Chapter 62
Thank you so much ChaiTea for a cup of coffee! <33
TLC: Lilies
Editing: Whiteflare
Qi Jing never considered it.
He never considered it in the past, and he would never do that in the future… If it wasn’t for Shen Yan asking him so.
After keeping silent for a long while, he ultimately didn’t give his answer.
“I think that you should talk with your family once again.”
It was as they were sitting down for a meal together when Shen Yan answered that question for him.
Before them, there was a wide dining table made of black walnut, quite homely in style. On the table, four dishes and one soup were arranged neatly, all of it home cooked and reheated by Shen Yan. There was no better time, no more fitting situation than this to discuss the matters of family.
The chopsticks in Qi Jing’s hand froze. He quietly put the vegetable back into his bowl and said with a sigh, “Shen Yan, I know that you have good intentions, but… If it really was so easy to communicate with them, then I wouldn’t have gone as far as to cut off contact with them for so many years.”
Qi Jing was a very accommodating person, pretty mild-tempered and extremely patient.
For such a person to choose to leave back then probably meant that he had reached the end of his line and was left with no other choice.
Shen Yan also stopped his chopsticks, at that moment, he didn’t know whether he should carry that conversation on. The last thing he wanted was to make things hard for Qi Jing, especially considering how he had just gone through an emotional upheaval. He didn’t want to make it even worse.
“I understand… Let’s eat first.” He said in a low voice.
Aside from comforting him with words, Shen Yan also reached out to smooth the hair on Qi Jing’s temples, stroking him in a comforting manner with a gentle smile on his face. It was a habit of his—after working in a vet clinic for all those years, he would always try to make the injured animals at ease just like this.
Qi Jing had carefully observed Shen Yan at work before, so he had already discovered this habit at that point. But he didn’t bring that up, quite gladly accepting this kind of comfort instead.
After all, the only one who could make him comfortable with showing his weakness, to let him lick his wounds at ease… was Shen Yan.
The dinner this time was two hours later than usual, so by the time they cleared up the tableware, it was way past nightfall. Qi Jing spent a long day filming outside, and with the “reunion” with that man to boot, both his body and mind were now thoroughly exhausted. He wished for nothing more than a shower, to cleanse himself of those horrid memories and that repulsive breath.
Just as always, Shen Yan unbuttoned his shirt and gently helped him remove it. Qi Jing was about to raise his left hand to let Shen Yan slip the sleeve off his cast, but he felt a sudden burst of dull pain that made him suck in a mouthful of air with a hiss.
Shen Yan froze, then he asked with a furrowed brow, “Did you get injured?”
Saying this, he quickly supported Qi Jing’s left arm, making its whole weight rest on his hand so that he wouldn’t move it around anymore.
“I didn’t. There’s nothing wrong with the fractured place, it’s just the part above that hurts.” Qi Jing shook his head. He didn’t need to lift his arm before, so only when he moved it now did he realise that the part near his shoulder was all sore and aching, “That guy kept holding me there when he threatened me; it should just be a temporary pain, don’t worry about it.”
He did his best to play it down as much as possible, but that didn’t reassure Shen Yan at all. His brows were still closely knit as he examined Qi Jing’s upper arm in silence.
Looking closer, with the help of the room’s lighting, he could still see the marks left from that brutal grip. It wasn’t only the left arm, the marks were also on the wrist of his right hand. Although it didn’t look like Qi Jing suffered any harm at first glance, things were often not as minor as they seem. Let alone that situation, which couldn’t be considered anything minor to begin with.
“That guy… Did he want to do something to you?” He finally brought up the elephant in the room. Qi Jing wasn’t in his best mental state before so he didn’t want to ask this question, but right now, he really couldn’t keep it in.
Qi Jing was slightly stunned. He lifted his head to meet Shen Yan’s eyes. In those eyes, there was concern, and there was worry; the only thing missing was a reproach to him—Qi Jing was very moved by that consideration, so being honest also became less of a hurdle.
“Yes.”
Shen Yan’s breath got caught upon hearing that word, but Qi Jing only shook his head with a wry smile. He put his right hand on the back of Shen Yan’s hand and added in a low voice, “But he didn’t get to have his way, I managed to avoid it.”
Hearing this, Shen Yan stayed still for a moment, blinked his eyes, then finally sighed with relief.
Qi Jing observed each movement of his in a silence. As a matter of fact, anything having to do with one’s ex would be pretty tricky to mention to the current partner, so he was afraid Shen Yan would feel repulsed by this matter. But he didn’t want to keep him in the dark—he hoped that they could build their relationship on the foundation of honesty, not lies.
However Shen Yan’s hand stayed as it was, placed gently on his shoulder, his sentiments devoid of any negative feelings. So he slowly closed the distance by a step so that the two of them were almost leaning against one another.
“Shen Yan… Do you mind my past?”
He didn’t only mean the happenings of that evening, but also all of his past experiences that he didn’t want to bring up again.
