Chapter 686: I Erased My Memories (3)
The most confused person there was none other than Kim Chang-ryul.
I noticed him suddenly going silent because he was unfamiliar with the spotlight pouring on him. Of course, I was in a hurry to keep my words to myself, but…
“Sorry for not visiting you very often, Vice Guild Master.”
‘No, I’m not being sarcastic. Chang-ryul, come on.’
He was making me more confused.
He still couldn’t get rid of his concept and was wearing a mask.
I didn’t think it was necessary to maintain that appearance in such a place, but what would I do if he said he felt comfortable with it?
I could only read his facial expressions from his eyes, so it’s a little tricky… Although it sometimes made the atmosphere so awkward, it wasn’t impossible to notice Kim Chang-ryul’s loyalty to the guild.
He wasn’t doing anything from the outside, but it was natural to praise him, considering the fact that he handled a lot of things behind the scenes.
My behavior of ignoring Kim Hyunsung would never seem strange.
Nobody could deny that I hadn’t been paying much attention to Kim Chang-ryul.
“I’m a little sorry and ashamed to tell you this late, but thank you for your hard work.”
“I just did what I had to do.”
“Of course, you may think so, but I don’t think I’ve given you the right treatment for what you do. I had the opportunity to reward you multiple times, but I couldn’t do that for you.”
“Thank you for your kindness, Vice guild master.”
“We look forward to your continuous cooperation. Of course, the same goes for what’s going to happen. I personally expect a lot from Chang-ryul.”
“I’ll do my best not to disappoint you.”
He bowed his head slowly and expressed his gratitude for my compliments. When I thought that there was still no sociality over time, I could see something worrisome coming out of Kim Chang-ryul’s face.
‘What? What’s wrong?’
It’s not just Kim Chang-ryul. Jung Hayan and other guild members, who used to greet each other vigorously, were also looking at me as if I had something on my face. I was worried that tears were flowing down like before, but no liquid was coming out. However, it didn’t take long before I realized what they were so bothered about.
‘Oh, sh*t, this…’
I managed to fix it somehow, but the aftermath of the waterfall-like tears still lingered, and I might have made a face that looked like I was about to cry.
My eyes must’ve been red, and I might’ve been thinking something was wrong with my breathing. I felt different from usual, a little bit strange, or something. The powerful guild members gathered in that place couldn’t be unaware of it.
I didn’t look at Kim Hyunsung’s face because I wanted to hit him in the back of his head, but at that moment, I couldn’t look at his face in a different sense.
“Ahh… I’m getting a little emotional.”
“What are you saying…”
“There’s a big crisis ahead, but… It’s just that it’s been a while since I’ve had a job like this… I think it would make anyone a little emotional. It reminds me of when we first met. After many twists and turns, I look back on the process of gathering, forming an organization, meeting new people, and getting closer to each other… Something… like that…”
“…”
“It feels good. I don’t know exactly how to explain it. It’s just good to be meet you again.”
When I smiled a little for probation, crocodile tears began to form around my eyes, and of course, I had noticed the guild members wearing complicated faces.
“I’m a latecomer, but I think I can agree with the Vice Guild Master to some extent. I’ve been feeling a little bit restless for a few days… and I feel a little relieved to be at this gathering today.”
‘Yes, Ki-mo. You always step in and toss the right words at times like this.’
“Me, too. I feel the same way.”
Kim Ye-ri also nodded and spoke up.
“I think I can understand what you’re talking about. There was a lot going on, as the Vice Guild Master said… In terms of time, we haven’t been together that long, but… I feel like you’re all my family for some reason…”
Yoo Ah-young, who stood still, also helped. The next person to take over the baton was Hwang Jeong-yeon, sitting next to Park Deokgu.
“It’s not a shameful expression. Actually, we’re like a family… Don’t you think so?”
“Yes, that’s right.”
Tears weren’t flowing down, but they were emotionally shaken. It didn’t seem too bad. It was a light production, but Elena’s weak heart was already filled with tears.
There were no people there who wondered why they were suddenly talking nonsense as soon as they came in. The atmosphere was set by the Vice Guild Master, after all.
Wouldn’t Kim Hyunsung and Cho Hyejin understand why I talked about that?
Lee Kiyoung would someday forget all the people in there.
Therefore, I wanted to keep it in my eyes; that was why I was sad.
‘Wow… this is sh*t. It’s sad to think about it.’
Of course, I’d already decided to accept it…
The fact that everyone was still together wouldn’t change, but they would disappear someday in Lee Kiyoung’s memory.
I thought of an ending where I ended up not remembering people who laughed hard and really lived with me like family members. A drop of crocodile tears began to fall.
‘Let’s win, Kiyoung. I can get through this. The Hero’s Tragic Ending. I can handle it.’
“Kiyoung…”
‘It’s a tough job, but you’ve been through this, haven’t you? Don’t show sad faces to the guild members. You have to overcome it, Lee Kiyoung. Tragic heroes are full of determination, so I’m not going to cry. Let’s not show tears.’
Unknowingly, I tried to extract the right reactions from the atmosphere…
‘No, Sh*t. I’m going to be a tragic hero.’
I had some kind of anxiety in my head. I even hypothesized that trash from the first round had infiltrated me. Still, I was satisfied that I had created that atmosphere and managed it well.
‘I don’t have to overdo it.’
I could still feel the way they were looking at me.
Sure enough, I heard a voice calling out to me right away.
“You don’t have to worry too much, Kiyoung.”
“…”
I didn’t know why, but even just hearing his voice made me want to hit the back of his head. However, I couldn’t keep being in that condition. It was right to get a proper understanding of my current situation rather than sending Kim Hyunsung to his death after what happened.
