Chapter 31
All the love to MCJohnston for a coffee!
TLC: Lilies
Editor: Mashiro
The door opened, then closed. The door lock snapped lightly with a ‘click’, and the last trace of light seeping from outside disappeared.
At that moment, Qi Jing closed his eyes like a blind man, groping around in the darkness. Lost and helpless, he could only rely on his hearing and sense of touch to find his home.
And his home had found him first.
“Qi Jing.” It was the first time he felt it coming from such a close distance.
Shen Yan’s voice, his name—when those two came together, it made Qi Jing’s emotions well up and overflow like a flood. And he was like a dyke during high tide, drowning little by little, but completely willing to submerge in it.
The hand that had held him before had released its hold, this time, moving to lightly cup the back of Qi Jing’s head, letting him lean against his shoulder. Shen Yan barely used any strength in that hug, out of concern for Qi Jing’s hand that was in a cast; he just circled his arms around Qi Jing with utmost restraint, enclosing them in that very private, but also very warm world of two.
It’s so warm.
Qi Jing breathed deeply, and—as if collapsing—rested his head against that shoulder, burying his face in that man’s shirt. His eyes were half-opened, as he blinked blankly.
His right hand was gripping on the bottom corner of that shirt, as if he was a drowning man clutching at a life-saving straw.
He had always been afraid of falling. And now that he had really fallen into the hands of the other party, he was afraid of the latter letting him go. He carefully cracked open from his secure cocoon, allowing the most fragile part of him to be exposed to the world, temporarily letting that man shield him from all the storms for a while.
Only when he got to know how the stability of having someone by his side felt did he realise how lost he had been, drifting off alone.
Even a lone boat has times when it needs to be docked, doesn’t it?
“Shen Yan,” His voice was hoarse and almost inaudible as he inquired, “Are you…?”
“Yes.” The vague question received an unusually clear answer.
Qi Jing exhaled slowly, as if uttering a sigh of relief, or maybe it was out of joy. He closed his eyes again like a weary man who could finally fall asleep.
The hands that clutched on Shen Yan’s clothes tightly had finally loosened. They trembled slightly as he moved them upwards, his palms flat against that broad back, he tightened the hug without any hesitation.
It didn’t matter anymore.
No matter the ending, he yearned for a beginning.
And this time, he was by no means repeating the same mistake, he was sure of that. Because… It was Shen Yan. Shen Yan was different. All he received from that man was reassurance, warmth, and happiness—it was completely different.
The apartment once again turned quiet. The sound of the wall clock ticking by, the rapping of rain hitting against the window, and even the sound of water dripping from the faucet every once in a while; they were all incredibly clear at that moment.
There was no longer a need for words. The two people nestled in each other’s embrace, in the dark corner behind the door as if isolated from everything else around them, they became the only one for each other.
Shen Yan turned his face sideways, pressing his cheek against Qi Jing’s hair, hiding half of his face within it. He furrowed his eyebrows—an expression of him being painfully patient, as if he was too afraid of taking the next step. His fingers traced the outline of Qi Jing’s neck and slowly fumbled up each bone along his vertebrae. Then he buried his fingers in the soft hair, caressing it as if he was tenderly stroking an extremely precious treasure.
Qi Jing felt a slight tingle coming from the back of his head; it was both warm and comfortable.
He couldn’t help but get a little closer. His nose grazed against Shen Yan’s ear, and he rubbed against it subconsciously. Occasionally, a lock of hair or two would gently brush against his cheek and an indescribable sweetness filled the depths of his throat.
That violent heartbeat from the beginning had calmed down already.
At that moment, he could feel the strong, continuous heartbeat in the chest below his Adam’s apple. It was pounding heavily against his chest, but it didn’t make it hard for him to breathe. It’s just his body just couldn’t cool down.
However, unlike them, the table full of food couldn’t wait for too long.
“The food will get cold…” His voice sounded as if he had a fever. His throat felt as if it was burned, and he said these words on a single exhale; they were light as if they were weightless.
“Mhm.” Shen Yan responded softly but didn’t move at all.
Qi Jing also didn’t move, and stayed still in his embrace. He closed his eyes, and listened to that man’s strong heartbeat reverberating in his chest.
For precious moments, no matter how long they last, it would always be too short, so it wasn’t a bad idea to indulge in them a little longer.
Unfortunately, this silence was shattered by the sudden, continuous ringing of a mobile phone. The loud sound startled both of them; Qi Jing gasped lightly, blushing subconsciously. He retreated from the other man’s embrace, separating himself from the other. At that moment, Shen Yan woke up from his stupor. He seemed to remember something, and couldn’t help but shake his head as he had to take back his hand and get his phone from a pocket to turn off the alarm.
“You set a timer?” The sound from just now was made by a timer. Qi Jing couldn’t fathom what its purpose was and felt curious.
“Uhm. I set it for half an hour when I went downstairs.” Shen Yan heaved a deep sigh, “It’s my fault, I completely forgot about it.”
“Why did you set the timer for half an hour?” Qi Jing became even more curious.
