Tears fill my eyes, blurring my vision as my hand starts to tremble around the can I am still holding;
instantly blown away by something so basic. I mentally shake it off as I check myself, pulling my shit
together; breathe out the overwhelming wave of emotions and lean down slowly to tip out the contents
into his bowl. I lay the can on the ground, still bent over and tentatively reach for the cats back, pausing
with nerves cascading out of every pore—Tense and hopeful.
He makes another sweep against me, even though his food is there, and gently I run my fingers along
his spine feeling his soft fur and surprisingly warm body heat which completely soothes my soul. The
cat butts his head up to meet my palm and for a second of sheer joy lets my rub his head properly.
It’s short-lived—as soon as he sees the food is out he darts off, tail in the air and the moment is gone,
but it was a moment of utter completion for me and my chest and stomach are brimming with weird
vibrations.
Weeks of trying to tame this infernal beast and he rewards me with a second of utter bliss. I got to
touch him. He trusts me. He likes me. He might even really love me in some weird cat way. I’m worth
something to someone on a genuine level.
I could sob right now and turn to Alexi as I straighten up with a warm tear rolling down my cheek; A
happy goofy smile on my face.
‘Did you see that?’ I ask him meekly, overcome with breathlessness and Alexi just frowns at me.
‘You know that thing waits for me every day and aims those little fucking claws of his at my legs on a
daily. I’m not the best person to praise you on his obvious devotion, seeing as I would love to run over
the little shit’s head in a heartbeat.’ He points out dryly, still leaning over his open car door as he
watches me and I just eyeroll and wipe my face. Killing the moment for me and I shake my head that I
would expect him to understand.
‘You really know how to ruin a good thing, don’t you?’ I sigh and the weird flicker of expression that
crosses his face accompanied by …
‘Yeah … tell me about it,’ in a sombre tone, seems out of place and weirdly unconnected to our
conversation. He looks away across the car park as though distracted and sighs heavily too. The
atmosphere takes a distinct turn as I return to gazing adorably at my ugly little pet; Pride filling me up in
every tiny space inside of me.
‘Are you coming or not?’ Alexi bursts into my thoughts and I look down one last time at Feral eating
away contentedly, oblivious to me now, and scoop to lift the can to deposit in the bin by Alexi’s car.
‘Are you going to play nice and be a gentleman if I do?’ I ask brazenly, the last ounces of my moment
fading away quickly and lift my eyes to his in combat, not in the mood for any Alexi prickness today. I’m
high on life and just had one of the best moments ever. I won’t let him burst that little joyful bubble.
‘Yes, ma’am. On my best behaviour. Scouts honour.’ He nods cheekily, a mock salute I assume from
the boy scouts and I sigh heavily. I doubt he actually means it, and yet, I am in the mood for getting out
and seeing something new. The club is my happy place but it doesn’t mean I don’t get bored seeing the
same four walls every day.
‘I have to be back here before six … I have stuff to do.’ I point out, not sure why I am even
contemplating this little trip but I guess curiosity is getting the better of me. Another club he owns
sounds like something worthy of checking out. I have always been intrigued by what else he does with
his life outside of this place.
‘I swear we shall be back before then. It’s a quick visit, not an all-day thing.’ He’s still focused on me as
I walk towards him and then gesture to the club behind me with my hand.
‘I better tell Jackson in case he thinks he’s lost me and has a meltdown. He’s very protective, you
know.’ I nod in the general direction but Alexi shakes his head.
‘I can do it.’ Alexi motions to his earpiece, presses his finger to it. Of course, I remember the little
security gadgets again. They seem to wear them all the time and Alexi is no exception. I know they
have a distance limit but anyone within a few hundred feet of one other is still in range, so I assume he
uses them wherever he goes to stay linked to his men all over the city. He has to have men dotted
every few hundred feet for sure, so probably always has some sort of contact with someone like a
game of Chinese whispers.
He tells Jackson he is taking me with him, and then leaves his door open to walk around and get the
other side ready for me to get in. He leans in, throwing his jacket into the back seat, brushes off the
passenger side then steps out of my way as he lets me move in and slide into his car; Towering over
me closely as I push past and try to ignore the butterflies erupting deep in my stomach when we touch
briefly.
