on his knees to stop me from leaving.
He sounds alien and my throat catches with so much raw emotion it chokes me, and I can’t call out.
Edging further towards them while holding back tears at how much pain my boy is in, because of me. I
made him like this, and I can’t control how much it hurts me, ripping my insides out as I cover my
mouth with my hand to muffle my sob.
“You didn’t know this would happen. You can’t think that way, you have to tell yourself she’s going to be
okay. It was a fight, nothing more Arry…. You’ll see her again and you’ll fix things.” I walk towards them,
hoping to catch their attention, unable to say anything, emotion rendering my throat mute, and
strangling me. I hate that he thinks this is his fault. It crushes my insides with so much guilt because it’s
not.
“I won’t survive without her…. This is my fault, I shouldn’t have ever left her. I promised her I would
never leave her again, and I fucking did. I deserve to lose her, for doing that to her again. She has no
idea how much I love her and wouldn’t be able to live without her. If they do anything to her. I’ll kill
every fucking one of them with my bare hands.” He breaks and seems to cry as Jake pulls him into his
chest, a proper embrace as he breaks down and I break too; a little sob escaping my throat that
catches Jakes attention.
His eyes flick up to me as I get to the door and the relief flushes through his face instantly. I almost see
him visibly slump too, those green eyes a little red rimmed and intense as he frowns at me with a half-
smile and inhales slowly.
“Arry? Arry look up…She’s here. Sophie’s home.” Jake nudges him and what seems like the longest
moment as his words register, before Arrick looks up at him and then spins towards me. The sudden
shock of relief on his face as he takes a second to convince himself that I am real. I have never seen
him in so much pain, and it breaks what’s left of me as he comes at me fast and I can’t control the tears
anymore. I let them flow and stop caring when those perfect Hazels meet mine with so much raw pain.
His face is completely ashen, tears on both cheeks, eyes red rimmed and so very green. He looks
awful, beautiful, perfect, yet completely awful. I burst into a new flood of tears as he crosses toward me
at speed and scoops me into his arms so fast I can’t react. He wraps himself around me so tightly,
burying his head in my neck like I’m being held in confines and having the life squeezed out of me. He
hauls me up to his chest and completely cocoons me with a palm cradling the back of my skull so I’m
almost a second skin to him.
I can’t do anything else except slide my arms around his neck, he even has my feet off the floor with
the strength of his embrace and hug him back tightly. Clinging on desperately, while Arrick almost
crushes me with need, finally in the one place I have longed to be all night and day. Closing my eyes as
emotions swarm over me, through me and just makes everything stop hurting.
He’s still sniffing into my neck, making me feel horrendous that I reduced him to this. I can feel the
wetness from his tears on my skin as his face comes to my cheek, pushing himself against me with
ragged breaths.
“I’m sorry, baby. I’m sorry…. So goddamn sorry.” He gasps between quick inhales, crushing me a little
so much, that I’m finding it hard to breathe, but I don’t protest. His hands cup my face as he pulls me
hard against his mouth, kissing my cheek and eye and jaw clumsily, planting lips anywhere that comes
in contact and showering me with heartfelt adoration of a crazy person. He lets go to slide me to my
own feet to wrap his arms back around me again and squeezes me doubly tight, almost winding me
fully with rib cracking strength.
It’s the kind of hug given in desperation, when someone really is happy to have you back with them and
can’t control how it feels. I don’t mind the bone cracking, as long as he doesn’t hate me anymore.
Obviously still loves me if this is anything to go by.
I cry, silent tears and cling on desperately, every part of me cocooned in the one safe place I never
want to leave ever again. Enveloped by everything that I love about him.
“I’m so fucking sorry… I love you so much, Sophie. I thought I was never going to see you again.” He
lifts his head to push his forehead against mine, not caring that he’s stifling tears, his voice broken and
trembling, and I find comfort in it. Knowing that I mean this much to him, that he loves me this much;
even when I’ve been awful and violent and undeserving of it. I have never seen him this way with
anyone else, he isn’t this type of guy to fall apart so easily, and yet his body vibrating with so much
relief after what I assume has been a night of hell.
