Chapter 48
Editor: whiteflare
Shen Yan.
It was as if the last of his strength had also been exhausted on those two words, even if there was barely any strength left in him to begin with.
The voice that called out that name was also very light, so light it sounded like no more than a whisper.
Then, Qi Jing felt Shen Yan’s movements stop for a moment. He merely stopped but did not let go.
A moment of silence that fell between them allowing the dense pitter-patter of the rain to slip into the room. Between Shen Yan’s hands and Qi Jing’s body, just like the raindrops clinging onto the windowpane—even though all was still—nevertheless, there was that feeling of them being in a pocket where time had stopped, allowing them to revel in the company of one another.
Qi Jing somehow managed to come back to his senses a little despite the trance-like state he was in, but just as he regained any titbit of strength, he used it all on the same two words again.
“Shen Yan…”
Shen Yan maintained that pose, not moving a muscle.
He was like a guilty individual awaiting his sentencing. Trembling slightly with his face buried into the curve of Qi Jing’s neck, he didn’t say anything nor defend himself in any way, he just subconsciously tightened his arms, again encasing that man in a tight embrace.
No matter what punishment Qi Jing was going to sentence him with, he wanted to treasure this warmth.
However, the words that came out of the other party’s mouth were not that of a refusal. Or rather than a refusal, it was more of a permission.
“Not here.” Qi Jing gently wrapped his fingers around Shen Yan’s. It was as if the subtle sound of friction between their fingers could be transferred, Shen Yan felt Qi Jing’s voice was so husky that it could drill a hole into his heart. “Let’s go… to the room.”
The rain seemed to have gotten heavier and the tapping of the rain against the glass grew louder. The raindrops were no longer stuck to the surface of the window, instead, as if being bewitched by the light from the streetlamps, it disappeared with a flash, leaving behind long dazzling trails in its wake.
Shen Yan’s hands started to shake.
He stayed silent, seemingly repressing something. It was only after a long time did Qi Jing feel Shen Yan’s hair slowly rubbed against his neck, tickling him, causing him to subconsciously lift his head. Due to that action, the collar of his shirt opened even wider and Shen Yan abruptly buried his head into that area, gently planting a kiss on the skin under the collar.
The emotions contained in this kiss were more complex than any one from before.
There were feelings of injustice, relief, and an even stronger, more urgent desire—the desire for time to stop right there and then…
Qi Jing closed his eyes instinctively. At this very moment, it felt like each breath he took was fanning the flames; the flames that had taken root when Shen Yan’s hand probed under his clothes and now it was spreading everywhere. And his disappointment of a pair of legs had already turned to jelly so he had no choice but to lean back, sinking even deeper into that man’s embrace.
When Shen Yan was about to continue, Qi Jing gasped sharply and called out for him to stop.
“Shen Yan,” he whispered, “can you let go of me first?”
If they continued dawdling like that they really wouldn’t be able to make it back to the room.
As he said that, Qi Jing grabbed Shen Yan by the area between his thumb and index finger and gently pulled it outwards in an attempt to give himself some space—or at least enough space for him to move.
But Shen Yan refused to let go.
“No.” That was the first time he used a term of refusal. The effects of the alcohol obviously hadn’t passed yet, so his mood was still on the pessimistic end as he continued with his voice lowered, “I’m not letting go… I won’t let go. If I let go… you’ll leave, won’t you?”
Although there were a lot of pauses between his words, his intent of not letting go was made known loud and clear yet his hands weren’t holding Qi Jing as tightly as before.
At the end of the day, he still couldn’t bear to force Qi Jing.
Qi Jing knew that if he were to struggle—even just a bit—that man would not continue to make things difficult for him. Because that was just how gentle of a person Shen Yan was. Even when he’s not sober, he never lost his forbearing nature. The only time he was assertive came briefly in the words he used but even then, his tone was soft.
That was how “bad” that man was even when he was out of it.
Qi Jing felt like sighing and laughing at the same time.
“I’m not leaving,” He coaxed in a soft voice, “I won’t leave even if you let go.”
“You said you’d leave if I don’t hold on tightly.” Shen Yan repeated what he had said in a husky voice.
To think that he would be unexpectedly petty about these little details like a child.
Qi Jing could not help but chuckle.
For some reason, this childish exchange between them made his heart feel full, though he couldn’t tell if it was sweet or sour. All he knew that the strongest of his walls had melted away, allowing that person to come it—and only that person.
“You can hold my hand if you’re scared of me leaving.”
He tapped on the back of Shen Yan’s hand with a finger and calmly surrendered the freedom of his right hand.
That was his only viable hand, once he had that taken away from him, he had no more chance nor ability to escape. Shen Yan was still drunk and groggy so he couldn’t process anything too complicated, but because what Qi Jing pointed out was so simple and easy to understand he seemed to be able to grasp it and finally let go, doing as Qi Jing said.
