Chapter 451: Our Hyunsung (3)
‘I should adjust the distance between us.’
Getting any closer had to be avoided.
Lee Kiyeon’s objective wasn’t to have a strong relationship with Kim Hyunsung. Rather, it was the opposite.
I had no intention of playing with fire overnight. This was just a one-time thing.
I only aimed for a simple relationship where we would meet by chance, accidentally had deep conversations, then went on each other’s ways without regrets.
If we got too close, I might need to keep in touch with him regularly.
Naturally, I leaned back.
I didn’t know if this was a good thing, but Kim Hyunsung didn’t take my signal as a sign that I wanted to distance myself from him.
He thought I was just moving over.
He wasn’t the kind to react to those actions in the first place, but as this was an important occasion, I had to be cautious about my movements.
‘I guess it’s a good thing.’
Of course, the conversation continued.
It went back and forth between light talk and a bit of personal talk.
What was a little surprising was that Kim Hyunsung had begun to talk about himself little by little.
At best, everything he said was all that everyone knew. However, it was important that I was making him talk.
“I see. I feel like I’m seeing you in a new light. I guess being in the position of a Guild Master representing Lindel isn’t all about convenience.”
“Yes. There are a lot of politically intertwined stories. It’s not a position where I can just do as I please. I need to think about the Vatican’s side, and I need to consider the surrounding cities’ position. I said it like I was good at it, but in fact, I’m all thumbs when it comes to this…”
“But the Blue Guild is doing well, right? You’re doing good, not only with the military force. but with the political issues, too…”
“That’s because of my close friend.”
It wasn’t long after that the lovely returner mentioned me.
“Close friend… Oh, the Honorary Cardinal.”
“Yes.”
‘Whew. Hyunsung mentioned me as a friend… I’m going to cry. Hyunsung, you know how much I cherish you.’
“So, you seem to have a close relationship, just like the rumors said.”
“I don’t know. At least I feel that way. It hasn’t even been long since we’ve known each other… it’s a bit weird. Sometimes I wonder if it would feel like this if I had a brother. At first, I didn’t think of him that way… he has such a strange charm.”
‘Hyunsung, I know how you feel. I feel the same way.’
“The Honorary Cardinal is probably thinking the same way. I don’t know much about you two, but I’ve heard a lot about you.”
“People talk about us?”
“Uh-huh. Everyone already knows how loyal the Honorary Cardinal is to the Blue Guild Master. Actually, the word loyalty doesn’t even seem to fit…”
“Haha. Yes. It would be far from something like loyalty. Rather, it is a little embarrassing. Loyalty…”
“It would be easier to call its friendship. Yes. Friendship. Actually, I’m a little bit envious.”
“Why?”
“You found such a valuable relationship here.”
“Oh…”
“It’s not easy to find someone you can trust. At any time, you can be backstabbed… It’s not easy to trust people with no worries.”
“I understand.”
“…”
I wasn’t sure, but the timing, I thought, was just right.
He was already drunk, and the atmosphere was heightened enough. If I dragged more time now, there was a possibility that he would become fuzzy, so I had to make up my mind.
I could feel Kim Hyunsung’s gaze at me as I slowly talked with emotion.
“In fact…”
“Yes?”
“I also had such a person. A person like the Honorary Cardinal to the Blue Guild Master. A person who felt like a real sister.”
“That means…”
“Yes. She’s not here now. There was an accident, and eventually, she died. And it was all because of me.”
“Oh?”
“It’s a common story. I didn’t trust her.”
“Ah…”
“She believed in me. And I didn’t.”
“…”
“…”
“I don’t know why I’m talking about this with someone I’ve met for the first time.”
I knew it was more effective to bring up the story with teary eyes.
As I glanced at Kim Hyunsung’s face, I noticed that he had gotten embarrassed. It seemed like he didn’t think that the conversation would suddenly become a human documentary.
However, in his perspective, he must’ve felt like this was now the right time to comfort me.
“I don’t know what to say.”
“I shouldn’t have told you that. A crying woman is not attractive…”
“No. That’s not it. Rather, it’s more…”
“You have a unique taste.”
“Ahem. I don’t get it.”
“I’m sorry. Your reaction is so cute that I keep joking around unknowingly. Well… anyway, that’s it. It’s not all that great. It’s something that commonly happens across the continent. A lot of time has already passed, and I have overcome it to some extent… You don’t have to comfort me with that face, Hyunsung.”
“Okay.”
“Then, should we have another drink?”
“Once again, I’m really sorry.”
“Will you keep making me depressed? Let’s toast quickly. Clink. Uh… This wine is strong.”
I could see him laughing slightly and drinking it.
However, his smile wasn’t natural. I felt like he was thinking of something different.
‘Did it work?’
Just looking at his face, I thought it worked.
I felt worried at first because it was a bit outright, but it seemed he didn’t think there would be any other meaning.
I felt a little happy, but in other ways, I also felt bitter. This meant that Kim Hyunsung had felt a bit suspicious of me.
