This is just a replay of my life, a dozen times over. It’s not lost on me that this is no sort of existence but
I have no choice. I get myself into these situations and sometimes running is the only way out.
I waste time looking for a bag and start to get extremely anxious as the clock keeps ticking. I pull out a
small gym holdall I assume is his from the wardrobe and push what I can inside. Pulling on a jacket I go
to the window to try and get it open. It takes effort, even though this is a modern and well-maintained
apartment, I am not familiar with the locks or how to open the damn things. I manage to slide it enough
to get my hand and arm outside, eyeing up the metal fire escape through the glass and push the bag
out by squishing it through forcefully so it lands with a gentle thud on the staircase outside. Luckily this
building is only five or so floors high and I am not about to escape from a massively high penthouse.
The fire escape is a proper metal staircase from what I can see and the bottom floor has a pull-down
ladder. It’s do-able. I manage to pull the window further but it stops dead about a foot over and I cannot
get it to budge no matter how hard I push. There is a slim chance of me getting through that gap, but I
am determined to try it anyway angling myself to get through sideways. I manage to slide my head and
shoulders through but my ample bust is a bit of an effort and a half. Squeezing and wriggling until I get
through and then shimmy to my waist, grazing my chest uncomfortably and start lifting my feet in a bid
to find leverage as I dangle head first out of the open window.
My legs thrash about until I find something solid with one foot and push hard against it to give my body
much needed traction, except the solid mass wraps around my ankle and yanks me back as I let out an
almighty yelp in complete shock. Turning and struggling as I am pulled up hard inwards and my breasts
wedge me tight in the gap in reverse of my first manoeuvre. The enraged glaring Italian on the other
side of the glass is enough to make me lose all fight and I fall stiffly still when he reaches out with his
free hand and unclips the window slider at the top. I fall inwards with an inelegant crash and whelp as
my body collides with the floor. It’s not wholly painful, but it’s enough to knock the wind out of my sails
and I can only stare helplessly in wide-eyed horror as nerves and fear come crashing down on top of
me at his feet, trembling instantly because I made an already raging psycho worse.
‘’I swear to fucking God, I should beat you black and blue for trying this shit again,’’ Alexi growls at me,
still holding my foot in mid-air as I thrash around on the floor trying to kick myself free from the iron grip,
still determined to run as he bruises my ankle with the sheer force of his hold on me. He must have
been closer than I realised and got here in record time. This is the worst possible outcome for me right
now.
I just pushed him from maybe a seven on his bad mood scale to an eleven easily and he appears
nuclear. He lets me go suddenly and my leg falls at an alarming speed, banging my heel on the floor
with another thud and a sharp pain up my ankle. It’s then I realise Mico is standing in the doorway
looking completely pissed off too, except I have no clue at which one of us, as he is glaring at Alexi’s
head like he might actually jump him if he touches me again.
‘‘Go ahead, I don’t fucking care,’’ I yell straight back at him defiantly and I catch Mico wincing out of the
corner of my eye. His eyes flashing from Alexi to me and I know he is silently trying to tell me to pipe
down and stop aggravating his cousin. He knows as well as I do that this is not how you handle him,
and I am only making this worse.
My fury and bravado waivers slightly until that pale grey glare hits my eyes and Alexi snarls in that
sinister way that makes my body recoil.
‘’Pretty sure I have a room fit for the purpose of doing just that. I told you before that you should never
push me.’’ He reminds me and the last ounce of every part of my bravery dies, the devil standing in
front of me smug at his ability to inflict fear. Memories of that room and being tied to that cross,
memories of being tied, beaten and abused mercilessly over and over in my past. My face runs cold as
the warmth of my blood drains down into my body as though freezing ice water is flushing through my
veins instead and fear replaces anger.
‘’Over my dead body!’’ Mico is the one to speak up this time making me jump, and Alexi spins his head
to glare at his cousin instead. A silent war of two glaring formidable bodied men in full aggressive mode
and I curl up and try and shimmy backwards against the wall in a bid to get smaller and slink away from
the flying testosterone.
It’s funny how you revert to childhood habits when faced with a similar kind of horror. I've lost count of
how many times I would curl up and try to hide from cruel hands and monsters. I have no clue what
Alexi will do to me anymore. I have lost all trust in him after he grabbed me in the club and threatened
to end my life, if I ever trusted him at all.