Shen Yan opened his mouth, but couldn’t say anything for a while. He evaded Qi Jing’s eyes as he said: “At that time I thought that… If you didn’t respond to my messages or answer calls and didn’t give me any reaction during that half an hour, I would need to go back to check on you.”
Qi Jing was dumbfounded; by the time he returned to his senses, the corners of his mouth had already curled up as he couldn’t contain his laughter. With ‘pfft’, he lowered his head to lean it against that man’s clavicle. Without saying a word, he reached out his right hand quietly to once again find that man’s left hand, holding it naturally. He laughed for quite a long time while keeping that position. “Did you perhaps think that I would do something stupid?”
While saying that, he thought: It would be so good if it wasn’t set for half an hour, but an hour or more.
Shen Yan returned the grip, his voice just as gentle as his hold on Qi Jing. “It was not only that. You caught a cold, and almost had an accident when you broke a glass before. I was mainly afraid of that.”
After saying that, he backed off a little. He reached with his right hand and put it on Qi Jing’s forehead, checking his temperature.
Qi Jing’s head and eyes were still lowered as he said in a low voice: “… Doctor Shen, you might not be able to check it accurately at the moment.”
Of course it would be inaccurate.
At that moment, he was like a piece of paper trying to contain a fire; he could start burning at any moment. He deliberately teased Shen Yan to make him a little embarrassed as well, so as to conceal the temperature of his face.
Shen Yan was indeed taken aback by how he was called ‘doctor Shen’, so he moved his hand slightly, as if wanting to take it away from his forehead. And that was within Qi Jing’s expectations. However, what Qi Jing didn’t expect was that Shen Yan would stop his move midway, then once again touch his forehead with his fingers. This time he didn’t leave them there, but gently tucked a lock of Qi Jing’s hair to the side, until he burrowed his fingers in his hair as he cupped Qi Jing’s ear in his hand.
“It really is hot.” Shen Yan looked at him and smiled lightly.
It was the first time for Qi Jing to see his smile from such a close distance, and he was stunned for a moment before finally registering what the other party had just said. In that instant, he found himself feeling even more awkward than Shen Yan had before. He coughed twice and evaded Shen Yan’s eyes.
He never thought that the day would come when he would lose at teasing, and wouldn’t be able to retort.
By the time they went back to the table, the food on the table had already gone cold.
Shen Yan used a microwave to warm up all of the dishes, reheated the soup in the pot, then brought everything back as the two of them continued to eat.
But Qi Jing quickly realised that if Shen Yan continued to sit opposite him, the meal would last at least two hours. It was because even though he had already calmed down, he couldn’t help but take a peek at Shen Yan from time to time and be mesmerised by the other. Every time it happened, the movement of his hands would naturally slow to a halt and he wouldn’t even move his chopsticks; not to mention the times he would sometimes meet the other party’s gaze.
“If we continue like this, then this meal might continue until the evening and we might as well take it as having lunch and dinner with one meal.” Qi Jing laughed first. After setting his heart at ease, he was much more open when facing Shen Yan compared to before.
Shen Yan probably caught on to what Qi Jing was referring to. Then, seeming to have understood, he stood up lightly, leaving his original seat and actually moving another chair to sit on Qi Jing’s right side.
“Is it better now?” Shen Yan asked in a light voice.
“Mhm.” Qi Jing stared at him for a while, nodding with a smile. Although with such an arrangement they wouldn’t be able to see one another and meet each other’s gaze from this position, having Shen Yan at his hand’s reach felt wonderful too.
And not only that, sitting like this, they were also able to add food to each other’s bowls. At least as long as their chopstick didn’t collide midway whenever they moved at the same time, as it happened quite often.
With a ‘clack’, their chopsticks had collided in midair for the third time. Qi Jing was so amused by the situation.
As amused as he was, he still felt warmth well up in his heart. He calmly put down the food, and begged for mercy all seriously: “All right, all right, I have enough food in my bowl already, and I guess that also goes for you, so from now on, let’s just eat our share, okay? Otherwise we will really eat until dinnertime.”
Having heard that, Shen Yan retracted his chopsticks silently, but didn’t move to continue eating his food. It took him a long time before he spoke up: “You could just stay for dinner too.”
Qi Jing was taken aback. The time was nearly 2 PM , and they started having their lunch late, dinner would probably be postponed to at least 7 or 8 PM. Was Shen Yan asking him… to stay in his apartment during that time?
Shen Yan added in a low voice, like he was looking for an excuse, “If the rain continues, it would be inconvenient to go out.”
Hearing that, Qi Jing looked outside the window subconsciously. As a loyal weather forecast viewer, he remembered that yesterday, the weather reporter had said that the rain would weaken in the afternoon; it could also completely disappear and leave them with cloudy skies And the weather department that had never been quite so accurate with its forecasts got it right this time. The sound of rain hitting against a window had already disappeared, and the only sound of rainwater falling from the eaves—which was just the rain that had accumulated on the roof earlier—could be heard.
And even if there was rain, it should be just a drizzle; not the kind that could hinder going out.
For the first time, Qi Jing was dejected by an accurate weather report.
