Chapter 61
Thank you to anon for the caffeine boost!
Editor: Mashiro
Family.
When he puts it like that, it almost sounds like a marriage proposal…
Although the person who said it didn’t realise it, it didn’t matter. And as for himself, it was enough for him to quietly carve this hard-earned promise into his heart.
In a trance, Qi Jing’s lips pulled into a smile, but before it could fully form, Shen Yan got in so close, he could feel his lips being singed by Shen Yan’s breath. In that moment, all his emotions overflowed; he stopped smiling and even his mind blanked out. All he could do was close his eyes and slowly decrease the distance between them until it became a full-fledged kiss.
It was a kiss unlike the ones before.
It was quieter, more natural, and very much more like a human’s innate instincts.
At that moment, finding Shen Yan’s lips and sealing it with his own seemed to have become his instinct. When he found them, he sought them out even more desperately. It’s as if he had sunk to the bottom of the sea, only relying on the other’s breaths for air—in these few seconds, they were alive because of one another. After experiencing the burial of a part of his life, nothing was more precious than having a reason to live on.
As he thought so, he let his tears fall without a word, allowing them to silently seep into the space where their lips touched.
It was both bitter and salty.
In that way, it really resembled… the taste of the sea.
Little Return Date was still half-asleep when it woke up from its slumber because of the shaking of its box. When it finally opened its eyes, Little Return Date realised that its other dad was here. Its fur which was raised from wariness relaxed and it called out to him with a “meow” while waving a paw—it was both a greeting and a show of its cuteness.
With a tilt of its head, Little Return Date noticed that both its dads were now watching it and the satisfaction from gaining their attention instantly rose to the maximum.
“Let’s go home,” Shen Yan said gently. It was directed at Little Return Date, and also Big Return Date.
Qi Jing silently watched as the other man picked up the box and chuckled without a sound. In the shadows of the dark alley, he gave his hand to Shen Yan, allowing the latter to lead him forward, slowly walking towards the main road.
The two of them hailed a taxi by the road. After Qi Jing got into it, he quietly watched Shen Yan get into the car with the box holding the kitten and randomly blurted, “This is the second time.”
Shen Yan froze slightly.
But Qi Jing simply asked him with a small smile on his face, “Don’t you find this scene awfully familiar?”
When Shen Yan heard that, he immediately understood what Qi Jing meant by the “second time”—he had personally travelled from the north of the city to bring this man and cat home once before.
“At that time… we were also riding a cab just like this, even our seats were the same,” Qi Jing mumbled to himself, his eyes twinkling with nostalgia. Because he had cried just now, his voice still sounded a little hoarse, but his chuckle sounded especially warm. “Back then, I didn’t even dare to let you hold my hand.”
Hearing him say these words, the taxi driver seemed to give them a subtle glance from the rearview mirror, but Qi Jing didn’t care about it.
Perhaps it was the helplessness and hopelessness he felt today because of the so-called “normal society” which triggered his rebelliousness.
Perhaps it was because he had “died” once that he became more broad-minded and couldn’t care anymore. He didn’t want to hide his love for Shen Yan anymore.
He wanted to completely cast aside the strange looks people gave him and just live his life openly and freely for once.
And Shen Yan probably shared the same thoughts as him because that hand had already silently held his as they normally do. It was a very firm grip, devoid of any intention of hiding from the eyes of others.
Surprisingly, the driver uncle didn’t react in any particular way as he witnessed their actions, he just asked for the destination they were headed for and stepped on the accelerator, driving off towards the north of the city. Did he view them with silent contempt, or disapproval, or maybe something else? Qi Jing had no way of knowing. Right now, his heart was like a lake, which had become calm after the passing of a raging storm. All of his intense feelings were hidden beneath, at the bottom of the lake, only leaving behind the flickering reflections of light on the surface.
And the person who brought him those lights was right here, just by his side, holding his hand and never letting go, never leaving him behind.
Beyond that, he cared for nothing.
As the sun went down and the day turned into night, the city centre shone brightly. This contrast made the inside of the vehicle appear particularly dark and it gave a feeling as if they were separate from the world, allowing one to quietly observe the world around them. Qi Jing looked out of the moving car from his seat. The darkness of the night was like the sea and those quickly passing lights, the fish, swimming and weaving in and out of the darkness. Through the glass, the “swimming fish” left behind traces from their tails cutting through the “water”.
And his fingers, too, were gently tracing the marks on Shen Yan’s hand.
One after another, like a silkworm forming a cocoon, placing the two people’s feelings deep inside the cocoon and letting it slowly mature inside. But he wanted to speed up the process.
“Shen Yan,” Qi Jing suddenly said, “I want to take out a loan to buy a car.”
Those words came out of nowhere.
Shen Yan looked up at him with some surprise, but the momentary confusion soon dissipated and he seemed to understand something. Those obsidian eyes soon regained their clarity and stared right at Qi Jing.
Qi Jing returned his gaze, his expression calm and solemn, and he began to slowly elaborate on his plans for the future.
