Chapter 58
Editor: whiteflare
Of course Qi Jing remembered.
However, that kind of memory was like a greyed image in one’s album of memories, a picture sealed in one of the pages that one refuses to look back on. That page was densely filled with his former innocence, optimism, and ignorance, which, in retrospect, was but an unfunny joke.
Every time he tried to get back on his feet, the photo album flipped open automatically and turned to that page, forcing him to look back.
Now, Shen Yan had closed that album for him and he had planned to completely forget about it, burying it away, never to be seen again. Who knew that photo in the album would suddenly appear… and the actual living version would suddenly be in front of him, right here, right now.
Qi Jing thought back to the first time he stood in front of a camera—no matter how stiff or unprepared he was, he’d at least have to smile. And so his hand finally made the second move—he slowly picked up the cat with the carrier and held it against his side.
This was a posture that made him appear more confident.
“Long time no see,” Qi Jing turned around and replied to him with a greeting that was just as distant as it was polite. Even if he didn’t have a mirror in front of him, he knew that what he had plastered on his face was his usual on-camera, professional smile—gentle, yet detached.
“You must be doing well these days, classmate.”
When that man heard Qi Jing address him as “classmate”, his face seemed to pale a little and even his steps faltered, not coming any closer. Qi Jing sized up this man again after many years. It had been so long since they last saw each other. His looks were pretty much the same, just that now, he had this added air of sophistication of a man of the media to him after being out in the society for a few years. After becoming a husband and father, he started to take the mature man route; he’s probably just as popular with the ladies now as he was during their university days.
“Well, I’m just alright. I live a normal life and work at a TV station like you.” That man paused, as if to clarify that his presence was not intentional. “I came here on a two-day business trip for the exchange event between the two stations that’s been organised… I heard from the school alumni that you’re working here… To think we’d really bump into each other.”
At that, his eyes fell on Qi Jing’s left arm which was encased in a cast and hanging in an arm sling; it looked like he wanted to say something.
“Your hand… What happened?”
“Car accident.” Qi Jing’s answer was very concise with no intent of sharing any details. He spoke as if he were making a work report, monotonous and straight to the point, “I got it on a business trip; my left arm is broken and I needed to recuperate at home, so I don’t come to the office much.”
“Is it serious?” The man was asking about his arm, but his eyes had already moved onto Qi Jing’s face, and his gaze froze there, like he had fallen into a daze from staring at Qi Jing.
“Even the most serious of injuries heal one day.” Even if it leaves repercussions, it doesn’t stop life from moving on.
Qi Jing answered with ease. Words he once thought he could not say, he could now express without difficulty; something he could not have imagined before. And after actually saying it out, he found that facing his past seemed easier than he had thought. He couldn’t help but feel a sense of relief, as if he had been freed. Even if this relief came at the price of leaving a weight on the other party’s chest, he didn’t feel guilty about it.
That man probably never expected such a reply from him. They were both clever men, so there was no need to explain the words between the lines. Thus, that man’s expression became even worse.
The Qi Jing in his memories was not like this.
In his memories, Qi Jing was still that clean and bright young man from many years ago. Qi Jing was well-liked and always received everyone with a smile. Yet he was also unexpectedly shy and proactive in front of him, but not overly clingy and annoying like some women. Because of this charming gap moe, he could not resist secretly getting closer to sneak a taste of him. Besides, no matter what he did, it was nothing that couldn’t be solved by begging a little.
But now, Qi Jing’s current way of speaking—polite words that were really taking a jab at him—made the man very uncomfortable.
He rather missed the old Qi Jing who was meek and naive.
Both parties fell silent.
Qi Jing felt that all that needed to be said had been said, but that man didn’t think the same. After all, what they had before was something more than friendship.
“It’s really been a long time since we saw each other, since the wedding.” There was visible hesitation in that man’s expression, but he ultimately still decided to touch on a sore spot. When a man finds that traces of himself are fading away in the other party’s heart, he can’t help but want to leave more marks&#k2014;such is the terrible competitiveness of a man.
“People in the news industry, like me, have our hands full running all around the country.” Qi Jing didn’t give him a chance to delve deeper into the topic and simply blocked whatever intentions he had with a brief reply.
The man stared at him for a long time, as if he was suspicious that the person before him was in reality not Qi Jing, but unfortunately, Qi Jing’s appearance hadn’t changed much either, other than his appearing more mature and poised in the way he carried himself and his jawline becoming more defined. Despite his injury, he didn’t look a mess and was in fact, well put together. However, there was no smile in his eyes and the light softness of the old days was gone, vaguely revealing a sense of an edge.
“You… remember me, don’t you?” Unable to reconcile with this disparity, he asked again.
“Didn’t I already say hello to you?” When Qi Jing saw him take another step forward, he raised his chin slightly and answered his question with another question to stop his advance.
“You know that’s not what I’m asking.” He wasn’t referring to just remembering, he meant if he still had a place in Qi Jing’s heart.
Qi Jing didn’t answer immediately as he stayed in place with his brows furrowed.
