Chapter 91
Editor: Whiteflare
Qi Jing thought of a gravestone.
Shen Yan’s grandpa’s gravestone.
He remembered how that day when Shen Yan took him to sweep his elder’s grave, he took a look at the inscription on the gravestone. The names of all the family members were inscribed on it… but the only one missing was “Shen Yan”.
He also thought of the photo album.
There was no photo from Shen Yan’s early childhood in it.
In the photos that were there, there was only an elderly man beside the young Shen Yan and from beginning to end, a smile had never appeared on the face of that boy.
—When I was a kid, my environment… wasn’t very good.—I want to overcome something.—If in reality those things weren’t something you would wish to know, would that still be ok?
Suddenly, he understood it all.
“Ah…” A soft gasp escaped Qi Jing’s lips and by the time he realised, something already fell from his eye, falling on the back of the hand covering his mouth.
That man’s low, muttered plea once again reverberated in his ears; his voice distraught, its uneasiness almost ignoble.
Qi Jing, don’t go.Qi Jing, what should I do… to make you need me more?Qi Jing, during this audition… I want you to listen to all of it—
“Because only this…” is the complete you. His voice broke from the sadness, leaving him unable to finish this sentence.
The last piece of a puzzle, one he was the slowest to place, the most unbearable piece—in the end, that man himself chose to entrust it to him.
Qi Jing couldn’t say even a word more.
He finally understood why.
He finally understood why, even when they were the closest, that man still wasn’t able to leave behind his worries.
The unspoken past hidden between the words dug into Qi Jing’s heart like the cuts of a knife. The glass wall between him and Shen Yan collapsed—he could now reach his hand to grasp that man, but he first had to experience the pain of glass shards cutting into his skin.
Turns out that since the very beginning, the “audience” of this audition was only him—Shen Yan wanted it to let himself come clean to Qi Jing.
“Ah…” Unable to catch a breath, Qi Jing choked back a sob, his shoulders still shaking as he pressed down even stronger with his hand, doing his best to not let that person hear him sobbing. Now, as he got to know the deeper meaning behind these lines, the misery Shen Yan had just shown cut into him like an awl, prying apart the gates on his feelings, leaving him unable to stop his tears from flowing more with each moment.
It was just like when he watched a film in a media class in a college.
The plot of the film was dark and heavy and watching it only made him feel down and depressed, but it wasn’t to the point where he felt miserable. But when he later got to know that its plot wasn’t a fiction, but a real life documentary, the tremendous pain he felt was indescribable, like a vicious hit to his chest.
Now.
Two people, one fictional, one real, the two of their stories merged into one through those lines, and the weight of this… he was unable to shoulder.
Tears were only a way to vent that crushing weight.
“That’s enough…” Shen Yan, that’s enough. “I understand already, so don’t continue…”
Qi Jing begged quietly in a hoarse voice, hoping for this show to conclude at this point.
But the performance went on.
“Brother,” He heard a cold and stern voice in the headphones—unlike the usual calm and composed “Marquess Shunyang”, it was like a double-edged sword, able to hurt others while also hurting its wielder, “You misjudged me.”
“Ah—” Qi Jing opened his eyes wide subconsciously.
Since he had played “Emperor Chang”, he was pretty sensitive to the pronouns used in the lines.
That was even more the case since this dialogue was one of the few ones in the original novel, the scene of “Marquess Shunyang” finally showed his brother his real feelings—the final overthrowing of the emperor. The previous son of the Heavens was left with no way out, losing his mind in the face of his younger brother who appeared supported by the rebels, shouting and cursing him and his low-born mother who bore him.
“Marquess Shunyang” only listened to his curses in silence with his brows furrowed.
“Emperor Chang” was already at his last breath, he had only shouted curses for a moment but was already unable to catch a breath, having to stop for a moment. At that point, his wrath got replaced by sorrow and he turned from cursing his brother to cursing himself, hating himself for letting this bastard spawn abandoned by the previous emperor among peasants deceive him for so long and so thoroughly.
