Chapter 958. Mood (9)
I woke up at around half past two in the morning.
I could probably ignore him if I wanted to ignore him, but I had already decided that I would comfort Kim Hyun-Sung today, so I had to get up.
His nightmare tonight had to be worse than usual, as anxiety was eating away at him.
I wasn't using my Telescope, but I could clearly see what was going on in his tent.
He woke up drenched in sweat, and he was breathing in ragged pants. He reached under his bed, as that was where his sword was located. After realizing that he was inside his tent, he sighed and gulped down a glass of cold water.
Unfortunately, it was not enough to make his anxiety go away.
He could no longer sleep, so he washed his face and stepped outside to see what was going on. After checking the palanquin, he calmed down and started walking around the camp, as he was feeling depressed.
‘I should head out now.’
It was time for me to move, but my body wouldn’t listen to me. The problem was that Jung Ha-Yan was sleeping next to me, and her legs were on me. I was used to it, as this wasn't the first time she had crawled onto my bed.
Actually, I wasn't supposed to worry about Jung Ha-Yan.
‘Why is Han Sora here?’
Han Sora was curled up next to Jung Ha-Yan.
To make things worse, she was awake. I had no idea if she had woken up at around the same time as me or if she had never slept, but I was sure she was going through the same struggle as me.
I struggled to move Jung Ha-Yan’s body to the side...
‘Why is she so strong?’
I couldn’t move or push her to the side.
And that was when Han Sora and I made eye contact...
I decided to ask her for help.
“Please help me, Miss Sora. Actually, why are you even here?” I asked.
“Miss Jung Ha-Yan asked me to come with her...” Han Sora answered.
Thanks to Han Sora trying her best to pull Jung Ha-Yan to the side, I managed to escape and stand up. I managed to escape Jung Ha-Yan’s grip, but Han Sora ended up sacrificing herself and getting stuck in my place.
“P-Please help me, too, Sub Guild Master,” Han Sora requested.
“...”
“I need to go to the bathroom. I-I’ve been awake for thirty minutes. I haven’t been able to move because of Miss Jung Ha-Yan...” Han Sora explained.
“...” “Sir?”
'It’ll be bad if Ha-Yan wakes up now. She’s definitely going to follow me if that happens.'
“...”
“Sir?”
‘Sorry.’
“Sub... Guild...”
“...”
“That jerk...” Han Sora.
“...”
“Sh—”
I heard her struggling behind me, but there was no way Han Sora could beat Jung Ha-Yan’s Strength.
Jung Ha-Yan had to have instinctively noticed that the spot on her right was empty, so she stuck to Han Sora, who was on her left side.
Han Sora was definitely going to struggle, but it was just a temporary struggle. Kim Hyun-Sung's mental health was more important than Han Sora’s issue.
I heard Han Sora struggling as I got ready to go out, but I had to ignore her struggle for the continent's sake.
‘It’s cold outside.’
It was still 3:28 a.m., and everyone was asleep.
I saw Kim Hyun-Sung sitting in front of the bonfire alone and trembling pitifully.
Kim Hyun-Sung was extremely sensitive to other people’s presence, but he seemed to be extremely deep in his thoughts, as he didn't notice my presence until I got too close to him.
He was probably thinking about the nightmare he had tonight.
I wasn’t sure about what kind of nightmare it was, but I had an idea as to what happened. He probably dreamed of a happy continent where everyone lived their daily lives in joy.
The reason it was a nightmare was that the brother he had a bond with wasn’t there. He noticed something amiss in his dreams, so he wandered around and ended up in front of the God of Sacrifice and Revival's temple.
He had to have screamed there, which woke him up from his dream, or he could have had a dream where I was in extreme agony.
There was also a chance that he dreamed of me ending up in an iron maiden, screaming for help like a maniac at the bottommost floor of this dungeon.
Obviously, Kim Hyun-Sung couldn’t reach me in his dream. No matter how long he ran, and regardless of what he did, he couldn’t save the Saint of Light. In the end, I stopped screaming, and the dream had to have ended there.
‘There can be variables, too.’
If Kim Hyun-Sung somehow managed to stop Lee Ki-Young, the continent could end up getting destroyed, as the God of Sacrifice and Revival—the Saint of Light—couldn't do anything to save it.
The Saint of Light would then resent Kim Hyun-Sung and the guild members who stopped him from doing what was necessary to save the continent. He'd then be filled with guilt and helplessness, which would end in him taking his own life before everyone.
‘I actually saw a plot like that in a play.’
The nightmare could be worse, or it was probably not as bad as I assumed it to be.
Regardless, it was a shocking nightmare that made Kim Hyun-Sung unable to go back to sleep. It was a terrifying nightmare that tormented Kim Hyun-Sung a lot.
When I made a noise, he grabbed his sword instantly, and he relaxed when he saw me.
Honestly, I got kind of scared by his instant reaction.
“Mr. Ki-Young?” Kim Hyun-Sung said.
“...”
“I-I’m sorry, I just—”
“It’s fine. I think I was too quiet just now. I didn't want to startle you...” I said.
“It’s not like that...” Kim Hyun-Sung mumbled.
‘It’s okay. I’m not here to be nitpicky about that.’
'I wonder what he thinks of me...''
It was true that I preferred working at my own pace, but I wasn't such a psycho that he had to be wary of me. I felt kind of bad for him when I saw him being wary of me despite the fact that I was here to comfort him.
He was still the hero of the continent, after all.