Now, they were back to square one, only difference was that Qi Jing didn’t need to find the light switch again because he no longer needed the light.
He slowly led Shen Yan into the room and closed the door behind him. He admitted that the moment the door clicked shut, his heart was pounding so loudly he could even feel his ears ringing. He could only keep these emotions hidden from Shen Yan under such situations where there was no light.
He could remember the layout of the bedroom very well and he made his way towards the bed one step at a time. Taking care of Shen Yan whose head was still rather muddled, his steps were very slow as he led the way.
The room wasn’t completely dark.
A hint of light peeked into the room from the windows, but whether it was a street lamp or something else, Qi Jing did not want to delve into it. The colour from that light had been washed away by the rain, only leaving behind a grey hue that one couldn’t help but link to the presence of late autumn. And it’s precisely that which made the warmth of this man beside him all the more precious.
“Come here,” he said as he stood still, his feet had already reached the end of the bed.
Shen Yan stood in place for a moment before silently making his way towards Qi Jing.
During their entire journey to the bed, his steps weren’t particularly steady, staggering every so often and Qi Jing would call out to him every time, backtracking to walk with him again, but this last step… he had to walk it himself.
“Are you alright?” Qi Jing asked in a soft voice after quietly staring at the other for a while.
“Mhm.” Shen Yan’s voice was very deep.
That voice would only appear under two situations: when he was very calm inside or when it was the complete opposite.
Putting himself in the other’s shoes, Qi Jing knew that it couldn’t be the former right now. But more than this, he was more concerned about Shen Yan’s current physical condition for that face appeared rather tired under the faint light. Although the furrow between that man’s brows was not very obvious, Qi Jing could more or less guess that Shen Yan doesn’t really drink much normally so his head was starting to ache from the sudden intake of alcohol today.
He reached out his hand to gently cup Shen Yan’s slightly pale face. “Do you feel very uncomfortable… Do you want to rest?”
Shen Yan wordlessly shook his head.
Qi Jing lowered his eyes, a small smile seemed to have graced his lips, one that held a hint of a sigh. He didn’t ask any more, only turning sideways to stand one of the pillows against the headboard. Then, the quilt was pulled inwards, opening up a spot on the bed.
“Lie down.”
He patted the pillow with his hand and suddenly made this request to Shen Yan.
Was this… him telling me to rest?
Shen Yan blinked strenuously, staring blankly at the face before him a long time without moving. However, no matter how long he stared, he could not figure out the meaning behind Qi Jing’s smile. His head was still aching, as if there were two thorns stabbed into either temple—he felt pain with every passing thought, preventing him from thinking any deeper.
He didn’t know what to do for a moment. He uneasily and hurriedly reached out his hands to pull the other party into his arms and hugging him tightly.
Qi Jing was not surprised by his reaction and chuckled under his breath. “What’s the matter?”
The person was in his own embrace, not resisting in any way, completely resting against his shoulder and was even stroking his back as if to comfort him. It felt very warm.
Thanks to that, Shen Yan’s heart calmed down a little. He closed his eyes and didn’t say a word, just wholeheartedly maintaining this hug.
Qi Jing didn’t rush him either.
The two of them leaned on each other against the backdrop of the rustling and pitter-patter of a cold rainy night, keeping each other warm.
The ticking of the old clock was now replaced by raindrops, keeping track of the seconds drop by drop, recording this quiet moment on the windows. As the tracks left behind by the rain joined together, their figures behind the glass seemed to merge as well. The window frame seemed to have become a picture frame, freezing this moment in a snapshot of time.
Qi Jing knew that he would still be able to retrieve this image from his memory many years later—a proof of the many wonderful memories they once shared.
The memories between him and Shen Yan would gradually accumulate into a thick album of photos.
However, there would always be that very first image.
“Do you still remember… the night when we first met?”
Qi Jing murmured a question while quietly leaning against Shen Yan’s shoulder.
Shen Yan froze for a bit, seeming to have fallen into the thick pile of photos that formed his memory with Qi Jing and began to search for the very first one. And he quickly found it without much effort. “I remember; that was the first time we did a run-through together.”
Qi Jing’s soft chuckled got buried under that man’s collar before he continued to ask, “Then do you remember what was your first line from that time?”
Shen Yan did not know why Qi Jing was bringing this up but it didn’t matter, what mattered most was the fact that Qi Jing was willing to stay by side, stay in this space enclosed by his arms. He closed his eyes and tried to recall. Due to the alcohol in his system, his recollection took quite a while but it did not stop him from reciting his line, “I knew from the very beginning… that everything you did was a scheme against me.”