‘’What?’’ Alexi sounds furious for once, not cool and low calm that sends chills down my spine, nope.
This time its unconcealed rage and venom and I think this may be worse. His rage is unveiled and it’s
aimed at his cousin with a raw fury that is rare.
This is how he was the night I tried to run from the Hamptons, this was the look I saw on his face when
he snapped the neck of someone who touched what was his.
‘’You heard me. Leave her alone Lex, enough is enough of this BS.’’ The silent looks and that
determined strong tone, steel and stubborn between them.
‘’What’s it to you?’’ Alexi snaps at him.
‘’I won’t stand back and watch you keep destroying her for absolutely nothing.’’ Mico moves closer to
me and Alexi seems to grow in size, warning him to back off as he crowds his prey possessively.
‘’Nothing??? … Where have you been? She brings this on herself … every fucking time.’’ Alexi sounds
exasperated, rather than furious.
‘’No, she doesn’t. Your head's up your ass when it comes to her, and you know it. Let her alone and
leave. She has done nothing to deserve the shit you throw at her and I won’t stand here and watch it
this time.’’ The air becomes suffocatingly thick, and weirdly Alexi is first to break and look back at me
with a touch of hesitation. He seems to be losing the fight, and rather than erupt like a volcano, it’s
almost as though Mico is dousing his flames.
He pauses and then shakes his head angrily throwing me a look that is completely unreadable before
looking back at him with some weird unspoken message that Mico seems to understand. Alexi is back
to glaring at me before he lets out a huge sigh of exasperation.
I just stay here curled up on the floor, heart in my mouth and weakly afraid, scared to move or bring his
anger back to me.
‘’You know what? FINE! I’m done with you and this shit, you don’t want to go to Chicago? Then don’t.
You don’t come back to the club either, EVER! Let your hero here decide where to put you and stay the
hell away from me. He clearly wants to be responsible for you from here on in, so he can have you. I
swear London you come within fifty feet of my club or me after today, I will not hold back, and Mico
won’t have the chance to intervene. I will put you in a world of pain and regret that you will wish I had
snapped your fucking neck already.’’
I can tell without a shadow of a doubt that he means every word and it breaks my soul in two, no matter
how afraid and how submissive I am sat here, he can still destroy my soul. Alexi glares at me one more
time as though imprinting my face to a file in his brain marked ‘’waste of my time’’ and then he turns to
Mico coldly.
‘’She’s your problem now. As soon as she pays off her debts you can cut her loose, but until then I
never want to see her again. You do what the fuck you want; I don’t want to know anymore. She’s been
trouble from the day we scraped her off the sidewalk, and I am not going to be the fool who keeps
dealing with her. She’s like a bad penny I cannot fucking shake.’’ His words cut me like a knife, my
weak dumb arse heart can’t shield me from the emotional pain this man can inflict, and I look away
from my cowering space on the floor and stare at the wall for a moment instead. To bite back the tears
and swallow down a reaction.
I won’t give him the satisfaction of my tears.
Mico nods, looking determined and unemotional, there is another long moment of silent communication
between them before the stance softens and Alexi looks back my way one last time. Back in that
unreadable and emotionless mask and I have no idea what he is even thinking. I just stare back
emptily, welling up inside. Alexi doesn’t wait any longer, he storms out of the room noisily, slamming the
door as he leaves, and I am left a trembling wreck on the floor, blinking Mico’s way with a broken heart
and a head so messy I have no clue which way is up anymore.
Mico pauses to look at me as he reaches for the handle of the door.
‘’Don’t look at me like that. It’s for the best you’ll see. You and Lex … you just bring out the worst in
each other. He gets erratic and reckless and acts like a prize asshole around you. You get under his
skin, Camilla, and it’s not a good place to be. This isn’t who he normally is or how he deals with shit. I
think he knows he can’t control it and somehow it just makes him worse. You’re a liability to him and
this … it’s just toxic.’’ Mico shakes his head as though he cannot explain it either and yet it does
nothing to make me feel any better.
Alexi just made it clear that from now until eternity he never wants to see me again. As much as I
should be rejoicing and celebrating that little bout of freedom my heart is crumbling to dust and I feel
like I am bleeding out of every orifice as pain weighs me down and threatens to suffocate me.
He set me free, made it clear I am never to grace his presence again and I should be happy, yet
pathetically, I am dying inside, and my heart is weighing me down like a lead balloon.
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