“I’ve been working for a few years now, and although my salary isn’t high, my personal expenses aren’t high either. I don’t spend on luxury goods, so I still have some savings left. Right now, we can probably get a pretty decent economy car for a few hundred thousand yuan. With a down payment of around 30 percent, plus the commission fees, insurance, vehicle purchase tax, etc, it should be about forty to fifty thousand yuan. I should be able to take out that much… As for the later instalments, it might be a little tight with my current salary, but it shouldn’t be a problem if I live a bit slightly more frugally and pay back slowly.”
Shen Yan just listened quietly.
When talking about his less than optimistic economic conditions, Qi Jing still maintained an optimistic attitude, “However, if I can be promoted successfully, then my salary will also be raised accordingly, and my year-end bonus will definitely be more than what is it now, so paying for the car payment won’t be that much of a struggle.”
When he heard this, Shen Yan asked in a low voice, “Why did you suddenly think of buying a car?”
With a faint smile on his face, Qi Jing replied, “Didn’t we talk about housing before? Initially, we talked that I’ll have to start going back to work at the office regularly once the cast is off and staying at your place would be too far and inconvenient so I’ll definitely have to move back into my apartment. But… if I had my own car, I don’t have to rely on public transport to travel to and fro from work which will save a lot of time and that problem will go away.”
In the past, he gave up too much for someone who didn’t value him, only to end up with this sad and ridiculous ending.
And now that he’s met a lover who truly cherishes him, all the more was it worth for him to invest a hundred times more affection and action than he’s ever given, to secure and carefully maintain their relationship.
“I want to seriously consider our future and solve this problem at hand.” Qi Jing’s expression was resolute and there was an indescribable sense of determination in his eyes. He lowered his voice and whispered slowly, “I… want to stay by your side, and keep you by mine.”
How much Shen Yan cherished him, he would have to return it twice as much.
That day when the two of them drank, the way Shen Yan murmured and begged him not to go after getting drunk was still deeply branded into his mind, leaving behind an eternal mark.
Instead of just comforting with words, he’d rather think of practical solutions that could help change the current situation.
There are countless obstacles in real life and he may not be able to solve them all at one go, but he can slowly break through the problems, one at a time. Shen Yan had already given him a “home”, so naturally he should work hard to make sure that he can “return home”.
“I signed a one-year contract for my apartment and it only ends at the end of the year. Whether or not I live there, the rent has already been paid, and it’s not like I can get a refund so it doesn’t matter where I live.” He took a deep breath before nervously giving Shen Yan’s hand a gentle squeeze. “If… If I completely move out from the apartment after the contract expires and if you are willing to take me in then… then the rent saved can be used to pay for part of the car loan. That way, we can always live together…”
As his words trailed off, Qi Jing lowered his head slightly, subconsciously not wanting to see Shen Yan’s expression at this moment. He was a little afraid of seeing any kind of awkwardness or hesitation on that man’s face.
After a short pause, he still didn’t forget to give the other party an out.
“Of course, all of this is only if you’re willing…” to let me officially become a part of your family.
That house was the one where Shen Yan used to live together with his grandfather, to Shen Yan, it meant much more than simply a place to live in. To officially allow someone to move into the house would mean not only letting someone enter his life, but also his past; it meant to truly treat this person as “family”, and that was not an easy decision to make.
“Qi Jing,” the man sitting beside him gently called out his name in a low and husky voice; it sounded like a laugh, yet at the same time, also sounded like a sigh, “You should’ve already known what my answer is… I asked you to treat me as your family, and that naturally includes the living part as well.”
Qi Jing did in fact know the answer all along, but it was different hearing the words from the man himself.
“As long as you don’t think I am being too abrupt.” Qi Jing could feel a lump slowly come up in his throat but he still forced out a smile so that he didn’t appear like too much of a mess.
“No, not at all.” Shen Yan grasped his right hand tightly and said with a sad smile, “I’m actually very happy to hear those words from you… I thought it would take a much longer time to get you to stay. Moreover, the circumstances don’t permit it either. You’re at a critical stage of your career and I don’t want to hold you back because of my selfishness. However, hearing all your serious considerations and so far into the future too… I-I’m virtually on cloud nine.”
How could he not be?
Once upon a time, most of his “family” had chosen to leave him, or let him go. His grandfather was the first who was willing to take him in, and now… Qi Jing was the first who was willing to be taken in by him.
“I’m only worried about one thing, and that is the financial burden that will be placed on you.” As touched as he was, he didn’t forget the gap between ideals and reality. It wasn’t that he had any doubts about Qi Jing’s abilities, but it was just simply too tough to provide for a car alone. “If possible, I’d like to share the burden of the loan with you.”
“You’ve already provided the ‘house’, so of course I can’t possibly let you provide for the ‘car’ as well, “ Qi Jing politely declined his kind offer in a half-joking manner.
At this moment, the uncle who had been driving all this while suddenly interjected, “Young man, if you’re looking to buy a car, I can recommend you a few local dealers. They offer quality service while not charging too high a service fee. In your case, I’d advise that you get a car that can retain its value. That way, you can drive it to and from work, or drive it out for a short trip during the holidays or whatever. And as long as you maintain it well, you can easily sell it second hand if you want to replace it with something better when your circumstances allow for it.”