I’m getting used to them now and just ignore the infernal sensations as another downside to life around
him.
I have never actually been alone with Alexi in a car that he is driving. We only ever went in the back,
chauffeured by Mico or one of his drivers, so this feels strangely intimate as he closes my door for me
and moves fast to get in the other side.
What I would have given to be alone in this way before … when I was stupidly enamoured with him and
craving his attention. It’s weird that now I no longer want it he seems to offer it freely and it’s ironic. The
less I chase him the more he seems to want me in his life—it’s not lost on me and I wonder if that’s
what this is. I stopped giving and he started coming after me.
Isn’t that what he said he liked? Women who are not easy to catch?
I don’t want to think about it, it’s just another head mess waiting to happen, and I slide on my seat belt
as I put it out of my head.
'What exactly is this sporty little number anyway? It's very you.' I eye up the sleek and dark interior of
his car, all gadgets and high tech and screams of expensive man toy.
'A Bugatti Chiron Sport! Custom painted to my specs.' He beams proudly, grinning my way like the cat
who got the cream, shades pushed up again and obviously enamoured with his car as he buckles up
and adjusts his seating position to get comfy.
'Let me guess … is it Italian made?' I eyeroll for effect, knowing full well he has a serious thing about
his roots.
'All the best things come in Italian packaging, Bambino.' He winks smugly, and it has the opposite effect
of being charmed. I pull a cringing face and gawp at him.
'Ewwww, please don't ever use that term again, so cringe Alexi. I think I just vomited in my mouth.' I
mock push my finger in my throat to simulate an up-chuck response, and he just laughs, shaking his
head as he presses his palm to the back of my headrest, so he can push himself around to check
behind us before he reverses.
‘Don’t let my cousin hear you say that … It’s his tried and tested means of pulling the ladies; He got a
wife out of it.’ He throws me a knowing look, smiling at my head shake and then smoothly pulls his car
out of the space, gentle on the gas. I slide down to relax a little, feeling confident that he’s not a stupid
boy racer, and I am perfectly safe with him.
Fast cars have always made me nervous and I don’t doubt he has his moments where this car is
pulverised for the fun of it, but he seems sensible enough not to drive that way now.
‘We could go eat after … I know a little place that you might like.’ He smiles my way, head on another
topic, as is his way. For a moment it’s like being in the company of Gino and I look away perplexed. Too
smiley, too laid back and accommodating. Not Alexi at all. He’s in a good mood for sure, but whenever
he gets a little too easy companion, I get scared.
‘I thought this was a business trip … now lunch too?’ I ask unsurely and focus on anything but him as
he expertly gets us out into traffic without killing Feral. I watch for a second, poised and nervous as we
leave through the gate and watch my little furball lift his head from his bowl and watch us go without a
hint of reaction. Straining up to peer over the bonnet and then through Alexi’s window as we pass. The
cat has really begun to grow in confidence and Alexi frowns at him and then at me and my overly
concerned face.
‘It’s eating, nowhere near my wheels, so relax … And it’s something we both need to do so it’s easier to
get food on the way back than having something here later. Do you good to get out more.’ Alexi’s tone
drops, a little bossier, commanding, and I relax with the appearance of it. Used to this persona.
‘It’s not a date?’ I ask haughtily and Alexi throws me a frustrated glance before focusing back on the
road.
‘God forbid you should go on one of those with me, right?’ He sounds mildly sarcastic and I just shrug
at him.
‘You said it, not me.’ I point out and relax back as he rather confidently manoeuvres his roaring beast of
a car along the road into mainstream traffic and gets us going quickly.
I like his car, it suits him.
Dark, purring and powerful, with a lot of vroom under the bonnet. It’s sexy in a flashy sporty way and
completely panty combusting when that roar vibrates from even the smallest amount of acceleration. I
have never really been a girl who gets wet over machines like this, but with him behind the wheel, I can
see the merits.
‘Would it be so bad to give me another chance? Wipe the slate clean?’ Alexi throws me a cautious
look; I can’t tell if it’s genuine or if he’s taking the piss and I automatically laugh.
