Chapter 1114 Reality (4)
It was the first time he shed tears since Bai Weiwei’s death.
He didn’t know how he survived so many days. Each day he woke up, he didn’t dare to open his eyes.
The empty pillow was suffocating.
He had clearly lived so well his last life. No matter how lonely, no matter how many hardships he faced, he had never felt pained to the point of despair.
In this life, everything had clearly been going so smoothly.
The third prince had taken the throne early. He had passed the palace examination early, and he was unprecedentedly named the top scorer with a stroke of the imperial brush.
Not a single bit of the Qi family’s wealth had been touched.
His future as an official should have been a smooth road, with nobody to obstruct his future prospects.
Yes, he should have been on a horse now, parading through the streets and receiving flowers with the other scholars who passed the palace examination.
His life should have been so good.
But it was missing Bai Weiwei.
She was missing.
How could it be fine?
Qi Chimu had thought he could get through it. After all, he had come back from any desperate situation, even something impossible like rebirth.
There was no reason why he couldn’t survive and spend his days well.
Even before she died, she had wanted him to live well.
He had promised.
But… why couldn’t he do it?
Qi Chimu clenched his teeth, tears flowing down his face.
He’d lied to her.
He was completely unable to live happily.
He didn’t even have the desire to do so.
How could he be happy?
One winter, Qi Chimu resigned from his position after three years of a brilliant career as an official.
He had merely been doing it to get her a title.
He was plagued by illness. The imperial physician told him that the disease of the mind had taken root in his bones. The excessive turbulence of emotions, if it was not resolved soon, his life would not last much longer.
In early spring, a serious illness once again completely ravaged his body.
It was likely this last bit of life would not last long.
Qi Chimu coughed as he weakly burned paper money for Bai Weiwei.
He murmured softly, “This life will probably end like this. Unable to live a few years, unable to be happy for a few days…”
But as he said this, he finally showed a sincere smile.
“Ending like this is also good. Suicide is too cowardly, and living is too unbearable. Dying early isn’t so bad.”
Qi Chimu’s face was pale, his smile unchanged.
“An impatient person like you might already be reincarnated. I don’t know if I can catch up with you in the next life. I’m afraid I’ll be reborn.”
After rebirth, everything would start again.
But the her after rebirth would not necessarily be the her of this life.
He was afraid he wouldn’t be able to meet her.
Qi Chimu sighed. “Meeting you really was a sin. I don’t know what debt I owed you, this little conscienceless thing, for you to cause harm to me.”
He should have had a status full of glory, a life of riches.
But she brought him a life of loneliness, a body wracked with disease.
But he still felt happy. It couldn’t be helped.
Everything she gave was good.
Even if it was bone-deep pining, or a life-taking ailment, it was all fine.
She was dead, and he was willing to pamper and long for her.
Two lifetimes were not equal to a year of her company. Qi Chimu coughed blood and said with a smile, “Weiwei, I hurt too ah. It hurts so much.”
The wind and snow gradually grew stronger, and Qi Chimu sat there all night.
When he returned, his body completely collapsed. He endured for three days, and missed her for a lifetime.
Then, he died.
He had promised her to live well.
But he’d lied to her.
He had to quickly go to the underworld and apologize to her, then let her beat and scold him, or perhaps punish him to kneel1.
He just wanted to wash her feet again, or draw her a flower between her brows.
If she didn’t forgive him, he would tie himself up again and let her do whatever she wanted. She was a bit selfish, but her heart was soft.
No matter how much he lowered himself, lowering himself into the dust, she would always love him.
1: 跪算盘珠: something like kneeling on abacus beads. Not literally (?)–it’s probably more like kneeling on something hard/rough, like a bed of rocks or a washboard, mainly used for punishment by wives to their husbands.↩