He lets me down properly to cradle my face with his hands, pulling it to him, tilting my head and kissing
me hard. Our tears mingling as he locks lips with me and makes it clear that he has been going out of
his mind over me. It’s not a sensual or even a graceful kiss, more a pushed on me, forced, ‘I am so
relieved to have you back’, sort of kiss. Every part of his face squished to mine and his arms makes
their way back around me to squeeze the life out of me once more. This time he wraps them around
my shoulders and head like he wants to force us into one and never be separated again. I’m starting to
think he might crush me to death, it’s obvious he still hasn’t quite gotten control of his inner emotions
and isn’t aware how indelicate he is being with his affection. I cling on, feeling truly loved in this
moment, like he would never let go of me again.
“Hey. Give an old man some of this.” Jake nudges us and Arrick relinquishes his hold enough for Jake
to slide me out of his arms a little reluctantly, grabbing my hand and locking fingers even though I’m
only parting for a second, while ‘God daddy’ gets a hug.
Jake slides his arms around me and gives me a full proper embrace, squeezing me too and then kisses
me on the forehead as he lets me go, less crushingly so and using his sleeve to wipe his own eyes
which are leaking a little manly moisture too. Seems I can make Carrero men cry and I wonder if I
should add it to my CV.
Can reduce big tough Carreros to tears.
Arrick does the same, wipes his face and clears his throat, then starts wiping my face with fingertips,
pandering to me once more, guiding me back to his circle of proximity and litters my skin with small
kisses as he goes. He seems completely lost and focusing on tasks and touching, while he pulls
himself together.
“You okay, Kiddo?” Jake frowns at me and I nod, feeling surreal, like I’m no longer awake or here, and I
guess it’s shock catching up on me.
“They didn’t really hurt me, just scared me, but then the name Carrero popped up and I wasn’t scared
anymore. Seems you lot are a force to be reckoned with.” I sigh and shrug and am recaptured by Arrick
pulling me into every inch of his body, so his face is against my cheek and wraps himself like an
octopus around me. Returning to death by forced hugs and pretty sure he’s going to crack ribs this
time. Jake smiles at him in a very endearing ‘my brother is clearly overwhelmed’ way and ruffles his
hair affectionately.
“What’s this?” Arrick catches sight of my hand and lifts it up with deadly scrutiny as he lifts his cheek
from mine, eyes scanning it and face scowling to that age old Carrero glare. Anger spiking that
someone dared to hurt me. Instant fire and rage hitting his expression hard and I pull it free quickly and
caress his face softly to tame him.
“I punched Camilla in the face…Thanks for ever telling me that it hurts like a MOFO by the way!” I
giggle, through tears, somewhere in relief and disbelief that this has even been my day so far. No pain
from my hand anymore and I guess because I am still high on adrenalin and know I will crash later. I’m
dreading the later if I’m being honest, this day is going to catch up on me big style.
“Jesus Sophie. One night out on your own and you’re beating women and taking on drug lords.” Jake
shakes his head, joking to cover the seriousness of the last few hours and both stare at me with so
many mixed emotions. Jake is a little more relaxed while Arrick still looks like he might beat someone
to death. Poised and stiff like he can’t calm down.
“Camilla?” Arrick questions me, homed in on that one little point. I realize I have never really told him
about any of that; after the night in the club, we never really talked about how it came to be, and we
never brought it up after we found each other again. I guess two of us have some explaining to do and
maybe I am being harsh on the Miami thing. Now I’m sober and clear headed I can see why he didn’t
want to tell me. It still hurts that he kept a secret, but now I can understand why, I guess.
I am a jealous irrational psycho after all.
“Long story…. Another time.” I curl myself into his throat and sink into his body around me once more,
completely attached to me and unwilling to let me loose. He keeps squeezing me and kissing any part
of my face or head he gets near. Repeatedly checking that I’m okay by smoothing his hands and eyes
over me, assessing, checking obsessively. It feels good. Safe. Needed. Like I’m in the one place I
belong, and I finally believe that he really will never survive without me.
“I’ll give you two kids space… I need to go call my wife and tell her where I am before she freaks out.
She was still asleep when I left. No one knows, Sophs … I don’t think this is a tale that anyone besides
a very few Carrero men should know.” Jake eyes me warily, patting both of us on the shoulders,
moving away a little and I nod in agreement.
