‘So, what now? He just lets me get away with threatening him? I get handed to you and forgotten?’ My
voice is harsh yet low and I whisper hoarsely at him, aware that the door is open and you never know
what night staff are still close by.
Even I don’t believe that will be the outcome. Alexi is one to exact revenge and punishment for far less
crimes. He won’t forget that I pulled his own gun on him and held it to his heart. He would never allow
me to go without some sort of reckoning for such gross behaviour. I mean the guy flipped over me
throwing salad at him; I have no doubt pointing his gun at his heart is a far worse crime. That comes
with a far worse punishment.
‘He knows you weren’t trying to kill him. You were scared, upset … drunk.’ Mico turns his attention back
to me and just looks helpless. Smoothing the edge of my bedclothes in an awkward manner and
tapping his thumb on the over bed table at the foot. That infuriating Alexi trait and I glance away, pain
slicing my soul in two. I hate that he still gets to me when he is not even here.
‘So, what does that mean? I’m forgiven? … life goes on. A pitiful little show from a desperate plaything.’
I told him I loved him … and he destroyed me for it.
‘No.’ Mico inhales heavily, and yet I hold my breath and just eye him in question, tensing on the answer
to what I am waking up to.
Where do I go from here? What does Alexi do with me now?
‘Alexi has told me to release you, all debt wiped. You go your way, we go ours. It’s over Camilla. You’re
free.’ Mico sighs heavily as though somehow that’s a relief for him rather than me, and I frown trying to
take it in.
I don’t know how to react. Everything in me just falls eerily silent and I blink at him in disbelief. Numb
inside so suddenly as my mind tries to understand the words that have just come out of his mouth.
‘Just like that? Fifty grand struck off.’ I sound as disbelieving as I feel. Alternate universe flying in to
smack me in the head.
I can’t believe that something Alexi held over me to keep me in his clutches is now dismissed as
nothing, now that he has broken me. I’m dropped like an unwanted and used toy. I have lost the fun
value, I guess. Alexi no longer wants a toy that’s cracked … he has new playthings to ruin. Where is
the fun in that?
‘It’s pocket change to him. Take this opportunity to start a new life somewhere far away from the name
Carrero. Forget him, forget us and get off this path.’ Mico watches me carefully, that warmth on his face
showing through, and his voice reflects a hint of affection for me.
He is my first real friend in life. Pity he comes connected to that bastard cousin of his. Looks enough
like him, sounds like him, and when he’s in shadow and his eyes are not as green as they normally are,
he can pull expressions just like him.
The tears bite my eyes and that stubborn aching throb inside of me raises its ugly head. Traumatised
for so many reasons.
Everything I felt last night washing over me as I become more lucid and in tune with my surroundings.
Every memory of what happened almost crystal clear as the minutes roll by and I cringe at my own
behaviour.
I am appalled that I genuinely tried to kill myself.
I am so god damn stupid. I swore I would never let a man push me over the edge, and yet here I am.
One fucking man undid all of me and sent me spiralling out of control. I am no better than my mother
with her pathetic addiction to prick men with control issues and abuse fetishes.
I refuse to keep being a victim in my own tragedy.
‘Don’t worry about that, Mico. I have no intention of ever coming back. Alexi is a dirty word to me and I
scorn the day I ever laid eyes on him. He doesn’t have to worry about me showing up anymore. I’m
done. Maybe I just needed a knock to the head to help me think straight and realise I should stay a
million miles away from him.’ I grit my teeth, stubborn shining through to push my pain aside and lock it
all back up in that icy vessel inside of me. Back to the girl who never cared.
My body is aching, but I’m determined to pick up and find that cold part of my soul that shields me like
a cloak.
Camilla Walters is a heartless bitch who lets no man fuck with her. Not anymore and never again!
I have lived through worse than Carrero and I won’t let him keep me down.
Mico gets up and moves away from the bed. Silent and stone-faced, unreadable, much like his bastard
cousin and just ponders me for a moment. Nothing on that expression to give his feelings away.
Alexi’s poker face. I have to hide the grimace that almost cringes out of me.
‘Here.’ He slides a thick envelope out of his inner pocket and gently throws it to land in my lap, a heavy
thud of a weighty packet and I flinch with the tenderness of my bones as it assaults me.
‘Courtesy of Carrero new start.’ He jests without any real humour behind the empty smile and I glance
from him to the package in question. Nervous but I have no idea why.
Mico has never given me reason to be so when it comes to him.
I slide it towards me cautiously and open the flap with one finger to see what it is, peeking warily and
my eyes almost pop out of my head at the pile of one-hundred-dollar notes jam-packed into such a
small vessel. It’s crammed full. There has to be thousands here. Fifty at least, and I blink up at Mico in
complete shock. Stunned by the gesture, mouth drying instantly.
‘Why are you giving me this?’ My voice trembles unsurely.
‘He feels responsible; it’s your foot up to a new life.’
Like a punch in the stomach, that one word that leaves a sour taste in my mouth pushes everything
else aside and I let the flap drop. Stunned goes to anger in less than two seconds.
‘He?’ I bite nastily. Every single ounce of flickering hope dies right inside of me. And I toss it back to
Mico at the foot of the bed with a look of disgust for even letting me touch it. Feeling dirty as though
he’s infected me with a toxic chemical, I rub my hands on the bedspread to shift the feel of the paper
from my skin. Mico watches me silently, a frown deepening on his handsome face.
‘I don’t want it. I don’t want anything from him or any tie that he can ever come back for. Give it back to
him and tell him … I survived on my own my whole life; I don’t need his handouts to start over. I can do
it on my own.’
Mico just sighs heavily at my venomous pitch and scowling looks. My anger isn’t for him.