【…We actually believed you, that you were loyal to Us, wouldn’t disobey Us, not to mention betraying—】
【Brother, you misjudged me.】
In the novel, it was the first time for “Marquess Shunyang” to disrupt the emperor’s words.
The insults from just before had evoked the old and bitter memories he had hid away deep in his heart. Ten years of honing himself in the army and devoting himself to the state had buried his childhood pain for too long, so long that after growing up, he almost couldn’t remember those gloomily grey sentiments of the past.
After so many years, when those feelings got dug up by his blood brother, he was shocked to realise that the grey had already festered into black, black to the point it was almost sinister.
At that time, the lips beside the mic curled up a bit, letting out a short laugh, but one deprived of the brightness of a true smile.
“In fact, you know nothing of me—”
In terms of the tone, those two lines matched well with the first scene he had altered.
Just as cold.
Just as hateful.
But matching was not always that good of a thing.
Maybe because of this point, a certain line suddenly appeared in the chat that had stayed silent for all that time: “…Honestly, I can’t agree with Kitty’s Papa.”
The one to speak up was a veteran fan of the original novel. As an avid reader of ⟪Order to End the Heavens⟫, she was more then well-versed in the lines of those two characters for this scene and knew the changes in their mentalities throughout the novel like the back of her hand.
After she spoke up, many same-minded fans of the original novel also started to speak up timidly.
Audience 1: …Honestly, I can’t agree with Kitty’s Papa. _(:з」∠)_
Audience 2: …Honestly, me too… _(:з」∠)_
Audience 3: Originally, as a fan of the novel I really loved how Kitty’s Papa played the previous characters and thought that sticking close to the original was his biggest forte and appeal. But at this point, I also want to say that I kinda regret supporting the changes he made to this character’s emotions. 〒▽〒
…
For some listeners who didn’t read the novel and only came to appreciate the voice acting show, such opinions almost didn’t make any sense.
For the first time, a clash occurred among “Kitty の Papa’s” supporters.
Audience 4: Σ( °△ °|||)︴Friends from the comments above, why are you saying that?? I think that the emotions here and the change in the first scene link up very well, and the first scene was so realistic, so immersive!!
Audience 5: Right right right, although it doesn’t follow the novel, but it moved me so deeply… ┭┮﹏┭┮
Audience 6: But well, this kind of handling is sure going to be controversial…
Audience 1: The problem isn’t with the immersion, and it’s not entirely because of being different from the novel. The problem is, there should have been a great reversal after the first scene, but he chose to keep up with it in the second scene, so it feels like there was no change to the character… _(:з」∠)_
Audience 2: Tearfully seconding the comment above!! Marquess’ feelings in the beginning and towards the end of the novel are different, they developed along the progression of the plot, so once this change is gone, there’s no way to convey the gradual process of his change!!
Audience 3: Sigh, the “coldness” and the “hatred” should have only appeared at this juncture in the first place. Kitty’s Papa changed it altogether in the first scene, so now there’s no way to make a comparison between those two attitudes. All of it is a major taboo of the voice acting, really… Kitty’s Papa’s performance today really is so disappointing【I agree with what someone had said earlier: the first scene is very immersive, but it only sounds good when listened to alone. If one listened to those two scenes together, it would be impossible to experience the changes in that person’s life.】
…
Qi Jing suddenly remembered that at this point of the scene, “Marquess Shunyang” would make a move—he grabbed “Emperor Chang” by his lapels and slammed him against the wall.
Such a well-mannered figure like Marquess Shunyang, to do something like that—it really showed that he was close to losing it.
And then, he heard the single “THUD”.
It wasn’t really something being slammed against the wall, but that man’s hand slapping the table heavily. Although it was a bit away from the mic, it was both loud enough and heavy enough, making him shudder all over, momentarily forgetting how to breathe.
When Shen Yan’s fist landed, it was just by the side of the button.
But his tightly gripped fist didn’t touch it at all, even the tiniest bit.
“You, who grew up deep in a palace, surrounded by nothing but luxuries… Can you understand what being alone, impoverished, and with no roof over one’s head means?” His voice was trembling slightly as he asked.