‘Hyunsung, fuck. It really hurts. What did I do for you to become suspicious of me? I’m not the masked trash. I don’t have any skeletons in my cupboard.’
However, I had to take in this fact humbly.
There were several problematic scenes in the process of desperately trying to protect the continent. Perhaps, from Kim Hyunsung’s point of view, even if he didn’t want to, there must’ve been some things that were bothering him.
Considering that, I could understand his reasonable doubts.
Didn’t he say we were brothers? Brothers usually grew up fighting.
Naturally, I slowly spoke up once more.
Since I had already told my story, it was time to listen to his story. Of course, I had to do it carefully. I had to approach the situation cautiously.
“You’re wearing that face again.”
“What?”
“You’re wearing a frustrated expression. Do you want to get some air?”
“You really are used to reading other people’s faces.”
“I told you it’s just on your face. It seems I shouldn’t have told you that…”
“No. It’s not that. I just had something to think about. It’s about trust.”
“Do you mean the Honorary Cardinal?”
Kim Hyunsung sent a bitter smile. Perhaps it meant something positive.
“Is there something wrong?”
“No. There is nothing wrong with him. Rather, the problem lies with me.”
“What?”
“It’s a matter of my humanity.”
“It’s not frustration. It’s only a sense of shame.”
“Yes. If I have to express it, I think that word would suit me better. It’s a sense of shame.”
“If you don’t mind, can I hear what it’s about?”
“…”
“I don’t know if this will help, but…”
‘Ha… is he backing out?’
When I was about to get a bit disappointed, he began to continue talking again.
“The suspicion never leaves my mind.”
“What?”
“Just like what I said, the suspicion never leaves my mind. It’s not that other people have a problem. Really… it’s just a personal matter.”
“Ah…”
“It hurts me not being able to repay his trust. I know it’s not true, but I still kept creating useless thoughts in my mind, and eventually, I came to the point where I couldn’t face him properly anymore. I don’t know when or how this happened, but my humanity was ruined. I shouldn’t do this…”
‘This stupid bastard. Hyunsung… Why are you being so nice?’
I felt anxious, but I also felt happy because I had now discovered what kind of state he was in.
I didn’t know how the hell it happened, but Kim Hyunsung definitely doubted me. The problem was that he was taking it as if it was his fault.
Perhaps because he had been backstabbed in the first round, Hyunsung was convinced that he had PTSD, which meant he couldn’t face people properly. It seemed he was also very distressed.
I could finally see why he had been avoiding me despite him saying we were like brothers.
‘It’s understandable since he’s been betrayed so many times… I understand, Hyunsung.’
In fact, not all the faults belonged to Kim Hyunsung.
Some events or circumstances could be reasonably suspected. He simply didn’t connect the pieces one by one. Instead, he only stored them in his mind, so he unconsciously hid the puzzle.
He refrained from having any thoughts whenever something happened.
It meant that even when I didn’t do anything, he would take a step first then restrain himself.
‘Kiyoung is not that kind of person. I can’t doubt him.’
He was in a situation where the negative energy in his heart kept insisting to doubt the innocent me.
“Every time I catch myself thinking like this, I feel that my humanity… is getting worn out.”
“It’s not.”
“…”
“I don’t know exactly what kind of situation you are in, but I feel that you’re not a person with worn-out humanity. I’m not saying this to comfort you. Hyunsung is a good person. It’s been only a few hours, but I truly feel that way. “
“…”
“I’m right.”
“I guess I’m drunk too. I don’t usually talk about this.”
“It’s because I spoke about it first. I don’t know if this will help, but… as a senior who had a similar experience, I would say…”
“Yes.”
“It would be better to talk to him about it.”
“Ah…”
“Honestly, talk about everything you have kept to yourself until now. It will definitely help. It’s not good to keep procrastinating. You said he was like a brother.”
“Yes.”
“If Honorary Cardinal feels the same, he will be able to understand you.”
“Ah…”
‘Right, you bastard. We have to get it off of each other’s chests.’
I saw him quietly nodding.
“Shall we have another drink?”
“Yes.”
‘This wasn’t bad overall.’
I had acted naturally enough.
It felt a bit heartbreaking to backstab him in such a way, but it felt like an inevitable choice since it was only to get rid of the negative energy inside the lovely returner.
Naturally, I felt good about the result since it was better than I thought.
I vowed to be careful, but it had been a while since I had a drink with him, and I ended up drinking a little too much. At this point, I felt like I was getting a little tipsy.
As if I looked drunk even to Kim Hyunsung’s eyes, he began to worry.
“You look very drunk.”
“No. Ugh.”
“I think it’s better to get going. I will take you to your dorm.”
“It’s okay. I’m not that weak enough for you to worry. Let’s drink a little more.”
“No. I think I’ll feel better if I take you to your dorm now.”
‘Do not take me there, asshole.’
This atmosphere was definitely getting weird.