“No,” Hearing the nervousness in his tone, Shen Yan smiled faintly and heaved a long sigh as he recovered from his shock, “I just don’t want to see you continue getting hurt because of him.”
Everyone has some past they wouldn’t want to uncover, and he wasn’t an exception. Even all his past he didn’t want Qi Jing to know about would one day get revealed to him—it was just a matter of time. That’s why he knew very well how Qi Jing felt at the moment. He could easily put himself in Qi Jing’s shoes, so why would he rub salt into his wounds?
“I want to cherish our relationship, so I need to make it clear.” Qi Jing lowered his head, only adding a sentence in a stuffy nasal voice after a long while.
“I know.” He knew about that from the very beginning.
“To me, your opinion is very important.” Qi Jing added.
“I know.”
Those two, simple words eased the pain Qi Jing carried in his heart for years, the sting slowly fading away, his heart now full. Being able to obtain one’s important person’s trust was the best consolation out of all.
“Then tonight… Are you still willing to warm my bed?” Once the depressing thoughts went away a little, he felt a need to act coy for a bit, “I think I really might have caught a cold.” After saying this, he shrinked his shoulders, acting as if he was cold.
Shen Yan couldn’t help but chuckle, then said in a low voice, “Alright. Now go take a shower first, I’ll take care of making the bed.”
Late autumn, deep night, cold weather.
Whenever those three things came together at the same time, Qi Jing’s desire for warmth would get even stronger. A quilt can be very warm on its own, indeed—but he yearned for an existence even warmer than a quilt. And that existence habitually took out a hairdryer after making his bed. The moment Qi Jing left the bathroom, he was pressed down on a chair and had his hair carefully blow dried before he was tucked under the quilt.
“You come here as well.” Qi Jing said in a small voice.
The warmth of the hot water on his body had yet to disperse and his skin was a bit flushed—his hair ends still damp—appearing much darker and softer than usual.
Hearing something like that, from a person in that state, it would be hard for Shen Yan to find a reason to decline.
What’s more… The thought of declining never even passed his mind.
“Do you want to sleep?” Shen Yan asked in a low voice before coming over, “If you do, then I’ll turn off the light first.”
“Not yet, I still want to read the original novel of ⟪Order to End the Heavens⟫, I didn’t manage to finish reading it during the daytime.” It was still early, so Qi Jing intended to finish his plans for the day, leading his life back at its original tracks after getting disturbed by that man. He propped up his pillow up against the head of the bed as he talked, then waved at Shen Yan with his phone, his eyes curling up in a smile, “If you don’t have anything to do, then would you mind keeping me company?”
Shen Yan nodded.
But he still turned off the main light in the bedroom, only leaving the reading light on the bedside table. Its dim, warm light couldn’t be said to be especially bright, but it was sufficient for reading.
Originally, he only thought of sitting alongside Qi Jing just as the day before, but the moment he got under the quilt, Qi Jing shifted over, even burrowed into his embrace. Shen Yan took him into his arms without a hint of awkwardness, hugging him gently from behind, letting him read the novel while lying on his chest.
Outside the window, there was a boundless darkness.
All was quiet in the old town district; only the bodhi tree downstairs rustled in the wind, but even that noise sounded serene.
From the outside, all that could be seen of their place was a single square window, its windowpane dyed in a dim yellow light—among the countless dark windows, it seemed especially bright and welcoming. From the inside, their world was contained to a tiny area by the night lamp, but it was so warm, so cozy—just big enough to contain two interdependent hearts.
Qi Jing was reading a novel, while Shen Yan wasn’t looking at anything, only locking his hands together on Qi Jing’s abdomen to keep him in a tight embrace, closing his eyes as he took in the scent on his body. It was a sweet scent left after a shower—that scent was everywhere, no matter if it was for Qi Jing’s still damp hair, or the side of his neck that Shen Yan brushed with his nose.
He didn’t want to let anyone else smell it.
He didn’t want to let anyone else have it.
To hold Qi Jing so closely till there was no space between them was a kind of action, a kind of sentiment that left no place for anyone else to intrude. And so, even if he was just sitting there an hour or two in silence, Shen Yan still felt plenty content. He didn’t know how much had passed by the time the person in his arms put down the phone and said in a small voice, “I’m done.”
“Is that so,” Shen Yan came back to his senses and chuckled gently, “It isn’t that late yet, but since you’re tired, you should go to sleep already. Rest well.”
Saying this, he reached his hand out to turn off the lamp on the bedside table.
Suddenly, Qi Jing stopped his hand without a word, slowly pulling it back to himself. He didn’t let him turn off the light, nor did he think of going to sleep yet, “Wait… I want to look at your hand.”
Look at his hand.This kind of peculiar request just before sleep left Shen Yan dumbfounded.
He observed as Qi Jing spread his hand open, looking at it earnestly without saying a word, and couldn’t help but laugh, “What is it, what are you looking at?”