Ah, how nostalgic—Qi Jing exclaimed internally.
He had long lost count of the number of times he had listened in private to the recording that started with this line. And now, the owner of that voice in the recording was right here with him, whispering those words, those lines into his ear with that deep and proper voice over and over again.
All the feelings from their first meeting came back to him all at once, and before he knew it, they had translated into a smile that naturally formed on his lips.
“Despite knowing it’s a trap, you still jumped right into it—doesn’t that mean… that you’re interested in me?”
The tone of his voice had also changed as he softly responded to Shen Yan with his lines.
“I didn’t—” Shen Yan was just about to continue when Qi Jing lifted his head from the former’s shoulder. They locked eyes—Qi Jing’s eyes were seemingly signalling for the other to stop as he shook his head with a faint smile.
“That’s wrong.”
“What’s wrong?” Shen Yan stared at him blankly, confusion evident in his eyes.
“The scene is not right.” Qi Jing chuckled before suddenly closing in, gently grazing his face against Shen Yan’s as he whispered in his ear, “You should be saying the next lines lying down.”
Something flashed across Shen Yan’s eyes, seemingly in understanding.
Meanwhile, Qi Jing laughed softly in Shen Yan’s ear, he placed his palm on the other’s chest and gave him a gentle push. Shen Yan did not resist that force in any way, following that push, he took a step back and bumped into the side of the bed.
“Lie down,” Qi Jing repeated himself a second time.
To be honest, Shen Yan had been forcing himself to stand all this while. His head was still a little dizzy, so he should indeed lie down. And thus, he did not say anything this time, but lowered his eyes slightly and sat down on the edge of the bed as he was told. He took off his shoes and silently laid down on his back on the pillow that Qi had placed beforehand. The pillow had been set upright by Qi Jing so Shen Yan’s current posture was such that he was half-lying down, allowing him to rest a little and to continue talking to Qi Jing face to face.
However, Qi Jing abruptly pressed a hand against his collar; it was neither too light nor too heavy, just the right amount of strength to make sure he was lying down and prevent him from getting up.
Shen Yan couldn’t react in time; in his daze, he left himself to Qi Jing’s mercy.
Qi Jing removed his hand from Shen Yan’s collar but in the next moment, it was placed on the latter’s Adam’s apple. He traced the outline of Shen Yan’s throat with his thumb, feeling the bump bob up and down because of him, eliciting a short, involuntary groan from Shen Yan while the rest of his fingers grasped the side of that man’s neck.
That was where the artery was; he could feel a rapid pulse beating against his fingertips.
The hunter and his prey.
He suddenly felt that those words could not be more apt.
As if incited by something for a moment, Qi Jing pursed his lips and gently leaned down, placing his legs on either side of Shen Yan—he was basically straddling the other man.
Even their positions… were virtually the same as the description in the script from that time.
All of this happened in mere seconds.
Some raindrops were falling from the eaves but the sound it made was far too short, too soft; it was not enough to distract Shen Yan. He no longer had any more attention to spare the rain beyond the window, all of it had been given to Qi Jing.
Qi Jing didn’t say a word in the darkness but his expression seemed a little different from the one before. The smile on his face was very faint while his black eyes were so dark, no light reflected on it—it appeared deeper than ever, so deep Shen Yan couldn’t see the bottom. When Shen Yan stared into those eyes dazedly, he felt as if any form of thought had been sucked out of his system and his mind was blank.
“You’re lying…” That was Qi Jing’s next line, but in their current situation, it felt like Qi Jing was the one saying those words instead of a character, and the person listening to it was himself, Shen Yan. “You’ve actually been thinking about me all along—every second, every minute, your eyes only sought for me.”
Shen Yan remembered the lines that followed.
His answer that came next should be one of denial which he would say stubbornly in a last-ditch effort to conceal his true thought—No, you’re imagining things.
However, under Qi Jing’s watchful gaze, and the hand that still held his throat, he felt his mouth go dry and the words that came out were: “Yeah, you weren’t imagining it.”
Qi Jing suddenly burst into a deep, throaty laugh, laughing to the point he got a little breathless.
“What comes after that?” These were words outside the script, it was Qi Jing who was asking that question.
But Qi Jing knew.
He gradually put away the smile on his face, his expression becoming solemn. He released the fingers on Shen Yan’s throat and brought them towards that face, slowly caressing every inch, little by little, as if he were examining the most precious treasure of his life. In the end, he buried his fingers into Shen Yan’s hair, carefully fiddling with every last strand.
“After that…” he said, “close your eyes, Shen Yan.”
Qi Jing didn’t know if Shen Yan understood what he said or not because at this moment, that man was still just staring at him without making a move.
He finally blinked after a long time, the faint light captured in his eyes was like a star that had fallen onto the deep dark ocean.