Both Qi Jing and Shen Yan froze for a moment.
They weren’t afraid that the driver would overhear their conversation, but it’s just that the fact that he would initiate a conversation with them, and doesn’t seem to have a hint of discrimination, was something out of their expectations. Qi Jing had always thought that people in society more or less viewed their kind of relationship with tinted lenses.
So, after recovering from the initial surprise, Qi Jing smiled and straightened his posture, “Sir, more than the car issue… don’t you find the two of us very strange?”
Since the other party initiated the conversation, he didn’t mind being frank about it. His usual instincts of a reporter conducting interviews came up and he couldn’t help but be curious to probe into the other party’s mentality.
As he drove, the driver replied to him with an apologetic smile, “Sorry for staring at you guys since you got in the car. At the time, I thought you looked like a couple, but I didn’t dare to jump to conclusions, and I’ve only just confirmed that you are a young couple after listening to your conversation along the way.”
A young couple—
That was the first time he had heard such a substantive adjective from a complete and utter stranger.
Qi Jing suddenly felt his cheeks burn up and he couldn’t help but turn away while Shen Yan, on the other hand, gently tightened his grip, firmly locking Qi Jing’s hand in his palm, as if in affirmation of the other party’s words.
“Oh dear, if I made you feel that I was looking at you with prejudice, then I’m really so sorry,” the driver apologised a second time and after that, he continued rambling on, “It’s because apart from my daughter, I haven’t actually met people like you in real life… So uh…”
Qi Jing was someone who was skilled at capturing information and at this moment, he had already let out a slightly dazed exclamation.
The driver then realised what he had inadvertently said so he patted his head and added on with a helpless laugh, “Ah yeah, my daughter is also… Sigh, that’s how it is. Although there are many people who don’t understand this stuff nowadays, I can still understand it, after all, I have such a situation in my own family.”
The driver’s words evoked memories of when Qi Jing cut off ties with his family and his heart could not help but sting a little.
“The fact is, not every parent will be able to understand when this situation happens in their family,” he whispered. This driver’s daughter really was lucky, at least when compared to him.
But the driver sighed, “Sigh, young man, let me be frank with you, back then when my daughter came out to me and my wife, I couldn’t accept it either. It’s only after many years did I finally come round, my wife still can’t quite understand her till this day. But as parents… we ultimately still wish for our child to be happy.”
Qi Jing could still hold it in at first, but as the driver continued, he couldn’t really control his emotions anymore, and his hand that was holding Shen Yan’s trembled slightly. “Well… that’s not the case with my parents.”
“Young man, you can’t really blame your parents for this. The people from our generation are sometimes too conservative in their thinking and they can’t get over it. If the ones that are parents are already like this, much less those who couldn’t care less since this doesn’t affect them or those who simply watch on as entertainment.” The driver then turned the conversation back to him and Shen Yan halfway through, “But to be honest, I felt particularly moved right now just listening to your conversation. Even if it was a real couple made up of a man and a woman, not many young people these days are able to plan their future so seriously. That’s good. All the best!”
Qi Jing was taken aback; he suddenly felt something well up inside, filling him completely.
Shen Yan, who had been silently listening to their conversation, also spoke up at this time, “Thank you for your encouragement.”
Hearing that, the driver burst into a hearty laugh, “Don’t mention it. My daughter has also moved out and is now living with her partner. Both of them have good jobs and are doing quite well. It’s precisely because we only have one child that I pay special attention to this area. I guess it can be considered fate that I served the two of you today, so I couldn’t help but say a few words.”
Since it was no longer a sensitive topic, they took their time chatting with the driver. The half-hour drive went by in a blink of an eye and the taxi had already turned into the northern part of the city.
When they alighted, the driver refused to take their fare no matter what and simply drove off after giving them a free ride home.
“How unexpected… To think we meet someone this open-minded and kind-hearted.” Qi Jing felt a wave of emotions as he stood at the intersection of the neighbourhood and watched the taxi leave. Indeed, just as this world has a cold side, it also has a warm side to it. The helplessness that had been building up at the bottom of his heart today had suddenly been temporarily liberated and he felt slightly relieved.
“Perhaps there might be more people who can accept us than we think.” Shen Yan’s words spelled out the realisation that hit him. This was something that he had never experienced before.
“Mhm, this is the first time I outrightly told a stranger my sexual orientation,” Qi Jing scoffed at himself, “But it feels pretty good.”
Shen Yan looked at Qi Jing quietly for a long time, looking like he had something to say.
“Qi Jing… H-Have you ever thought of having a proper talk with your family again?”
A/N: One provides the house and the other provides the car—are you two actually proposing to each other?? You need to get married quickly!!
I feel like I’m spreading positive vibes this chapter…
And also, I finally figured out why I’ll never be able to write a scum gong as a protagonist. Because: 1. I have a biological aversion to scum and 2. Based on my usual style, I would make the scum so realistic that the readers would come knocking on my door to kill me. (With reference to reactions to the scum ex, I think this is highly likely…)