“Palm-reading.” Qi Jing seemed to be snuggling even closer, like a small animal afraid of the cold, completely giving himself up to Shen Yan, seeking warmth in his arms. He stretched out his index finger and slowly traced the line stretching from below Shen Yan’s little finger to the centre of his palm, his voice husky, “Your love line… it’s both thin and long.”
“If that’s so? Then what does it mean?”Shen Yan let him have his way, gently supporting his chin on Qi Jing’s shoulder, making for a good listener.
“It means you’re a devoted lover, and that you’re sensitive.” As Qi Jing talked, the tip of his finger stopped at the end of the love line, stroking there a couple of times slowly, the sensation a bit ticklish. Shen Yan instinctively curled his fingers, gently holding Qi Jing’s hand between them. Qi Jing didn’t take his hand back, leaving it still in his hold.
“Then, do you think that’s true?” He asked with a chuckle.
“I do.” The person in his embrace seemed to also have laughed before his voice got lower, “It’s just, sometimes… not only are you not sensitive at all, you’re very slow.”
Shen Yan was taken aback for a moment.
“For example?” He could admit that he could be very foolish at times, but he didn’t know what Qi Jing was implying.
Qi Jing didn’t say a thing, and a long while passed in complete silence. Just as Shen Yan thought he already fell asleep in his embrace, he suddenly opened his lips slightly, as if laughing and sighing at the same time.
“For example… I stayed in your embrace for such a long time, yet you didn’t make any move—isn’t that slow?”
Indeed, Shen Yan was very slow.
If he wasn’t this slow, he would notice that slight tremor of his hand as he spoke, and he would realise that his palm was all sweaty from nervousness.
It wasn’t fire that his words brought, only the sparks that could start one. That was the most he could do.
As for Shen Yan though, he could do much, much more.
Suppose that fire really set ablaze…
His body sunk down all of a sudden as if falling into a field of cotton. His back landed on the light and soft quilt, the back of his neck was held steadily by an arm as it lay him down on the bed.
The lamp beside the head of the bed was still illuminating everything in its faint light.
But the light had disappeared from his vision for a moment—that man had already turned over onto him, slowly closing in from above. The moment their foreheads met, he heard his name being softly called by that person in a low, almost pleading voice, “Qi Jing—”
The fire—was set ablaze.
That’s because it was clearly the voice of someone scorched, both parched and burning.
His heart drummed, and he responded almost inaudibly, “Mn.”
“Qi Jing,” Shen Yan once again called him so, his face which was against the light showed traces of torment as his slightly trembling fingers caressed Qi Jing’s face. Every time he spoke a word, his breath would scald Qi Jing. “After what happened today… won’t you be afraid?”
Afraid… yes.But he wasn’t afraid of Shen Yan getting intimate with him, in fact, quite the opposite of that even—he was afraid of Shen Yan leaving him. Aside from that, Qi Jing didn’t know what was there to fear.
“If you’re worried that I would be afraid, then simply make my mind go completely blank, just make it so that I’m unable to think of anything else.” He lowered his eyes, instinctively reaching out his right hand to the side of his cheek. Even if it was just for a moment, even if it was completely useless and he was just deluding himself with a flimsy lie, he still wanted to cover that place beside his eye, dyed red by the fire. But he wasn’t able to conceal the hoarseness in his voice, “It should be fine… if you do it your way… as my boyfriend…”
The moment he finished his words, his right hand was suddenly held gently by Shen Yan, then moved away.
He couldn’t even try to deceive himself anymore. He could only close his eyes, turning his face sideways on the pillow as he looked away.
Him looking away didn’t mean that when that kiss landed on the side of his neck, he didn’t feel it. In fact, he not only felt it—his body even trembled slightly in response, and he couldn’t help but tilt his head up with a soft gasp.
“Shen Yan…”
“Qi Jing…” Shen Yan responded in a low voice.
Whether he would be able to make Qi Jing mind go blank, he did not know. Perhaps before the other man lost his head, the one doing the deed himself had already lost his ability to think. He surrendered all of himself to his instinct, to his two hands seeking warmth on Qi Jing’s body, to those lips that sought to mark that man as his with every kiss.
Qi Jing’s right hand seemed to have lost all of its strength as he quietly put it on the side in compliance with his movements. He looked just so weak.
When Shen Yan kissed his Adam’s apple lightly, he gave a fake struggle, gasping as he half-opened his eyes, staring absent-mindedly at the ceiling.
He didn’t say anything.
He didn’t make him stop.
Because he had to admit—Shen Yan’s kisses felt so good. Even though they’ve lost the comforting nature from before and were tinted with a bit of hard to control passion, they still felt so good. And he was more than willing to welcome all of it as long as Shen Yan wished to go on.
A/N:
I’d gladly turn into that night lamp on the bedside…
T/N:
Lucilla: *slowly covers the night lamp with a blanket* (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄) Qi Jing… How come you’re so good at enabling… Aye, you deserve that comfort, my boy.
Lilies: I’m the bed!!
whiteflare: Whoo! Now that’s what I call “telling them the water is warm”…