“My parents would ship me back home and mark the city as a far too dangerous place to live alone.” I
agree, gasping softly as I get another squeeze of death to the ribs and he picks me off my feet,
obviously another wave of emotion’s hit him and he’s reacting internally. On the surface he looks
relieved, but his green eyes and little tensing muscles in his jaw tells me he’s overthinking, over
analyzing and summarizing how close he came to never seeing me again.
My over thinking weirdo. I love you.
I must admit, shock might be wearing off and now I’m feeling fragile as the realization hits me that this
could have ended so badly. Fatigue washing over me coupled with nausea because I haven’t eaten in
hours.
“You’re not going to be living alone anymore. You’re living here, and we’re moving your stuff today. No
argument, Sophs. I don’t want you going back to that apartment or anywhere alone ever again,
anywhere without me. Ever.” Arrick has found the strength in his voice again and frowns at me bossily,
endearingly serious and I shrug at him, placating him while he is still so obviously emotional and fragile.
Looking so very stern.
“Was going to happen anyway. Just not today… I need sleep, food, definitely a shower and some time
to get my head around this.” Right now, nothing sounds better than making sure I never leave here
again. He’s back to gripping onto me like he wants to melt our bodies into one and I have to accept the
fact he may be a little needy for a while, not that I’m complaining. All I need is to be wrapped up in him
too.
“If you two are getting to the cohabiting stage, then maybe it’s time you properly told the families that
this thing is serious, Arry? Maybe in a few days you could both come home and make mom happy?”
Jake gives him the affectionately bossy tone and the slight furrowed brow look that means, ‘I am saying
it as a suggestion, but what I really mean is you will do as you’re told.’ I giggle at his lack of subtlety
and Arrick finally breaks a smile too. Both obviously thinking the same thing.
“Give her time to get over this…. Me too. I think I’ve aged like fifty years in the past few hours.” Arry
sighs and pulls my cheek back to his face, littering more kisses across my eyebrow and temple. Unable
to stop touching and showering me with his affections.
“That’s what love does to you buddy. God Knows Emma knows how to make me fall to shit sometimes.
I’m heading home, but dad insists you keep the security team, at least until all this dies down, and Alexi
does whatever he is going to do.” Jake is in serious mode, fatherly and CEO toned. A hint that the dark
side of the family is something he knows more about than he lets on. He ruffles my hair and then his
brothers, pulling his head over roughly and plants a kiss on Arrick’s temple. Arry throws him a weak
half smile, shell-shocked, exhausted, and somehow completely out of his depth in this moment.
“Thanks, Jake… I love you.” Arrick lets go of me and gives Jake a proper hug. It’s a weird moment,
something I don’t see very often, and they pat each other’s backs in a very manly way. I can’t deny the
close bond between them when I see them this way with each other.
“Love you too, asshole. Stop upsetting my goddaughter or you’ll have me to deal with. You know better
than this shit, Arry. Make better choices.” He pushes him in the shoulder, catching him by the back of
the neck to plant another kiss on his baby brother’s forehead and turns to go. He throws another kiss
on my cheek as he passes.
“I know…. Trust me… I know.” Arrick eyes me warily and hauls me back in for another round of
squeezing and kissing, only this time he lassoes my head with his arm and pulls my mouth against his
to stay that way. Not really kissing, just face planting us together and breathing me in with closed eyes.
Clearly no intention of giving me any breathing space anytime soon, despite the fact I suddenly need to
pee, and I want to get these grubby clothes off my skin. I slide my arms around his upper body and
hold on tight.
We don’t see them leave; first I know when he lets me go is that we’re alone and I guess, like his
bodyguard of old, they have gone elsewhere to guard this apartment from a distance, discreetly, non-
evasive. I know all it will take is a call or even stepping outside to be flanked by men in suits. I
remember this from the first years I knew him. When Giovanni was paranoid that his sons were going
to be targets for kidnapping or harm and now it makes sense why he would even assume anyone
would want to hurt them. There’s so much about this family I don’t want to know about at all.
I’m glad knowing that they are out there now, keeping me safe. I need safe right now, I need to be here
and cocooned in normal.
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