Or rather than calling it asking, it would be more suitable to describe that tone as “forcing an answer”, each word stern and full of threat.
Qi Jing couldn’t help but recoil back. It was a subconscious reaction; it didn’t matter that he knew that these lines weren’t directed against him—the vicious oppression in those words still assaulted him straight on, leaving him unable to budge as he sat stiffly on his chair. Probably no matter if it were “Emperor Chang” or any other person, when hearing such an inquiry, no one would be able to avoid wavering in their hearts.
From the beginning of the second scene until now, everyone present seemed to be walking on a knife’s edge.
The stronger the hatred in that voice, the deeper the blade sank into their feet as they stepped towards its tip, guided by that sound.
The moment Shen Yan unsheathed that oppressive tone, everyone seemed to slip towards the knife tip, not knowing when the knife would rise up to deal them a fatal blow—
Yet Shen Yan stopped. He began to gasp rapidly, as if he was painstakingly trying to suppress his emotions.
Thus, he said nothing for two, three seconds.
Even though there was a difference of opinions before, the listeners were still captivated by the tension of such a performance; everyone held their breaths for fear of missing out on even a single moment.
Qi Jing’s heart was also pounding in his chest and his fingers trembled a bit.
“Shen Yan… Hurry up.” His gaze was focused on the steadily decreasing number on the timer, unable to spare even a single thought to wipe the half-dried traces on his face as his temples became covered in a layer of cold sweat.
Probably not many had realised that because of how Shen Yan had changed the overall tone of the first scene, slowing down his speech to embody that sense of sorrow, the lines that could originally be concluded early took quite a long time. That’s why when he arrived at the second scene, he was already very short on time, so if he kept delaying like this…
“Your time won’t be enough…” His heart a complete mess, Qi Jing couldn’t help but say that out loud.
But to everyone’s surprise, at this time, Shen Yan suddenly let out a long breath, a bit like a sigh, but also a bit like a sob.
The overbearing oppression from just now suddenly started to crumble, like piled up sand slowly caving in—that man finally began losing the strength to bear with it all.
In a moment, the feeling of walking on a knife’s edge was gone—the listeners’ feet were back on the ground, as if they were rid of heavy shackles and everyone subconsciously breathed with relief.
“Can you understand… how it feels to never be able to recognize your flesh and blood?”
His voice was very low and downcast; having cried miserably, it became hoarse, sounding even more bitter when he was talking, especially with how hesitant he was when saying this sentence.
But even though it was so similar to the previous line.
Even though it was still an inquiry to the other man.
The hatred was gone now. Or rather than hatred, it was more like a sense of defeat now, him wanting to hate but being unable to, as well as… some sense of liberation.
Qi Jing was momentarily unable to feel his own heartbeat. It disappeared, frozen between that man’s quiet sobs in his ears.
It got changed.
All of the lines reading prompts for the second scene once again got overturned.
【You, who grew up deep in a palace, surrounded by nothing but luxuries… Can you understand what being alone, impoverished, and with no roof over one’s head means?】(questioning tone)
【Can you understand… how it feels to never be able to recognize your flesh and blood?】(questioning tone deepens with increased sharpness)
Later was—
【You’re clearly my only family in this world, but deep in my heart, I utterly detest you—】
The tone in all of those three lines linked with each other, clearly heading towards “progression of hate”.
But Shen Yan completely overturned it.
“I clearly… deep in my heart, I utterly detest you…” His voice was trembling just like his fist on the table; when it couldn’t become any more hoarse, he suddenly opened his hand, feeling for the button on the side, hurriedly taking it into his palm as if grabbing onto his salvation. Only then, he finally chuckled bitterly, “But, you’re… my only family in the world.”
—”That’s why, I’m still unable to take my revenge against you, abandon you without any care.”
That was his overturn.
One could see the ominous clouds of the upcoming tempest dispelling slowly, scattering to the sides to let the sun in.
Silence fell upon the audience.
Qi Jing heard himself taking a long breath and he blinked in dismay. Springtime came too abruptly and it was as if something in his eyes thawed, melting quicker with each second, as if about to everflow.