‘Once bitten, twice shy … I don’t do second chances.’ I point out, clamping down on whatever this is
and ignore the way his eyes stay on my face, intensely, for a moment. It’s making me uneasy and
already I regret coming; Anxiety starting to build deep down and that heavy foreboding gnawing away
inside.
I am not playing his games. I am not letting him pull me back into whatever this is. He’s obviously bored
and has his eye on a rematch with me. I should have known an invite would be loaded.
Over my dead body.
‘Yet, you’re here with me … so I guess somewhere under all that fiery rage, you must have forgiven me
a little bit.’ Alexi doesn’t sound smug or even amused, but there is something in the tone which doesn’t
sit with me. A probing niceness that is definitely not real.
‘Why are we talking about this? I thought we were all business here?’ I point out and he frowns this
time.
‘All business, yet we buy each other gifts?’ He nods at my wrist and I actually regret wearing it now if
he is going to read into it or use it as emotional leverage. I pull my hand into my lap and glare at him
this time.
‘Okay … Spit it out, because I know it has an angle, as does this car ride and this topic of convo. What
devious shit head plans do you have for me huh? Is this part of your ‘swoon her and strangle her’
routine again? Bored that we are too docile and nothing majorly emotionally traumatic is happening?’ I
turn on him and raise my eyebrows combatively, not going to sit here and let him start all this shit with
me again. Alexi just frowns and looks away, body sagging slightly.
‘Forget it … I’m just trying to find some middle ground with us, Cam. I know why you feel the way you
do about me.’ He hits sulky face and low tone and it just irritates me hellishly.
‘Well, you can drop it. I came back to run the club, nothing else. I would appreciate it if you just kept
this as it is—business only! We work better when it’s kept that way.’ I point out bitterly and try to
unstiffen myself in the seat to relax, but he has me all wound up and anxious.
‘Yeah … Business.’ He mutters it under his breath and this time doesn’t look at me, sullen suddenly
and just focuses on driving instead. Despite the fact he’s the one who riled me, it makes me feel guilty,
which then makes me feel pissed at him for evoking that emotion; Always screwing with my feelings in
some annoying way. I shake my head and it’s out before I can stop it.
‘Look … I know I should be thankful that you did come back for me when you did. My life wasn’t going
too well, and it’s not that I am not grateful, Alexi, it’s just …’ I trail off; losing my nerve and stopping
short of saying ‘You broke my heart irreversibly.’ Because that’s what he did, on top of all the rest of the
horrible crap he put me through. He destroyed me, he ruined me, he left me desolate and the first
month of life without him was like living in a state of emptiness. I can never let that happen to me again.
‘I hurt you. I get it … I know.’ He finishes it for me and I tense and look out of the window, tears
brimming like pools on my lower lashes, trying so hard not to let this conversation affect me.
At least he acknowledges what he did wrong—I guess that’s a step forward from how he used to be
with me.
Neither of us says anything more, a heavy silence in the air that taints the whole atmosphere, and I’m
drawn to the fact he seems as stiff and tense as me. Silence deafening because of how much tension
is swirling between us, and I can’t stand it.
‘Thank you for my bracelet anyway.’ I breathe out after it finally gets too much for me and touch it
gently, almost automatically. I do love it, more than I want him to know. No one ever just bought me a
gift for the sake of it before, and even though I’m sure there’s got to be a reason for it, he still hasn’t
made it clear or thrown one at me, so maybe it is what it is.
Just a gift he thought I would like: For my birthday.
‘Thank you for my socks.’ Alexi breaks into a half smile and the weird static lifts a little. Air clearing and
the lead on my chest subsides too. I hate it when we fight; he has the ability to make everything feel
awful without trying to.
Despite myself, I smile softly. Knowing they are on his feet and it is still pretty ridiculous to me. Killing
the bad mood and lifting the few last traces of bad feeling between us.
‘You’re so strange sometimes.’ I giggle involuntary and Alexi glances my way with another cute boy
smile then an obvious sigh as his expression brightens up.
‘Says the British chick with the psychotic kitty cat as a pet.’ Alexi leans out and pushes me in the thigh
with his palm childishly and I just slap his hand back.
‘No touching!’ I jest at him, no conviction behind it, and more of a warm reminder as he lifts his hand
over my thigh in mock threat.
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