If the feelings of hatred for Kim Hyunsung remained on the inside, solving them quickly somehow was the closest answer I could get.
When I turned my head after sighing, Kim Hyunsung’s face, looking at me with a noticeably sad expression, came into view.
‘Oh, you bastard.’
“…”
“…”
‘Sh*t, thank God. Wow, yeah, sh*t… You didn’t go that far. Did you fix this? You’ve got it fixed up to here, right?’
I thought the feelings inside me also understood that antagonizing Kim Hyunsung could cause things to go wrong, or…
‘Is it because it hasn’t come up to the surface yet?’
Anyway, it didn’t matter. I could feel relieved that I didn’t seem to hate Kim Hyunsung, but he looked at me with an anxious face.
‘Oh, but I want to hit the back of his head.’
I thought I should take it lightly. Perhaps it would be easy to take it like ‘Pavlov’s dog.’
I had hit Kim Hyunsung’s nape constantly for more than a decade, so whenever I looked at his face, my palms itched.
I was calmer than I expected. Honestly, I didn’t want a passionate response like when I saw Park Deokgu, but I thought it was right to be honest.
Park Deokgu and Kim Hyunsung were the two figures who influenced me the most.
‘Even if I had to fix it… You don’t care this much?’
Rather, although I felt a little bit sorry, I also felt good.
No, it was not like that. I could feel little different emotions, and I couldn’t really describe it in one word, but maybe…
‘Kinship.’
It was a sense of kinship.
“Now… are you alright?”
“What?”
“Since earlier, I’ve been wondering if you were worried about something because you looked a little nervous or if I did something wrong…”
“There’s nothing you can do wrong. I should have apologized. It was supposed to be a good time… I think I messed up the atmosphere…”
“No, Kiyoung shouldn’t feel sorry. I fully understand. I understand what Kiyoung has in mind and what emotions you are handling right now. On the contrary, I’m sorry. You must be in a complicated situation… I shouldn’t have created a place like this… I’m sorry.”
‘Something’s off…’
“Even if Hyunsung didn’t want to make it, I would have made it. It was Deokgu’s idea to take the time like this, so you don’t have to be sorry.”
“Thank you for saying that. I… I… Oh! Please sit down. You’d better eat first.”
‘Are you determined to maintain the status quo about Kim Hyunsung? If that’s possible in the first place, wouldn’t it be possible to stay calm when I saw Park Deokgu?’
It was good that nothing had happened, but…
‘It’s too stinky.’
“Oh, Oppa, over here…”
“Vice Guild Master, sit here.”
“…”
“…”
‘It’s so lame. Super lame.’
My head started to spin to the point where I wondered if I might get a mental illness.
‘I hope I’m not being fooled.’
Lee Kiyoung, I didn’t get tricked by that son of a gun, did I?
“Wait a minute. I need to go to the bathroom…”
“…”
I recalled the first episode of Park Deokgu. It’s all bluffing and tricks, right?
Maybe it was a big trick because I didn’t want to get caught in the memories and deleted the bet. Maybe I wanted to be careful and moved after throwing away the fact that my memories of the first timeline were left inside.
I would’ve certainly done that.
It was unknown to what extent the self-intention was given, but after receiving a note from Cho Hyejin, perhaps I thought, ‘If I meet with Park Deokgu, I will tear up.’ I might’ve had felt that there was no other complete trap than that. If I considered that the writing she gave me was a trigger, wouldn’t it make sense?
“You crazy piece of sh*t…”
Perhaps I ended up putting myself in a sh*tty situation just as I put Jin Qing, the Masked Trash, in a sh*tty situation.
“Let’s think about facts instead of useless hypotheses. Let’s just think about the facts. Let’s think about what I missed.”
The face in the mirror was in view. There was no doubt that he looked like he had been shot properly.
I pondered around about what happened in the last 30 days in an attempt to find what I missed.
Who did I meet during the boring, annoying, and difficult time? Who did I meet, and what did I do?
I didn’t have super memory like Hwang Jeong-yeon, but that’s why she had room to dig. Lee Kiyoung didn’t have perfect memories.
I was nervous because I couldn’t remember everything. I realized that my work wasn’t perfect, and because I wasn’t confident in handling it neatly, I must’ve dug a trap. I’d always done things like that.
That time would certainly not be different.
Because of this, I did something. I had prepared for the end.
For what reason?
Why did I keep asking myself? I took care of people who I could call my own. I helped Cha Hee-ra cross the wall, watched the conflict between Jung Hayan and Han Sora, and checked the end with Jihye. I ate with Park Deokgu, Ahn Ki-mo, and Kim Ye-ri, and I monitored everyone once in a while.
I talked to Oscar at the Continental Conference, and we kept in touch after that. At that time, I also engaged new forces with Dialugia, Dialuria, and Elena. Then, I personally checked whether I was preparing properly, how my people were at that point. The 30th day was…
Right, wasn’t it?
I grabbed my head and looked in the mirror, but nothing came to mind. I started harping on such useless advice.
At that moment, a voice came into my head.
It must’ve been at the time when Doom Hyunsung’s event ended. Lee Jihye… definitely said something to me.
[There aren’t many guilds left in Lindel. Come to think of it, Yuno Kasugano… said something. You can call her right after this meeting…]
Was that what she said?
Lee Jihye murmured to me as she arranged the schedule before entering a meeting.
“Fuck…”
Let’s go back a little more. Had I met her?
Had I ever met Yuno Kasugano since the light fell?
“You’re crazy, Lee Kiyoung.”
It was as if I was right.
‘I see…’
It was ridiculous. The whole memory of meeting with Yuno was gone.
‘Yes, that’s right. This is right… I think this is right. This is… I think I got it.’
The reflection of the face in the mirror showed a displeased smile.