Chapter 595: Eraser in my Head (2)
“I don’t know what you’re talking about…”
“…”
I actually didn’t understand what she was talking about.
She appeared out of nowhere and mumbled about me losing my memory, so how could I?
It was only natural that I couldn’t control my expression. It was very brief, but when I looked at Cho Hyejin with complicated feelings and all sorts of embarrassment, she began to look even more serious.
‘Why is she so serious?’
Was she playing a game without my knowledge? Or was she doing a prank?
However, with her personality that made her hate cheap jokes, there was no way she would be kidding around like that. Most of all, I was very concerned about her face filled with sincerity.
She wasn’t acting either. How could I not notice that her ambiance that was full of worries?
I instantly realized that something was going on without my awareness.
When I was perplexedly speechless, she seemed to have been convinced that her suspicions were right.
“There is no need to hide it, Vice Guild Master.”
“No…”
‘Fuck, I really don’t know what you mean.’
“Exactly when did the symptoms start?”
“I really can’t understand what you’re talking about… You seem to be misunderstanding something… It’s not a big deal, so let’s just move on. Isn’t it funny to say that I lost my memory, that I lost my mind just because I’ve was forgetful a few times? You shouldn’t waste time here. Join the party and do your thing. Suddenly spouting nonsense like that…”
“Vice Guild Master. That study log, you were reading it a while ago. Were you aware?”
‘No, I know… so, what are you saying?’
“No, this is because I wanted to take a look at it again.”
I shook my hand and made a gesture telling her to leave, but Cho Hyejin didn’t answer. Rather, she was sticking to the attitude that she would never leave the place until I told her the truth.
‘Fuck… What the hell? This is because of the Doom state, isn’t it?’
The longer I stayed in the Doom state, the more my mind would get burdened, and the guild members knew that. It was also expected that I would have short-term memory loss…
After all, wasn’t I the one that came up with it when I introduced the Doom state concept?
It was a kind of a gimmick wherein I couldn’t remember anything about the unconscious world or what happened while I was in Doom state. However, I was sure I hadn’t shown that off after.
With the concept that the penalty could be reduced as much as possible by receiving the Goddess’s blessing, I appealed that the Doom state would be beneficial in the end.
The party members didn’t seem to have any great doubts about Benignore’s radiant light.
Above all, it would be natural for them to be relieved that there were no accidents the past year.
Although I recently had been in Doom state once, I couldn’t remember causing anything to warrant being pressured by the feeling of being interrogated.
Of course, I frowned and grabbed my head as if it was hurting, and I said I didn’t remember the difficult situation. To be honest, I used it a little bit, but I couldn’t even imagine that I would suddenly be treated as someone carrying an eraser in my head.
“I heard the gist of it from the Guild Master.”
‘Hyunsung, what’s up with you? Why are you taking this so seriously alone? No, what the hell are you having delusions about?’
I finally discovered that the reason behind her sad expression was Kim Hyunsung.
When I glanced at Cho Hyejin, she was still looking at me with her eyes wide open.
I couldn’t understand how Kim Hyunsung came to that conclusion.
What bothered me, though, was the most recent conversation.
‘Kiyoung.’
‘Yes?’
‘Are you okay? S-Suddenly…’
‘Oh, I’m fine. I was thinking about something… You have nothing to worry about. Where were we?’
‘We’re trying to find out if there is a way…’
‘…’
‘Are you really okay?’
‘Ah, yes, we are. I’m sorry.’
We definitely had a conversation like that recently. Perhaps one of the reasons was that the time I spent in conversation with Benignore midway through my talk with Hyunsung was lengthened.
I pretended to be okay, but in Kim Hyunsung’s mind, the fact that my memory of the unconscious world had been lost must have been quite a shock.
When I recalled my memories, the moment I said “no” when he asked if I remembered him lingered in my mind.
I thought it was all just my delusions, but this was still the type of reasoning that felt plausible.
Perhaps the fact that I had already forgotten one of my memories had created a Shakespearean novel about being intertwined with quirks.
It could be said that it was my fault that I wasn’t careful, but how could I have predicted that Kim Hyunsung would’ve had such a strange thought?
He wouldn’t have been convinced, either. That was why he had probably issued an order for Cho Hyejin to test me. She had most likely had been talking to me in that way because she had her own form of a guilty conscience.
She must’ve been more and more convinced after recalling that I often lost my mind, my memory had declined, or that I often blinked lately.
I wanted to hear their conversations in person just to make sense of what was happening.
‘Wow, they’re writing a story of their own. Why don’t you just go be a writer?’
It was as if they had seen far too many of the tragic Cliché novels. I admitted that there were many shocking events, but I really didn’t suffer from memory loss.