As if catching a glimpse of opportunity, the man hurriedly took two more steps forward and gently offered an apology. “I know it was my fault for not promptly contacting you after the wedding. I had just gotten married and had too many things to do at the time; I had to go visit my in-laws every so often, and when I finally had the time, I couldn’t reach your mobile…”
The reason why he couldn’t reach him was because Qi Jing had changed his number.
At that time, he had already left home and had come to live independently in this new and unfamiliar city all alone. He wanted to reset and start over from zero, so changing his phone number was just part and parcel of this process.
As Qi Jing listened in silence, the fingers holding the corner of the box tightened involuntarily, to the point the box got dented by him.
It wasn’t out of any emotion, it was just a subconscious action.
“Then I heard you went out to work, but you left your old hometown, so I didn’t know where you went either. And you don’t come for the reunion gatherings, so I didn’t know how you were for a long time. That’s why—”
“I know how you’re doing,” Qi Jing suddenly cut him off at this point, “After you got married, everything went pretty smoothly for you. You got promoted in your first year of work, and the next year your wife gave you a big fat baby, who is probably in primary school now, right? Sure I never went to the class reunions, but for someone like you who’s on the fast track, people are more or less bound to mention you on other occasions.”
If one truly wants to find out about what another is doing, there are actually many ways. Not to mention that they were both in the media business.
That man was really taken aback when he heard Qi Jing’s words at first but soon after, his eyes were overflowing with a sense of joy. “I knew it… you still care about me.”
The corners of Qi Jing’s lips pulled into a cold smirk as he threw a wet blanket on that man. “That’s only because you’re the most successful amongst our peers, so naturally, everyone looks up to you. Although my career isn’t as smooth sailing as yours, my boss at work is quite fond of me and I’m also quite friendly with my colleagues. Moreover, I’ve already found myself a very nice boyfriend, and it’s going well so far… Who knows, maybe in the near future, it’ll be you who’s always thinking of me.”
The man’s expression was as if he had been struck by lightning. He appeared to be quite dumbstruck by Qi Jing’s last statement.
“You still… haven’t changed for the better?”
This time, it was Qi Jing’s turn to be stunned.
When he understood what the other party meant, it was like the cold blanket which was cast out had been thrown over his head instead—it chilled him to the core, to the point he even felt this illusion like he was being burned. He couldn’t help but feel a rage rile up in his heart. He was so appalled that he actually laughed out loud in front of that man.
Changed for the better?
What does he mean by change for the better? To take a wife and have kids, washing away this “dark past” that’s deemed sacrilegious by society; to become a “normal” person through and through?
Well, in this aspect, his views were pretty much perfectly aligned with that of Qi Jing’s parents.
“The person who’s least qualified to ask this question is you, no?” Qi Jing replied coldly when he was done laughing, “What my sexual orientation is—shouldn’t you already know that very well? No matter how many years pass by, what I’m looking for will only be a boyfriend and not a girlfriend.”
The man seemed embarrassed and hurriedly scanned the surroundings to make sure no one was near them before saying in a lowered voice, “Qi Jing… I’m not trying to say anything, just that this is all for your sake. To be honest… I did later search up some information and gained some understanding of that circle. If you continue like this… it’s not good for your health.”
—Not good for your health.
When one took a closer look at it, it was a very pointed statement.
A scoff escaped Qi Jing’s lips when he heard this, and he abruptly walked up into that man’s face. This sudden movement gave that man a big shock and he was actually forced to back away. However, Qi Jing was already right in front of him.
He stared that man right in the eye as he spoke in a seemingly woeful and resentful manner, “So you know… That’s right, I’ve been devastated since you got married, but I can’t change my nature, so I had to go out to look for men every day. My private life became a mess and I’ve been having promiscuous sex; I can’t even keep track of the number of men I’ve been with. And since we’re all men, there’s no need to worry about contraception so we don’t even use a condom. As a result, as you said, I’m now HIV positive.”
That man instantly turned white as a sheet.
When he heard the words “HIV positive”, he even gasped in shock. Realising that Qi Jing was very close to him, he hurriedly stumbled backwards in a panic, almost tripping along the way.
At that moment, the resentful expression on Qi Jing’s face disappeared without a trace as he raised one brow and sneered, “What? Was that what you thought I would say?”
That man’s cold sweat was one step short of oozing out when this dramatic turn of events forced it back in. He looked at Qi Jing in disbelief while the latter looked at him calmly. Seeing the dumb look on that man’s face, looking all at a loss, Qi Jing pulled his body back with a smile and went back to his usual upright stance.
Unburdened of all his burdens, his expression became pretty relaxed and liberated and so did his smile. “Unfortunately for you, I cherish myself more than you think and I haven’t done a single one of those things I just mentioned.”
Indeed, the lives of some people in the gay community were quite messy, but he was not one of them.
He worked hard to earn money to support his independent lifestyle—he wasn’t much different from those who labelled themselves as “normal”.