I was a bit harsh on him today, and he seemed really disheartened. He no longer had a title or power here, and the fact that he had nothing made him look pathetic. His shoulders were drooping, and he still seemed worried about my reaction...
‘Why does he look so pitiful?’
He looked really happy when he told me that he'd open a bag festival in the future.
“Looks like you couldn't sleep,” I said.
“You, too?” he asked.
“Yes... I couldn’t stop thinking about what happened today... I think I was kind of harsh,” I replied. I started off by feeling kind of bad. I honestly wasn’t feeling bad, but he’d feel better if he knew that I had been worried about him.
“I-It’s okay. As you said, I was too emotional. I can't make reasonable decisions right now, so I believe you made the right decision. If I were to continue being the leader of this expedition, something bad would happen,” Kim Hyun-Sung said.
“That’s a bit—”
“You made the right choice,” Kim Hyun-Sung interrupted.
“No, I think... I got a bit too worked up about what happened this afternoon, Mr. Hyun-Sung...” I told him.
“What? What do you...”
“I’m kind of embarrassed to tell you the truth... but the things that happened up until now...” I trailed off.
“Yes?”
“I got kind of angry... when you said that the things we did up until now were unnecessary,” I confessed.
The campfire crackled, and it was the only noise I could hear amidst the deafening silence.
“...”
“...”
'You said that, but I know that he had no intention of saying that. He probably meant that my sacrifice was unnecessary, but it's all a matter of interpretation.'
‘Yeah, I was pretty angry.’
'Do you really think that I want to remember everything that happened to me over these years? It was a difficult and hard time for me, too.'
There were many painful memories I wanted to forget, and my soul now had a scar that I'd have to carry with me for the rest of my life.
'They were memories that would instantly push me to my limit both mentally and physically, but those memories... are what made us who we are today.
'When we first met as strangers... those painful memories are what helped us build a bond and become brothers. Come to think of it, that’s probably why I got angry yesterday.'
‘It’s like he denied everything. It's like he's saying that everything that has happened up until now has never actually happened.’
I didn’t bother explaining everything with words. I also didn't tell him that I was disappointed in him and that I felt like my feelings were being invalidated.
I couldn’t tell him that I got angry because it felt like he was basically saying that everything we had gone through together was unnecessary.
Kim Hyun-Sung was slow-witted, but he wasn’t dumb.
'Expressing that I was angry should be enough, right?'
As expected, Kim Hyun-Sung started feeling better.
‘He’s really easy to handle.’
“I-Is that so?” Kim Hyun-Sung asked.
“Yes.”
“T-That’s not what I meant. I was just...”
“I know, but in my eyes, the painful memories... and the memories that I don’t even want to remember are all precious memories. I’m talking about what I went through with the guild members, Ha-Yan, Deok-Gu, and you. I know that you didn’t mean that either, but...” I trailed off.
“It looks like there was a small misunderstanding,” he said.
“Yes, it looks like it,” I agreed.
“Would you like a cup of coffee?” Kim Hyun-Sung offered.
“Of course,” I answered.
I started poking the campfire because that was the only thing I was good at.
Kim Hyun-Sung took out iron mugs. He placed them above the campfire and sat back down. I was sure this wasn’t enough for him to forget his nightmare, but he seemed to be feeling better.
There was a small secret behind the reason I treated him harshly, and it was enough to give strength to the loner who lacked social skills. Of course, this would help with his trauma as well.
‘Yeah, those incidents are what made us grow this strong, and they are the reason why we can have a cup of coffee like this.’
From now on, I was sure that he would no longer say that they were unnecessary.
He'd probably even comfort himself, saying that those tragedies were the reason we were here right now. Obviously, I wasn't convinced that it was going to have a positive effect right away, as those tragedies were memories that Kim Hyun-Sung did not even want to keep.
However, what I had done would assuage his discomfort.
“Won’t you be tired later, Mr. Hyun-Sung?” I asked.
“I’ll be fine. In my past life, there were times when I didn’t sleep for a week. More importantly, I've already thrown away the heavy burden on my shoulders. I think the expedition is going to be a lot easier from now on,” Kim Hyun-Sung replied.
‘You’re not being sarcastic, are you?’
“Are you being sarcastic?” I questioned.
“Of course not. I just—”
“I’m kidding,” I interrupted him.
I laughed and then went straight to the point.
“What have you been doing all this time instead of sleeping?” I asked.
'What have you been doing? I couldn’t sleep because of what happened today... so why are you here looking so pitiful and all that?'
It was definitely because he had a nightmare, but Kim Hyun-Sung didn't say anything in response.
I understood the reason behind his silence. He was embarrassed to say that he woke up from a nightmare, and he didn’t want to make me worry about him as well. In addition, if he ended up revealing the truth, he’d have to tell me about that nightmare of his, which was definitely going to be troublesome.
In other words, Kim Hyun-Sung's refusal to confess was his way of avoiding such a hassle.
“Huh?”
“I...” Kim Hyun-Sung hesitated.
“Yes?”
I was sure he'd start talking about something else.
“Do you think I’m a selfish person, Mr. Ki-Young?” Kim Hyun-Sung asked.
‘I’m not sure...’
“What you said has been bothering me. About how everyone is here to protect the continent,” Kim Hyun-Sung said.
‘...’
“That’s not the case for me at all. Actually, I’ve never been that kind of person,” Kim Hyun-Sung confessed.
Was the crackling bonfire making Kim Hyun-Sung feel emotional?
‘Did he hit puberty again?’
Kim Hyun-Sung's self-deprecating words that came out of nowhere made me sigh inside.