At that time, he heard that man’s soft chuckle in the headphones, calm and quiet.
More surprising than this overturn were that man’s next words.
“That’s it, I’m stopping here—”
Stopping here?What does he mean by stopping here?
This sentence finally broke the silence of the chat, shocking it thoroughly.
Audience 1: QAQ!!!
Audience 2: QAQ …What “stopping here”…
Audience 3: QAQ You’re gonna say something like this as my eyes are full of tears here! Kitty’s Papa!
Audience 4: QAQ… My eyes hurt so much… I couldn’t stand the second part… My face is full of tears…
Audience 5: QAQ Kitty’s Papa’s overturn was too unexpected, it was brilliant!! I didn’t expect that at all!! Don’t stop!! I beg you!!
Audience 6: QAQ Dooooooon’t, don’t stop thereeeeee!!
…
“I know that I don’t have enough time,” Shen Yan’s voice reverted to its most natural state, it’s just this time, it sounded more like a beach touched by the warmth of an ocean, indescribably calm and gentle. “And from the beginning I only intended to finish the first two scenes.”
Just these two first scenes are enough.He lowered his eyes, looking at the hand holding onto the button.
“I planned to give up on this role from the very beginning—my apologies, I’m forfeiting.”
Everyone present was momentarily dumbstruck, and by the time they came back to their senses, the scene fell into a disarray.
Audience 1: 〒▽〒 NOOOOOO!!!
Audience 2: 〒▽〒 Forfeit??? Kitty’s Papa, don’t be like this!!!
Audience 3: 〒▽〒 My heart instantly broke, I feel so bad now!!!
…
“I’m sorry.” Shen Yan apologised in a low voice. Yet, he still didn’t intend to change his resolve, “I know that I went against the acting prompts, went against the original novel—it’s a taboo in the voice acting world, so I have no right to carry on.”
Saying this, he chuckled faintly instead.
“I’m sorry, just for this one role… I want to ask everyone to pardon my selfishness and let me be selfish just this one time. Just this time, I’m acting only for myself, performing for myself, abandoning the most fundamental rules of voice acting and everyone’s expectations for me… But I don’t regret it.”
The scene gradually calmed down, everyone listened to him talk with mixed feelings.
Since he gave up early, he still had a little bit of time. Shen Yan lowered his head to stroke the button in his palm with his finger; illuminated by the light of the screen, it flickered quietly.
“There’s a person,” He said suddenly, “A person who… let me make the first step, let me overcome the fear and sign into this competition. They’re also here today.”
Qi Jing’s lips parted slightly, but unable to say a word, he choked on a sob instead.
At that time, Shen Yan had already directed his words towards him, “Are you here? I know you are, because you’re always by my side.”
“Mn…” Qi Jing bit his lips and replied muffedly to the computer.
The previously curbed tears once again slipped out of his control, continuously rolling down his cheeks, falling one after another on the keyboard.
Shen Yan said in a low voice, “I want to tell you that without you, I wouldn’t even be here, not to mention having courage to complete those two scenes according to my wish. I think that you have already guessed… the reason for me to do so. I don’t know what you’re thinking, and I also don’t dare to.”
He hesitated, his voice getting even lower, even more hoarse.
“Maybe you’ll be very disappointed, maybe you’ll regret being with me… or something. But—”
Qi Jing stopped breathing, not daring to budge.
The time on a timer was already approaching its end and the last five seconds began to pass.
“But,” Shen Yan’s deep and hoarse words came from the headphones, each word full of emotions within, “please stay with me and accompany me to the end.”
He lowered his head, raising his hand at the same time, his lips pressing on the button in a pious kiss.
“I love you.”
A/N:
┭┮﹏┭┮ I really want to hug Kitty’s Papa, but I’ll still leave him to 2Yan to hug.
And I also don’t regret creating a plot like this.
T/N:
Lucilla: And I might regret giving my whole heart to this story, because now it’s all tied into a tight knot… *shakes fist tearfully*
Whiteflare: AHHHHHHH MIC DROP QAQ