“As for my health, I mostly have a bunch of minor ailments due to work, but nothing major. And this car accident was, as I said, just an accident. I plan on gradually changing my bad habits in the future to make myself healthier,” Qi Jing continued.
Once he realised how badly the other person viewed him, the panic he felt at the start of this reunion was gone with the wind. In fact, he even felt a sense of pity for that man’s ignorance.
“Qi Jing…” That man finally processed that all this was Qi Jing deliberately testing him, and he hurriedly approached the latter again, but Qi Jing shook his head.
“You’re just concerned about the place you take up in my heart; you want to know how much influence you really have on me… That vain personality of yours really doesn’t change no matter how much time passes.” His voice was a little hoarse, but every word he said was clearly enunciated.
With every word, he was reopening old wounds, but it didn’t hurt, in fact, it felt good. “I’m not going to lie to you about what I’m going to say next: my life has indeed changed because of you—coming out of the closet early and cutting off ties with my family. But these things were bound to happen sooner or later and you simply brought it forward, so I don’t blame you. Another change is that you made me a coward. I became afraid to like someone again, spending all these years all alone. But after hearing those words from you today, I feel really stupid.”
Luckily, I didn’t refuse to accept Shen Yan’s hands because of the wounds you left me.
Luckily… I was strong enough to walk this far to meet the person who truly loves me.
“I don’t know if you’re still missing the me from the past, but I can tell you with certainty that that person is gone. Right now, I will only face forward and have a good life with my boyfriend. Oh, and by the way, I recently applied for a promotion as a show host. My chances aren’t high, but it never hurts to try.” After Qi Jing said all of that in one breath, that stuffy, suffocating feeling on his chest cleared away and his heart was now at peace.
He gave that man a bright smile. “That’s why, I’ll just be focussed on living my life, and you should, too. Goodbye, ‘classmate’.”
With that, he turned around and walked towards the road. The taxis should be done changing shifts, and it was time to go home. Shen Yan must still be waiting for him to go home to have dinner together.
Right at this moment, his left arm was suddenly violently tugged from behind. “Qi Jing!”
Qi Jing got a scare and froze in place. Because his right arm was holding the box with Little Return Date and his left was his injured arm, in that moment, there was nothing he could do. If he were to struggle, it would definitely affect his injury and his bones that had just recovered might end up broken again—it was not worth it.
“Qi Jing, don’t go.” The man was breathing heavily; he sounded like he was still very unwilling to give up. He held a death grip on Qi Jing’s bicep, to the point it hurt him. “I want to have a proper talk with you; don’t go yet. The accommodation that I was provided is just down the next junction. Let’s go there… This is not a good place to talk so come with me, I can’t just let you go like this.”
“Have you lost your mind? Let go!” Qi Jing wrinkled his brows from the pain and demanded for him to let go, but the other party refused to budge.
“Don’t struggle… It’s not worth it if your arm were to be broken a second time.” That man firmly grabbed onto Qi Jing’s right arm as well and forcefully turned him around to face him.
Qi Jing jerked his head up to meet that man’s eyes when he heard those words. Only then did he notice that something was not quite right with the look on his face; that man really wasn’t joking around. Qi Jing felt his heart skip a beat, but his body was restrained and he could not break free. And at this moment, that man spoke again in a low voice, “This is the entrance to your office; there are people coming and going. You don’t want to cause a scene either now, do you? Aren’t you still waiting for your promotion?”
That was indeed the case.
This was the entrance to his office, not that man’s. He was the one who stood to lose out more if they caused a scene. Well, ain’t he smart? Knowing how to take advantage of people’s weaknesses.
“Are you threatening me?” Qi Jing was so mad that his voice shook a little as he couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity of this man.
“No.” That man’s tone was soft as he attempted to tug at Qi Jing’s heartstrings to coax the latter, but he was just using the carrot-and-stick. “It’s been too long since we’ve seen each other. I didn’t know you had so much pent-up dissatisfaction with me… and it makes me sad. You have some misunderstandings about me. I want to have a proper talk with you to clear them up.”
“I don’t want to hear it, let go.”
“Qi Jing, come with me.” That man completely disregarded his resistance and increased the grip of his hands once more. Qi Jing hadn’t been using his left hand much in the past few days—giving his 101 percent to keeping it safe and sound, and it was even more so the case for Shen Yan—but right now, his arm was basically paralysed by the man’s forceful grip.
Qi Jing was starting to regret it a little; he had forgotten just how competitive and petty this man was. What he had just said was tantamount to a severe slap in the face, so of course, the other party wasn’t going to let it slide so easily. If he were to yell and make an uproar, this man really just might shove him onto the ground in a fit of panic and his arm would definitely have to face the fate of being broken again.
In that instant, he could feel his heart going haywire. Even though he had his phone right there in his pocket, he couldn’t find an opening to make a call and that person would never give him that chance.
At this point, he could only adapt to whatever was to come…
A/N: This chapter in summary—
Qi Jing: Negatives begone!
His Ex: No way!
Lilies: SCUM
Whiteflare: HISS. *swipes at ex with claws out*