‘Take the money, it’s nothing to him.’ He tries for a defensive low tone, but I start shaking my head
impulsively, even though it makes my headache worse and my mind sway.
‘It’s everything!’ I raise my voice as anger peaks, sitting up higher in bed as that fire in my belly builds
like a volcano waiting to erupt, and glare at him furiously.
‘It’s control! It’s the upper hand. It’s him knowing after everything he did, that he still had to bail me out
and throw me a life saver. He can fuck off. I don’t need anything from him ever again. I will never
accept another helping hand from that arsehole, prick faced, son of a bitch, wanker called Alexi.’
I finish about two levels louder and higher, as rage consumes me, and he just continues to stand there
like the silent black statue I know he can be. Unfazed by bat shit crazy Camilla! It irks me that he has
that same insane ability and just fuels how irritated beyond reason I am.
She’s still in there! My fighter, my self-esteem! What little of it I have; and she is rising in all her glory,
fuelled by Alexi hatred right now. I need to hold onto that and let it feed and fuel my willpower. He may
have knocked me down to dust, but I have the know-how to mix it back up to cement and rebuild my
fortress. I have done this a million times before.
‘That’s not what this is …’ Mico breaks into my rambling thoughts.
‘Stop it! I don’t want it and this conversation is over. Please just go. If we’re done then I just need to get
better, get out and know where to collect my belongings.’ I snap at him, closing down, pushing away.
He may be my friend, my first real one, but I am doing the only thing I know how to do in life to protect
myself. I am running away. Emotionally, mentally and when I am well—physically. I don’t need other
humans touching my life anymore. I am better when they are all gone. It has been proven time and
again.
‘Camilla?’ Mico soothes, trying to reason and moves towards me, pleading look enveloping that face
and trying to soften my resolve, but I raise a palm. Remorse at being rude to him pushed down by my
inner steel. I know what’s best for me.
‘I’m sorry. I am really thankful for all you ever did, but you and him … I just need you both gone. I don’t
need you standing guard by my bed or waiting for me to change my mind. It’s over—all of it. It’s a
concussion and I’m not suicidal. I was drunk and stupid and caught in his spell … it’s not the case
anymore and I won’t be downing booze anytime soon. Go, please Mico. I just need to let all of this go,
and that includes you.’
Mico stops stock still, and we both regard one another, eyes focused and I try not to imprint the
memory of his face in my mind as the one human being who was really decent towards me. I know I
am putting myself first and this is the right thing. It only hurts for a little while and then it will all go away.
I won’t care about him soon and I will forget what he ever was. That’s how this works on both sides.
I don’t have friends.
I have to remember that.
He just waits for what seems like an eternity as he analyses the stubborn set of my jaw and finally
relents. He has the sense to know this is a battle he will not win. I won’t back down and all of this is just
delaying the inevitable. He sighs heavily, eyes dropping as his intense digging of my features soothes
away.
Mico picks up the money and holds it for a moment, weighing it as though he’s thinking of trying again.
Defeat crosses his face as he thinks better of it and slides it back into his jacket with a precise even
movement.
He pulls out a card instead and holds it out to me with a more determined half smile and locks his eyes
back on mine with a newly returned unemotional gaze.
‘Keep this. It’s my direct number and I will be on the end of that cell phone should you ever need help,
in any way, at any time … I’m not my cousin Camilla. I’m your friend and I will still care about you even
when you’re gone.’ His voice is gentle.
It’s a weird moment.
Eyes locked silently. So many feelings coursing through me and I sniff back an unexpected tear. My
heart aching with this strange tenderness, and doubt hits me low in the gut. Mild panic swirling that
maybe I shouldn’t be so hasty.
If only Mico was the guy I had fallen in love with and had no other woman in the wings keeping his bed
warm.
Maybe I could have a chance to be happy with someone who might treat me a little better.
I never had a friend—not a real one, and now I do I am telling him I never want to see him again.
I am going to walk away the same way I came into the Carrero world—alone and beaten.
I lean out and take it carefully, so as not to touch his hand, and cradle it in my palm like a precious gem
as my eyes come back to his. Brimming with tears and unable to formulate a response with the sudden
lump that has lodged in my throat. I try for a smile instead and he just nods. Seemingly understanding
of the raw emotion that must be evident on my face.
He may not have ever been a lover, but my heart is breaking, nonetheless.
‘Hang in there, kid … You’re stronger than you think, and I don’t doubt you will bounce back. It’s the
thing I admire most. I’ll miss your face and that British sass and the club won’t be the same without you
… I’ll make sure your belongings are brought here so you don’t have us hanging over you anymore,
bill’s paid. You just have to get better.’ Mico swallows, clearing his throat as though he too is suffering
from a sudden surge of uncontrollable emotions. His eyes misting, and he looks away from me to the
open doorway.
‘Goodbye, Mico,’ I whisper so it’s barely audible, and he nods. Clears his throat again, as though it’s
hurting him too. We both know I will never call and this is the last time he will ever see me. We are
drawing a line in the sand and after this, I won’t be a Carrero problem anymore.
That’s it.
Our sad goodbye and he turns on his heel and leaves me alone to ponder what just happened. Heavy
and pain ridden.
Struggling to breathe as he disappears for the last time.
My brain pushing it all aside and focusing on the only thing that matters now. After almost a year of
agony.
I’m free.
With the money in my bank account, from working for Alexi with practically no living expenses, and
nothing in my path to stop me. It’s not a huge amount, but it’s enough to scrape by if I am smart until I
am back on my feet and find a place to begin again.
It’s what I am good at.
Moving, leaving, wiping the slate clean and starting everything over again.
I am Camilla Walters and running is what I do best.
62fb1bb41dcb31934bd49bda