When the tiny glimpses of light completely sank to the bottom of the ocean, that pair of eyes finally closed slowly.
Qi Jing took a deep breath which held a slight tremble as he leaned down “frame” by “frame” like he was in slow motion, silently planting a kiss on that person’s lips.
Dry—that was the first feeling he got.
There was a little tingle on his lips, a little tickle, it was as if this friction between them would ignite a flame.
Under this slight haziness and illusion of thirst created by the dryness, he couldn’t help himself from moving to quench it. Tipping the other’s chin with his fingers, he leaned in, lightly biting down, gently sucking on the other man’s lips while the tip of his tongue grazed over it, moistening it.
“Mmph…”
The man in front of him seemed to be in pain, breathing hard, panting raggedly for lack of oxygen.
His mouth was opened, as if he wanted to say something but couldn’t say anything in time nor could he.
Or perhaps, right from the beginning, it was just an excuse for the other party to go in deeper. Under this excuse, the two of them exchanged breaths like two inexperienced youngsters—gasping for air, tasting each other—desperately searching for the taste that belonged only to the other and losing themselves to it. In this prolonged kiss they shared, there was the taste of red wine, that same sweetness and acidity from the drink they had, but when tasted from the other’s mouth it is so much more special and more addictive than the wine itself.
From his chest to his neck, it felt like it was going to explode any time; there was something blocking his airways yet his heart continued to pound against that very spot relentlessly.
How strange.
Up until the moment Shen Yan closed his eyes, Qi Jing hadn’t heard a single sound from his heart, as if it had stopped. But right now, that place was going thump, thump, thump, roaring back to life and even beating even stronger.
Was it the same for Shen Yan? He wondered in his daze as his lips slightly parted from the other’s while his right hand groped blindly for the other man’s collar. When he found it, Qi Jing grabbed it tight and clumsily ripped open the buttons with trembling fingers—the chest hidden underneath the fabric was as warm as he had imagined. Following the rise and fall of that man’s chest, he could feel that something was beating just as hard.
It was the same as him.
He was just as immersed in this feeling, unable to to contain his emotions.
“Ke…” Qi Jing couldn’t help but laugh. He was about to continue when Shen Yan grabbed him by the shoulders.
“Qi Jing,” Shen Yan called out in a low husky voice, his hands shaking, his consciousness still lost in that kiss—his entire body felt like it was on fire.
His hands first started by probing around Qi Jing’s body before slowly moving upwards along his shoulders and burying it into his hair, pulling him back into his embrace. Meanwhile, Qi Jing was like a sand dune, with a light pull and he collapsed, every single grain falling into the other party’s hands.
The kiss they shared just now was very raw.
At this moment, neither of them have recovered from it yet and could only use this pause to even their breathing with their foreheads leaning against each other.
“Qi Jing…” Shen Yan called out his name, looking a little lost as he opened his eyes slightly.
They were very close to one another; their lips would easily brush against each other when they said anything. Qi Jing jumped a little, his breaths quickened a little as he immediately opened his eyes. Under the dim grey light, he saw sweat oozing from Shen Yan’s forehead and instinctively used his hand to brush aside that sweat-soaked hair, gently offering the latter some comfort.
“Are you tired?” He asked; he hadn’t forgotten that Shen Yan was not in the best state now.
“I’m sorry…” Shen Yan said with a frown, not denying Qi Jing’s words.
Qi Jing could hear a sense of guilt from the tone of his voice and smiled quietly. He tilted his head to the side and planted a kiss on Shen Yan’s cheek. When Shen Yan felt it, he slowly gripped tighter with his hands.
“Close your eyes,” Qi Jing coaxed in a low voice “Don’t think about anything.”
The second time wasn’t as hasty or messy as the first, just a lingering touch that joined them.
Their tongues entangled, unable to tell who was with whom, sharing this sweetness between them.
Qi Jing pulled the covers over them, wrapping the two of them in a little space that only belonged to them.
The feeling of that man’s lips against his was as light and soft as cotton and held a warmth that made him want to indulge in. That dryness he felt at first was gone, as if it had been smoothed out by their touch. Occasionally, titillating wet sounds could be heard scattered in the air, accompanying their low pants.
Shen Yan lay quietly on the pillow, leaving everything to the other party’s lead while he only focussed on responding.
When the pattering of the rain outside the window and their breaths reached the same frequency, it was as if his heart had also settled down, steadily falling asleep to that gentle kiss.
Lilies: first of the locked chapters ahahah it’s not even NSFW. these two innocent beans
Lucilla: *looks at the amount of thirst in previous chapters* Are those guys really this innocent? ⊙▽⊙
Whiteflare: ahhhh my favorite description was of the sand dune collapsing. They’re so sweet QAQ