Seeing them closer sets me off once more and I’m done for; laughing harder while I fish around in my
purse and wave money at Jackson as if to motion that I need these.
I can’t wait to see Alexi’s face when I hand these over as a thank you for my London themed birthday
gifts. I cannot even imagine him getting it at all or breaking a smile on that moody starchy pants face of
his; even better. A joke he might not get, but I cannot resist it. New York socks for Kingpin New York
himself.
I try to calm myself as Jackson pays for them and hands me back a paper bag that is so street tacky
that it hits me all over again in a third intensive wave. Tacky socks in a brown paper bag and I am
giving them to the Mafia billionaire as a thank you for a sarcastic gift—just perfect.
I have no idea why this is making me crease up so much, or even why it’s as funny as it is, but I just
can’t stop, even when Jackson hands me my greasy dog and I tuck my bag under my arm. I hit the
extreme snorting giggles and almost choke on the first bite I ram in my mouth to stop it. Coughing
manically as I inhale cooked sausage and dry roll and almost die from it.
‘You know … You’re what he needs, Miss Camilla. Lighten him up sometimes and put a little fun back
in his life.’
Jackson sobers me instantly and it isn’t as funny anymore as his words slap me with some reality.
Mood dropping like a lead weight that cures me of this weird hysteria, and I smooth down my clothes
as I dislodge the obstruction and clear my throat as I compose myself sombrely.
‘I will never be what he needs. I am, however, grateful for my job … and for this.’ I get the words out
hoarsely as I dangle my bracelet absentmindedly; no idea why I even bring it to his attention, other than
to distract his topic of conversation and Jackson admires it with careful fingers.
‘Alexi showed me it this morning when he had me pick up your cake.’ He seems completely composed,
acting as though this is a normal thing for him to hand out, and I just gawp in startled disbelief.
‘What? He showed you this? This morning? You collected the cake?’ I blanch at him and Jackson just
smiles at me as though nothing is amiss in that statement; my head whirling like a merry-go-round on
speed. Recovering quickly and now just intent on what he said.
‘When he asked if I thought you would like it … he said it was a thank you. I guess you must be running
the club a lot better than that Joanne ever did. I don’t like her much.’ Jackson is a sweetheart
sometimes and very honest about his opinions of the staff in the club, but right now I want to
interrogate the crap out of him over my bracelet and cake. Confuddled and immediately zoned in on the
importance of what he just said, my stomach starts tying itself in knots.
I just give him a long look that just screams of ‘What?’
‘He never told you, did he?’ I ask warily and watch for a dishonest reaction, but Jackson is not a good
liar. There is nothing in that sweet pudgy face to say he knows what today is; despite Alexi showing him
my gifts and having him collect one.
‘About what?’ Innocence—He genuinely thinks this is a thank you gift.
‘Nothing … I just … I was surprised that Alexi bought me this, that’s all. It was unexpected, and the
cake. I didn’t know he sent you.’ I stammer while covering up and try like mad to get my head around
this. I mean, I knew he must have pulled some strings to get them to me for this morning; I just didn’t
assume he put that much thought and effort into it, and then asked others if I would approve. That is
not the man I know at all.
‘He asked me for your favourite place to buy them as he knows you have a sweet tooth. He called them
last night and had them make up a special order.’ Jackson smiles knowingly at me, a twinkle in his eye
and that smug ‘Ahhh young love’ look on his face that only makes me antsier.
I don’t know what to say. I’m gobsmacked and seriously overthinking while trying not to. Alexi showed
him my bracelet and asked if I would like it. He asked Jackson, who spends a lot of time with me, about
my favourite bakery and favourite cake. Hardly the behaviour of the Alexi I know and hate and have
come to expect nothing from.
I stare at my charm on my bracelet once again and feel really, really odd. Not sure how to react now I’m
looking at it and second-guessing his whole motive all over again. The level of symbolism on the
dandelion connection is now a big huge question mark in my brain.
‘We better move; looks like rain is coming. There’s a storm due tonight, meant to have lightning.’
Jackson interrupts innocently and I blink at him before looking up at the grey sky rolling in. The nervous
unease storms give me makes me shiver involuntarily. Pushing my other thoughts aside for when I get
home and can dissect this alone, I feel completely shell-shocked.
‘Yeah let’s go back, I’m tired and I need to lie down.’ I add and slide my arm into his, dumping my
uneaten dog in the bucket. I have completely lost my appetite suddenly and squeeze the brown bag
under my arm securely, reminding myself it’s there, and now I want to give them to him all the more.
I don’t know how to feel, but I sure as hell don’t feel as smug about my bracelet as I did earlier.
Alexi isn’t at the club when we get back, so I wander into the office and place the brown bag on the
desk. Not sure if he will be back at all today but I’m still planning on staying upstairs tonight regardless.
I look around for a pen and a post-it note and scribble one quickly, so I can deposit this bag of hilarious
socks for him to find. I lost the courage to give them to him face to face after Jackson’s little revelation,
and now I just hope he might see the funny in them too.
If his gift was genuine and thoughtful, then I now feel guilty for buying these to mock him, and hope he
just sees them as gratitude for the London themed gifts by New Yorking him back. Seeing as it’s my
new pet name for him.
I glance at the note to double check it reads well, not too grateful and nicely nice, but appreciative.
‘From London to New York … Something every man needs when ruling his kingdom. X ’
I stick it to the bag and leave it there. Not even sure why I felt compelled to add a note or even still give
him the damn things. He probably won’t get the joke at all and throw them out, but I couldn’t resist.
Socks for the kingpin and it still amuses me anyway, making me smile as I leave them there and walk
out shaking my head.
He did however, unwittingly make my birthday less of a shitty day. It’s been spent with my mind on
other things—mainly him, and now even without trying, my brain is back there on his desk wondering if
he will like my tacky little gift.
My mother couldn’t be further from my thoughts or my mood, and I actually have a modicum of
happiness fizzing around inside of me anytime I look at my wrist.
I didn’t buy them to be a bitch, even if they were bought in humour. I bought them because they made
me laugh, and possibly because I am thankful that he took some time out of being a prick to do
something nice for me on a difficult day in my year. I just hope I don’t find out the real motive today and
burst the bubble that’s keeping me from concentrating on the date.
I head back upstairs after nodding at the staff down here, ever watchful of the club and I’m glad to find
the apartment empty.
There’s no sign he has been here at all today and I change into sweats and my yoga bra and settle in
front of the big screen to trawl for a movie. My plans are simple … Jackson is picking me up Chinese
takeout and munchies. I am going to watch a marathon of movies I have never seen before. Numb out
my brain, pig out, get fat and have a night off from being anything except a couch potato. I am not
moving from this spot at all until the day ends and I can put this one behind me for another year.
Zoning out, leaving it alone and forgetting all about her.
I’m home. I’m safe. I’m warm and fed. I don’t need to keep looking into the scars and sadness
anymore; I just need to leave her buried in the past—Along with all that came before.
I have a future here, stability and security, thanks to the contracts Alexi had drawn up only days after
my arrival here. I have a copy of a deed which gives me half the club, and that includes half this
apartment. If I want to walk away he needs to buy me out and that little earner would set me up for life.
Either way … Alexi has made sure that I’ll never go back to scrounging on the streets, even if he gives
me reason to leave him in my past, and that IS something to be thankful for.
He’s taken care of my future, even if he isn’t in it.
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