“Mhm… It really wouldn’t be good to go out if it rains.” He intended to ignore the change of the weather and play dumb once.
“Qi Jing.” The person by his side called him suddenly.
After a long period of silence, Shen Yan straightened his posture slightly. That posture reminded Qi Jing of the way he used to sit when answering an unfamiliar question he did not know the answer to back when he was a student; with his heart in his mouth for fear of misspeaking even a single word.
“If, and this is just a supposition…” Shen Yan glanced out the window just as Qi Jing did and the situation outside was clear to see. When he looked back, his eyes landed at Qi Jing; an unshakeable resolve could be heard in his voice, “If the rain stops by the afternoon, and the weather improves, then I will accompany you back to your place to take necessary things. You will stay with me for the time being, until your cast will be taken off.”
Whether rain or shine, the conclusion arrived at either scenario had something to do with eating. But the difference laid in that if the rain continues, it would be a single meal; if the rain stops, he would not only receive a month’s worth of meals and also a great deal of other things.
Regardless of whether such an agreement was sensible or logical, by the time Qi Jing came back to his senses, he was already standing by the window, looking at that fine drizzle absentmindedly.
Meanwhile, Shen Yan had already cleared the dishes on the table, and was now washing them in the kitchen. With just a wall between them, the sound of running water was light and pleasant to an ear. The ceramic tableware made a crisp sound whenever they collided; all these lived-in sounds were made by the other person. For him, who lived alone for so many years, they sounded quite unfamiliar.
After all, this house before him was extremely homely, completely different from his cold and bare-bones apartment.
Naturally, the person living here was also different.
Honestly, Qi Jing himself didn’t know whether he wished for the rain to stop or not.
The warmth of the other person still lingered around. He couldn’t deny that he grew attached to that warmth, just as he grew attached to the man who gave it to him. And it was because he grew attached to Shen Yan’s warmth that he wanted to slowly enjoy it, bit by bit.
He was afraid of being greedy. If, by any chance, he took too much, then it would all be gone.
“What are you thinking about?” Before he knew it, the person in the kitchen was already done washing up and appeared by his side.
“Nothing much.” Qi Jing smiled faintly. He decided to leave everything for the rain to decide.
Shen Yan looked at him with a silent query in his deep, black eyes. His gaze was gentle as always, without any trace of overbearance, so even if Qi Jing reciprocated his gaze, he still wouldn’t feel pressured to explain his thoughts. The personal space and tolerance Shen Yan gave him had always been one of Qi Jing’s favourite parts about him.
“I left some books and magazines under the coffee table. You can check them out if you’re looking for something to read.”
“Okay.” Qi Jing answered. To be honest, he didn’t intend to read the books, he just wanted to see what Shen Yan usually read, so he could understand him better.
He reached out under the tea table, and took out a random book. The moment he saw the title on the cover, he was stupefied.
It was a library book; a library barcode was stuck on the cover, and on the title page, there was a record card attached to it. At first glance, it looked no different from any other library book. Or it would be, if Qi Jing didn’t see his own name appear on that record card.
“Strange…” He blinked while stroking his name on the record card in disbelief, confirming it really was his name. Not only that, his memory of this book was still fresh in his mind. “I have once borrowed this book from the provincial library.”
Part of his name was covered with a date stamp. It was clearly stamped in July.
At that time, he had specially borrowed that book from a library in order to gather data about the birds in culture for the Science Channel, so naturally, he had a deep impression on it.
“I know that.” Shen Yan averted his eyes slightly, seemingly feeling a little awkward, “It’s because I borrowed it back on purpose.”
Qi Jing was taken aback. What surprised him the most was not the fact that Shen Yan had borrowed that book on purpose, but how would Shen Yan have known that he borrowed it. “How did you know I had borrowed this book?”
Shen Yan didn’t respond at first.
Qi Jing looked at that record card in confusion, and wondered to himself: Could it be that Shen Yan had seen my name on the record card by chance? There were at least tens of millions of books in the provincial library, with such a large number of books, the possibility of such a coincidence was even lower than winning the lottery.
Back then, on the day when he went to borrow that book, there was only him, librarian, and…
Ah.
Suddenly, that memory had become vivid and it was as if he could see the rows of bookshelves from that day, and the window at the end of the aisle appear before his eyes.
The light coming from the window was so brilliantly blinding, it obscured the person standing there to the point he couldn’t even see their silhouette clearly. He only remembered a scene of faint white, as well as the person who stood in that white light and stared at him motionlessly.
Qi Jing took in a big breath as his eyes subconsciously widened in realisation. “It was you…?”
“It was me.” Shen Yan’s eyes were still downcast. He sighed lightly, and forced a smile, “I had already known that you were Don’t ask for my return date back then.”
Lucilla: This chapter is filled to the brim with fluff, and I love it~ I actually feel like I’m stuffed with a bucket-full of sugar, and I still don’t feel like it’s enough (・ω・)
And both of them getting confused by each other’s actions… Qi Jing and Shen Yan are literally taking turns in having their share of gay panic LMAO
Mashiro: A goofy smile was stuck on my face throughout the chapter (*≧▽≦)