“I’ve told you many times that there is nothing wrong with me. What’s up with that random nonsense? Don’t make a big deal out of this. Just go do your job.”
“I already know everything. I thought you’d been a little weird lately, but…”
‘What did I do? And what do you know?’
I wanted to resolve the misunderstanding, but they had already come to a conclusion without me. I wondered if it would be better to say that it was actually happening.
‘Will there be an advantage to that?’
For one, she wouldn’t try to protect me blindly. Since she knew that negative emotions affected the Doom state, she would care not only about my physical safety but also my mental health.
I thought she would wrap me around so that I wouldn’t have to work at all, but that also didn’t feel like a problem.
There would’ve been a solution, but considering that the second Doom state was the effect of imprisonment, there was no such option.
‘Should I just say that there is no more time left?’
It was a bit too much, but I thought it was going to work.
However, I had to analyze it more since I didn’t know how that would play out.
‘No, she won’t believe me in this situation if I just say no.’
Wouldn’t it be better just to admit it?
Regardless of what I chose, it wouldn’t be the best, so I couldn’t make any judgments.
It wasn’t that there was no way at all. Rather, I could create an environment in which I could move more freely than I currently could.
I glanced at Cho Hyejin, who was looking at me in front of the door.
With a face that still didn’t seem to have suspicions, she was perfectly convinced that something was going on in my head.
“Vice Guild Master.”
“…”
“…”
The atmosphere was already in place. At the silence and uneasy air wrapped around the room, Cho Hyejin, with a grumpy face, swallowed hard.
“Please believe me. At least our Blue Guild members deserve to know what’s going on in the Vice Guild Master’s mind.”
“…”
“It’s my responsibility.”
“No.”
“What?”
“It is not your responsibility. Nothing has changed because of the recent incident.”
“Really…”
“…”
“…”
“Only you should know this.”
“…”
She looked like she realized there was something wrong after all.
“Please do not let anyone know about this. Not even Hyunsung, Hayan, Deokgu, the Blue Guild members, or my acquaintances. I don’t want to tell them yet. Since our situation is dire, I don’t want to cause unnecessary worries or distractions. I still have some work… left to do. Yes. That is absolutely necessary.”
“What… are you talking… about?”
“I don’t have much time left.”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s exactly what you think.”
“…”
“I don’t know exactly when it started, but there are times when my mind feels a little blurry. There were times when I had short-term memory loss like just before. The reason is probably… It’s probably because of that. I also tried to find a way out myself, but she told me there was none.”
“Who…”
“Benignore.”
“Is that true?”
“Yes, I have been given a curse that I can never recover from.”
“That… what does that…
“It’s not a big deal. I won’t die. I’ll just slowly lose my memory. If it’s short, I’ll have three years, and if it’s long, about five years.”
“Wait…”
“Since I haven’t forgotten anything yet, you don’t have to look like that. I’m holding on surprisingly well. A high amount of intelligence is helpful in this case. Although I often get lost in space or distracted, I haven’t forgotten the past. As of yet, this has not progressed to that extent.”
“…”
“Please don’t tell other people. As I said before, there are many things to do. I don’t know when and how things will worsen, so I want to finish everything I can. In addition to the work we need to do for District 5, there’s a lot of work I need to do for our survival. It’s annoying, but what can I do? I’m the one the gods chose. I don’t have a personality that would sacrifice a lot for anything, but for now, wouldn’t I survive as well if the continent does?”
“…”
“I know it’s a bit strange for me to do this, but I want all the people related to me to live. That’s why I don’t want to cause unnecessary worries. I’m quite capable, you know. There’s a lot of things I can do within this given time, a whole lot more than you can imagine. I don’t want to waste any second of it.”
“You really…”
“Don’t tell anyone for the time being. Just keep reporting that there’s nothing wrong, that I’m healthy. This is my final request.”
‘While doing it, speak to them in favor of me, huh? This is good. I think it turned out okay.’
I wondered if Cho Hyejin would follow my will, but I felt confident about it if it was her.
I had to be stuck in such a state for the time being, so keeping quiet about it would obviously provide convenience and relief to other people’s worries.
After our work was done, I could say, ‘Tada! But there was no such thing as absolute. All the curses are healed!’, and even from the standpoint of the Blue Guild, if Cho Hyejin stuck to me, it would be beneficial since there would be no need to get another escort.
Wasn’t it too natural that the research center gave me momentum? It was a business that I wouldn’t regret if I kept the gimmick up for about two years.
I naturally smiled. It was then that I noticed Cho Hyejin’s face, which seemed a bit strange.
“…”
‘Wait. Why are you crying?’
“…”
‘No, seriously, why are you crying? What’s happening all of a sudden? You’re making me feel sorry. Don’t cry, please.’